I brought this on myself..how do I stop it?

[DopeyDame]

I put my first list up today. It doesn’t have daily stuff. It’s more like clean the bathroom, wipe the counters, load the dishwasher..stuff like that. I’ve made it so someone will chose the bathroom and someone will choose sweeping and garbage/recycling. We’ll see how it goes

Good luck!

 

[BLAZEY]

good luck-let us know what happens (or doesn't).

btw-you may have mentioned this and i missed it but how old is your dd?

I believe late teen if not legal adult 18/19.

 

[kimblebee]

good luck-let us know what happens (or doesn't).

btw-you may have mentioned this and i missed it but how old is your dd?

I believe late teen if not legal adult 18/19.

She’ll be 18 in October.

 

[barkley]

She’ll be 18 in October.

cool-then start the countdown to that magic day in october when (as i regularly told my kids) 'it's no longer child abuse in the eyes of the law-it's simple assault'

i kid, but i went round and round with my dd because of her lack of housekeeping while living at home. i've never bought into the 'it's MY room if i don't mind it YOU shouldn't' argument-i OWN the room (and the adjoining rooms everyone uses), i choose the level of cleanliness that has to be maintained. it was one thing when she was finishing her senior year-another when she started college. she had the option of living at home and doing the short commute to school-with the expectation of certain things, cleanliness included. she didn't like it so after freshman year she moved out....out with roommates, lots of roommates-the place they lived in was GROSS but she continually blamed it on the roommates so then she wanted her own place but found out pretty quickly that no one rents to a single college student w/o a cosigner, and this cosigner wouldn't sign unless the place was kept up.

is her place spotless? nooooooooooooo, but she no longer has roommates to blame OR roommates (or mom) to come in behind her and run dishes, shift the wet load to the dryer, take out the garbage.... her landlord knows college students and gives random 24 hour notifications of unit inspections. after psycho cleaning sprees that caused her to miss out on social plans and left her exhausted and aching she's gotten better. it's still a work in progress. i wish with dd there had been something to drive her to be less messy-her younger db is'nt psych obsesvily neat but his concern for the high cost gaming systems and computers drive him to keep his space much cleaner lest he let dust and debri cause damage.

i guess what i'm saying is-you are dealing with ADULTS here, not little kids. while your dh's mom obviously did'nt teach him adult responsibilites on this front you can still teach them to your dd. maybe talking to your dh about despite your dd almost being an adult he still needs to model appropriate behaviors might help (i've seen parents do stuff they don't want/like to do because they know it's best for their kids).


again-good luck.

 

[PollyannaMom]

It's amazing how something as mundane as housework can become such a relationship mine-field.

So true!

 

[kimblebee]

cool-then start the countdown to that magic day in october when (as i regularly told my kids) 'it's no longer child abuse in the eyes of the law-it's simple assault'

i kid, but i went round and round with my dd because of her lack of housekeeping while living at home. i've never bought into the 'it's MY room if i don't mind it YOU shouldn't' argument-i OWN the room (and the adjoining rooms everyone uses), i choose the level of cleanliness that has to be maintained. it was one thing when she was finishing her senior year-another when she started college. she had the option of living at home and doing the short commute to school-with the expectation of certain things, cleanliness included. she didn't like it so after freshman year she moved out....out with roommates, lots of roommates-the place they lived in was GROSS but she continually blamed it on the roommates so then she wanted her own place but found out pretty quickly that no one rents to a single college student w/o a cosigner, and this cosigner wouldn't sign unless the place was kept up.

is her place spotless? nooooooooooooo, but she no longer has roommates to blame OR roommates (or mom) to come in behind her and run dishes, shift the wet load to the dryer, take out the garbage.... her landlord knows college students and gives random 24 hour notifications of unit inspections. after psycho cleaning sprees that caused her to miss out on social plans and left her exhausted and aching she's gotten better. it's still a work in progress. i wish with dd there had been something to drive her to be less messy-her younger db is'nt psych obsesvily neat but his concern for the high cost gaming systems and computers drive him to keep his space much cleaner lest he let dust and debri cause damage.

i guess what i'm saying is-you are dealing with ADULTS here, not little kids. while your dh's mom obviously did'nt teach him adult responsibilites on this front you can still teach them to your dd. maybe talking to your dh about despite your dd almost being an adult he still needs to model appropriate behaviors might help (i've seen parents do stuff they don't want/like to do because they know it's best for their kids).


again-good luck.

The thing is, though, that his mom did teach him. He has lot of mental health issues and after she died, he stopped caring. His place was disgusting when I first met him. He has improved 85% since then. My daughter knows better too, it’s just habit and laziness that keeps them from opening their eyes.

The list has been up for three hours, they know about it, and no ones signed up yet. I will give them until tonight and then I go bat**** if it’s not done.

 

[kimblebee]

So, I caved and yelled at them already lol

The chart had been up for four hours, they had both been in the fridge and there’s no missing it. Plus, my daughters leaving until tomorrow.

—-they both just complained about what jobs were left. I said, first come first serve AND the list went up at 8, just like I said it would.

Grr, already stressed. But, I’ll stick with it. As it is, I took the most jobs with the highest frequency. Next week, I’m taking the once a week job lol

 

[cruiser21]

The kids...I just take the phones away. The dishwasher, trash cans and whatever else I need done seems to magically happen.

 

[ashley0139]

Doesn't anyone here have a magic coffee table? Could be worth looking into

To be fair, I've lucked out though as DH does way more chores than I do

I was just about to link this video. @kimblebee you should definitely watch it.

Edit: Actually, you should have your husband and daughter watch it.

 

[kimblebee]

I was just about to link this video. @kimblebee you should definitely watch it.

Edit: Actually, you should have your husband and daughter watch it.

I remember seeing that before lol

I like the vegemite on the coffee table.

You guys, I don’t have much hope that this plan is going to work. I was talking to my husband and said (to be helpful and make sure he really understood) make sure you remember to sweep at least twice (which was written on the list) and he said, oh, I signed up for sweeping?

He didn’t even know what he had signed up for.

To quote a former poster. I. Cant. Even

 

[lsyorke]

Hire someone and take the money out of whatever money they get for the week. I have no patience for those who don't pull their own weight.

 

[Pumbaa_]

Get a squirt gun. Stupid responses....right in the face

If nothing else you will feel better

 

[cabanafrau]

If all else fails you may be forced to adopt strike mentality. Cook, clean, shop and perform chores to maintain only your daily living. They will be forced to deal with the situation to survive. I've never had to go there, mine dread the black cloud of doom visiting so much that they pay sharp attention when I start hanging my signs and making wisecracks. They'll discuss right in front of me how they don't care to live with what comes next.

 

[Nancyg56]

Hire someone and take the money out of whatever money they get for the week. I have no patience for those who don't pull their own weight.

Before my DS and DDIL got married my son told DDIL that he would do all the cleaning. "Oh Honey, you go to Barnes and Noble and read. I will clean." Sure you will dear son. Love....no foresight at all!

DDIL is not a house keeper. She was not even trying to pretend in order to win DS over. After the bloom of marriage wore off DS is now up to his elbows in cleaning and cooking. In fairness to DDIL, he corrected her when she did clean, (He is lucky I did not correct him, he is not a wonderful a cleaner as he thinks he is! LOL!) so you can imagine the nightmare that housework was getting to be. They start bigger house hunting, and decided on a lovely home, but a logistical cleaning nightmare, IMO, and DS is getting worried about the chores, so I suggested they hire a housekeeper. Nope. He was too cheap. Okay, but remember when you told your DW to read? Um.....he forgot.

FF to about a year in, and there is a housekeeper in place on a weekly basis. Housework is not worth fighting over, and if it comes to getting it done and having some sort of life left in you, or getting it done and collapsing, or not getting it done and crawling into a corner, I figure get it done and pay for it.

 

[kimblebee]

If all else fails you may be forced to adopt strike mentality. Cook, clean, shop and perform chores to maintain only your daily living. They will be forced to deal with the situation to survive. I've never had to go there, mine dread the black cloud of doom visiting so much that they pay sharp attention when I start hanging my signs and making wisecracks. They'll discuss right in front of me how they don't care to live with what comes next.

A few people have suggested a strike, but I just don’t have that in me. Plus, I make my husbands supper every day for him to take to work.its really just the leftovers of what we had for supper anyway. If he were left to his own devices, he’d eat rice and chili every day.

Before my DS and DDIL got married my son told DDIL that he would do all the cleaning. "Oh Honey, you go to Barnes and Noble and read. I will clean." Sure you will dear son. Love....no foresight at all!

DDIL is not a house keeper. She was not even trying to pretend in order to win DS over. After the bloom of marriage wore off DS is now up to his elbows in cleaning and cooking. In fairness to DDIL, he corrected her when she did clean, (He is lucky I did not correct him, he is not a wonderful a cleaner as he thinks he is! LOL!) so you can imagine the nightmare that housework was getting to be. They start bigger house hunting, and decided on a lovely home, but a logistical cleaning nightmare, IMO, and DS is getting worried about the chores, so I suggested they hire a housekeeper. Nope. He was too cheap. Okay, but remember when you told your DW to read? Um.....he forgot.

FF to about a year in, and there is a housekeeper in place on a weekly basis. Housework is not worth fighting over, and if it comes to getting it done and having some sort of life left in you, or getting it done and collapsing, or not getting it done and crawling into a corner, I figure get it done and pay for it.

I would love to pay for a housekeeper but it’s juat not feasible for us right now. Maybe down the road I’ll look into it.

 

[mom2rtk]

If he were left to his own devices, he’d eat rice and chili every day.

So?

 

[kimblebee]

So?

He’s diabetic and that’s not a good choice. Plus, it’s not enough for him.

Call it making excuses or whatever, but I’m not going on strike. That might work for some, but not our family.

 

[cabanafrau]

He’s diabetic and that’s not a good choice. Plus, it’s not enough for him.

Call it making excuses or whatever, but I’m not going on strike. That might work for some, but not our family.

Quite frankly, if all you're going to do is complain, make requests, and then make excuses when you're ignored YOU are the problem. Further, it helps NO ONE when you are more invested in the health of someone fully capable of making responsible choices and following through on them for himself. It is detrimental to enable someone capable to surrender their responsibility in caring for their health. Your rightful place is being fully supportive of his efforts -- not supplanting them entirely.

Harsh? Quite possibly. Bald faced truth? Without a doub.

 

[mom2rtk]

He’s diabetic and that’s not a good choice. Plus, it’s not enough for him.

Call it making excuses or whatever, but I’m not going on strike. That might work for some, but not our family.

So there's your answer. You have decided to "own" what needs to be done in the home. I doubt you'll be able to shed yourself of it unless you're willing to let the adults in your house stand on their own.

I'm curious. You have some health issues. Does your husband take ownership of those as much as you have of his?

 

[Mark Bartholomew]

A few people have suggested a strike, but I just don’t have that in me. Plus, I make my husbands supper every day for him to take to work.its really just the leftovers of what we had for supper anyway. If he were left to his own devices, he’d eat rice and chili every day.



I would love to pay for a housekeeper but it’s juat not feasible for us right now. Maybe down the road I’ll look into it.

I would also like to pay for housekeeper. It's better I think.