Im I wrong to feel this way???

[bambii]

It all started in Aug. and Sept my in laws who live in Florida were driving up to Vermont to see my father in laws children for a week or two then after that they purchased a home in buffalo, lived there for a while then drove to michigan to see my mother in laws side of the family then the were suppose to drive to SD to see us for a week, but while they were in michigan they called to say they are to tired to see us that they will be going home and come see us in the spring I understand that, they send us some money to kind of make it up i guess, so they stayed in michigan for a one more week, then instead of going home the called us from the new home in Buffalo, and then two days after arriving there they drove to vermont for a birthday party..

here is the part that is rubbing my the wrong way they told my husband they would buy him a plane ticket so he can go and see them in florida. I have two kids 6 and 12 that really wanted to see there grand parents and how come dad can go to florida. i kind of feel hurt and left out .. my husband i got it to a arguement over it one time.. but i havent brought it up to him. i dont know how i should feel but it isnt good ..

 

[mushumadness]

I would feel that way too. Its not very nice to exclude you and your kids and just invite your husband.

If it was my dbf, he wouldnt go and leave me. There would be major arguments if he did, and he would be upset if it was me invited and not him.

 

[ducklite]

Maybe they can't afford to send you all tickets. Maybe it's too exhausting for them to be around your kids at this point. And not to be rude, but maybe your in-laws don't like you and don't care to see you?

Why is it their responsibility to pay for your plane tickets to visit them? I don't know your circumstances, but maybe you need to consider taking a vacation to Florida to see them--even if it means getting a second job for a few months to come up with the cash.

Anne

 

[poohandwendy]

I was thinking maybe the drive was just too far? I mean they went from Florida to NH, then to NY, then to Mich, then back to NY and NH...seems like they wanted shorter trips all in the same general area of the country. Western South Dakota is a hike from the east coast. Maybe that was all it was about?

I wouldn't be upset, sounds like they want to see you in the springtime. I would just try to keep in touch via telephone.

 

[poohandwendy]

Oh and I agree that it would be a burden to pay for 4 people RT from SD to Florida, I would be happy that they wanted to get a ticket for DH to go see them. He is their son, I would encourage him to go see his parents, if at all possible. And I would tell the kids that it just isn't possible for all of you to go right now.

 

[Mermaid02]

I'd find the money for 3 more tickets.

 

[Marseeya]

Maybe they can't afford to send you all tickets. Maybe it's too exhausting for them to be around your kids at this point. And not to be rude, but maybe your in-laws don't like you and don't care to see you?

Anne

All that could be, but that seems to be reading a lot into it. No matter whether they like their DIL or not, it's not nice to blow off the kids like that. Galavanting all over the place, but then not having the energy to see the kids?

Those kids are 8 & 12 -- in just a few short years I bet the grandparents are going to be whining about their "ungrateful" grandkids who won't visit them or call them.

Keep in mind, though, that I'm coming from the point of view of having a MIL who wants nothing to do with any of her grandkids (not just my kids). I have a dim view of grandparents who do things like this.

 

[ducklite]

All that could be, but that seems to be reading a lot into it. No matter whether they like their DIL or not, it's not nice to blow off the kids like that. Galavanting all over the place, but then not having the energy to see the kids?

Those kids are 8 & 12 -- in just a few short years I bet the grandparents are going to be whining about their "ungrateful" grandkids who won't visit them or call them.

Keep in mind, though, that I'm coming from the point of view of having a MIL who wants nothing to do with any of her grandkids (not just my kids). I have a dim view of grandparents who do things like this.

I agree that it's a stretch, but it's certainly possible, and the only reason I mentioned it.

The areas they have been driving too/visiting aren't all that far apart geographically. I"m not a grandparent, but a doting aunt, and I find visiting with my neices and nephews EXHAUSTING. Much more than driving from FL to the Northeast.

Maybe the solution might be to have them buy one plane ticket for them to come see you (rather than buying one for your DH to go to them), and you can foot the bill for the other ticket?

I do think that there's more to this story though, and rather than fighting with your DH about it, you should calmly discuss it and ask him to speak to them about it.

We have a problem with my in-laws and favoritism with grandkids/great neices-nephews. They dote on my husbands counsins kids, it's very obvious that they are the "chosen ones". My SIL has one kid, they spend a lot of time with them, but nothing like with the cousins kids. And they have more or less ignored our son since he became a teenager and wasn't "cute" anymore. They still remember birthdays and Christmas, but seldom if ever call just to say hi. We have a cordial relationship, but are not close. I am fairly close to my husbands sisters though. I've got a lot more important things to do than worry about the throught process of my in-laws. Like I said, we are cordial, but I think on both sides we've got other people we'd rather be around... In fact I'm closer to my BIL's (sister's husbands) mom than I am to my own in-laws

HOWEVER, I DO encourage my DH to spend time with his parents! He goes ALONE to visit them 2-3 times a year. DS and I usually see them once a year , not counting weddings/funerals. He'll go on a weekend that "conveniently" my son and I have something we need to do that he isn't involved with. I should get around to inviting them to come visit us in Florida next year...

Anne

 

[Kermit]

Well, I don't see much of a reason to argue with your husband about it. He didn't do anything wrong.

I can see both sides. It would have been nice if they'd offered to have bought at least 3 tickets, preferably 4. At the very least, they should be very understanding if your DH decides he doesn't want to travel without his family. For the sake of family peace, I'd probably just ask DH if he'd say, "Thanks for offering to buy a ticket for me. I was thinking that we'd pitch in the rest of the money for 3 more tickets so the whole family could come visit you. How does that sound?" Their reaction will tell you if you really have anything to be upset about.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Im I wrong to feel this way???

here is the part that is rubbing my the wrong way they told my husband they would buy him a plane ticket so he can go and see them in florida. I have two kids 6 and 12 that really wanted to see there grand parents and how come dad can go to florida. i kind of feel hurt and left out .. my husband i got it to a arguement over it one time.. but i havent brought it up to him. i dont know how i should feel but it isnt good ..

I am confused. Are you upset at your dh for accepting a ticket to travel without you? Is he planning on going to Florida without you?

 

[hentob]

The whole situation seems weird to me. They didn't come, so they sent you money to make up for it? Maybe they thought you should put that money aside to visit them? Was it a large amount of money? It just seems strange to me for an adult to give another adult money because they were too tired to drive across the USA. I would have sent it back with a note saying "Thank you so much for thinking of us, but we really cannot accept this money. Please put it away for your trip to SD next spring. Can't wait to see you guys!". Is it too late to do that?

 

[floridaminnie]

I like the idea that they buy one ticket to come up to see you and you can purchase the other. It is a lot cheaper to buy two tickets then to purchase four and they were willing to buy one in the first place. I thik there is more to the story as the in-laws really don't want to visit. Do they drive down to Florida or fly?, b/c that is a long drive down the east coast.

 

[Zurealsoon]

I have two kids 6 and 12 that really wanted to see there grand parents and how come dad can go to florida. ..

You say "I have two kids". Is your husband their father? Are these just step-grandparents?

 

[diznygirl]

I think there are too many people assuming the worst about the OP and giving more leeway to the grandparents. I don't think that's right. If the grandparents can drive all over for the others, why break their promise to see the OP? And why say they are exhausted and then drive to Vermont again? Shouldn't they be "resting?"

I agree that sending them "hush money" cuz they can't visit (or don't want to) is in poor taste. And offering DH a ticket is even more insulting. That says - "We really only want to see our son and not deal with the rest of you."

DH should tell his parents that they can buy plane tickets to come see you guys, and that he couldn't possibly leave you and the kids to go see them.

Good luck!!

 

[MrsPete]

You said, "It all started in August". Does that mean it was the first time they'd made you feel slighted? The first time they'd given you the impression that your family was the "odd group out"? If so, then give them the benefit of the doubt. It could be that as they grow older, they just don't have the energy they used to have. Or it could be that their finances aren't as strong as they'd like you to think (especially with gas prices through the roof). Or -- God forbid -- there could be some medical problem that they're not ready to reveal yet. If it really did "all start" in August -- only four months ago -- then I'd let it slide and assume that next year will be better.

On the other hand, if this is an ongoing thing but it just became worse in August, then you have a valid complaint. My father's parents didn't like my mother (or us kids), and they treated us like dirt. Too bad for them because my siblings and I turned out much better than any of my cousins, and as adults we've really had nothing to do with them -- their loss. They chose not to build a relationship with us when we were kids and the ball was in their court. If this is the case and it is an ongoing thing, there's not much you can do about it. You can't force a set of grandparents to visit. It's fine for you to blow off steam here (or with your husband, if it's not hurtful to him), but don't let the kids hear it. Don't keep the truth from them or make up stories about why grandma isn't visiting; just tell them the truth: Grandma and Grandpa just don't have time to visit this year. They will be hurt, but they will draw their own conclusions about who cares for them most.

 

[VSL]

It's not your DH's fault, but I completely understand where you're coming from.

You're married now, and I think it's rather rude of his parents to send your DH a plane ticket to go and visit them but completely 'forget' about you and your children. Whether their his natural or step-children is neither here nor there. You're a family now.

My BF would probably say something to his parents if they did that - he'd probably be more insulted than me.

 

[Disney Doll]

Sounds like there's more to this story. I don't think your in-laws like you. The good news is that since they didn't go out of their way for oyu, you don't have to go out of your way for them. If they sent DH a plane ticket, then let him go. Don't make him choose bewteen wife & parents. If your kids ask, just tell them "Grandma &Grandpa only sent daddy a plane ticket" very matter-of-fact & leave it at that.

Then you'll get accused of trying to turn their grandchildren against them (which they are actually doing themselves, but they won't want to admit it) at which point you can say "I only told them the truth...that Grandma & Grandpa only sent Daddy a ticket. Did you want me to lie for you?"

The key here is to do it all very calmy & matter-of-factly. No opinions added in, no editorializing, no "he said, she said". If you stick to the facts, they can't get you on anything.

 

[OhMari]

I feel for you.

I responded to an article in our Catholic Herald newspaper and I was literally ripped to shreds. Anyways, I responded how I thought the journalist was wrong to take her 30 yr old son to Florida for a 5 day vacation because she hasn't had a lone time with him since he was a teenager. She also had another son and dd. What got me was her son is married with 2 small dd's.

I asked her if she is going to take her dil, or her 2 granddaughters on a special 5 day vacation to spend quality time with each one. It just really bothered me that that she pulled this family apart. I felt she had no consideration for this family.

She responded back in the newspaper just ripping me apart. She said she felt she was owed this time with her son since she was a divorced mom and had 3 jobs when he was growing up and never went on vacations with him or his sister and brother. (I told her her alone time with her son is over-he is part of a package deal-a family). I can see an hour or 2 maybe during the week-but a week in Florida-no.

I asked her if her granddaughters understood when daddy walked out the door to go on vacation with grandma to FL. (She wasn't to pleased with that all all).

I really most of hit a sour note with her that she responded back so negative to me in a Catholic Parent newspaper. I still can't believe it got published.

 

[Allison]

I feel for you.

I responded to an article in our Catholic Herald newspaper and I was literally ripped to shreds. Anyways, I responded how I thought the journalist was wrong to take her 30 yr old son to Florida for a 5 day vacation because she hasn't had a lone time with him since he was a teenager. She also had another son and dd. What got me was her son is married with 2 small dd's.

I asked her if she is going to take her dil, or her 2 granddaughters on a special 5 day vacation to spend quality time with each one. It just really bothered me that that she pulled this family apart. I felt she had no consideration for this family.

She responded back in the newspaper just ripping me apart. She said she felt she was owed this time with her son since she was a divorced mom and had 3 jobs when he was growing up and never went on vacations with him or his sister and brother. (I told her her alone time with her son is over-he is part of a package deal-a family). I can see an hour or 2 maybe during the week-but a week in Florida-no.

I asked her if her granddaughters understood when daddy walked out the door to go on vacation with grandma to FL. (She wasn't to pleased with that all all).

I really most of hit a sour note with her that she responded back so negative to me in a Catholic Parent newspaper. I still can't believe it got published.

I have to disagree with you on this one. My husband has every right to spend time with his mother alone. He has made trips by himself to see her and I respect and support that. That time allows him to spend quality time with his mother that wouldn't happen as much if the whole family were there. It doesn't mean my mother-in-law doesn't love her grandkids or me but it's hard for a woman in her 80's to have that many people around for days at a time.

 

[bambii]

real grand kids but steps to her husband and she is in her late 60's and just got back from a cruise two days ago