Let me have your honest opinion! Re: finances and husband

[chicagodisneyfan]

Hello - husband and I have been married for 20 plus years and have separate checking accounts.
We have completely different areas in which we spend money - I like couture clothing, handbags, and concerts (average one a week). He likes cars and dope. Our marriage works for us.

I pay the mortgage, taxes, household expenses etc and am happy to do so. I love living in downtown Chicago even though it is expensive, and I make almost triple what DH makes.

He pays for his car and insurance. So DH has lots of discretionary income to enjoy his hobbies.

So this year with my bonus, I am intending to spend all of it on plastic surgery for myself. I am turning 50 next year and want a little tuneup.
Well DH flipped out - and decided he wanted some cash and got pissed I "won't share". In years past, I have used the bonus towards household improvements, or a trip for us.
This year I don't need to do that - my employer is gifting me $10,000 towards a vacation to celebrate my 50th.
I know I am being selfish a bit, but this is something I have wanted to do for years.
For the record, my bonus is $25,000 and I have offered my DH $2,000 for him to do what he wants.
I have NEVER been one to say this is my money and you cant have any - because we are a team.
Except for this year.
So - what say you? Let me have it! I won't say you are picking on me - looking for the other side here. My friends support what I am doing - but is there something I am missing??

 

[amberpi]

I'm 10001% with you.

So, what are you getting done? Sounds like something you'll truly enjoy.

 

[LiveYourLife]

Hello - husband and I have been married for 20 plus years and have separate checking accounts.
We have completely different areas in which we spend money - I like couture clothing, handbags, and concerts (average one a week). He likes cars and dope. Our marriage works for us.

I pay the mortgage, taxes, household expenses etc and am happy to do so. I love living in downtown Chicago even though it is expensive, and I make almost triple what DH makes.

He pays for his car and insurance. So DH has lots of discretionary income to enjoy his hobbies.

So this year with my bonus, I am intending to spend all of it on plastic surgery for myself. I am turning 50 next year and want a little tuneup.
Well DH flipped out - and decided he wanted some cash and got pissed I "won't share". In years past, I have used the bonus towards household improvements, or a trip for us.
This year I don't need to do that - my employer is gifting me $10,000 towards a vacation to celebrate my 50th.
I know I am being selfish a bit, but this is something I have wanted to do for years.
For the record, my bonus is $25,000 and I have offered my DH $2,000 for him to do what he wants.
I have NEVER been one to say this is my money and you cant have any - because we are a team.
Except for this year.
So - what say you? Let me have it! I won't say you are picking on me - looking for the other side here. My friends support what I am doing - but is there something I am missing??

No advice. Just following "The Rule"

 

[Mirielle]

Truthfully...I think you should do exactly what you want.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

On one hand, you've established separate finances between you & DH and you say that works for you.

On the other, you've also established a pattern of sharing your annual bonus with him. Your history here indicates this level of bonus is nothing new or unexpected. So, I can see where he'd be miffed. He's always gotten a cut before, and he's probably come to expect (or even depend on) it.

I have no idea what any of this has to do with enjoying living in an expensive part of Chicago.

Is DH going on the birthday trip?

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I don't think most people here are going to be able to relate to this at all - even the separate checking accounts, lol, going by past threads on that subject.

As for the rest, well, it sounds like you earned it so I say you have the right to do what you want with it and your DH is getting something for himself, too, so not sure why he's objecting now - is it just that he wants more money? This has been the way you've done things all these years, so the precedent has been set in your particular relationship.

Happy 50th and Enjoy!

 

[tvguy]

No advice either. You guys need to work it out within the framework of your marriage.
I've been married 35 years and everything has been joint when it came to finances from day one, so your financial arrangements are something I have no experience with. We don't spend more than about $100 on anything that would be for just one of us without a brief conversation and agreement. I have no idea HOW that came about, but just how our marriage evolved.

 

[Southernmiss]

How long have you been receiving a bonus? Sounds like a precedent was set and dh expected the same thing to happen this year. Not saying it's right or wrong, just expected.

Dh and I have never had substantial discretionary income. So bonuses are discussed, a nominal portion is kept by the recipient and the rest goes to cover joint ventures- bills, trips, home improvements, savings.

 

[hereyago]

If you are holding the house hold down and all he pays for is his car and insurance, then tell him he can deal with it . And if it were the other way around I would still say the same thing.

 

[Mermaid02]

His only expense is his car and insurance? He has plenty of fun money. Spend your bonus the way you want to. I wonder if he wasn't counting on his part of your bonus to pay off a debt.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

On one hand, you've established separate finances between you & DH and you say that works for you.

On the other, you've also established a pattern of sharing your annual bonus with him. Your history here indicates this level of bonus is nothing new or unexpected. So, I can see where he'd be miffed. He's always gotten a cut before, and he's probably come to expect (or even depend on) it.

I have no idea what any of this has to do with enjoying living in an expensive part of Chicago.

Is DH going on the birthday trip?

He's getting $2000 for himself out of the bonus money.

That's why I'm wondering if he just feels it's not enough, i.e. wants more?

 

[Gumbo4x4]

He's getting $2000 for himself out of the bonus money.

That's why I'm wondering if he just feels it's not enough, i.e. wants more?

Historically, the bonus money was used for "household improvements or a trip for the two of them". So, I can see where he's come to expect more than $2,000 for his "part". My guess is this $25,000 turns out to be more like $13-15,000 "take home", but $2,000 is still a much lower portion than he's used to (again, assuming he's not taking part in the addional $10,000 trip).

 

[moniqueand2]

I think he’ll get over it.

 

[yeahdisney]

Well, I think I'd ask what were you thinking we would do with the bonus this year? And discuss that, not saying I would change my idea.

But with the extra bonus $10,000 that they are giving you cause your 50, all mine baby

And we have separate accounts too.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Historically, the bonus money was used for "household improvements or a trip for the two of them". So, I can see where he's come to expect more than $2,000 for his "part". My guess is this $25,000 turns out to be more like $13-15,000 "take home", but $2,000 is still a much lower portion than he's used to (again, assuming he's not taking part in the addional $10,000 trip).

OK. So then, I guess the question is whether he can make an exception for her this time, for the special occasion of her 50th bday, so she can, as she says, be a little selfish, and spend most of the money on herself this time - while he still gets some fun money for himself. It seems reasonable to me.

 

[Mizzoufan]

If you normally don't share money then I don't know why he feels like he would get a share of this money.

 

[Distinkt]

Are you for real? I am surprised that you posted your husband was into dope! I don't think that too many of the members following this thread will identify with you, but if you have at least 6 months or more money stockpiled for an emergency, I don't see why you shouldn't use it for whatever you want. I will say that at 50 you might want to make sure that while its still young, there are medical, employment, and family issues that can affect finances and since your lifestyle sounds as if it consumes quite an amount of money, you should make sure you have a safety cushion. Then again, if you are a team, I wonder if your husband might be worried about the plastic surgery and using the finances as a dodge? That is left field, but you never know. Or he needs it for "dope"?

 

[Gumbo4x4]

OK. So then, I guess the question is whether he can make an exception for her this time, for the special occasion of her 50th bday, so she can, as she says, be a little selfish, and spend most of the money on herself this time - while he still gets some fun money for himself. It seems reasonable to me.

Honestly, I can't say what's reasonable or not here. What I can say is OP claims to have a financial system that works, and said system seems to have broken down in this case. So, she's gonna have to work it out with her DH. I can also say that OP's two favorite topics on the Dis seem to be (1) her annual bonus, and (2) how she spends it.

 

[OhMari]

Me and my dh are the opposite of you, but I do not smoke dope.

I was going to ask him for his bonus so I could get some plastic surgery done too. Getting old sucks. I lost a lot of weight and my chin, neck area needs repair.

You go for it.

 

[Cubbiecakes]

Well, you can always withhold and do whatever you want, and pay him a fat alimony check monthly if he divorces you.