Moms with boys, bathroom question

[DisneySweetPeas]

im not taking sides but just f.y.i. you can ask any one who uses the MENS room in wdw, there is no peeping going on at the urinals....you could try it but im thinking you will get assaulted or at least wet.

I have to ask again..... how many on this thread have been in the mens room at wdw??? just askin....

That's because all those "peepers" are supposedly in the women's room looking into stalls. Can't be both places at once.

 

[maxiesmom]

This is like the 2nd or 3rd post I have seen in the last week re: should my son of "x" age be allowed in the women's restroom. I just can't believe how heated these discussions get. First off, why even ask? Who cares? Do what you want! And secondly, women use stalls so why does it even matter? What bathrooms have all of you been hanging out in? It's not like random women are getting naked at the bathroom sink. These discussions always end up being "well my kid's comfort is more important than yours!" And "I can't believe you are coddling your son!" And my favorite "I don't want your son peering in the crack of the door at me." It's just all so pointless.

You must not have noticed, but the stalls at WDW have large cracks between them and the frame. More than large enough for someone to peek through, if they chose to.

As far as the random women getting naked, you have obviously never been in the restroom by Splash Mountain. Seen more than one woman take off her top in that one to try and dry it off.

 

[WantToGoNow]

I saw a group of 5-6 women down to their bras/panties at the restroom by Kali. They were trying to dry their drenched clothes with the turbo hand dryers.

And a mom had the gall to be upset because her son saw half dressed women. Well hello, that is exactly where they belong and if he's old enough to notice, then he shouldn't be there.

Same thing happened at a local park with someone helping daughters change into swimsuits outside of a stall and a boy that was older than the girls. The mom with the son was upset.

My dh said there are enough dads, grandparents, uncles, etc. in every bathroom a WDW that nothing is going to happen to any boy. Even ds12 said people wouldn't stand there a let someone be harmed.

I did ask ds12 what happens in there. You go in, you don't talk, you don't look at anyone, you dont drop your pants to the floor at the urinal, you do what you need to do, wash your hands and leave. Dh said he never told him those things, you just get it by going in. However, there's all kinds of talking, etc in the women's room so what are these 7-8-9+ year old boys learning. It might start to get noisier in the mens room when they finally get to use it.

 

[luvmy3]

No, I did not question that any 8 year old would be in 4th grade and I did not question the age of children in school where you live. I questioned the assumption that eight years old is the standard age for 4th grade in the United States. Your own post illustrates the fact that it is not the standard age.

You made that assumption yourself. What I said was not wrong, 8 years old is a 4th grader. I never claimed a child that was 8 coulnd't be in any other grade. You have done a huge amount of assuming in alot of your posts in this thread, and you know what they say about that.

 

[arielmomma]

This is like the 2nd or 3rd post I have seen in the last week re: should my son of "x" age be allowed in the women's restroom. I just can't believe how heated these discussions get. First off, why even ask? Who cares? Do what you want! And secondly, women use stalls so why does it even matter? What bathrooms have all of you been hanging out in? It's not like random women are getting naked at the bathroom sink. These discussions always end up being "well my kid's comfort is more important than yours!" And "I can't believe you are coddling your son!" And my favorite "I don't want your son peering in the crack of the door at me." It's just all so pointless.

I am 100% with you! I only checked in b/c I couldn't believe this thread is still going. There is no right or wrong answer here. The parents of little boys want to protect them and the moms afraid of peekers want to protect their girls and the people who don't have either but want to tell everyone else that they are parenting wrong want to have their say too.

As moms we all want to do what's best. We have so many outside forces judging us and pressuring us all the time. Social pressures, family, work, etc. Do we really need to add using the toilet to the mix? Come on!

Do what you need to do. Follow your gut. Let's keep the ladies room a peaceful place

 

[ElizabethG]

I am 100% with you! I only checked in b/c I couldn't believe this thread is still going. There is no right or wrong answer here. The parents of little boys want to protect them and the moms afraid of peekers want to protect their girls and the people who don't have either but want to tell everyone else that they are parenting wrong want to have their say too.

As moms we all want to do what's best. We have so many outside forces judging us and pressuring us all the time. Social pressures, family, work, etc. Do we really need to add using the toilet to the mix? Come on!

Do what you need to do. Follow your gut. Let's keep the ladies room a peaceful place

I'm with you! The arguers think it is so obvious that the other side is wrong and they can't believe they are being so inconsiderate to others. I have never noticed a problem in the bathrooms at WDW (or anywhere). They aren't exactly being overrun by 8-9 year old boys. I have both a son(11) and a daughter(9). I can't even remember the age that he stopped coming in with me. But, I can bet that there would be someone out there who thought it was inappropriate.

 

[kazmina]

As an older sister of 4 much younger brothers it was always drilled into me not to let my brothers into a mens room alone if I was looking after them. My grandma told me this and said there might be a 'bad man' in them. There were particular market place toilets in our town which were well known for 'cottaging' in the 80s and we weren't ever allowed to go near them.

My brothers are now all in their early 30s and are not wimps in any way from being protected from the supposed dangers of mens toilets but I dread to think what could have happened had we not been made aware of the risk of these particular toilets and I had just let them go in and see goodness knows what. This was in an average sized Yorkshire market town not even a city.

I wouldn't say I am an overprotective mum about other things and my son is still only 4 so does come into the ladies room with me still. I'm not too sure when I will dare to let him in the mens room on his own. I think at least aged 7 or 8 is maybe still okay to take him in with me. I'm sure I will know when the time is right. In WDW I don't think I would be as worried about paedophiles as much as my son getting lost and upset or getting locked in a toilet. Plus he still needs help to wipe his bum!

However only recently in Manchester UK a 14 year old boy was raped in shopping centre toilets and a couple of years ago a man raped 2 little brothers aged 4 and 7 in a McDonalds toilets in the UK so these things can happen whatever age. I once reported a suspicious man in our local shopping centre because he was hanging round the toilets a long time as if he was waiting for a boy to go in alone. These things are supposed to be rare but then again we are having a big scandal here in the UK at the moment (Jimmy Saville abuse scandal) where stories of child abuse seems to be coming out all over. These things aren't worth the risk. What if I sent my son in the toilets alone and he was assaulted?

In the ladies I do take him in the stall with me and would never let him look under the doors at people. He does look older than 4, he is very tall so could be mistaken for 7 at first glance (but has a baby face) He doesn't really click that mens and womens toilets are restricted in any way. In WDW I took him in with me if my DH wasn't there. If he had come face to face with naked women he would probably have just asked out of interest why they had their 'boo*ies' out and I would have ushered him through extra fast and told him they were getting changed.

I don't know what the answer is to the young girls or ladies feeling uncomfortable. I don't want to be unsympathetic to that. I can see both sides and that someone could be embarrassed but what is the answer? The only answer is to do what we think is right and take our sons with us for safety but use good manners and stop them looking through gaps in toilet doors and take them into the stall with us until we are comfortable enough that they can go in to the mens room alone. The whistle sounds like the best idea for that time and I will be using that when my son reaches 7 or 8ish.

 

[DisneySweetPeas]

You made that assumption yourself. What I said was not wrong, 8 years old is a 4th grader. I never claimed a child that was 8 coulnd't be in any other grade. You have done a huge amount of assuming in alot of your posts in this thread, and you know what they say about that.

You are wrong. 8 year olds being a 4th grader is very unusual. I was surprised to find out that in my state you have to be 5 years old before August to be allowed to go into kindergarten. That would make my little one 6 going into kindergarten which is too old in my opinion so we used a private school. I looked it up to find out about other states. I found that half of the states made turn 5 in August. Another dozen or so states let your child into school if they turned 5 in September, a handful let local school districts decide the age, and a few allowed the child into school if they were five by October. I think there were one or two states that let you send your kid if they turned five by November. Two or three were outliers who had let children into kindergarten if they had a birthday to turn 5 in December. In one state you had to be five by JULY. Outrageous. Statistically speaking, it would be uncommon for a 4th grader to be 8 years old and even then it would be for a short amount of time. Since it is uncommon it would be considered incorrect to say that 8 year old are 4th graders. That's like saying pilots are astronauts simply because astronauts are pilots. Most pilots are not actually astronauts. It is unusual to be an astronaut!

 

[DisneySweetPeas]

I saw a group of 5-6 women down to their bras/panties at the restroom by Kali. They were trying to dry their drenched clothes with the turbo hand dryers.

And a mom had the gall to be upset because her son saw half dressed women. Well hello, that is exactly where they belong and if he's old enough to notice, then he shouldn't be there.

Same thing happened at a local park with someone helping daughters change into swimsuits outside of a stall and a boy that was older than the girls. The mom with the son was upset.

My dh said there are enough dads, grandparents, uncles, etc. in every bathroom a WDW that nothing is going to happen to any boy. Even ds12 said people wouldn't stand there a let someone be harmed.

I did ask ds12 what happens in there. You go in, you don't talk, you don't look at anyone, you dont drop your pants to the floor at the urinal, you do what you need to do, wash your hands and leave. Dh said he never told him those things, you just get it by going in. However, there's all kinds of talking, etc in the women's room so what are these 7-8-9+ year old boys learning. It might start to get noisier in the mens room when they finally get to use it.

I agree anyone old enough to care about half-naked women is too old to be in the women's room. I don't think there are a lot of 7 to 12 year old boys in the ladies room like people on this thread are implying. Read it again. Most of the women say they don't take their child into the ladies room past the age of 7, and the one who said 7 years old had a special needs child.

 

[CaraMiaBelle]

I am 100% with you! I only checked in b/c I couldn't believe this thread is still going. There is no right or wrong answer here. The parents of little boys want to protect them and the moms afraid of peekers want to protect their girls and the people who don't have either but want to tell everyone else that they are parenting wrong want to have their say too.

As moms we all want to do what's best. We have so many outside forces judging us and pressuring us all the time. Social pressures, family, work, etc. Do we really need to add using the toilet to the mix? Come on!

Do what you need to do. Follow your gut. Let's keep the ladies room a peaceful place

Well said. Thanks. : )

 

[MSSANDRA]

I saw a group of 5-6 women down to their bras/panties at the restroom by Kali. They were trying to dry their drenched clothes with the turbo hand dryers.

And a mom had the gall to be upset because her son saw half dressed women. Well hello, that is exactly where they belong and if he's old enough to notice, then he shouldn't be there.


.

We saw an entire family strip down to their underwear (VERY SKIMPY) as soon as they got off of Kali, yep right there on the sidewalk! Needless to say, security was there in a flash and they were escorted to the restroom but everyone got an eye full. They were not from the US. There were some upset guest but we found it quite funny and still like to tell the story. Guess we are not too modest!

 

[cheer25mom]

I agree anyone old enough to care about half-naked women is too old to be in the women's room. I don't think there are a lot of 7 to 12 year old boys in the ladies room like people on this thread are implying. Read it again. Most of the women say they don't take their child into the ladies room past the age of 7, and the one who said 7 years old had a special needs child.

Actually, in my experience there are. I see at least one a day that is almost as tall as I am and clealy NOT happy about being there. I not have a problem with toddlers/ young school age, but when you are taller than me an ogling the women then you don't need to be there.

 

[luvmy3]

You are wrong. 8 year olds being a 4th grader is very unusual. I was surprised to find out that in my state you have to be 5 years old before August to be allowed to go into kindergarten. That would make my little one 6 going into kindergarten which is too old in my opinion so we used a private school. I looked it up to find out about other states. I found that half of the states made turn 5 in August. Another dozen or so states let your child into school if they turned 5 in September, a handful let local school districts decide the age, and a few allowed the child into school if they were five by October. I think there were one or two states that let you send your kid if they turned five by November. Two or three were outliers who had let children into kindergarten if they had a birthday to turn 5 in December. In one state you had to be five by JULY. Outrageous. Statistically speaking, it would be uncommon for a 4th grader to be 8 years old and even then it would be for a short amount of time. Since it is uncommon it would be considered incorrect to say that 8 year old are 4th graders. That's like saying pilots are astronauts simply because astronauts are pilots. Most pilots are not actually astronauts. It is unusual to be an astronaut!

I'm not sure you have any idea of what you are saying here. The word "uncommon" does not mean it doesnt happen. I get that it may not be common everywhere, however here where I am, it is common. An 8 year old would be in 4th grade, so no I am not wrong in stating that.
Now, if there were no 8 year olds in 4th grade here, or anywhere else, yes I'd be wrong. I never once stated that 8 year olds are always and only in 4th grade, I said 8 would be a 4th grader, and teh fact is here they would be.

Regardless of what grade they are in, its too old to be dragged into the woman's restroom with mom.

 

[mckelvey72]

I am by no means arguing with anyone but trying to figure this out...my son was 6 and turned 7 in first grade, will start 2nd grade at 7 and will turn 8, will start 3rd grade at 8 and will turn 9 so will start 4th grade at 9 and turn 10.

So if you child started first grade at 5 years of age and turn 6, start 2nd grade at 6 and turn 7, start 3rd grade 7 and turn 8......THEN they will start 4th grade at 8 and turn 9.

So for those saying you can be 8 and in 4th grade I agree, but my son will be older than that. In our school system, with the age cutoff, my son couldn't start kindergarten until he was 5 whereas ages and ages ago when I was a kid I started kindergarten at 4.

So depends on the school district and also sometimes depends on private vs public. We have 2 private schools that allow kids to start kindergarten at 4 as long as they test in.

Lastly, just to weigh in, my son started using the mens room by himself at 6. He hated having to use the girls rooms. So when we are alone just the 2 of us I let him go in and I wait for him....when he comes out I find a place for him to sit or stand and he has to stay put until I get done. Not much else I can do about it. In public places like Disney, I just don't see anyone snatching a kid sitting there and trying to run. Plus my son would scream bloody murder HAHA!!!! Now in more desserted places or un-savory types of bathrooms like at carnivals and stuff, he has to stay with me but luckily I am typically with someone else...either hubby, older sister, my mom etc...so we simply take turns.

 

[disneywalkers]

That's funny that he said you don't drop your pants at the urinal, LOL

My husband said that men aren't so modest and every time he goes to the bathroom, work, out to eat, wherever, there area always several men who have their entire butt showing as they are using the urinal. He said he is so tired of seeing that, LOL

I saw a group of 5-6 women down to their bras/panties at the restroom by Kali. They were trying to dry their drenched clothes with the turbo hand dryers.

And a mom had the gall to be upset because her son saw half dressed women. Well hello, that is exactly where they belong and if he's old enough to notice, then he shouldn't be there.

Same thing happened at a local park with someone helping daughters change into swimsuits outside of a stall and a boy that was older than the girls. The mom with the son was upset.

My dh said there are enough dads, grandparents, uncles, etc. in every bathroom a WDW that nothing is going to happen to any boy. Even ds12 said people wouldn't stand there a let someone be harmed.

I did ask ds12 what happens in there. You go in, you don't talk, you don't look at anyone, you dont drop your pants to the floor at the urinal, you do what you need to do, wash your hands and leave. Dh said he never told him those things, you just get it by going in. However, there's all kinds of talking, etc in the women's room so what are these 7-8-9+ year old boys learning. It might start to get noisier in the mens room when they finally get to use it.

 

[disneywalkers]

Really? You think I haven't? Of course I have.

But you're naïve to think that a child who is wandering around looking at things at 5 or 6, or younger, even realizes they are lost, dear. Just like the kid we helped find lost at WDW last year. She wasn't LOST in her mind. She was looking at rides, at stores and other things. She was taught to go to a CM when lost, but in her mind she was enjoying her time, she wasn't lost. She could have been on the other side of the park in now time.

If you ever have lost a child, you'd know the panic, even if you HAVE taught them what to do if they ever think they are lost.

I don't feel I need to provide an explanation to what I'd do if I was in a stall and someone tried to kidnap my son because he is almost always in the stall with me (I am assuming you have overlooked the half dozen times I've stated that). I agree, take the boy in the stall with you. And again, I'm also not worried about kidnapping.

You are talking about a situation that does not pertain to this discussion. Not one person has suggested that children with special needs should be abandoned to their own care. No. We are asking that common sense and courtesy be displayed when mothers insist on taking older boys into the ladies room.



If you are worried about wandering kids, you might consider teaching the kids what to do in the event that they are separated from you.

And FWIW, I do have a problem with "silly boys" peeking through the cracks in the room designated for women. My DGD would as well. If your teen daughter is okay with that, she can take her "silly little" brother into the stall with her.

I am a pretty considerate woman, I understand parents cannot always manage to send kids into the bathroom unaccompanied for a variety of reasons, but I believe that if a parent is really worried about the safety of their child, take that child into the stall with you. Not one of you has been able to explain how you will save your child from a stranger abduction if you are locked in the stall, pants drooping on the floor. The little wanderer has the same opportunity to meander off if he is not parked by your side in the stall.

So what I can see is that there are parents who are willing to sacrifice someone else's right to modesty and comfort in the bathroom that has been designated to their gender, in order to create a sense of safety that in reality, does not exist.

 

[disneywalkers]

We were talking about 6 year olds, not 9 year olds. I don't think anyone said it was in anyone's best interest to take their 9 year old son to the women's bathroom.

We were talking about 6 year olds and someone, along the way has turned this into 9 year olds in the women's bathroom. What is up with that????

I have never and never will take my 9 year old (barring some disability factor or challenge) into the women's bathroom.

There is a big difference between the minds, bodies etc of a 6 year old and a 9 year old.

No it's not silly to expect some privacy, but it is very silly to be changing the age of these boys from 6 to 9 and acting all righteous at the same time.

The subject heading of this is about 6 year olds for the love of Mickey!

Ditto. I deserved not to have the badly brought up 9 year old pervert peeping at me because his incompetent and inconsiderate mother left him running around unattended in the ladies room. Oh, the tantrum she threw when I yelled at her little peeping tom was epic. Apparently she could not fathom why I might not want her nasty offspring staring at my privates.

It is not "silly" to expect a fundamental level of privacy in a single-gender restroom.

 

[disneywalkers]

I totally understand your situation. And ran into the same problems and fears and thoughts with my oldest son (aspergers). So you do what is right at the time for your son

But you are saying the same thing, that your girls needs are more important and too bad, so sad if someone has a concern for their sons.
That being said, I just want to say I completely understand giving girls their privacy when at all possible. I have DS(7) autism spectrum, DS(5) and DS(3) and I always try to use "family" restrooms first if DH is not with me. If they come in with me, honestly, they are in the stall longer than I am anyway. There are times, however, when someone has to go quickly and there is no way we would make it to one however, or there just is not one available. On top of that my 7 year old on the autism spectrum does not appear to have any special needs and is tall for his age, so I am starting to feel somewhat uncomfortable. However. DS7 has very high anxiety and I am not sure if he will ready yet to go in by himself by the time we go to WDW. I am hoping that my 5 year old will be ready enough and talk him into it...and I'd feel better with both of them having a buddy. I am also going to try the whistle idea someone brought up.
But I digress. My point is, all of this is going to depend on the child and situation involved. There is no right or wrong age to put on this and we should not judge others, either way, for doing what is best for their family. When a slightly older boy does need to be brought into the ladies room, all steps should be taken to respect anyone else in there so no one is uncomfortable.
We all just need to be considerate of others needs, whether that be privacy in the bathroom or keeping our sons safe.

 

[disneywalkers]

Very well said. I totally agree.

Somehow in this conversation though, the age on these boys in the women's bathroom keeps getting older.

I've only ever been talking about 6 year olds, but somehow it got all the way up to 11 year olds, LOL

How many 6 year old boys are running around peeking in stalls and why would that bother you anymore than a strange little girl looking in your stall. In several decades of using the restroom at a large variety of places I have never once had a child put his or her eye up to the crack in the door. Please people be realistic!

Not to you in particular, but if you are all worried about little boys having some kind of sexual thoughts about you peeing you have a lot bigger problems than a child being in a restroom .... And if it is just privacy then it would not matter if it was a six year old boy or a girl watching you.

It may also be an opportunity to teach your daughters that the world is really not paying attention to them. The bathrooms are so huge and there are so many people in them that the 11 year olds calling to their mom for help with her period will be embarrassed to say it out loud in front of a room full of strangers and it won't matter if there is a boy in there, especially a little boy who does not even know about a period! I have four daughters and not one of them would complain about a 6, 7 year old in the bathroom. 9 is really pushing it to silliness if not disabled. Even my ds14 who has mild autism was out of the women's room before 8.

 

[disneywalkers]

That is sad you'd purposely hit the kid in the face with the door for peeking in the cracks.

I've had a boy peek at me at Disney. I wacked the door and it hit him in the nose. His mother was none to happy. Too bad I told her I control her child.
It's not te periods are something to be embarassed about but when files first get them they often dot want boys to know because boys are embarassed an make faces,noise make fun of them etc. probably because the boys don't get it.