If you are a wife that can't function without your DH by your side....

[Colleen27]

I can't imagine sitting home just because DH is gone. His work schedule can be long and unpredictable - case in point, he called me two hours ago when I was at a meeting to tell me he got called in to deal with an emergency - and I wouldn't want to be sitting home just because he wasn't around! But I do know some people like that, mostly childless-by-choice couples or empty nesters, and I really don't get it. I understand enjoying spending time together, but if one spouse is otherwise occupied I don't get why the other should just sit at home and wait...

However, I agree with those who say it sounds like something about this party is less-than-appealing to the two women making excuses. The size or the format or whatever seems to be something they don't see as worth making an effort to attend.

 

[low-key]

Give me some space women

 

[kimblebee]

Give me some space women

I am like that too. I love my husband but I would go bonkers if I had to go everywhere and do everything with him. He’s much more clingy than I am and it’s hard sometimes to let him cling without saying something.

 

[Hikergirl]

I don't get why people are so upset at OP. Sure, she's a bit irritated and that showed in her wording, but she has every right to wonder why people she thought were friends flat out don't want to go to a party for another person she thought was their friend. It is probably making her rethink whether they have the kind of friendship she thought as well.

I'm not a big party person, but I would make an effort to put in an appearance at a party in honor of a friend. Not for me, but for her. I'd love the open house thing, because I'd know I could leave whenever I wanted to.

I prefer to do things with my DH, but am able to do things without him as well.

They told the OP why, she just didn't like their "lame *** excuses"

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

If a woman doesn't want to attend a party without her husband or a husband without his wife it doesn't mean they can't function without them. It just means they don't want to go to a party without them. It's their choice.

 

[pigletgirl]

Our marriage would crumble if we were too co-dependent. We function quite well apart, and believe it or not, we are closer when we are together again.

Perhaps your friends feel insecure or want others to know they're "taken?"

 

[luvsJack]

It’s their choice but perhaps the OP knows her friends well enough to know that they really will not go without their husbands?

I have family like that. Drives me batty.

Dh is gone 6 nights a week. I would be housebound if I had to have him with me.

 

[gotomu212]

I don't get why people are so upset at OP. Sure, she's a bit irritated and that showed in her wording, but she has every right to wonder why people she thought were friends flat out don't want to go to a party for another person she thought was their friend. It is probably making her rethink whether they have the kind of friendship she thought as well.

Idk if one of my supposedly CLOSE friends went off about me on a message board, calling me lame ***, and stating that I was completely codependent just because I didn’t want to go to a party with her I’d maybe be the one rethinking the kind of friendship we had.

People are reacting strongly to the OP because some of us are thinking she’s really overreacting to two grown women having other plans on a Saturday that OP thinks haven’t sufficiently been justified for not attending.

 

[Wishing on a star]

but she has every right to wonder why people she thought were friends flat out don't want to go to a party for another person she thought was their friend.

I am not seeing it that way at all.
I would have to disagree.
There is a lot more there that I think some of us are seeing and picking up on.

Look at the first and last/closing comments... This can often be very telling.

So I don't get above. I don't understand why some women can not function without having their husbands by their side 24/7.
....
So if you can't function without your DH, can you give me a valid reason why? And no, neither of these women have any kind of anxiety or any other mental issues that would render them incompetent on their own.

I will also add that their reasons do not and should not have to meet with the OP's agreement/approval.

 

[CrankyDad]

So I don't get above. I don't understand why some women can not function without having their husbands by their side 24/7. For example....a close friend of mine is throwing his wife a surprise party on Saturday for her 40th birthday. My husband already had plans made and can't go, but I said I would be there for sure because she is one of my closest friends- wouldn't miss it. This morning I texted two other close friends (we are all close friends with the birthday girl) and asked what time they were going to the party (it's an open house form 3-10pm). One said she couldn't go because she has to work from 9-12....ok, the party doesn't start until 3 and you have to work 3 hours... The other said she wasn't going because her DH was going to be away. I said, ok....what does that matter- are you busy? She said "no, but I don't want to go without him". ***? This is a party for one of our very close friends....you will know everyone there...you can even ride with me- as I AM GOING ALONE.

I don't get this mentality. I love my DH, he is my best friend...but I can function without him! I am just so upset that two of the birthday girls CLOSE friends are choosing not to attend her party because of lame *** excuses.

So if you can't function without your DH, can you give me a valid reason why? And no, neither of these women have any kind of anxiety or any other mental issues that would render them incompetent on their own.

More Then likely they’re just being polite and they don’t want to go to the party

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Idk if one of my supposedly CLOSE friends went off about me on a message board, calling me lame ***, and stating that I was completely codependent just because I didn’t want to go to a party with her I’d maybe be the one rethinking the kind of friendship we had.

People are reacting strongly to the OP because some of us are thinking she’s really overreacting to two grown women having other plans on a Saturday that OP thinks haven’t sufficiently been justified for not attending.

Yes, it's the demanding of a "valid" reason that these women can't or won't attend this friend's birthday party.

OP: If they wanted to go they would. They don't. They don't need a valid reason and they certainly don't need to answer to you or anyone. You're right, they are grown women and no means no. It's not your business to get all up in arms on behalf of your friend. Expecting and trying to control others to behave how you would and trying to make them look weak or pathetic when they don't conform to your line of thinking is not an attractive personality trait.

 

[aprilgail]

I know a woman who doesn't do much without her husband, but I think it's because of the husband. He works a traditional job, she does not work outside the home, yet whenever something needs to get done, he takes time off work to do it instead of her taking care of it. For example, she had a fender bender and had to have the car looked at by an appraiser. He took the afternoon off to take the car in. If someone needs to let in a worker to their second rental home, he takes off work and goes and opens the door. I don't know if he is excessively worried about something happening to her or if he just likes to get out of work all the time, but it's strange to me as I am not totally dependent on my husband to do everything for me.

That sounds like my mom- my father worked and she never worked, she never went anywhere or did anything without him. He would take care of things in the house to if like a repair guy was coming. He died at 55 and she was lost, she had no friends of her own only "their" friends who were couples so that left her out of most things they did. Funny thing is she still thinks the same way- I went on vacation with my daughter and my friend and her daughter for 5 days this summer and she couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she was going without her husband. Another friend of mine came with me to move my daughter into college and we stayed in Boston for 3 days- my mother (who is now 89) says to me "how is Sue going with you and staying for the 3 days? Her husband is letting her do that?" I told my friend that and she cracked up- it was the joke of the week, We told her husband and he thought that was hysterical!

 

[Grumpy's Gal]

There may be reasons that they don’t feel close enough to share with you. Or it’s not really your business knowing. Or feel that you’ll judge them.

I know a lady who is epileptic and not too many people know. She doesn’t feel comfortable going out without her dog or her husband.

Two other friends have husbands who are newly diagnosed as alcoholics. In social settings, they now ALWAYS go places with their husbands.

 

[mousefan73]

I totally know where you are coming from and don't get it either! I have people in my life like that and it drives me insane!

Like my forend who uses her dog as an excuse. Sorry but your dog can be at home alone in the evening for a few hours.

 

[Nancyg56]

I was being facetious...of course, they go to work without their DH. I am talking about having a life outside of work. They won't attend any event without their spouse. It makes me upset because I know my friend will be upset...she will be sad that two close friends didn't attend her party because of it. I have empathy for her.

YOur friend will need to get over it. Every couple has the right to choose how they socialize and if a women chooses to send regrets for a gathering that her spouse is not able to attend, then so be it.
This is not a test of friendship, but rather a test of how friends respect individual choices. You, in my opinion are failing the test.

 

[dosekies]

In this situation, I agree with you. I would be perfectly fine going by myself to a party if it is with close friends or people I am comfortable with and have previously spent time with. In the opposite situation though, where it was a place with people I didn't really know well, I can honestly say I might not go if I didn't have my SO or someone else with me. I have horrible general anxiety and hate going places where I don't really know anyone.

 

[mousefan73]

h

YOur friend will need to get over it. Every couple has the right to choose how they socialize and if a women chooses to send regrets for a gathering that her spouse is not able to attend, then so be it.
This is not a test of friendship, but rather a test of how friends respect individual choices. You, in my opinion are failing the test.

have to disagree here. this is a test of friendship, has nothing to do with choices.. ok this friend may value to choose the presence of her DH more.. this says a lot.. especially as this party has nothing to do with DH. This brings up the originall PP post,,, one spouse being so dependent on the other and making all their choices based on that.

. from what I gather, these are close friends, who have known each other for years, Nobody has issues. excpet one, that one who is 1. using DH as an excuse not to attend or 2. is so dependent on DH he needs to attend.. Either way it says a lot on how this friend feels or values the friendship to blow off a birthday party. People blow off Bdays for many reasons.. but usually on aquaintence or work colleague level. But if this was a CLOSE friend.. this say a lot on how she value's her friend by not showing up, if there is no real conflict..

 

[Pea-n-Me]

h



have to disagree here. this is a test of friendship, has nothing to do with choices.. ok this friend may value to choose the presence of her DH more.. this says a lot.. especially as this party has nothing to do with DH. This brings up the originall PP post,,, one spouse being so dependent on the other and making all their choices based on that.

. from what I gather, these are close friends, who have known each other for years, Nobody has issues. excpet one, that one who is 1. using DH as an excuse not to attend or 2. is so dependent on DH he needs to attend.. Either way it says a lot on how this friend feels or values the friendship to blow off a birthday party. People blow off Bdays for many reasons.. but usually on aquaintence or work colleague level. But if this was a CLOSE friend.. this say a lot on how she value's her friend by not showing up, if there is no real conflict..

Honestly, I disagree. I'm willing to bet they do value the friendship but just really dislike this type of party.

 

[Hikergirl]

I never knew the test of real friendship was attending any birthday party you are invited too.

 

[morgan98]

h



have to disagree here. this is a test of friendship, has nothing to do with choices.. ok this friend may value to choose the presence of her DH more.. this says a lot.. especially as this party has nothing to do with DH. This brings up the originall PP post,,, one spouse being so dependent on the other and making all their choices based on that.

. from what I gather, these are close friends, who have known each other for years, Nobody has issues. excpet one, that one who is 1. using DH as an excuse not to attend or 2. is so dependent on DH he needs to attend.. Either way it says a lot on how this friend feels or values the friendship to blow off a birthday party. People blow off Bdays for many reasons.. but usually on aquaintence or work colleague level. But if this was a CLOSE friend.. this say a lot on how she value's her friend by not showing up, if there is no real conflict..

I disagree with this. Some people are not that into birthdays in general. Anyone who knows me well, knows I do not make a huge deal about birthdays at all - once someone is out of grade school. It is an invitation. People can decline. And the OP saying things like it is hurtful for people to not attend a 40 year olds birthday party, I don't really know what to think about that.

It isn't like people are not showing up for her in a time of crisis like a death in the family or a cancer diagnosis.