Inheritance problems

[TupperMom]

Here is my situation which I hope you can shed some impartial light on. Please feel free to ask questions. Sorry, it's kind of long.

My mom died at the beginning of this year. We were, are, a close family. My sisters and I (3 of us in total) already had my mom's house left to us in trust. Mom did that back in 1990s so if she ever needed nursing home care, they wouldn't take her house away. Sister2 and her husband lived with Mom. The house was in trust to all of us so Sister2 said they wanted to see if they could buy it. She never went to the bank until the end of June to see if she could qualify. Without hearing back from the bank, they decided they didn't want to buy it after all because they are getting older and don't think they can keep the house up. They started looking for apartments this month.and applied for one to move into in October. So that part is sort of straight forward, we will put the house on the market and divide the proceeds when it sells.
Now here's the muddled part and I'm not sure what to do. My Mom had a will which does not need to go through probate because the amount of her estate is small enough. We 3 sisters gathered at her house to support each other and look at Will, go through her insurance papers, etc. The Will was located and parts were read out loud by Sister1 who is the executrix of the will and trustee of the trust for the house. We went through Mom's box of important papers, found the insurance, the deed, and other stuff including a handwritten note by my mother, more of a list not addressed to anyone in particular. In it she names several personal items that were to go to each of us. She said the furnishings of the house would go to Sister2 who lived there (I'm thinking she thought she'd continue to live there). Anything she didn't want, myself and Sister1 were to have first choice. Gifts we gave her over the years we could have back if we wanted them.
Sister2 was being difficult with gifts being returned to me. Acting like I shouldn't have them, etc. We are not talking furniture at all.
She also started saying who she was going to give items to when Sister1 and myself were supposed to get first choice.
Now I'm not sure why I did it, but I asked Sister1 for a copy of the will. When I read it I was so shocked I asked her if there is another will because this will she showed me said that all furnishings, belongings, possessions, moneys, etc were to be divided equally among - and it lists our 3 names. So all along Sister2 has been dictating who can have what and when and she had no right to do that. Sister1 whom is executor has said she doesn't want anything in the house.
Now I did ask for something that they cannot possibly use in an apartment. This item was purchased by my mother. Sister2 got very upset, said I couldn't have it and that family does not act this way and that I'm trying to get anything I can. The executrix said nothing.
On one hand I want certain things, my mom said we are to divide her possessions and her wishes are not being carried out.
On the other hand I want family peace but it keeps nagging at me that as the youngest I'm being taken advantage of.

 

[gotomu212]

Just my opinion but I think you need to decide if you’d rather have family peace or have whatever it is you wanted of your mothers, you aren’t going to have both.

If it wasn’t something of sentimental value and if it wasn’t a lot of money I personally would let it go. The alternative is getting your executors sister to take your side and then fight with the other sister (or force a probate for someone not carrying out a will- that’s an option in my state but you’d have to see what your state requires- either way that’s a fight and money you have to spend to deal with it).

It seems there are always hurt feelings and people who feel things are handled unfairly with inheritance, but only you know how far you want to push. Your sister won’t suddenly change how she’s acting though unfortunately.

 

[amcnj]

So the will said all possessions were to be divided equally, but then there was also a handwritten note found regarding the possession distribution? If the will was read aloud, did the executrix not read that part regarding possession, as you apparently had never heard of the equal distribution part till you read your own copy of the will?

 

[china mom]

I can't help you but I can offer you my sympathy. I too am dealing with my mother's estate and I have learned a LOT about what I should change in my will to make everything as clear as possible to my heirs.

You assume that since everybody acts a certain way now that they will all act the same way after you die but they do't. death and inheritance changes people.

I plea with everyone. Leave a will and make is specific. If you want that painting to go to Joe, specifically list the painting goes to Joe. The red vase goes to Sue. what happens if two of the kids are both interested in buying the house? who has first right of refusal?

My mother died May 2017 and before we could dispose of the houses (two of us want to buy them) a brother died intestate so now we have to open an estate on him so that his estate can authorize the sale of the houses.

I wish you the best.

 

[NAB]

We were told when writing our wills not to list stuff but make a list separate like you mother did because sometimes things change and you don't even have that item anymore. Everything else in the will is 50/50 between our two kids.

With my mom's will 2 years ago we did the same if we gave her something we could have back if we didn't it was sold or could be freely giving to a person if we so chose. Then we went through stuff and picked out what we wanted and tagged it. If 2 of us wanted one item we fought it out between us but more or less we just said you have it not worth the fight. All big ticket items including furniture was sold but any of us six could buy it , the money going into the pot to be divided among us.

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

The legal will trumps any handwritten note. On the other hand, you have to decide how far you want to take this and if it's worth it. Can you make a case for why you want the item you want? And would you be willing to part with some of your monetary portion of the estate in exchange if it helps to the keep the peace? What is the plan for the item if you don't get it?

 

[TupperMom]

So the will said all possessions were to be divided equally, but then there was also a handwritten note found regarding the possession distribution? If the will was read aloud, did the executrix not read that part regarding possession, as you apparently had never heard of the equal distribution part till you read your own copy of the will?

She didn't read the entire Will word for word, lots of legal terminology. I believe she skipped that paragraph because she intended on going by what was written in the note.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Sister 2. Family doesn't act this way. All the while she's acting this way.

 

[Frantasmic]

The three of you need to decide which method to divide the items. Either you do it strickly by the will, or strickly by the hand-written list. By the will, it is to be divided evenly; however, S1 has said she doesn't want anything, so S2 and S3 split it evenly. If by the list, split the personal items as directed. S2 gets furniture, and then any gifts returned to original giver.

Use one distribution option or the other; don't mix them up.

Myself and my two sisters had a similar situation 3 years ago. Our mother passed away and did not meet the criteria for probate. Middle sister had taken care of mother for 18 months prior to her passing. Mother had about $10K in possessions and 30K in money. S3 and I agreed S2 could have all the furniture and my mom's car since she had taken care of mother for 18 months. Then, we just divided the accounts equally.

 

[TupperMom]

I can't help you but I can offer you my sympathy. I too am dealing with my mother's estate and I have learned a LOT about what I should change in my will to make everything as clear as possible to my heirs.

You assume that since everybody acts a certain way now that they will all act the same way after you die but they do't. death and inheritance changes people.

I plea with everyone. Leave a will and make is specific. If you want that painting to go to Joe, specifically list the painting goes to Joe. The red vase goes to Sue. what happens if two of the kids are both interested in buying the house? who has first right of refusal?

My mother died May 2017 and before we could dispose of the houses (two of us want to buy them) a brother died intestate so now we have to open an estate on him so that his estate can authorize the sale of the houses.

I wish you the best.

Sorry for your loss too. It's bad enough to deal with grief but all thus emotional turmoil is awful too.

 

[MrsPete]

I can't help you but I can offer you my sympathy. I too am dealing with my mother's estate and I have learned a LOT about what I should change in my will to make everything as clear as possible to my heirs.

It won't help the OP in her situation, and I'm sorry she's in a pickle, but -- if you're willing to share -- I'd be interested in what you learned to make things clear to your heirs.

 

[starry_solo]

Sell everything and divide the money equally between all three parties.

Have an estate sale or something similar. Buy what you want at the estate sale.

 

[Shanti]

This kind of conflict is not uncommon in relation to inheritance. I just finished going through it after my father's death. The issues were different than yours, but were still highly unpleasant, because emotions run high, and family power dynamics from childhood go into full swing. I'm sorry you're having to deal with it now. It won't last forever (unless the fighting gets really bitter, that is).

My only practical advice is to prioritize items that really, truly matter to you, and then to let the rest go. Don't be a doormat, but don't insist on total equality, either. Try to focus on getting a satisfactory settlement rather than on evening out sibling power dynamics. Balance your wishes against the need to maintain peace in the family not just now, but in the future.

 

[longboard55]

you might want something special, and I understand that. But other than that, old stuff has zero value. Look up things like crystal vases on ebay, no one wants that stuff and a lot of it is being inherited. Same with furniture, hard to give it away.

 

[lovin'fl]

Sell everything and divide the money equally between all three parties.

Have an estate sale or something similar. Buy what you want at the estate sale.

This. There are companies that will come in an price everything and what doesn't get bought can get donated at end. Have it all priced out for a sale. Then you and sisters get first shopping dibs. Money from all sales gets divided equally. That's what we'll do with my mom's estate.

 

[china mom]

It won't help the OP in her situation, and I'm sorry she's in a pickle, but -- if you're willing to share -- I'd be interested in what you learned to make things clear to your heirs.

First off, to spare hurt feelings, treat your heirs fairly.

After my mother passed, I discovered that she had set up her bennificiary split of her deferred Comp account 40/20/20/20 with the biggest of the leaches inheriting the 40% --twice the amount that the remainder inherited. I am extremely bitter that she let me care for her, in my home knowing this.

She bequethed one of her houses to the same son.

Next, describe exactly what you want done with any belongings and real estate.

My uncle specifically said that each of his neices and nephews had first right of refusal by birth order for the purchase of his condo and the price of the most recent tax appraisal

My mother left two houses in limbo . I want to buy them and have lender approval. One of my younger brothers says he wants to buy one but has not even spoken to a lender. I told him I would not fight over it - he can buy it. But he will never qualify. So, while he indulges in the fantasy that he can buy the house, they sit. I can't close the estate. And, since the houses are still bringing in rent, I have to file income taxes on the estates behalf every year.

Although none of the boys have asked for any possessions, it would have been nice to have her wishes for some specific items.

 

[runwad]

Yikes sorry you are going through this OP with your middle sister. I guess since she lived with your mom she is a lot more attached to items and thinks she should get to say how things go.

I'm the 4th of 5 kids. I was the executor. That did not go over well with Sis1 who thought she got to dole things out. No! Split between all 5 of us. My mom had enough valuable possessions that we all got something. Most things we picked what we want and there were no problems. For other things we put them all in the middle and drew numbers. No1 picked from the pile and so on and so forth down the line. It really went well. There might have been some "feelings" with Sis#1 but its been 11 years and it's all water under the bridge.

I say stand up for yourself. My little sister did. My mom told her she could have her wedding ring and Sis#1 thought she should get it cause she was the oldest, but nope little sis got it. Sometimes bossy people need to just be put in their place.

 

[mummabear]

This. There are companies that will come in an price everything and what doesn't get bought can get donated at end. Have it all priced out for a sale. Then you and sisters get first shopping dibs. Money from all sales gets divided equally. That's what we'll do with my mom's estate.

This is a great idea

 

[LovesTimone]

I'm so sorry for your loss

It's hard for any child to think about this, and then having to deal with the loss and grief, and then family interactions and drama, inheritance, and all that. It's really is over whelming

My parents just updated their will, and included a list of certain items that we are each to get personally. As well as what is to be done with the house, contents, and any moneys that they might have. I'm the oldest and I am POA for medical and financial matters when the time comes, as well as executor of the will, and I have all the documents in my safe as well as the at the attorney office.

My parents choose me as they know I will follow their wishes to the letter, and any grey area will be fair. I know that a huge fight will be coming with my brother, but I will not over ride what my parents want done. I look at it like it's my mom and dad's stuff, and money and they choose how, what, and when and where they want it to go. Out of respect and love for them, I will do what they ask me to do. You might want to bring this thought up to your sisters.



.

 

[sk!mom]

So sorry, OP! You should definitely stand up for yourself with regard to anything that really matters to you.

I, too, would be in favor of everything going into an estate sale and then you and your sisters having the opportunity to shop first. The proceeds could then be evenly split.