LONG post-I've been thinking-am I crazy-honest opinions

[Serena]

Okay, I'm feeling better today.

This is going to be long, so if you are reading this Jason, forgive me. lol

I've been thinking a lot yesterday and most of the night, and I'm thinking that I've been as blind as a bat and so has my dh.
This may sound like I'm off my rocker, or not. I'm not exactly tooo rational right now.

Here it is. My dh and his ex-friend Johnny had been best friends for about 10 years. Just the last year or two has he become an alcoholic. I think I have figured out why.
I think his wife has been planning this destruction of my marriage for a loong time. There's been times where I felt uncomfotable around her, I couldn't pin point why, and Eric never felt it. She made a point of letting me know that she doesn't like kids to be there.
She was ran out of a neighborhood because people got angry with her, it had to do with the husbands. She told us they were mistaken, that she likes to flirt, but she'd never do that. We were friends and we believed her. She couldn't have done that. They moved back in town and her marriage started getting worse. And every time Johnny would get angry, she'd call Eric to come and talk with him. Poor Betty. They were best friends and Eric could talk some sense into him.
Eric also is a great handyman and every time something needed to be fixed, he was right in there.
Johnny tried to tell me that I had to be careful, that things were going on that I didn't know about. I poo-pooed it as just ramblings from a drunk.
I think she has slowly but surely been trying to get my husband. And we did everything wrong. He basked in the attention, and I made it easy for her. We've made mistakes of our own and she's always been there happy and bubbly, full of admiration for my husband.
Johnny tried to tell Eric what was going on but he too just took it that Johnny was just being vindictive. Poor Betty.
And they have a son that needs male attention. He loves Eric. Eric is exactly what Drew needs right now, especially while Johnny is in so much trouble.
Eric lost his best friend to alcohol. Betty just stepped farther into the picture.

I know I can't put all of the blame on her. Eric made it easy for her, and so did I. She almost succeeded. She still may if I'm not careful. But I don't think so. I'm not wearing blinders anymore and I love my husband, warts and all.
She isn't going to win.
LOL, I'm feeling rather dangerous right now and it feels gooooood.

Now that that's all out. Am I crazy, wishful thinking, or may I be onto something?

I'll be back later to check for responses. thanks

 

[Pam]

First off, Serena - {{{{hugs}}}}
From what you've typed - I do firmly believe you are onto something!
She definitely wants her hooks in your DH and she's using the "poor little ole me" ploy to reel him in. Cut her line, girlfriend, and be quick about it!!

You need to sit down with your DH and let him know that she's up to no good. You also need to let her know that you have lots of "handyman" projects around your own house that your DH should be attending to. AND - you have two DDs that need all of Daddy's love and attention.

If your DH still insists on going on to her house, plop your butt in the seat of the car and tag along, each and every time!

Be strong and let your DH know that you want him to be with you and your family.
Pam

 

[Blondie]

First off, {{{hugs}}} because I think you could use some right about now.

Second, I always trust my gut instinct, and it never lets me down. I would confront her unless you think she might get physical and I'd let her know that under no circumstances are you going to let her destroy your family. From what you've posted, it sounds like she makes a living out of destroying relationships.

Let her know that you are on to her, and that you are strong enough to brave the worst storm. Look at her in the eye, and mean what you say.

It just may be that nobody has ever taken her on before. She needs to be put in her place.

Honey, if you lived close enough to me, I'd love to do it for you. In the mean time, stay strong. You cannot let her ruin your family!

 

[holycow]

OMG This same thing happened to my best friend a few years ago but unfortunately she trusted her hubby too much and the "other woman" won.....good for you for noticing what is going on and I totally support Pam and Blondie....If DH insists on helping her still I too would be tagging along....NEVER give her an opportunity to be alone with DH again!

Good luck to you Serena and NO your NOT crazy! I'll be pulling for you here in Fl!

Holycow
lisa

 

[JerseyJanice]

Well, it doesn't sound good.

It would kill me to be in your shoes, and I honestly don't know how I would handle it, although I'd be inclined to confront my husband on whether he's been having an affair with her.

I'm sure I would insist that he cut Betty completely out of his life. And I wouldn't worry about their son--he must have uncles or someone else--he's not yours or your husband's problem.

{{{hugs}}} Serena. It can't be easy.

 

[snoopy]

Well, I am going to offer you a different opinion. If it were me, under no circumstances would I confront her. I'd make it very clear to my husband that the relationship he has with this woman and her husband would have to end, period. It sounds as though he is a bit too close for comfort, and as his wife, you need to lay down the ground rules. You are married to him, not her, and it is you that he made a commitment to. I'd let him know in no uncertain terms that his marriage was riding on getting this woman out of his life.

Some people may think that would be like giving him an ultimatum, which it may be, but I'm one for nipping these things in the bud before they become a problem. If this woman is as manipulative as you say, she probably will take you confronting her as a challenge to go after your husband even more.

Hugs to you, Serena.

 

[SuiteDisney]

No, you're not crazy and you've been given some great advice so far, so I'll just offer my (((hugs))).

 

[Rajah]

I agree with Snoopy -- I wouldn't confront her either, I'd have a good long talk with DH and let him know how you feel and what you want done about it.

And I also agree with Pam that if DH keeps trying to answer Betty's call, you get in the car and insist on going with him.

 

[PamOKW]

I haven't heard the background to this story but I think Snoopy has given very good advice. I wouldn't let this become a competition. It might spur her on and make your husband enjoy women fighting over him. Just lay it on the line with your husband. He has a family to take care of....he doesn't need another.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No I don't think you are crazy. Sounds like you are onto something and I hope that things work out.

{HUGS}

 

[Blondie]

she probably will take you confronting her as a challenge to go after your husband even more.

Good advice Snoopy. But if she sees the wild look in Serena's eyes, she might back down also. Trust me, she'd back way down from me!!!! I will fight to the bitter end for my loved ones and if that means a confrontation, so be it!

I also wanted to say that your DH played a part in this fiasco too. He also needs to know that you won't stand for what has been going on. Betty is not helpless here. Nor is she stupid. It's a sad situation w/the drinking and all, but they also need to take some responsiblity here and not rely on others (your DH) all the time to smooth things over.

I would also plant myself in the car and go to their house each and every time that DH does!

 

[gemmie214]

I think you should trust your gut instinct. You are NOT crazy. I also think you should back very quickly away from these people. It is nice to try to help those in need but not at the expense of your marriage.

 

[danacara]

I think I'd go with Snoopy's advice, for this reason: I want this relationship (whatever it is) with the other woman to end, and I want HIM to end it. It's not sufficient for my husband to come back to me because he was dumped by the other woman after I went over there and read her the riot act. Either he ends it with her, or I end it with him, period. Also, you look much stronger to the other woman if you come through as a united front. If you go to her with guns blazing, she has accomplished her purpose - to divide you and create anger.

 

[Pin Wizard]

What a creep! I would have to insist he dump them as "friends" immediately. She can pay someone else to come in and do the handyman work. And her son will be fine without attention coming from your husband! I'm a single mom...my son does fine!

 

[Tuffcookie]

Serena, That sounds like something I went thru in my previous marriage. Dear. trusting me...It was the ex's best friend's wife also. Of course if you confront her she will deny it and make you out as being "crazy". Go with your gut feelings. Or as Ann Landers used to say, "Wake up and smell the coffee"! The ex denied anything ever did happen but all the signs were there. She was being so flattering to him and doing thoughtful things for him while I was out working. He was laid off at the time so he and she had plenty of time! Funny thing is I did not want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she broke my marriage up so I stayed with the worm, a while longer. The only good thing to come of that was youngest DS! You want to hear a good one. About a year after my divorce was final, who should show up in one of my classes at church but "her". Would you believe she came up to me and apologized for her behavior and told me she knew I was a good wife and that the ex was scum! Talk about being able to knock me over with a feather!!!

TC

 

[Blondie]

Either he ends it with her, or I end it with him, period.

It's not so easy to walk away from a marriage after so many years. After 21 years of marriage (for Dh and I) it's not so cut and dry.

After you have years invested, and children....sometimes you can't just walk away from a relationship.

If you go to her with guns blazing, she has accomplished her purpose - to divide you and create anger.

She'll only accomplish a "division" if you let her. Sometimes anger is good....when it comes to saving a relationship. Sometimes you need to get angry to get motivated.

 

[Disney Doll]

I wouldn't get angry, or go to her at all with "guns balzing". That only serves to feed in to exactly what she's trying to do, which is to make you look like a jealous nut. I would sit down and seriously speak with my husband and tell gim that the level of closeness that is developing between he and Betty is very disturbing to you, and you would like it to stop.He should have no problem with this, as his marraige should be of utmost imporatnace to him, not the feelings of his drunken bex-friend's wife. If he gives you an argument about severing the relationship with Betty, I'd say you have a fairly big problem. I know in my own marriage, if my DH came to me and asked me soemthing like that with regard to one of my male friends, I would sever the relationship. I'd explain it to the friend, but mymarriage has to be primary in my life. After all, if he doesn't bite for it, she'll look elsewhere for her "handyman" and "fatherly example". She's not the problem...he is. If you and he feel that your marriage has lost something, which is why he seems to be basking in the attentions of Betty, then go to a counselor and get some suggestions as to how to fix it. I'd leave her out of the discussion, period. The issue is within your marriage. If it wasn't her, it would be something or someone else.

 

[nativetxn]

{{{HUGS}}} sweetie, I don't think you're crazy at all. You sound much more positive today and I'm so glad

Fight for your marriage.

 

[RitaZ.]

I agree with the others that suggested not confronting her. If you did this, you would then bring her to your level. I don't know your DH or this woman, but if there is physical attraction (either one sided or mutual), they shouldn't be in situations where they are alone. Your DH has to stop helping this wench now!

I'd say go with your gut instinct, don't dismiss it.

It's great to help people, but not when it means that it's hurting you and your family.

Take care, Laurie. Hang in there.

{{{hugs}}}

 

[Kitty 34]

Here's some {{{{HUGS}}}} 'cause all the great advice has already been given!!