Mom really hurt me yesterday

[mommasita]

This is such a difficult situation.. As you know, I am right there with you..
I am going to place my mother, and probably have the evil stepfather never speak to me again.

However, I can no longer sit and watch her die at home, with him giving her any pill or anything she wants.

I wish I had something magical to say.. I give you giant giant hugs and a shoulder anytime.. It is out of love that we have to do what we have to do..

 

[mdvlprof]

Quick update. Mom is getting worse (really no surprise) We hired an agency to come in and help her 4 days a week. She stopped showering and she is not eating right. We recently found out she had not changed her sheets in months.
The idiot is still there and they fought us tooth and nail last week over having someone come in, but we held our ground and basically said...tough...My brother that has the POA is going to visit her today (I was there Friday..with the aid) and the aid is a lovey woman..mom seemed to like her. Mom is still telling us she is ok and doesn't need help because the idiot can help her....which would be great...if he really DID help!

Well, at least you got an aide to help her. Maybe aide will see that your Mom needs to be somewhere they can take care of her. Maybe she'll listen to a non-relative.

 

[CTDisneyfan816]

Thanks....It really means a lot to have others understand. We have plans to get her into a home...just not sure because the idiot is in our way.

Sounds like the same situation we went through with my aunts and uncle. Finally my mother had to force the issue.

 

[CTDisneyfan816]

Thanks....It really means a lot to have others understand. We have plans to get her into a home...just not sure because the idiot is in our way.

I had to share this with you as I know you would understand. After finally getting my 94 year old Grandmother with advanced dementia in a facility that can care for her, my mother's youngest sister, against the wishes of all other children, has just made arrangements to have my Grandmother brought back "home". The last months she was there, anytime someone would come visit, she would ask when she was going home (even though she was home). My mother would have to go over there (my mom is not in great health herself) 3-4 times a week, sometimes in the middle of the night, to help calm her down or shower her and clean the waste off her because she couldn't make it to the bathroom. Needless to say everyone is very upset with my aunt for doing it. And she isn't doing it because she thinks it's better for my Grandmother, SHE can't handle the fact she's there and can't live her life without the comfort of her "being there". So since she's taken it upon herself to do this, she is in charge of going to help when needed.

 

[mommasita]

How are you doing with Mom and everything?

Think of you A LOT, as I am right there with you in this situation.

 

[kacaju]

How are you doing with Mom and everything?

Think of you A LOT, as I am right there with you in this situation.

((HUGS)) Thanks, Mom seems to be doing better. Al least the 5-10 phone calls she was making to my brother with the POA have stopped! 9 OUT OF 10 of those calls were about money...because the brother that lives with her is always in need of money.
The aide is really helping mom, mom still can get stubborn about showering and eating...but we do understand this is also part of the dementia. I put in an application for an adult day center close to mom and I went to their open house. The place is wonderful and step 2 is to have her dr fill out the health form.
I will bring that to her dr on Tuesday and go visit mom. I may need to go shopping for her because when I spoke to her yesterday my brother told her there was enough food in the house and he didn't feel like shopping...well isn't that nice of him...mom has no bread (so she says) she told me he said there is enough frozen food for her to eat.
Mom always has frozen food in the fridge because I strongly suspect she can not longer remember how to use the microwave and she does not use the stove.

 

[mommasita]

That sounds positive!!!!!!

Except for the food part.

Hugs and strength to you

 

[kacaju]

spoke to Mom and the aide today. I told them both to make a shopping list and I will shop tomorrow. When I spoke to the aide..I told her to please go through moms pantry and talk to mom about what things she can make mom for lunch..mom is happy to eat cream cheese and jelly everyday so we really need to push her to eat better...hopefully I will have a ncie list tomorrow!!

 

[e46m3]

It sounds like your mom is an enabler to your brother. I hate to say this but make sure you keep medical records because I'm sure your brother will convince her to will him everything.

 

[kacaju]

It sounds like your mom is an enabler to your brother. I hate to say this but make sure you keep medical records because I'm sure your brother will convince her to will him everything.

Will has been done years ago.. a different brother has the POA. thanks! We are ok on that end..it is just the two of them are so enabling to each other that we cannot get them apart. Mom is getting worse..so I do fear the time will come sooner rather then later that we will have to really force the issue.