My Dream wedding crushed...some advice please

[Lynn5700]

How old is this brother? Besides his behavior being childish, it sounds like he wants to control what his brother can and can't do regarding your wedding. Is he like this in other areas? Please keep your eyes open and see how your DF deals with this. If he won't stand up to his brother and put your wishes first, there could be trouble ahead.

In my opinion, most males wouldn't care enough about this to make such an issue. Is there a chance that his wife is behind all this? Good luck. I agree with the others that you need to stand your ground and do what YOU want.

That's true,it could be his wife,I just don't see how a man would seriously really care

 

[Cosi Bella]

irisbud, I actually have gone on the wishbook and created an account. I designed a beautiful wedding in which we get married at epcot italy, and have our reception at the Yacht Club resort... with a photo session in magic kingdom so i can have pics in front/near cinderellas castle! Its COMPLETELY different from his brothers wedding...

Tink, we have discussed when we would want to have our wedding, which makes me even MORE mad. THey got married in 2005, and we would get married in 2010.... thats FIVE years after them. I am so sad about the whole situation...

myprincessgirlisa, That is exactly how I feel. Whats even more aggrivating is that they told us of their first choice here at home, if they weren't to have done the disney wedding, and .... what do you know, it was my first choice here too. do you think they would have been upset b/c we wanted to get married in the same catering hall?

mermaidebride, dont worry, that is not rude. Its just the truth. It is just upsetting because no one will reason with him, and I feel like if someone were to sit down and talk to him (from his family) he'd feel better about it... but no one will.

topsy, we have considered disneyland, and we might look into it further, but it seems as though their wedding program is not as extensive and does not offer the same things that I fell in love with at disney world. I dont know, we will look more into it though. My fiance and I did decide that if we dont get married in Disney world, we will honeymoon there! that is exciting...

Dalepool and Brian Nobel, You both offer really good adivce and I will definitely keep that in mind for the future, as I know I have not heard the end of any of this! Thank you!

Hope, that breaks my heart (again!). I am so sorry and I know how you feel... to not be excited for you own wedding. I wish you all the best, and I really really hope that things work out for you! Try to keep your chin up, and hey, at least you will be at the happiest place in the world! that's something to remember, right?

chilly, we have offered the DCL wedding option, as I see this as being extremely different. I dont think it is different enough though.

Caryn, I LOVE the "hate blockers" and I WILL ABSOLUTELY use them! I have a feeling there will be many times where I will be shooting Death Rays from my eyes at anyone who has anything negative to say and will need the shades to block them, as I fear I might kill them by accident... ha! Thank you for making me laugh, I really needed that!

As far as the multitude of questions that were asked by a lot of other people, his brother is 30 so probably old enough to realize how important this is to me and just give me his blessing.

I dont know how his wife feels about this, b/c all of this was discussed with out her being present. If I had to guess though, she feels the same as he does.

Lastly, we are really caught between a rock and a hard place, more so my fiance than me. He feels like there is too much at stake, and does not want to jeopardize his future relationship with his brother. So I don't really know where that leaves us... perhaps with no dream wedding. But we do get a nice honeymoon, I guess.

 

[Starr W.]

That's true,it could be his wife,I just don't see how a man would seriously really care

That was my initial read on it too. My DH was way more interested in the Honeymoon planning than the wedding planning. I could see being interested in food and maybe reception music, but the rest of the stuff?

Though after 13+ yrs, he has definate ideas in mind about a VR

 

[Cosi Bella]

I just wanted to give a little different view if I were the brother in the situation. For me, a Disney wedding is a very unique and special event that has been my dream since I was very young and everyone in my family and friends knows that, I'm sure like your fbil. No one that I know would even consider a Disney wedding or even knew you would be able to do something like that until my wedding. Without sounding like a selfish person, I would be upset if on of my good friends also decided to marry at Disney because it is something so unique and unusual to everyone I know and I am known as the one who is getting married at Disney. I can understand how he is feeling, because we are from very far away and a wedding is Disney is not a normal thing, and I understand that many people get married there everyday, but having someone so close to you is a hard thing to accept. (just giving you a different view)

Now, if I were you and I was marrying into a family where DF brother had just got married there, it would not change my dream in anyway. And if DF's brother was marrying a woman who wanted to be married in Disney too, and they came and talked to us about it, I would never ever deny them of their dream no matter how I felt about the situation. That I believe was his selfish part speaking. If this were to happen to me, I would not be able to help feeling the littlest bit upset because the Disney wedding was kinda "my thing", but never would I let anyone know that besides DF, hey we've all got feelings we don't like. I would do my best to help the new couple out with all the lessons I learned and honestly I would be happy just to be going to Disney again.

Just because you are marrying into a family who has already had a Disney wedding, does not mean you need to give up your dream. Many people have the same dreams. I would just give him some time to get over the initial shock and then talk to him again about all the different locations and while you will have the wedding in the same location (Disney), it's going to be a very very different type of wedding. And honestly Disney is HUGE, it's basically like a small town and you are having it in a different chuch and reception hall than he had. He can't ban you from a town. Hope this Helps and Good Luck!

You're situation is almost exactly like my BIL's. He was a disney world fan since he was 2. It was a no-brainer that he got married there. Everyone loved it, and it was perfect. But this is my response to this whole thing:

Yes, you were a disney fan longer than me. Yes you are way more obsessed about it than me. But since when did the fact that you have been a fan longer give you exclusive rights to getting married there? What I WISH he could realize is that there are other people in the world, and in this family, who have this dream. Just because he had the dream first doesn't mean NO one else has this dream... GOSH DARN my mom for having me after he was born!!!!

But I really applaud you for being able to swallow your feelings, and for sharing the experience with other people. I wish there were more people like you in the world. Look, I understand his feelings, and he is entitled to them. It is when he starts to be selfish and not let other people have their dream that it becomes a problem.

 

[Cosi Bella]

One more thing... about his wife being behind it...

Just knowing him, I honestly think this is about him. This is not the first time since I've been with my fiance (three years) that he has stuck his nose where it didn't belong and "gotten his way", not thinking about any one elses feelings but his own, and hurting mine along the way... he's a middle child, and I think he suffers from SEVERE middle child syndrome.

 

[Tink n Poohbear]

Cosi Bella, I'm nearly in tears reading this...I feel so bad for you!

I was kind of on the other end of your situation when I got married 10 years ago, but a little different. My DH and I had been engaged for awhile and were well into our wedding plans when his little sister had a shot-gun wedding. Unfortunately, she used a lot of my ideas BEFORE my wedding which then made it look like I copied her. At first I was a bit irked, but then I thought really who cares? This day isn't about flowers, dresses, venues, etc, it's about joining your life with your best friend, and nothing she did changed that for me. I truly wish your FBIL could come to that realization too. He got his day, and nothing anyone does could ever take that away from him, so it's so unfortunate that he's trying to do that to you.

No matter where or how you get married, you will sharing in the most important moment in your life with your best friend. No one can change that.

I had visions of exactly how my wedding should be, but looking back 10 years later, I realize I could have been anywhere, even a courthouse and be just as happy as I am today. I would have loved a Disney wedding, but it just wasn't in the budget at the time. So now we are planning a Disney vow renewal for our 10th anniversary.

Personally, I hope that you will follow your heart and have the wedding you dream of. But if you find that it will create too many difficulties with your in-laws, perhaps you can think about a vow renewal for your anniversary (1st, 5th, 10th, whatever you decide). Or you could even do an intimate ceremony with just the 2 of you on your honeymoon.

Sending you lots of pixie dust and hugs! Best wishes to you, not only for your wedding, but for a lifetime of wedded bliss!

 

[Cosi Bella]

Tink n poohbear, Thank you for those kind words... and you are right, what's most important is that I will be marrying my best friend. It really doesnt matter where. Ultimately, I will carry that with me, and always hold that close to my heart. After a few days of cooling off, I can see that much clearer now. I just wish his brother could come the the realization you came to as well and just be happy for us. Who knows, maybe he'll have a change of heart. In any case, I have to keep the important things in mind from this point on. Thank you again, for the warm wishes, and I wish the same to you, a life of happiness and good health!

 

[Lindsay22]

I almost fainted when my friend told me the following story yesterday. They are getting married in a few weeks at a local hall. Her fiance's brother got engaged on Valentines day. The new fiance (brother's future wife) happens to know the owner of the hall where my friend is getting married. The owners offered the brother and future wife a great price on the wedding, in the same hall. My friend's fiance is livid that his brother would have the audacity to get married in the same place as him, nearly 2 years after. My friend told him to shut up about it and reminded him that their wedding wasn't going to be the last wedding thrown there. So guys do care about this apparently

 

[Gillian]

I'm so sorry! What a selfish idiot!

As an old married woman, it seems so silly. Sort of like having babies. It's one thing to get upset if someone chooses the exact same name for their kid as you did for yours, but quite another to say they can't have a child at all.

SIL & I were pregnant at the same time and we did get together and talk about names to make sure we had different ones picked out. There was overlap on a boy name, but we worked it out and then both had girls anyway.

 

[mla1977]

Here's my .02:

I've been dreaming of a Disney wedding for a long time (since my last BF at least). I was spending a lot of time with my cousins over the past 2 months and they are bugging me about not being married or engaged yet. We did talk about my plans once the question comes. I gave them plans A, B, and C. Of course one of them is Disney, and my youngest cousin said that is what she wants too.

Of course, her saying that got me a little stressed out. I wasn't upset about her wanting the wedding, I just don't want her to have it first. Of my 6 cousins on my father's side, I am the oldest (31) and she is the youngest (24), I have been with DBF for almost 6 years and she has only been with her boyfriend for 1 year, and I'm an only child so Darn it! I want my way.

As I said, I didn't care if she would have a wedding there, but I certainly want to be the first in the family. We did get to talk about it this weekend, and it turns out that even if she wanted it there, it would happen. Her boyfriend already knows that he would need to invite at 175 people, and our family would be about 100 people. So for her, it would certainly not be affordable.

In my case, I plan on cutting the list off at first cousins for anything ceremony/destination wedding related, and then having a pig roast at home for the 100+ family members.

I'm not sure if anything could be worked out with FBIL, but hopefully you will still get your dream!

 

[wedwdw05]

I just read through your thread. You need to do what YOU want to do. Like everyone else has said it is YOUR day. Forget your baby head FBIL. Having a Disney wedding was amazing. It was truely the best experience of my life. There is not a month that goes by that I don't watch my video at least once. My pics are my screen saver, and my album is out for viewing all the time. I got married 3 years ago.

I can admit that I do like being called the one that had the amazing Disney wedding. But that would never prevent me from cheering on a friend or family member to have a WDW wedding. Are you kidding me? Any excuse to get to Disney, and I'm there. I totally had postpartum depression from my wedding. I didn't know what to do with myself once we got home. I had nothing to do.

Like people have said no 2 FTW are the same. You can totally have a rockin wedding that is unique and your own. Do what makes you guys happy.

 

[misscmac]

I just read through your thread. You need to do what YOU want to do. Like everyone else has said it is YOUR day. Forget your baby head FBIL.

I agree. I think that is really selfish of your FBIL. If he is such a Disney fan why wouldn't he want another excuse to go back I say go for it anyway - he will eventually get over it. Don't let one party-pooper ruin your dream wedding

 

[pink_tink8i8]

that is so incredibly SELFISH of your fbil!!! ARGH!!!!! Who cares about what he thinks. Let him stay home! You should have the wedding YOU want. Your DF should be standing up for your wishes too and not just his brother's. You'll regret your entire wedding if you conform to what your fbil wants. You should elope with your df and do an intimate at disney

 

[Ennazus8810]

I hate to say it, but it sounds like your DFi is not putting your needs first either. He should be more worried about giving you your dream wedding than upsetting his brother. I know it is a sensitive and hard situation, but it makes me wonder-if he won't stand up for you with something this important, what else is he going to back down to his family about?

That being said, good luck. My DH and I had a destination wedding that his family wasn't happy about, but they got over it (most of them at least) and we had a wonderful and beautiful wedding.

 

[dmslush]

I hate to say it, but it sounds like your DFi is not putting your needs first either. He should be more worried about giving you your dream wedding than upsetting his brother. I know it is a sensitive and hard situation, but it makes me wonder-if he won't stand up for you with something this important, what else is he going to back down to his family about?

That being said, good luck. My DH and I had a destination wedding that his family wasn't happy about, but they got over it (most of them at least) and we had a wonderful and beautiful wedding.

I agree 100%. This is a tough time in a relationship, it is the point where you start really pulling away from your family of origin and you start making your own family. This is the scenario that I would talk to DF about; if your brother had gotten married in the family church, how silly would it be for him to tell you and DF that you cannot get married in the family church just because he has already been there, done that?

 

[Cosi Bella]

Ennazus8810 and dmslush, you guys are 100% right. This is such a difficult situation. We're both pretty young (23 and 24) and have not had to deal with such a tough scenario before like this. My mom and sister helped me to see this very important fact, and I did in fact sit down with the fiance and talk to him about this. He realized how important this is not only for my dream, but for our future and our lives together that he support me and put my needs before anyone else. You guys are right, we are going to be our own family now and that is what is important. we've been discussing different options for what we'd want to do for our own Disney wedding, but honestly the whole ordeal of the last week or so has taken the fun out of planning a wedding. Its hard to be excited when you know people have negative things to say about it. BUT I know this will pass and I'll be ecstatic! once again! Right now I'm just not too into it.

 

[myprincessgirlisa]

cosi bella

i still think you should do your dream wedding...a DFTW
but
another option is DCL or Disneyland??

but i still think you should do the DFTW!!!!!

dont let silly petty people ruin your dreams & make you regret it everyday!

 

[Swmhc]

Do your thing and enjoy every minute of it. I don't understand the BIL's attitude. One of my coworkers got engaged right after our wedding and she is also a huge Disney fan. I was try to talk her INTO having a DFTW, not OUT of one. I wanted to share my joy and fun !!

Now, in retrospect, after seeing more PJ's on the DCL weddings, I wish I would have known more about them when we planned ours, as I always wanted a beach wedding. I just didn't explore this option far enough and DFTW site wasn't very informative. So....now we are talking about a 10 year VR and I am secretly plotting for one on Castaway Cay !

But as everyone has already said, this is YOUR day, do what YOU want and let the other chips fall where they may. You don't want to regret your wedding. This is the first day of the rest of YOUR lives, and you want it to be the BEST !!!! You should have your dream come true. Also, since it is still two years, out, I would just drop the subject with his family and continue your planning. When it comes time to send out Save the Dates, then they will know your plans.

Good luck, the dis-sisters are here for you !

 

[Chilly]

Glad you have talked it over with your DF. Why don't you forget all about it for a month and then see how you feel. If you still want a Disney wedding then you should just go for it.

Lots of luck to you.

 

[Cosi Bella]

cosi bella

i still think you should do your dream wedding...a DFTW
but
another option is DCL or Disneyland??

but i still think you should do the DFTW!!!!!

dont let silly petty people ruin your dreams & make you regret it everyday!

... you know...I really want the DFTW!!! I do. I know in my heart I do. And I think it will happen. we looked into the DCL but I dont like that you can only have 18 guests attend the ceremony. AND, I want the big reception with dancing and food and all that traditional crap. I'm just a big romantic traditionalist at heart. Thats why I fell in love with Disney. Its like you are a princess for a day (who doesn't want that!?) but you can still have a traditional style wedding. I just loved it and wanted it from day one.

Do your thing and enjoy every minute of it. I don't understand the BIL's attitude. One of my coworkers got engaged right after our wedding and she is also a huge Disney fan. I was try to talk her INTO having a DFTW, not OUT of one. I wanted to share my joy and fun !!

Now, in retrospect, after seeing more PJ's on the DCL weddings, I wish I would have known more about them when we planned ours, as I always wanted a beach wedding. I just didn't explore this option far enough and DFTW site wasn't very informative. So....now we are talking about a 10 year VR and I am secretly plotting for one on Castaway Cay !

But as everyone has already said, this is YOUR day, do what YOU want and let the other chips fall where they may. You don't want to regret your wedding. This is the first day of the rest of YOUR lives, and you want it to be the BEST !!!! You should have your dream come true. Also, since it is still two years, out, I would just drop the subject with his family and continue your planning. When it comes time to send out Save the Dates, then they will know your plans.

Good luck, the dis-sisters are here for you !

Thank you for the support! and I wish I really wish his brother had the attitude of sharing that you do! It would have made this so much easier! But I guess nothing in life is easy right??

Glad you have talked it over with your DF. Why don't you forget all about it for a month and then see how you feel. If you still want a Disney wedding then you should just go for it.

Lots of luck to you.

Thats a really good idea, and I have been trying to do that... not too easy when its all you can think about though, you know?? but we've taken that approach... just giving it some time and then deciding what we want. In the end though, i know that GOSH DARNIT, this is what I want. You all are right... he's just going to have to SUCK it up and deal... This is MY wedding... I"M going to do what I want! Yea.... yea I'm going to do this.... I'm going to have my dream!!! Why should anyone stop me? How is that fair?? What makes them so special that they get their wish??? Alright! Girls, get ready, I'm going to be a DISNEY bride!!!!!