Dreams,
Just wanted to let you know that I understand where you're coming from. Sometimes I want a child. The want doesn't seem to last more than a few days but sometimes I do in fact want one. I
always point out cute kids when we're out too. Can't help it, I love em. I sometimes fantasize about what it would be like to have a clean, well-mannered blonde hair blue eyed mini me outfitted in a little ralph lauren cable knit and cords playing in the leaves this fall. Yup, I do and I'm not afraid to admit here cause guess what, this group, albeit a lot different from me in
many ways-- they don't judge me for my differences. We have one common bond- we are adults and we aren't having kids. And we share that. And they understand me. And this is where I come when I need to be reminded that there are lots of good things about choosing this path. It is a choice. You can adopt. You can go through a billion rounds of fertility this that and the other thing. Or you can make the decision to enjoy the benefits of a childfree lifestyle,
even if it wasn't in your original plans.
We can't have it all, but we can be happy with what we have. That's an important point.
You're welcome here if you need this group. Don't let the fangs and absinthe-laden heavy metal discussions freak you out
On the other hand, I
always groan and sigh when annoying children abound. They're more prevalent than the cute ones where I live (that may be the case everywhere from reading many online forums). DH and I work with children and enjoy spending time with them so we do that in our jobs. You could volunteer with a youth organization, babysit for family or friends, or get a job that involves children if you'd like a daily fix too. That really is plenty for me and I realize that I'm a better person for making the decision to limit my time with kids to those 40 hrs/week. Plus, as a bonus, I'm paid and honored for my care of children (many moms don't get that!)!
You see, I realize that my work of bathing/feeding/rocking/holding and loving are all paid hours. Being up in the middle of the night, when I've already had my 8 hrs of sleep, is a completely different feeling than getting up for work after no sleep all night because I was up with a sick child. Making breakfast for someone when I feel nauseous is not on my agenda. MANY of my coworkers suffer from lack of sleep. IT's debilitating. They're unhappy and overtired and can only dream of the international vacations DH and I enjoy each year. They don't have sex with their husbands. They don't read books for pleasure. They don't make choices about their lives anymore. They MUST do things. They coach teams, they work full-time, they are stuck... they couldn't make another choice if they wanted to.
Maybe my needs weren't met appropriately as a kid. DH's parents sucked a lot, and I know his needs weren't met. DH enjoys a stocked cupboard and playing his video games after work. He's a simple man in many respects. We enjoy financial security and free time in a stress-free and peaceful environment because we didn't have that growing up. We also enjoy travelling, splurging on little treats, going out to restaurants, cracking a bottle of wine now and again, and enjoying our own personal enrichment activities (reading, hobbies, rest when we need it). It's a choice we've made and I respect the choices other people have made when it comes to have children and honor their sacrifices. Frankly, I don't know how (or why) they do it. Most of the time when I ask how they say "You have to. You just do it. I don't know how I've functioned on less than 5 hrs of sleep the past 5 years... I just do it."
I'm sorry about your recent loss but I hope you can find the opportunity in all of this and make the best choices for you and DH ahead. Any loss comes with a period of grief and redefining who you are and what you want. Congratulations on 10 years together. You guys are awesome!!!
Here's to the next 10 years and a new chapter of your life together...
PoohnTuck