How much money to send with teen?

[JanaDee]

I would hope that by 15, he'd have these skills down! Ds12 has a wallet, dd12 has a purse, and they've been going places and buying stuff without adults for years. Pizzaria, deli, movies, Starbucks, dunkin donuts... They even know how to tip at table service restaurants (lots of options right by the middle school - great for those half days at school).

 

[mom2rtk]

............... but seriously for a week at a tourist place like Myrtle Beach they eat your money at those shops and snack places.

............only if you offer it up. None of it is mandatory.

 

[Stitchypoo626]

............only if you offer it up. None of it is mandatory.

So if I am there with a friend a she goes into a snack shop to get a soda and some chips or something and her parents gave her like $20 for the day I have to stand there and get nothing to save the money for maybe a better situation or time?

 

[NHdisneylover]

I think if it were me, I would go online and look up places the kids are likely to want to go and get a real feel for the entry prices to say, one extra (mini golf, etc) per day (this also gives you a chance to see who does or does not take credit cards). Then add at least $20 a day in food outside of main meals (it adds up and teen boys eat and eat and eat, especially when out and about; I have one).

Then I would do mostly a visa gift card, but also some cash (ok, well my kids have credit cards linked to my account, so I would just tell them about how much is reasonable to spend, but yours obviously does not have that) and I would go over with my son what I wanted him to pay for (including buying his friends admission to places most of the time when the two are out alone, as a thank you to the family for including him in the trip--and let the parents know you have told him to do so, so they know they do not need to send as much cash with their son).

 

[mom2rtk]

So if I am there with a friend a she goes into a snack shop to get a soda and some chips or something and her parents gave her like $20 for the day I have to stand there and get nothing to save the money for maybe a better situation or time?

The OP said meals were covered. If you manage your money, you'll have enough for a soda when the time comes.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

He eats a lot? 50/day is 250. If they goof off at a "fun place" that will cost him additional money. I would send him with 500 for spending money if it was my kid.

I would tell him that he will not get to keep the money when he comes home, thus stopping the hoarding of money for home.

 

[SEA333]

Thanks everyone!

To answer some of the questions:

how much does he eat?
Well, he is a 15 your old football player. He *can* eat a lot, if allowed. He gets what he gets, at home. I've never been one to let him eat like a pig, just because. And we have always been very big on teaching the kids to be conscientious of what they are ordering when eating out when someone else is paying ie. water or a soda instead of a specialty drink or milkshake, no "extra" app or dessert, a middle of the road entree instead of the surf and turf, etc. When at someone else's house, my kids are not allowed (EVER) in people's cupboards or refrigerator, if they are thirsty they can ask for water, take a polite helping of whatever is being served and not take more than what they think they will eat, never take the "last" of something until they offer it to everyone else first....just generally being polite and courteous and not act like barnyard animals

So, that being said, I am not worried at all that he won't use his manners and be conscientious about the fact that he is a guest. His friend eats way more than he does...DS is 5'10" and 170 lbs, and friend is 5'9" and about 200 (they just got weighed and measured for end of year testing for football), so the parents kind of know what they are getting into, and DS and friend spend a lot of time together at each of our houses.

Why he won't spend:
I have raised him cheap LOL, so like me, he has a hard time wasting money on junk, whether it is bad food or a junky trinket that is going to sit somewhere collecting dust. I can guarantee that he will not want to buy souvenirs. He doesn't wear t-shirts with logos on them (unless it is Nike or Under Armor or whatever), so he won't even buy that kind of stuff. We gave him $100 for his 8th grade Wash DC trip and he came back with $80 of it. He bought some Sudafed in the airport and I think a ice cream and Gatorade or something one day and that was about it.

We have raised our kids to value experiences, so the majority of any money spent will be on entrance fees to various places. We will cover that for sure, but my worry is that the parents will just pay for along with the rest of the family instead of having DS pay separately (I know we would if a guest was with our family). That is why I want to give the parents a major portion of the money...that way they can just pay and nobody feels awkward. They have (since the original post) told us that they are getting a condo with a kitchen and won't be eating out much.

It's not a matter of whether DS knows how to manage himself (and his money), it is whether the parents will feel comfortable taking money from a kid to pay his portion of the dinner bill or entrance fees when there are three other kids standing there that they are already paying for. I would never take money from a kid....if I invite, I pay, especially if I am paying for my own kids. DS always offers to pay his way when he is with this family...they have taken him to HS basketball games, stop for a snack here and there, went on the train to the NFL Draft a couple weeks ago and had dinner downtown, etc. I have always given DS money to cover himself, and the dad has never let DS use it.

What he *thinks* he needs:
I asked DS what he thought he would need for the week and he said that he would only need about $50 LOL I don't think he understands exactly how much there is to do down there that will cost money!

Additional savings:
I also have to keep remembering that we gave the family a FF code for 40% off their car rental, which translates into a $400.00 savings for the week based on the SUV they are renting. Even though that is money that didn't come out of our pockets, it is money that they were prepared to drop on the rental and now they don't have to.

I think we will go with $200 to the parents, $100 to DS and whatever money he has earned that he wants to bring, plus a gift bag for the family with gift cards for gas, maybe a restaurant, and some little things for the kids, and the FF car rental discount. All together, it will add up to well over $500....geesh. DH and I could do a weekend alone for that much! Lucky kids, I tell you!

 

[SEA333]

I took friends along on trips a few times with my family when I was a teen. Same deal as you, OP, they just needed to cover incidentals, snacks, and souvenirs. Their parents always sent them with about $500 for the week. Anything not spent was returned to their parents after they got home. I'd probably choose to handle it the same way -- send my kid with too much just to be on the safe side and expect what's unspent to come back to me. If my kid wouldn't be honest enough to return my money to me, well... That's where my real problem would lie and I don't know that I'd allow him to go until he earned my trust.

In my case, it's not that DS would try to hide the money...what I mean by hoarding it is that he wouldn't find anything to spend it on down there because he, like me, likes to only spend his money on things that we really, really want instead of useless junk in a tourist shop. He values a video game or whatever more than a Myrtle Beach t-shirt, or will weigh the pros and cons of going to the carnival with a $30 ride bracelet (probably deciding not to do it). He is like a 40 year old LOL....but this time, I just want him to go and have fun without worrying or thinking about the cost/value of everything. If the parents hold the money, they will help guide the decisions and DS won't have to think like the adult and can just enjoy being the kid. He has spent his Freshman year in honors classes with tons of homework, and going to school at 6am for morning workouts and not leaving until 5:30pm when practice or weightroom is over. He hasn't had one full week off from football training, track, or school since last June - even over winter and spring break, and almost every Saturday the players would either practice or work out. He needs to just be a kid again for a week! His last day of school is May 22, and Summer Football Camp starts June 15th...he will only have two weeks off total, and this Myrtle Beach week is one of them.

He would totally come home and be honest about how much money he has left...but the point is, I don't *want* him to have any left. Does that make more sense?

 

[katie111]

If you give your son $50 - $100 "for himself", I would give a similar amount to the friend. We've invited friends along on trips, and since we were paying for it all it was easy for Suzy's mom to give Suzy a $100 to spend. It just wasn't in my budget to give my kids that much to blow, and it created some jealousy. Looking back I wish I would of said something to begin with pre-trip. Don't get me wrong, my kids handled it well, but I wished people would have thought of my kids when giving their kids money to spend.

I agree with this. This will allow both boys to have some freedom and be able to go off on their own and do some things. It will be hard for the parents to do much with a 2 year old and a 5 year old, especially things that 15 year olds would want to do. I took my DD and her friend to ur vacation house last summer. Her friend ha da bunch of $$ and was buying souvenirs, food, snacks, etc with it. I felt like I had no say because it was her $$. However, it was awkward because my kids wanted to know why Suzie could get an ice cream or a t-shirt or whatever, and they couldn't (my response was that it was because I'm cheap!).

Maybe give it to the parents and let them dole it out to the boys. I know this family has paid for things in the past for your son but I think stopping for a snack once on an outing is very different than paying for everything for an entire week. i would give them the $$ and tell them that you will not accept it back.

I also think you need to get over the 40% off thing. Unless your husband only gets a couple of codes to hand out in a year, I don't know why that's even an issue. Isn't it something he may have just offered them anyways to be nice even if your son was not going? My brother used to work for Hertz and he gave out his code to everyone he knew. Never really worried about how much he was saving people. There are a lot of codes floating around out there so there is a good chance they would have found some savings on their own anyways.

 

[cabanafrau]

This might be a great teaching moment for OP as well, to sit down with DS and teach him the social structure of how a week with friend on vacation should play out and what is socially acceptable behavior. Example: family stops at gas station along way, this is a good time to get a snack/drink rather thank ask to stop later, pick out your own, pay for it yourself (maybe save receipt in envelope to share with parents what you used $$ for). If friend wants to go play putt putt, say yes, go to ticket window yourself, pay for your own rounds, buy your own snack drink afterwards, etc. Even the simple things that we adults take for granted like keeping bills in wallet, NOT pocket, making sure that change received is correct, etc.

College is just around the corner, and money skills will be VERY important then. So much easier to learn them at 15!

Terri

This is exactly my thoughts when I read this thread yesterday, but I hesitated to go there because I was unsure how it would be received. Wholeheartedly agree he has to be able to handle this responsibly by this age.

 

[Kellydelly]

I know the family didn't ask for any money to take the boy with them, but I would give it anyway. I wouldn't feel right letting my kid go with only spending money and not contribute to the family as well. Three meals a day for a week really adds up. Give them a few hundred dollars... and 100 to 200 for you son.

I think this is ridiculous. If you want to invite my kid on your trip, I am certainly not paying so much money toward your trip when I could take my own family on vacation. A few hundred dollars? Geez! I think the kid should be sent with his own spending money, $200 would be more than enough. I wouldn't feel compelled to pay for any of the gas on the trip, that should not be your responsibility, your kid did not ask these people for a ride to MB. I wouldn't feel like I had to buy them a meal, either. If I take your kid with me on a trip, I am definitely not expecting anything but the extra body to hang with my kids. Feeding another kid would be my choice, I would never expect a child guest to pitch in. I don't want to feel like I have to pay people to take my kid somewhere that they invited her to, and I wouldn't want someone else worrying about how much to contribute to me. Just give the kid some spending money and that is appropriate. Now if I invite your whole family up to visit my cottage, then please do bring some snacks and booze, that would be helpful! Just one kid on a trip is not putting these people out or they wouldn't invite him.

 

[AustinTink]

I think this is ridiculous. If you want to invite my kid on your trip, I am certainly not paying so much money toward your trip when I could take my own family on vacation. A few hundred dollars? Geez! I think the kid should be sent with his own spending money, $200 would be more than enough. I wouldn't feel compelled to pay for any of the gas on the trip, that should not be your responsibility, your kid did not ask these people for a ride to MB. I wouldn't feel like I had to buy them a meal, either. If I take your kid with me on a trip, I am definitely not expecting anything but the extra body to hang with my kids. Feeding another kid would be my choice, I would never expect a child guest to pitch in. I don't want to feel like I have to pay people to take my kid somewhere that they invited her to, and I wouldn't want someone else worrying about how much to contribute to me. Just give the kid some spending money and that is appropriate. Now if I invite your whole family up to visit my cottage, then please do bring some snacks and booze, that would be helpful! Just one kid on a trip is not putting these people out or they wouldn't invite him.

To each his own, no big whoop. The method I explained, that you quoted, is how we do it in our own personal social group.

 

[JanaDee]

I think this is ridiculous. If you want to invite my kid on your trip, I am certainly not paying so much money toward your trip when I could take my own family on vacation. A few hundred dollars? Geez! I think the kid should be sent with his own spending money, $200 would be more than enough. I wouldn't feel compelled to pay for any of the gas on the trip, that should not be your responsibility, your kid did not ask these people for a ride to MB. I wouldn't feel like I had to buy them a meal, either. If I take your kid with me on a trip, I am definitely not expecting anything but the extra body to hang with my kids. Feeding another kid would be my choice, I would never expect a child guest to pitch in. I don't want to feel like I have to pay people to take my kid somewhere that they invited her to, and I wouldn't want someone else worrying about how much to contribute to me. Just give the kid some spending money and that is appropriate. Now if I invite your whole family up to visit my cottage, then please do bring some snacks and booze, that would be helpful! Just one kid on a trip is not putting these people out or they wouldn't invite him.

I agree with you. Glad I'm not the only one that feels that way. lol

 

[Art 1]

I would insist on giving the parents between $300 and $500.

 

[elaine amj]

I think we will go with $200 to the parents, $100 to DS and whatever money he has earned that he wants to bring, plus a gift bag for the family with gift cards for gas, maybe a restaurant, and some little things for the kids, and the FF car rental discount. All together, it will add up to well over $500....geesh. DH and I could do a weekend alone for that much! Lucky kids, I tell you!

That sounds very generous and thoughtful. it's more than really "expected", but since you say you want your DS to have a ton of experiences, etc and not worry, it might be the way to go.

Alternatively, give the $200 to your DS with instructions to treat his friend to a bunch of experiences/treats for the week. Sounds like your DS is very frugal-natured (which is a great thing!) but will likely be more willing to spend on stuff if he is treating his friend as thanks for inviting him along. The gift bag for the journey is a very sweet gesture.

Otherwise, don't sweat it if the money ends up coming back home and the boys prefer to do low cost stuff. You can always return the favor another time by taking the friend somewhere special.

 

[kimmar067]

....I know this sounds like a lot of extra work, but could you figure out a 'daily budget' of sorts, say, like $30/day, or $50/day, or whatever. Then put each allotment into a small envelope and label each envelope - one for each day. I'd give them [the envelopes] to the parents, so that they could give that envelope to the OP's son as each situation warrants. Any 'leftover' envelopes or money not used could then be given back to the parents when they return from Myrtle Beach...I also like the idea of giving the 'hosts' a prepaid gas card or some kind of gift card for a nice dinner out....


[BTW, we did this when we took our nephew with us to WDW and it really worked out great! Of course, in all fairness, he was a little bit younger...]

 

[SEA333]

I agree with this. This will allow both boys to have some freedom and be able to go off on their own and do some things. It will be hard for the parents to do much with a 2 year old and a 5 year old, especially things that 15 year olds would want to do. I took my DD and her friend to ur vacation house last summer. Her friend ha da bunch of $$ and was buying souvenirs, food, snacks, etc with it. I felt like I had no say because it was her $$. However, it was awkward because my kids wanted to know why Suzie could get an ice cream or a t-shirt or whatever, and they couldn't (my response was that it was because I'm cheap!).

Maybe give it to the parents and let them dole it out to the boys. I know this family has paid for things in the past for your son but I think stopping for a snack once on an outing is very different than paying for everything for an entire week. i would give them the $$ and tell them that you will not accept it back.

I also think you need to get over the 40% off thing. Unless your husband only gets a couple of codes to hand out in a year, I don't know why that's even an issue. Isn't it something he may have just offered them anyways to be nice even if your son was not going? My brother used to work for Hertz and he gave out his code to everyone he knew. Never really worried about how much he was saving people. There are a lot of codes floating around out there so there is a good chance they would have found some savings on their own anyways.

Thanks for your thoughts, but I hope you are aware how rude that sounded.

I do not have to "get over" anything....DH gets 5 40% FF codes a year, and has to submit to his company the names of the people he gives them to, and if our son hadn't been invited, the subject never would have come up with the parnets. WHO asks other people if they happen to have a discount code from their employer, and WHY would that come up in casual conversation???!! The only reason it came up here is because when they invited DS, we asked if they were planning on flying or driving so we would know if we had to cover airfare. When they said they were renting a Tahoe to drive down, DH offered the discount code. No code that I know of that is "floating around out there" is for 40% off a $1000/week rental, but hey...maybe you know something I don't.

We have effectively saved this family a large sum of money and I will ABSOLUTELY count that toward offsetting my child's expenses. The family does too because they already mentioned that what they are saving is already more than enough to cover DS's way. DH and I still want to contribute, of course, but I certainly do not feel that it is out of the ballpark to consider the savings we gave them as part of the total package.

SMH

 

[SEA333]

I think this is ridiculous. If you want to invite my kid on your trip, I am certainly not paying so much money toward your trip when I could take my own family on vacation. A few hundred dollars? Geez! I think the kid should be sent with his own spending money, $200 would be more than enough. I wouldn't feel compelled to pay for any of the gas on the trip, that should not be your responsibility, your kid did not ask these people for a ride to MB. I wouldn't feel like I had to buy them a meal, either. If I take your kid with me on a trip, I am definitely not expecting anything but the extra body to hang with my kids. Feeding another kid would be my choice, I would never expect a child guest to pitch in. I don't want to feel like I have to pay people to take my kid somewhere that they invited her to, and I wouldn't want someone else worrying about how much to contribute to me. Just give the kid some spending money and that is appropriate. Now if I invite your whole family up to visit my cottage, then please do bring some snacks and booze, that would be helpful! Just one kid on a trip is not putting these people out or they wouldn't invite him.

LOL, that was my first question when they invited him...I asked DH (in private!) - "how much"?

My kids do a LOT more than I get to do! We just sent DS (yes, the same one) to Wash DC last year for his 8th grade trip and shelled out over $1200 for 4 days. And DD is invited for a week to Wisconsin Dells in June with her best friend's family (they have already told us that they will not accept ANY money as they are staying at their MIL's cabin outside the Dells and plan on eating there 99% of the time) but I will still send DD with spending money and stuff.

I told DH that for the amount we pay for these kids to do all this great stuff, it should be OUR turn to go somewhere!

Thanks!

 

[Art 1]

LOL, that was my first question when they invited him...I asked DH (in private!) - "how much"?

My kids do a LOT more than I get to do! We just sent DS (yes, the same one) to Wash DC last year for his 8th grade trip and shelled out over $1200 for 4 days. And DD is invited for a week to Wisconsin Dells in June with her best friend's family (they have already told us that they will not accept ANY money as they are staying at their MIL's cabin outside the Dells and plan on eating there 99% of the time) but I will still send DD with spending money and stuff.

I told DH that for the amount we pay for these kids to do all this great stuff, it should be OUR turn to go somewhere!

Thanks!

For me I would not consider the discount as something I gave for the trip but that's just me. It didn't cost you.

Thanks for your thoughts, but I hope you are aware how rude that sounded.

I do not have to "get over" anything....DH gets 5 40% FF codes a year, and has to submit to his company the names of the people he gives them to, and if our son hadn't been invited, the subject never would have come up with the parnets. WHO asks other people if they happen to have a discount code from their employer, and WHY would that come up in casual conversation???!! The only reason it came up here is because when they invited DS, we asked if they were planning on flying or driving so we would know if we had to cover airfare. When they said they were renting a Tahoe to drive down, DH offered the discount code. No code that I know of that is "floating around out there" is for 40% off a $1000/week rental, but hey...maybe you know something I don't.

We have effectively saved this family a large sum of money and I will ABSOLUTELY count that toward offsetting my child's expenses. The family does too because they already mentioned that what they are saving is already more than enough to cover DS's way. DH and I still want to contribute, of course, but I certainly do not feel that it is out of the ballpark to consider the savings we gave them as part of the total package.

SMH

For me I wouldn't count giving the discount as really something you gave because it didn't cost you anything. And $1000 to rent a vehical like that is crazy. I'm sure they could find it in the $600 range.

 

[elaine amj]

I would count it a little - since it is now a discount I can't use for myself or give to someone else, like a family member. Probably not up to the full 40% discount since they could probably get some kind of discount on their own - like 20% or whatever.

Anyway, this is all quibbling over minor details since the OP plans to be even more generous than usually expected. The friend's family sounds appreciative.

Hope your son has an awesome time!!