Minor etiquette dilemma, re SSM

[tigercat]

I'm not sure. My bil got married to his partner and changed his whole name. His first and last name to another name. I don't think he took his partners last name. It is really confusing to say the least.
tigercat

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I think Gumbo's problem is he doesn't KNOW if one of them have taken the other's name or not. The above are good suggestions if they each kept their name, but what if one of them DID change? Wouldn't it be "rude" to use her maiden name?

Exactly. Now, on the plus side, these are not uppity nor sensitive people. So, I don't think it'll be a huge stink if I mess it up. But, I do want to get it right. So, I'll see what my uncle or my cousin's sister (obviously, also my cousin) say.

And I'm a little embarrassed to say I don't actually know my cousin's partner's last name. She's been part of the family for years, but has just been "Sue" to us. D'OHH!

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Exactly. Now, on the plus side, these are not uppity nor sensitive people. So, I don't think it'll be a huge stink if I mess it up. But, I do want to get it right. So, I'll see what my uncle or my cousin's sister (obviously, also my cousin) say.

And I'm a little embarrassed to say I don't actually know my cousin's partner's last name. She's been part of the family for years, but has just been "Sue" to us. D'OHH!

If either are DIS members I look forward to their thread complaining about all of this next week.

Sorry, couldn't resist.

 

[Anesthesia Fine]

And I'm a little embarrassed to say I don't actually know my cousin's partner's last name. She's been part of the family for years, but has just been "Sue" to us. D'OHH!

Oh, well, that does make it a bit awkward! Yes, in that case, just ask someone who would know. (FWIW, I did give people the benefit of the doubt when I first got married and they didn't know I kept my own name; I saved the wrath for when they pointedly continued to get it wrong.)

 

[shortbun]

not likely there would be any name changes. use their given names.

 

[meowser]

not likely there would be any name changes. use their given names.

Why would you assume that? I know 2 same sex couples who have gotten married in the past few years and in both couples, one of them changed her last name to her partner's name.


Gumbo - What I've done in the case where I didn't remember a partner's last name is address the envelope to Jane Doe (since she's my cousin and the one I'm closer to) and have the card say "Dear Jane & Sue". Then I ask as many family members as I can if they know what the couple is doing with their names. And I don't think this is a SSM issue at all. This applies to every marriage.

 

[NHdisneylover]

not likely there would be any name changes. use their given names.

Weird assumption. About half the same sex couples I know had one or both changes names when married.

 

[Colargol]

I'd adress them by their names until told specifically about name change, whether it's same sex marriage or not. Never expect anybody to change their names really. If they do, they need to let the world know.

Not knowing partners last name would complicate things, but then I'd just adress the letter to Sue & Jane.

 

[sam_gordon]

not likely there would be any name changes. use their given names.

It really helps when folks read the entire thread...

And I'm a little embarrassed to say I don't actually know my cousin's partner's last name. She's been part of the family for years, but has just been "Sue" to us. D'OHH!