Inappropriate Remark from Doctor

[vhoffman]

I am extremely upset over a remark made to me by a doctor, and would like to know how the rest of you would react (I've been told by others that I was overreating).

I have rheumatoid arthritis and have a long medical history of surgeries, etc. I have a rheumatologist and various orthopedic surgeons, along with other specialists. But now my insurance company requires me to have a primary care physician. I had an appointment yesterday with an internal medicine physician with the intent of making him my primary care physician. His attitude towards me was, at best, cold. I felt he was uncomfortable dealing with my medical problems. When it came time to do the physical exam, he didn't give me enough time to dress, didn't knock, and entered when I was still struggling to get the gown on. He had left the door open, which I didn't realize because I was still trying to get the gown over my head. He then said "Well, I guess I need to shut the door. I really don't want you flashing my other patients. But I guess people like you have been through so much you just lose all modesty". What type of a $hitty crack! In the first place, he was the one who opened the door without knocking and left it open without my being aware of it. And just what type of category does "people like you" pertain to? I told him "No, I haven't lost all modesty. I would prefer you to knock before entering and close the door behind you during an exam". Well, he was barely civil after that. He's obviously going off a stereotype of disabled people, which labels us, among other things, as being uncaring and lacking in personal dignity. Also, his remark indicates he feels I'm not deserving of respectful behavior from health care professionals.

Obviously, I'm not going back to that jerk. However, I'm in a bit of a bind due to two reasons. First, like I said, my insurance now requires me to have a PCP. I do not need a referral from the PCP for specialists, they just want to see that I have been evaluated by one (as though I'm totally in the dark as to what's wrong with me and need "guidance"). However, I can just schedule an appointment with another and hope for a better experience. I really am burned up over the whole experience and would like to express my feelings, both to him and his group practice director. However, my husband also sees a doctor in the same group. Its a relationship that has worked for him over the years and it really would be a major inconvenience for him to change doctors. I'm afraid if I lodge a complaint about the doctor I saw it would make things bad for him. However, I hate to just go away without making my feelings known about my experience, partly to vent, but mainly to hopefully prevent another disabled person from being treated in such a demeaning manner.

Well, have any of you had a similar experience? How would you feel about the remark made to me? Would you lodge a complaint, or just find another doctor in another group, to protect my husband? Opinions, please!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I just gasped out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That man doesn't need to be in medicine. He needs to go into research or something. BLECH!! Can I offer you some advice? File a report on this dude. Personally I would have put on my clothes and not looked back.

I'm not sure what to tell you to do. As a paraplegic I don't have any doctors or specialists I see. But for the record, my GYN is my PCP. My mother works there as a MA so they work well with my insurance. It's always worked it the past, no problems yet (knock knock).

Keep us updated!

 

[nliedel]

You need to send him a letter outlining the reasons why you will not be using him, if you do not say something he will continue to treat people like that. Then you need to start interviewing doctors and talking to people with medical conditions similar to yours to find a doctor you like and that will treat you with dignity and respect. It is a long and tough road but it can be done. It took me forever to find a doctor that worked for my son and I finally did. One doctor, who did not read the chart first, asked me why I drank during my sons pregnancy (he has fetal alcohol syndrome and was born addicted). My son is adopted and everything the doctor had clearly stated that. We just got up and walked out. I am not sure, to this day if he realises why on earth I left.

 

[mellbe113]

How's your cat.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Over the past 20 years I have worked with hundreds of doctors. I've also had some major health issues of my own so have seen things from the "other side" of the bed as well. Simply put, some doctors clearly have better bedside manners than others. There are so many wonderful doctors you should really not waste your time with this one (though I agree it's beneficial for you to have a PCP to coordinate your care).

I think you should write a letter to the clinical practice manager of the group stating your exact experience as you've done above and why you will not be seeing him in the future. Chances are good it will not be the first time they've heard complaints about this guy and in order to discipline (or even fire him) they need these types of testimonials. A) it will make you feel better and B) it may prevent another patient from having a similar experience. I'm sure the staff have complaints as well. I doubt very much it will affect the care your DH or you receive as long as it's done in a civil manner and with the intent of improving the type of care the group wishes to provide. Good luck.

P.S. I've had a similar experience on a personal level as well. It was a little sticky because the doctor happened to work at the same hospital I do. I wrote the letter anyway because he was rude and insensitive to me at a time when I was vulnerable and upset (and he knew I was a colleague; I could only imagine how he treated others). IMO if professionals are going to act that way they should expect they're going to be called on it.

 

[lewdyan1]

...Can I offer you some advice? File a report on this dude.

 

[Princess Mommy]

You need to report him...

 

[vhoffman]

I never thought of using my gyn as a pcp. I looked at my insurance website under pcp's, and he was listed there along with other gyns. My gyn is great! He's respectful, takes plenty of time, explains well, and doesn't hesitate to follow throiugh with tests, referrals, etc. I could either use him as my pcp or ask him for a referral. I've found if you go by referral from one doctor to another you usaually (not always!) get better treatment because they don't want word to get back to one of their collegues that they were a jerk.

When I made the appointment with this doctor I didn't realize he was in the same group practice as my husband (its not always listed that way). I just went from a list from my insurance company. He was the first available in the group, so I took him. However, now I have a lot of other things on my plate and find it a major inconvenience to schedule yet another doctor's appointment, but I guess that's what I'll have to do. I violated two of my "rules" for seeking a new doctor-

1. NEVER see a doctor that another family member sees. That prevents problems from "bleeding over" from one family member to another. That includes seing a doctor in the same group.

2. When scheduling an initial appointment with a doctor, especially if there's a considerable wait for the first appointment, always schedule a "back-up" appointment a few days after the first appointment with another doctor. That way, if it doesn't work out you have an alternative without starting the whole waiting game again.

Oh how I dearly wish I could report this guy! However, I really do think it wouldn't do much good and could jeopardize my husband's relationship with his doctor. Such complaints are just turned around against you. Any time anything else happens, regardless of who's at fault, they can use that as a weapon "you've had trouble with doctors before!" Like as though it was my fault. Believe me, this has happened to me. Also, I don't need to set up my husband. The following story will sound incredible, but its true. Several years ago, I established myself with an internal medicine doctor as my pcp. Everything seemed fine, or so I thought. One day I was experiencing problems that I thought could be a stroke (turned out it wasn't). I called him, and he said I needed to call my pcp! I said I thought he was my pcp. He then mumbled something about going to the ER (which is what I should have done in the first place, of course). Well, about a week later I got a certified letter from him telling me that he would no longer be involved in my care. He also cancelled my husband's appointment (it was a new patient appointment, dh had never been seen there before). His reason was that he was going to do research full-time and not see patients anymore. However, I found this not to be true. I found out (about a year later), that he was still seeing patients. I called to schedule an appointment and was told there was a note on my chart that I was not to come back. There was never a problem with this guy--I saw him twice to get established and thought everything was fine. Then, when I needed him, he turned his back on me. It was obviously because he was uncomfortable dealing with my somewhat complicated medical history. He shouldn't have taken me on as a patient in the first place! But, of course, that would be admitting that he wasn't comfortable dealing with me. Its easier (for the doctor) to just get $hitty with the patient and hope they leave.

Well, if you have complicated medical issues its a slippery slope trying to obtain medical care. Some are comfortable dealing with complex patients, and some aren't. However, I didn't get the impression this guy I saw yesterday was uncomfortable with my problems, he was just a jerk who probably treats other patients the same. No wonder he had the first opening in the group!

Oh, the suggestion that I get names of doctors from others with similar problems is an excellent one. Years ago I was in a local chapter of the Arthritis Foundation. Work spread among the group as to which doctors to avoid and who was comfortable dealing with patients with disabilities. That's actually how I found my gyn. Among other things, he has a special table that's easier for me to get on. Over the years I just stopped going to the AF meetings, but I can see it would be a good idea to start back up with them.

Well, thanks for letting me vent. I've found others with disabilities encounter similar problems trying to find a doctor who isn't going off stereotypes.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

About a year and a half ago, when JudySue was first hospitalized, our pcp had a "hospitalist" who he worked with assigned as her pcp while in the hospital. Due to certain things which upset both of us, I talked with some friends and family members who were (or had been) involved with health care. I then went to the hospital's Patient Advocate and then spoke with the floor Nursing Manager. The NM spoke with this doctor, who then withdrew from the case. The NM also worked with us to get a new hospitalist (from a different group) to be her pcp while in the hospital. I also reported the "firing" and reasons to our pcp. Whether or not he still recommend this particular doctor any more I don't know.

 

[Nik's Mom]

That was so un-called for!!!! I'd complain to the medical group that the dr belongs to! His behavior was beyond rude!

 

[SueM in MN]

I have changed doctors twice for behavior of the doctor that was rude and uncalled for and I once reported a "nurse" (I'm not sure she was a real nurse or one of those people that some doctors have trained and call their "nurse"). The nurse ended up getting fired after I complained about her.
The doctor (who I had been seeing fairly regularly) left me sitting just dressed in a gown for nearly an hour. I could hear him in the next room doing his dictation. He had always been semi-rude, so this was the last straw. After he had examined me, I told him I would be looking for another doctor. I didn't complain to his group because it was a small 3 MD, OB-GYN group.
The other doctor was a pediatrician who was seeing my DD and treated her much differently than he treated my non-disabled DD. I told him so and found another doctor. I did complain to the group he was in.
There should be a way to complain to the Medical Licensing Board in your state if you don't want to complain to the group he is in. That usually could be an annoymous or confidential complaint.

 

[itsagloomyday]

I would also write a letter to my insurance company. They have a quality review board that needs to be aware of such things. Some of my nurse friends that work in Q.A. (quality assurance) have to do routine office visits to make sure the physician's office complies with certain standards (the exam table shouldn't be directly located in front of the door to protect the privacy...not to mention the dignity of all patients).
If the office fails and doesn't make the corrections, they can be terminated as an in network provider in the insurance group. No participation in a large insurance carrier = less business=less money for the doctor. Insurance companies rely on patients to help monitor their physicians. What they don't know can eventually hurt other patients.

 

[vhoffman]

all good suggestions. Actually the exam table was right in front of the door, and faced the door! The furniture could easily be rearranged. Many doctors offices either place the table out of direct view of the door, or provide a curtain across the table to avoid exposing the patient when someone comes in.

However, I've decided to just find another doctor and not complain. I don't want to hurt my husband's relationship with his doctor, who is in the same group. Axctually, dh has a more pressing need to see his doctor now, I was just looking for a pcp and get a baseline, etc. Believe me, you can't make complaints in the medical profession without fear of retaliation. My dh doesn't need to find out during an emergency that his doctor is po'd and either refuses to deal with him or drags his feet. Even if there never is an emergency, it will get around and back to dh's doctor's ears and it will comprimise the relationship. Oh, how I wish I was in a position to complain! This probably isn't the first time this guy has been such a jerk. Perhaps some of his partners don't like him, either. I noticed the staff was rather tense acting, did nothing to put me at ease or establish a relationship. After all, I am looking for a long-term relationship. Oh, btw, all this was done without a nurse present. In situations like this its my word against his, and even if a nurse was present she's going to side with her employer. Its best for me and dh if I just go away and find another doctor. I realize they need complaints to get rid of bad doctors such as him, but, realistically, they're not going to get rid of a doctor just because he "isn't nice" to the patient. After all, the patient is the lowest form of life!

 

[vhoffman]

Here's another example of how complaining can backfire. Several years ago I had a total hip replacement. After the surgery, my orthopedic surgeon wanted some records from another doctor. His office girl (not sure if she was a nurse or just an assistant), just kept screwing up the request for the records, told the doctor I hadn't arranged for them to be sent, when all the while they were sitting in the hopper in the general fax machine (not in the doctor's private fax machine). Well, I kept being told they hadn't been received and after many frustrating attempts to deal with the office girl, I finally called the office manager for the group. She dealt with it. However, I then got a letter from the doctor telling me to "seek medical care elsewhere" without even an explaination! When I called and asked him what the problem was, he stated "you called the office manager". When I pointed out that it was to get records he wanted and I couldn't get past his office, he just hung up the phone on me.

Another time, several years ago, I had a similar experience with an opthalmologist. There was a major screw up with filing the insurance, and I stood to lose about $3500 if the claim wasn't filed in a timely manner. There again, I called the office manager, she handled the problem, and I got a letter from the doctor telling me to "seek medical care elsewhere". In all of the above cases, the relationship with the doctor and the staff was a good one , until I called the office manager for a problem I couldn't be expected to ignore and couldn't get resolution any other way. I've actually learned the hard way to not complain if I value the relationship at all. I've even paid bills I didn't owe rather than pursue it and end up losing the doctor.I just don't want to hurt my husband's relationship with his doctor. But thanks, everyone, for the suggestions and just letting me vent.

 

[itsagloomyday]

VHoffman
So sorry to hear all of this has happened to you. I don't blame you for not reporting the doctor. With your husbands situation and all of your previous experiences, I can see why you wish to just drop it.

Please realize that most "nurses" that work in doctor's offices are usually not nurses (LPN/LVN or RNs) Usually there are medical assistants who assist the doctor, an occasional nurse and other "front office" personnel (schedulers, insurance/billing, office manager).

I must confess, I'm a RN. I've gone as far as the chief of our hospital complaining about a doctor's behavior (in writing) and have had the matter dealt with efficiently and professionally.

Any doctor who would "dump" a patient without good reason (chronic non compliance with medical care, etc.) isn't a doctor worth seeing, no matter how nice they may seem, their reputation in the community, etc.

Many states also have an ombudsman for health care related issues. Please don't let these incidents discourage you. There are MANY good, compassionate, competent physicians out there and there are some real jerks. There is nothing wrong with "interviewing" multiple physicians before you choose one as your PCP. Good luck!

Debbie