Moms with boys, bathroom question

[Burnedout]

No no backtracking. I wacked the door it hit his nose that he had pressed up against it. If he was too young to know not to peek through the cracks then he should have been in the stall with his mother who could control him. If he's too big to be in there he's too big to be in the women's room.

Exactly.

I swear in some of the restrooms in January there were more boys than girls. Or it just seemed that way since the girls may have all been in the stalls. Little guys, no problem but some were a tall as my mom. Yeah, they might have been giant 6 year olds or mini 16 year olds, but if jot is time to be having the sex talk with them they are too darn old to be there because of mom's fears. Why moms want to live in and propagate fear is beyond me. The fact that fact mean nothing to them worries me more than the boys hanging with the ladies.

 

[Blessedwith3boys]

My boys are 5,7 and almost 9 I'm not very trusting of other people and if my husband isn't with us the all come in the womens room with me unless it is a one stall bathroom ..are they embarrassed??? you bet....do I care??? Nope!! In fact my youngest is the only one that complains LOL

My 3 boys are the same ages....and I'm with you!!!! I don't care what anyone thinks!! They act respectfully ...no peeking and we get in and out as quickly as possible!! It's not like we are strutting around naked in there for goodness sakes!

 

[disneywalkers]

Some of the best advice I received when I had my first child (I now have 6) is to not to base what you do with your children on what others do with theirs or what they think you should be doing with your children

My 3 boys are the same ages....and I'm with you!!!! I don't care what anyone thinks!! They act respectfully ...no peeking and we get in and out as quickly as possible!! It's not like we are strutting around naked in there for goodness sakes!

 

[disneywalkers]

None of that justifies whacking him in the face with the door.

I always tell my kids, just because someone does something to you or is doing something they shouldn't be doing, that doesn't justify doing something back to them.

If I knew the age of the boy and knew for sure he was too old to be in there, then I'd agree, he shouldn't be in there. But I'm never going to agree you were justified to whack the kid in the nose with your door, even when peeking through it. Even if it wasn't hard. As an adult, I just can't justify tit for tat.

No no backtracking. I wacked the door it hit his nose that he had pressed up against it. If he was too young to know not to peek through the cracks then he should have been in the stall with his mother who could control him. If he's too big to be in there he's too big to be in the women's room.

 

[DisneySweetPeas]

An to the poster that said they would have be arrested for assault I have to laugh. At the very most it would be battery and not even felony battery. Most likely the officer would tell you to control your kid an me to have a nice day.

You would be right I asked my husband about it - he's a police officer. Mostly assault involves a threat. However it does depend on your jurisdiction. Some jurisdiction will call the unwanted touching simple assault, but mostly it is battery. Since it was battery against a child, it could be raised to a higher level in court.

Now maybe you were exaggerating in the first post when you said you kicked the door and it hit him in the nose and the mother was unhappy but too bad you were controlling her kid. That does sound different than the door rattled and maybe flicked his nose but really just surprised him. A bloody nose would not be necessary in the first case where you intentionally hit him with a metal door and bragged about controlling him. In the second case, you were simply trying to startle him. I guess using words either did not work, or you forgot about them?

So many children in foster homes come from abusive situations and the use of physical force to control them is a bad idea. I'm sure you know that and were just trying to make a point in this thread but it came off badly. I'm sure you are a perfectly nice person and a good foster mother in reality I'm just letting you know how it sounded to other people.

 

[Burnedout]

Some of the best advice I received when I had my first child (I now have 6) is to not to base what you do with your children on what others do with theirs or what they think you should be doing with your children

Hmmmm, 9 year olds in the ladies room. Wonder how it comes up as an issue.

I only care what others do with theirs when it infringes in others. You have a biter? Keep him away from other kids. Keep screamers out of restaurants and theaters, and keep your little peeping children in your own stall.

 

[Gracie09]

You would be right I asked my husband about it - he's a police officer. Mostly assault involves a threat. However it does depend on your jurisdiction. Some jurisdiction will call the unwanted touching simple assault, but mostly it is battery. Since it was battery against a child, it could be raised to a higher level in court.

Now maybe you were exaggerating in the first post when you said you kicked the door and it hit him in the nose and the mother was unhappy but too bad you were controlling her kid. That does sound different than the door rattled and maybe flicked his nose but really just surprised him. A bloody nose would not be necessary in the first case where you intentionally hit him with a metal door and bragged about controlling him. In the second case, you were simply trying to startle him. I guess using words either did not work, or you forgot about them?

So many children in foster homes come from abusive situations and the use of physical force to control them is a bad idea. I'm sure you know that and were just trying to make a point in this thread but it came off badly. I'm sure you are a perfectly nice person and a good foster mother in reality I'm just letting you know how it sounded to other people.

I'm sorry but I NEVER hit my children biological or foster or adoptive. I have all three. I don't threaten to hit them. To do so not only would make me lose my license but I would be brought up on charges. As it is I have to document every scrap and scratch so "mom" doesn't say I am abusing my kid. I take children that other homes will not take. I gave up a nice career with a nice pay check to stay home to help these kids because I was called to do so. Trust me foster care does not cover all their expenses, not even close. So I'm not making money doing this.
Not only did I ask my bil, who is a NYC cop as well as a former child protective services officer, about this (he laughed by the way and said the kid deserved it), but having spent close to 100K on a law school education I know a little about what is actionable under the law.

I never said I was controlling her kid, I said SHE should control her kid. And she wasn't in the next stall and he wasn't looking for her. And for the record I'm 5'4" on a good day in heels. How hard could I have hit a door across from a toilet I was sitting on.

If you want to perpetuate the abusive foster mother stereotype go right ahead. I know what had to go through to become a foster parent and keep my license and if people had to do it to become parents the world would have a serious population decline happening.

 

[cheer25mom]

I think you are mistaken. It is called the availability heuristic and happens when a person judges the frequency of an event by how readily they can think of an example. If you can think of one or two examples, you easily make the mistake of thinking it happens all the time. Don't feel bad. It is a common cognitive fallacy. Or it could simply be your double vision

Nice condescension! But, no I am well capable of counting the frequency of events thanks. I saw on average 1 young man who was close to my size a day in WDW ladies rooms over the course of the last several trips. I am not stupid, you cannot use vocabulary to confuse me. I don't feel bad because I haven't fallen victim to any fallacy, and your attempt at throwing your intellectual weight around fell flat. I don't have double vision.

 

[disneywalkers]

Listen, I never said it was ok to have a 9 year old in the women's bathroom. I said a 6 year old was fine. I don't know why you're quoting me on this?

My statement that you were referring to, had nothing to do with 9 year olds or the bathroom directly. It was in general. You seem like you just want to add fuel to a fire.

My kids have never peeped on you or anyone for that matter. Quite frankly they don't want to gross themselves out by doing so.


Do you even have kids?

Hmmmm, 9 year olds in the ladies room. Wonder how it comes up as an issue.

I only care what others do with theirs when it infringes in others. You have a biter? Keep him away from other kids. Keep screamers out of restaurants and theaters, and keep your little peeping children in your own stall.

 

[disneywalkers]

You really see NO wrong in how you handled the situation?

Your NYC cop isn't one of the cops I want protecting my city if he LAUGHED at you committing a crime against a child and how you handled yourself.

Actionable by law or not, being an adult verses a child, and one who takes in other children and cares of them, that is concerning that you find no wrong in how you handled the situation.

It wasn't where you could tell the boy to step away from the door?

And really you kicked the door OPEN while you were sitting ON the toilet? And it wasn't locked so you were able to do this while sitting ON the toilet? So you're worried about peeping children, yet at the same time leave your door unlocked and KICK it open while sitting on the TOILET?

Something does seem right.

SMH.

I'm sorry but I NEVER hit my children biological or foster or adoptive. I have all three. I don't threaten to hit them. To do so not only would make me lose my license but I would be brought up on charges. As it is I have to document every scrap and scratch so "mom" doesn't say I am abusing my kid. I take children that other homes will not take. I gave up a nice career with a nice pay check to stay home to help these kids because I was called to do so. Trust me foster care does not cover all their expenses, not even close. So I'm not making money doing this.
Not only did I ask my bil, who is a NYC cop as well as a former child protective services officer, about this (he laughed by the way and said the kid deserved it), but having spent close to 100K on a law school education I know a little about what is actionable under the law.

I never said I was controlling her kid, I said SHE should control her kid. And she wasn't in the next stall and he wasn't looking for her. And for the record I'm 5'4" on a good day in heels. How hard could I have hit a door across from a toilet I was sitting on.

If you want to perpetuate the abusive foster mother stereotype go right ahead. I know what had to go through to become a foster parent and keep my license and if people had to do it to become parents the world would have a serious population decline happening.

 

[DisneySweetPeas]

I've had a boy peek at me at Disney. I wacked the door and it hit him in the nose. His mother was none to happy. Too bad I told her I control her child.

I did say that I thought you were probably exaggerating the event and in real life I'm sure you are a perfectly nice and a good foster mother. The only one spreading the myth of the bad foster parent is you by posting these comments. You do indeed brag here about wacking the boy in the nose, telling his mother too bad, an saying "I control her child." These are your words not mine. The wording here is a lot different and the tone is a lot different then your later recall of the event.

 

[Gracie09]

You really see NO wrong in how you handled the situation?

Your NYC cop isn't one of the cops I want protecting my city if he LAUGHED at you committing a crime against a child and how you handled yourself.

Actionable by law or not, being an adult verses a child, and one who takes in other children and cares of them, that is concerning that you find no wrong in how you handled the situation.

It wasn't where you could tell the boy to step away from the door?

And really you kicked the door OPEN while you were sitting ON the toilet? And it wasn't locked so you were able to do this while sitting ON the toilet? So you're worried about peeping children, yet at the same time leave your door unlocked and KICK it open while sitting on the TOILET?

Something does seem right.

SMH.

You may want to take a reading class . I never said the door was open. In fact I said it was locked and it simply shook the door and his nose was presse against it peeping. I also never said I kicked.
As for my bil he has actual real crimes to deal with. Not unsupervised children being a nuisance.

 

[Gracie09]

I did say that I thought you were probably exaggerating the event and in real life I'm sure you are a perfectly nice and a good foster mother. The only one spreading the myth of the bad foster parent is you by posting these comments. You do indeed brag here about wacking the boy in the nose, telling his mother too bad, an saying "I control her child." These are your words not mine. The wording here is a lot different and the tone is a lot different then your later recall of the event.

I guess you never heard of a typo and autocorrect. It should have been to control her child.

 

[DisneySweetPeas]

Nice condescension! But, no I am well capable of counting the frequency of events thanks. I saw on average 1 young man who was close to my size a day in WDW ladies rooms over the course of the last several trips. I am not stupid, you cannot use vocabulary to confuse me. I don't feel bad because I haven't fallen victim to any fallacy, and your attempt at throwing your intellectual weight around fell flat. I don't have double vision.

Sorry, it's luvmy3 who has double vision! . If I was trying to confuse you with vocabulary I would not have defined it. I was trying to find a way that is logical that you have seen so many tween boys in the restrooms and not very many people have agreed they've seen these numbers of boys. I have never seen it either. I doubt you are making it up.

By the way it is not condescension. It is the availability heuristic and it is mostly pretty useful to people in daily life. However, sometimes it makes us think that something happens on a more regular basis than it actually does because we can easily recall an example or two. It's simply how human brains work and yours does too! Humans use the availability heuristic all the time in life, and the fallacy happens to everyone...but maybe just everyone else. So I do apologize for offending you by suggesting that a normal function of the brain might be happening here

I'm sure you really do see a boy as tall as you are in the women's bathroom every day that you are in WDW. How tall are you by the way? You never mention whether you are four feet tall or nearly six feet, but you do mention it as a measurement of boys age a lot. I am sure plenty of 48" boys are in the restroom.

I have not seen the parade of almost teenage boys going up and down the aisle trying to look at women's panties. I'm glad too have missed it.

 

[DisneySweetPeas]

I guess you never heard of a typo and autocorrect. It should have been to control her child.

Of course I have, but prior to this you never said it was a typo. It sounded like you did it to control her child. I'm sure it was all very innocent, but the way you stated it made it sound different.

Anyway, the child should not have been peeking at you, which I am sure everyone does agree with even if not everyone agrees with hitting the door.

 

[DisneySweetPeas]

I think it is probably time for this thread to close as it is getting too heated!

Everyone seems to agree about ages that are appropriate in the bathroom besides one or two who think any boy older than a preschooler or maybe even a toddler, should be in the men's room. Most people have stated they don't mind boys up to 6 years old in the bathroom, but some think 7 year olds are too old, and just about everyone thinks an 8 year old and up should be in the men's room. We all agree that children should not be peeking at others through the cracks by doors! It seems that people disagree about whether or not children are 'ogling' adult women or not (or if they are even capable of it) but for the most part only a few people are concerned about their female modesty being compromised by a child. A few think that 9, 10, 11, and 12 year old boys are regularly in the women's room and this is hard on the 9, 10, 11, and 12 year old girls who have their period.

That about sums it up! The few men who have commented seem to think the men's room is quiet and orderly - so perhaps we should all go over there to avoid these issues.

 

[cheer25mom]

Sorry, it's luvmy3 who has double vision! . If I was trying to confuse you with vocabulary I would not have defined it. I was trying to find a way that is logical that you have seen so many tween boys in the restrooms and not very many people have agreed they've seen these numbers of boys. I have never seen it either. I doubt you are making it up.

By the way it is not condescension. It is the availability heuristic and it is mostly pretty useful to people in daily life. However, sometimes it makes us think that something happens on a more regular basis than it actually does because we can easily recall an example or two. It's simply how humaan brains work and yours does too! Humans use the availability heuristic all the time in life, and the fallacy happens to everyone...but maybe just everyone else. So I do apologize for offending you by suggesting that a normal function of the brain might be happening here

I'm sure you really do see a boy as tall as you are in the women's bathroom every day that you are in WDW. How tall are you by the way? You never mention whether you are four feet tall or nearly six feet, but you do mention it as a measurement of boys age a lot. I am sure plenty of 48" boys are in the restroom.

I have not seen the parade of almost teenage boys going up and down the aisle trying to look at women's panties. I'm glad too have missed it.

Sorry, but you are 100% wrong here. the availability heuristic is not applied by humans in every situation at all times in life. We ARE capable as humans of accurately recounting what we have seen and its frequency. I am a little more than 5 feet tall. I would expect that pretty much any child that is near my height is well older than 6 or 7. With rare exception of course. As for the rest of your rudeness and condescending sarcasm, pass.

 

[WebmasterKathy]

Enough!