Keeping Political Discussions away from Your Thanksgiving Table

[Lord Manhammer]

I have little respect for most of my family's political views, but since I never see them at the holidays (I prefer to spend those days with people I like) it's not an issue. And the folks I do spend Xmas with are more liberal versions of me so politics isn't an issue.

I do like the idea of a politics free holiday, it's just all so depressing. I'd rather chat about football.

 

[TCRAIG]

Whack ‘em with a fly swatter?

 

[tinkerbellandpeterpan]

This question is so weird to me. Just say "we aren't discussing this today. We are enjoying spending time together." I have no idea what tips and tricks someone would be looking for. Use your words.

 

[JLTraveling]

Having dinner with my equally liberal father at Shades of Green. Problem solved. I have no desire to subject myself to the political drama.

 

[DisneylandFreak2013]

I am pretty lucky that the majority of our family does not engage in political discussions. Some of the guys will go on the terrace around the fire after dinner while some of us play silly games and have "discussions" about current political issues but that is on them to participate. As long as I am not roped into it, they can do whatever they like!

 

[Smugpugmug]

Honestly, I don’t miss the big family gatherings at all. In my case there’s more to it than people who like to poke at you to rile you up. Some of them were just plain mean and hateful and then say things like “oh you’re being sensitive” or “I was just teasing, don’t be so serious” etc. Add in that they stopped contributing to the meal or helping to clean up and I was just done. “Family” is just a word. If I won’t let strangers treat me like that I sure as hell am not going to let them do that to me just because we’re related. I seriously have not had a bad or stressful holiday since stopping the madness. I get comments about it every once in awhile but not one of them has ever decided to pick up the mantle and do the holidays at their house.

Yeah, sometimes I get a little jealous when I see people have these super huge gatherings but then I remember how chill my small holiday gatherings are and I no longer feel that way.

Totally agree with the bolded point. Honestly if we weren't related I would have 0 reason to talk to certain family members. I have lost respect for certain family members over the years and do not miss their presence for Thanksgiving. It's their loss that they'll miss us watching the National dog show like it's a NFL game.

 

[VandVsmama]

Whack ‘em with a fly swatter?

Or you could do what we do sometimes when the cat goes on the kitchen counter...spray them with a water bottle and say really loud to the person, 'HEY! UNCLE MIKE! NO!'

 

[Magical2017]

DH has a huge family and we do not discuss politics much anymore. There were some hard feelings after the 2016 election and then everyone just kind of naturally stopped talking about politics. Before that, we could have civil conversations around politics, religion, whatever.

We are all getting together for Thanksgiving and I am looking forward to having regular, normal arguments over Settlers of Catan and Monopoly, but not politics.

 

[Beezle2]

I don't have anyone in my life who would cause drama at Thanksgiving. If I did, I wouldn't invite them because life is too short. I'm older though and don't have extended family so it must be easier. As a kid I didn't like big family get togethers because they were always emotionally fraught. We were white trash and between the drinking, everybody talking crap about everyone else and the weird uncle trying to corner you, bleeh. The Christmas scene from The Bear was about spot on. Also the Daily did a hysterical Thanksgiving piece with Leslie Jones..I died.

 

[HeatherC]

We are kinda rowdy in my family so we basically all yell “be quiet” and start chanting “la, la, la, la” to drown the person out if anyone brings up politics. . It is all done in good fun and everyone knows the rules. Mostly it is my 84 year old dad we have to worry about. But since he is 84 we also let him kinda do and say what he wants anyway and just take it with a grain of salt.

 

[tony67]

I have little respect for most of my family's political views, but since I never see them at the holidays (I prefer to spend those days with people I like) it's not an issue. And the folks I do spend Xmas with are more liberal versions of me so politics isn't an issue.

I do like the idea of a politics free holiday, it's just all so depressing. I'd rather chat about football.

Even if I agree 100% with my families views I really don't want to spend the holidays with them, but was in a situation where I sort of had to as they were not well - of course that went of for many years. This is their last holiday... and of course they were eventually right.

Now that my parents are gone I don't bother with the rest of the family at all on holidays, and its been great. Pisses off my brother as well which is a bonus.

Yeah, sometimes I get a little jealous when I see people have these super huge gatherings

I wonder how many of these are really just for the photos on social media and then it dissolves into anarchy.
A lot of this is also how its shown on TV and not reality - hard to say.


In general I just let the discussion go where it goes. I think people are adults and should be able to discuss anything...its not the case though.
Had a big holiday cookout a few summers ago and invited a few friends who were on the opposite side and it did go off the rails. Was a bit annoyed with everyone because they could not have a civil discussion about issues. One person left and I asked my mother to leave - that went well.
Still I don't believe in shutting down conversation unless it gets out of hand.

BTW - even without politics these things can go off the rails - just playing card for like a dollar a person and I've seen it explode into a yelling match - over $1.

 

[Minnesota!]

We generally never talked politics at holidays (as an adult, no clue what my parents/aunts/uncles did at ours growing up - there was always a fight, but I am not sure why?).

Anyway, all of DHs family is now the same political affiliation that I am. It was not always that way - there was a long, angry argument about....6? years ago and, apparently "my side" got the other side thinking and now we are all on the same side. Works for me!

Hold the phone! I've never seen a baby pigeon!!!!

...Can open, worms everywhere!!

JK (of course)

P.S. The other thread prompts me to suggest a fart machine for the center of the table! Make clear the rules about what not to discuss (in general, so no one feels singled out) and what the 'consequence' will be -- and, then, if anyone forgets, press that button quick!

You apparently don't live where there are skyways connecting buildings? I have seen a billion baby pigeons in my life - they build nests on the skyways, right outside the windows. Adorable, except all the poop...

 

[Miffy]

If someone starts off on a topic you totally disagree with, my advice is: do not engage, do not respond, do not encourage, do not argue. The only problem occurs when the person wants to keep preaching. Then you're in for it. Me? I walk away. Also, I don't go to family gatherings that have this possibility.

 

[Sanchez]

Based on this thread it seems the goal isn't to avoid political discussion, but to avoid discussion with those with whom you disagree.

I don't care to hear anyone's nonsense (just move the conversation along in these situations), but I am fine with a reasonable, intelligent discussion. Of course, as this thread reveals, most people feel compelled to confront those who disagree. What a sad way to live.

 

[wenrob]

I don't have anyone in my life who would cause drama at Thanksgiving. If I did, I wouldn't invite them because life is too short. I'm older though and don't have extended family so it must be easier. As a kid I didn't like big family get togethers because they were always emotionally fraught. We were white trash and between the drinking, everybody talking crap about everyone else and the weird uncle trying to corner you, bleeh. The Christmas scene from The Bear was about spot on. Also the Daily did a hysterical Thanksgiving piece with Leslie Jones..I died.

I had to take a 20 minute break in the middle of that episode. The PTSD was real.

 

[Lord Manhammer]

Now that my parents are gone I don't bother with the rest of the family at all on holidays, and its been great. Pisses off my brother as well which is a bonus.

I love this! I never go back home at the holidays. I'm almost always out of the country at Thanksgiving (currently in Italy) and just don't have the energy to go home at Xmas. It's all good though. They can visit me if they want to see me!

 

[VandVsmama]

Based on this thread it seems the goal isn't to avoid political discussion, but to avoid discussion with those with whom you disagree.

I don't care to hear anyone's nonsense (just move the conversation along in these situations), but I am fine with a reasonable, intelligent discussion. Of course, as this thread reveals, most people feel compelled to confront those who disagree. What a sad way to live.

With my BIL, at holiday get togethers, he enjoys a LOT of alcohol and the more he drinks, the louder, pushier, and more belligerent he gets about religion and politics, to the point where he's wagging his finger in your face 2 inches from your nose and calling you rude names because you tried to civilly disagree w/him. If he were willing to be civil & respectful about it, I'd have no problem talking religion & politics with him. But he's demonstrated many times that he is not capable of being civil or respectful about it.

Hence, the extended family rule in my house of "no religion or politics." Next time he comes over and pulls that nonsense, I really am going to use a squirt bottle to shoot water at him.

 

[tony67]

With my BIL, at holiday get togethers, he enjoys a LOT of alcohol and the more he drinks, the louder, pushier, and more belligerent he gets about religion and politics, to the point where he's wagging his finger in your face 2 inches from your nose and calling you rude names because you tried to civilly disagree w/him. If he were willing to be civil & respectful about it, I'd have no problem talking religion & politics with him. But he's demonstrated many times that he is not capable of being civil or respectful about it.

Hence, the extended family rule in my house of "no religion or politics." Next time he comes over and pulls that nonsense, I really am going to use a squirt bottle to shoot water at him.

How about a two drink limit per person...

 

[HopperFan]

Fortunately for us most of the family who have shake your head thoughts keep them to themselves in gatherings. If it became an ongoing issue we would just have to stop gathering. I just can't given my face (see avatar) hides none of my thoughts. My eyes roll all on their own, I have no control of them. When there is the occasional poke at ME, I go complete silence. Message sent.

We will be having T-Day with DD and in-laws and one of them LOOKS for the chance to rant and share fictional stories. Last time was funny - was berating a company they contract with for their holiday decisions with a highly political agenda as to why .... we have a member who actually works for that company, was fully informed on the changes and it had nothing whatsoever to do with what was being ranted about. And ironically does it really matter since it is a 24/7 business? Even recognized holidays there is always a full staff working.

The best part was while they sat in their chair and ranted more than half the group moved away to the kitchen side of the room, even their spouse. I stayed put but never looked at them or said anything. Crickets. I wasn't going to fuel them, not even with the pretense that I might be interested in what they said. They finally stopped and moved on to other conversation.

My suggestion is if you HAVE to go then hopefully there are enough folks there to enjoy themselves that won't engage the perpetrator. Silence is a wonderful show stopper. If there are others that joined and I can't leave the room, I would focus on my dinner plate, or my phone, or start talking to someone else about something pleasant. I would be clear I'm not listening and ignoring their existence in that moment.

 

[luvnwdwgal]

With my BIL, at holiday get togethers, he enjoys a LOT of alcohol and the more he drinks, the louder, pushier, and more belligerent he gets about religion and politics, to the point where he's wagging his finger in your face 2 inches from your nose and calling you rude names because you tried to civilly disagree w/him. If he were willing to be civil & respectful about it, I'd have no problem talking religion & politics with him. But he's demonstrated many times that he is not capable of being civil or respectful about it.

Hence, the extended family rule in my house of "no religion or politics." Next time he comes over and pulls that nonsense, I really am going to use a squirt bottle to shoot water at him.

Omg, we could never have alcohol at our family get togethers or World War 3 would break out