It will be a change for everyone in the house. How many kids do you have and what are their ages?
With her coming to live with you, I think YOU and your husband, her father better get your hands on some sort of info about how to do this and do it right. Otherwise, I think this sounds like it is already like a stick of dynamite that has been lit.
I'm a big believer in rules and discipline. However, being the mom of a 16yo, I feel like you might have too many rules, ready for more and life is going to feel like a checklist or something.
A 9:30 bedtime for 16yo? 10:30 on weekends? You said she was already upset about the bedtime...so was I when I read it! I'm a mom who has always my dd in bed very early. I'm talking 8:00 pm even in the summer when it was still light out. But 9:30 on a school night? I'm leaning towards 10:30 or 11 depending on how she gets up and gets ready in the mornings. I think by the time a girl is 16yo, you need to loosen the reigns a bit and allow them a bit more of life after all, she will be heading to college in approximately 2 years.
My 16yo can't be home from a HS football game by 10:30 on a Friday night. Granted she is a student athletic trainer and it takes time to pack it all up to head for home but still...
I wouldn't go for a curfew of 1 am for a 16yo no matter what. I'll agree with you there.
Having no phone and no texting while at your home is going to be *killer* for a 16yo. I'm sure there are 16yos out there who do not text but I do not know of any. Even my DH texts. lol
We moved last year 10 mins out of "town". We are all still adjusting to that change. Please be aware of what being 20 extra mins out plus 20 extra mins in will be as a change for his daughter. That in itself will be a big adjustment. Add a new house, new family, new rules, no cell, shared computer...ugh.
I'm sorry. I just read this and see family stress and turmoil.
Not being able to have privacy while using the computer will be huge for this girl. While I understand safety issues and all that, I still think people need some privacy--esp. at age 16. My dd using her laptop in her room. I'm her friend on FB and I keep a tight reign on her. I know I have a mature, well behaved kid and every child is different but I still think it sounds as if you are setting it up for hard feelings and even get the feeling you are dreading her coming into your home.
My 27yo nephew's parents were divorced when he was a baby (about 18mos.) It was all he knew...going back and forth as his dad was involved in his life. The dad remarried and had 2 more boys so my nephew was fitting in with their family when visited their home. He said one of the hardest parts was the different rules at different houses. It is hard enough to obey all the rules at one home, but enter another home every visitation and you have ANOTHER set of rules to learn and live by. His teen years were filled with stress between his dad and him. It was really hard to watch.
I really hope that instead of handing this girl a list of rules and regulations as she walks into the home that you'll sit down, the 3 of you, and discuss what would be reasonable bedtimes, curfews etc.
Remember, you have never had a 16yo before, having a younger child/children is very different. Let her have input and a say. Save yourself some heartache. Save your relationship with your husband, her father. Save her relationship with you and her dad. You have a very short time with her. Make the most of it. Send her off into the world the way you'd want for your own child if her parents had divorced.
Good luck. I hope you all transition into this smoothly and can have a home filled with happiness.