Moms: To Work or not to Work

[bgirldeb]

Could you look into something maybe with your daughter's school system? That way you could work while she is in school and be home with her during the breaks and summer.

 

[mumom95]

I stayed home for 10 years with my kids. Before that I was a high school computer and math teacher.

I got a call a little over a year ago from one of the moms I had volunteered with at a school function. She is a professor at one of the local universities. They had a part time position opening in the math department to teach and she thought I would be great at it. She made the comment, "I saw how great your were being in charge when you weren't getting paid, I imagine you'll be even better if you are getting paid" and she knew I had a background in math.

I interviewed for the job and I got the impression I was one of about 20 people interviewing for it. I got the job and it has turned out to be the PERFECT job for me. The hours are great (I can put the kids on the bus and am back before they get home), I get the summers off and I LOVE teaching at the college level a million times more than I did teaching at the high school level. It really is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

If I hadn't stayed home and hadn't done the volunteering I would probably still be teaching high school, which was okay but not something I truly loved. So in some ways, staying home was the best thing I ever did for my career, because it opened up an area that I probably wouldn't have considered venturing into. It's all worked out better than I could have ever imagined.

I also have a friend who stayed home with her kids for about the same time I did. Her degree is in some kind of technical design and she worked for CAT before she had her kids. She wanted to go back to work this past year and started interviewing. She got a job with Cummins Engines starting out at $85,000 a year (she lives in Indiana, so not an overly expensive cost of living area).

Just wanted to let you know that there are people out there that stay home and then move back into the workforce without a problem.

 

[kt_mom]

I stayed home for about 3 years after DD was born. Then I went back to work part time for a few months and now I have been full time for the past 5 years. Thankfully my mom keeps DS or I'm not sure how I would have handled having to go back to work after he was born.

I loved being a SAHM and would go back to it in a heartbeat. Its actualy our goal down the road because we want a 3rd child and with the hours my DH works it would be too hard on me if I was working full time.

Right now though we need my income and the fact that health insurance through my job is about $65/month for our whole family and would be close to $1000/month at his.

Some people aren't cut out to be SAHM. They thrive in the workplace and that's okay too. I think its important that you consider what will really make you happy. I don't think a SAHM is doing their child any favors if they don't really and truly want to be a SAHM. Some women feel trapped by that even though they love their chidlren dearly. I think its really a personal decision and others can tell you their experiences but in the end you have to really look at yourself and figure out what will make you truly happy. Like they say, if mom's not happy, no one's happy!

 

[Disney Doll]

Here are my personal experiences and observations over the years:

1. It is highly unlikely that you will have the luxury of staying home in perpetuity. Whether it's due to a downturn in your dh's income, health care costs, divorce or what-have-you, odds are that some time you will be forced to get a job. What will put you in the best position to get a good job in the future?

2. Most employers do NOT count volunteer activities as "real" work. I have been part of countless hiring decisions in both the private and public sectors and every time I am the only person willing to count volunteer work as real work. The ONLY person. I have heard over and over statements like: "McDonald's would look better on her resume than this fund-raising crap for the school/church/etc. Who cares that she headed up a 30 person team that raised $30k? It wasn't real work. Next?" This attitude was prevalent amongst both males and females and was just as true when I was working at Christian organizations as when I was working retail or in a professional capacity for the state government.

3. Employers do not want to deal with re-introducing someone to the working world when there are candidates with proven and recent workplace history. Example: Recently we had an opening at my workplace for a part-time admin asst job -- 65 people applied, most of them vastly overqualified. A significant number, however, were SAHMs desperate to find work because their dhs were laid off. I can tell you right now that the SAHMs went right into the "Do not want" pile because the supervisor for that position did "not want to have to spend time easing someone back into the working world after years of being at home. Not worth my time. Plus there are plenty of people in the pile who have skills they have used recently in the actual workplace, not just book learning or some volunteer stuff."

3. The older you get -- especially as a woman -- the harder it is to get ANY job, let alone re-enter the workforce. As an example, the last time I was laid off at age 43, I was told point blank I was too old even though I was fully qualified for jobs AND physically looked ten years younger than my chronological age.

4. The way our economy is headed long-term it is highly unlikely that your dd will have the luxury you do to stay home. It might be helpful for her to have as a female role model someone who works for money so she can learn from your lead.

Of course, others may have different experiences, but those have been mine and those are my observations.

With regard to #2-I'd probably decline to work at a company that thinks a McDonalds employee would make a better employee than an adult who was able to manage a fundraising effort that netted 30K. Chances are, with the stupidity of the management there, the company won't be around long anyhow and I'd be looking for a job again soon......

 

[golfgal]

With regard to #2-I'd probably decline to work at a company that thinks a McDonalds employee would make a better employee than an adult who was able to manage a fundraising effort that netted 30K. Chances are, with the stupidity of the management there, the company won't be around long anyhow and I'd be looking for a job again soon......

I headed up a fundraiser that netted over $90K for 5 years. I can tell you it was a heck of a lot more time consuming and required a lot more business skills for those weeks of the fundraiser than YEARS worth of saying "would you like fries with that".

 

[DisneyScraps]

For me I chose to stay at home. I have only a few years of my life to raise my daughter then I can do anything want with my life. If I had chosen my career someone else would be spending more time with her each day and I didn't want that. I drive an older car, we have less money and less stuff but I am here for her when she comes home from school. I was home with her as a baby. For me it was worth it. I would gladly give up whatever I had to because for me there was nothing more important than being my daughters Mom.

I have a sister who "HAD" to work. She has 2 kids and went back to work when they were 6 weeks old. A family member watched them. She missed a lot. She has a gorgeous 4 bedroom home, lots of stuff. Vacations, you name it. For me I would never do that.

I think it's a hard choice but at the end of your life I doubt any Mom is going to say, wow my career was awesome, that house we bought, all those nice cars and fancy purses were great. They are going to think about the people that they loved and wish they had more time with them.

 

[kt_mom]

For me I chose to stay at home. I have only a few years of my life to raise my daughter then I can do anything want with my life. If I had chosen my career someone else would be spending more time with her each day and I didn't want that. I drive an older car, we have less money and less stuff but I am here for her when she comes home from school. I was home with her as a baby. For me it was worth it. I would gladly give up whatever I had to because for me there was nothing more important than being my daughters Mom.

I have a sister who "HAD" to work. She has 2 kids and went back to work when they were 6 weeks old. A family member watched them. She missed a lot. She has a gorgeous 4 bedroom home, lots of stuff. Vacations, you name it. For me I would never do that.

I think it's a hard choice but at the end of your life I doubt any Mom is going to say, wow my career was awesome, that house we bought, all those nice cars and fancy purses were great. They are going to think about the people that they loved and wish they had more time with them.

I work full time and I'm still my son's mom even though I went back to work when he was 12 weeks old. I maximize the time I have with him and DD.

 

[powellrj]

wrong thread!

 

[SpecialK]

For me I chose to stay at home. I have only a few years of my life to raise my daughter then I can do anything want with my life. If I had chosen my career someone else would be spending more time with her each day and I didn't want that. I drive an older car, we have less money and less stuff but I am here for her when she comes home from school. I was home with her as a baby. For me it was worth it. I would gladly give up whatever I had to because for me there was nothing more important than being my daughters Mom.

I have a sister who "HAD" to work. She has 2 kids and went back to work when they were 6 weeks old. A family member watched them. She missed a lot. She has a gorgeous 4 bedroom home, lots of stuff. Vacations, you name it. For me I would never do that.

I think it's a hard choice but at the end of your life I doubt any Mom is going to say, wow my career was awesome, that house we bought, all those nice cars and fancy purses were great. They are going to think about the people that they loved and wish they had more time with them.

I've been at home since my oldest was two, and I have to say I disagree with this statement. Some women find fulfillment being home with their kids. Others are better mothers working outside the home because they fulfill that need as well.

I think it's wrong to assume that there's a one size fits all answer here.

OP - I finished my masters when I was on maternity leave with my youngest and never did anything with it. I regret that, but by the same token, staying home was the right decision for me and my family.

 

[beattyfamily]

4. The way our economy is headed long-term it is highly unlikely that your dd will have the luxury you do to stay home. It might be helpful for her to have as a female role model someone who works for money so she can learn from your lead.

Oh please. Us SAHMs are a bad influence on our daughters? Wow! Thank you.

I think I'm a great female role model staying home with my girls.

This is exactly how the mommy wars start. Glad I could contribute.

 

[powellrj]

I think it's a hard choice but at the end of your life I doubt any Mom is going to say, wow my career was awesome, that house we bought, all those nice cars and fancy purses were great. They are going to think about the people that they loved and wish they had more time with them.

Not picking on you personally, but statements like that are what fuels the mommy wars.

Many of us have been moms for many years- my oldest is 28 and my youngest is 15, so its not just a few years to be out of the workforce for many of us. Its almost my whole adult life!

By dis boards standards, we are almost at poverty level in that we live in an older house, with 1 bathroom, small closets, no dishwasher or central air. We both drive company cars so no fancy cars for us! We have spent the money on extras for our kids to enjoy their youth. You DD is still young, but once they hit MS/HS, its expensive. In our system you pay for everything they do.

AP classes, sports, extracurriculars, church trips, camp, school trips, those cost major money. I went back to work full-time when my oldest was starting middle school which was also around the same time my youngest was born. Because he was the oldest, he missed out on many of the opportunities at the extras his brother and sister were able to have and I know he would have loved to be able to do them too.

I was lucky in that I was able to make my own schedule and missed very little when my kids were growing up. Even now I take DD to school every day and pick her up 2 days a week and her dad picks her up the other 3. I don't foresee any last sadness over the fact that I worked full-time.

 

[rchristiansen]

For us, it's not a financial decision, but a boredom decision when DD starts school back up in the fall.

I actually own the majority of our company and receive that portion as my current income. However, I'm a silent partner, so I don't work at the business more than a few hours a week. So there is no gap in my resume....technically.

Also, I guess for me, my biggest issue is not so much working during the day, but having to travel. I refuse to have a job where I travel regularly. Other than that, I really don't have super strong feelings about it. I would like to be home in the summer - but DH is here, and DD wants to go to camps all summer anyway

So i guess, I'll throw my resume up there and if anything really exciting comes along my way. If it does, then perhaps it's a sign that is what I'm supposed to do right now. If nothing, then it's a sign that I stay at home and volunteer at this point in my life.

 

[luvsJack]

I have been a SAHM and am now a working mom. I am a better mother being a working mom. I need to be in the grown up world during the day. I need to be a person outside of dd's mom or dh's wife.

****this is NOT to say that SAHM are only someone's wife or mother. This is my own personal feelings*****

Luckily I was able to find a job that I love at a community college with almost the exact same schedule as dd. With dh out of town a minimum of 5 days a week this is the best fit for us.

You have to do what is the best fit for you and your family. No one else can really tell you what that is.

 

[JAF]

We did not need the money so I became a stay at home Mum and was never sorry. Both children said they liked no longer having a Nanny.

 

[4greatboys]

I've been a working mom and a SAHM. I prefer being a SAHM. It is what makes me happy and so far financially it has worked for us.

 

[npmommie]

For us, it's not a financial decision, but a boredom decision when DD starts school back up in the fall.

I actually own the majority of our company and receive that portion as my current income. However, I'm a silent partner, so I don't work at the business more than a few hours a week. So there is no gap in my resume....technically.

Also, I guess for me, my biggest issue is not so much working during the day, but having to travel. I refuse to have a job where I travel regularly. Other than that, I really don't have super strong feelings about it. I would like to be home in the summer - but DH is here, and DD wants to go to camps all summer anyway

So i guess, I'll throw my resume up there and if anything really exciting comes along my way. If it does, then perhaps it's a sign that is what I'm supposed to do right now. If nothing, then it's a sign that I stay at home and volunteer at this point in my life.

just curious what type of work you do, what is your degree in?

 

[rchristiansen]

just curious what type of work you do, what is your degree in?

My degree is in Industrial & Systems Engineering, but we own an internet company. So I have quite a bit of IT & business development experience as well.

But I've laughed and said I'd be happy as a ticket taker at Disneyland or the receptionist at Imagineering. But that would be a dumb move to to relocate to the most expensive state in the country! Perhaps if we sell our business for millions we can do that!

----

I have found it interesting that in my life, personally, I have had different desires at different times. Sometimes, I wanted to stat at home, other times I wanted to work. Now I'm sort of indifferent - maybe that's my frustration: The indifference.

 

[ZephyrHawk]

I think it's a hard choice but at the end of your life I doubt any Mom is going to say, wow my career was awesome, that house we bought, all those nice cars and fancy purses were great. They are going to think about the people that they loved and wish they had more time with them.

I'm gonna disagree with this statement too. My family didn't always get along when we were just at home, and at times we were at each others throats, but one thing we agreed upon was vacationing. If both my parents hadn't worked full time I would never have my memories of climbing pyramids in Mexico, exploring the magic of Disney World, cruising the Med, skiing in Colorado, and of course traveling all over Lake Erie in our boat...all things which I did with my parents. My best memories weren't made at home.

 

[Christine]

I know I posted earlier and this is sort of in response to others who would worry that you might have regrets later for working or regrets over missing time.

While working full-time was very difficult, physically, for me when my kids were little, today I don't regret the choice I made at all. I don't feel like I "missed out" or wasn't there for them. I am extremely happy with the choice I made to continue to work full-time. Sure, I had those days where I thought "OMG, I need a break" and there were years that I didn't have an ounce of vacation time left to take a vacation, but it all really worked out for me and my family.

For the type of career I am in, it would have been just about lethal for me to stop working and try to get back in. I would not have been able to. I am confident I would have found something but I would have definitely had to start over.

I never did it for the big house or fancy cars either (I drive really OLD cars and have an 1800 sq ft. house), do my own lawn and housecleaning. I did it for long-term financial security and retirement. Plus, I think once I got past the "baby years" I would have been bored without adult contact. I'm a fairly decent introvert and I think it would have been hard for me, at home, to connect with others. At work, it's sort of forced so I have that.

As others have said, it's a really personal decision that can only best be answered by looking at your own fears, goals, insecurities, and personality.

 

[gina2000]

In this economy you must be nimble. Jobs disappear at the blink of an eye. Corporations merge, move out, blow up, and/or redefine themselves at the drop of a hat often leaving employees unemployed. It's good to have your hand in....even on a part time basis JUST IN CASE something goes wrong with your husband's company, the market, or your personal lives.