Need to do some soul searching

[MudQueen22]

Why did you ask them?

I don't think they would have minded a Disney trip had you simply planned it and said, "We're going to WDW! Yay!"
But since you've asked their opinions, they might feel like their wishes do not matter if you book the WDW trip anyway.

Someone here mentioned doing it for the youngest as a birthday party, or maybe you can put it off a year so the little one still gets to go, but the older ones don't feel like they haven't been heard.

 

[AnnieBearJamboree]

Like everyone else has said - you asked their opinion, so now if you chose to go to Disney over the beach they’ll think, “Hey, I said I wanted to go to the beach?”

I would suggest doing a split vacation, or doing it for the youngest like another poster said. Make a point to tell your older children that you realize they chose the beach, but your youngest has never been to Disney so you’re compromising.

 

[Nancyg56]

My DGD would not have wanted WDW at that age of your two oldest. She wanted the beach or anyplace else her parents or we would take her. She never would have expressed a desire one way or another if we did not ask, but we would not ask unless we were willing to consider her preference.

I think you asked so it is going to be difficult to tell them their opinion did not matter.

 

[la79al]

OP here- I'm not sure why I asked them. Maybe more so to gauge their reaction to the beach. We are going to the beach next summer regardless and we usually do a few when we go to visit FL twice a year. Skipping DW would potentially mean a second week at the beach but since the girls told me the best part of the beach is 'cousin time' and that isn't feasible, I think the second beach week is off the table. I am going to go forward with planning the DW trip (because I think they will really like it) but am going to keep an eye on some other options as well.

 

[North of Mouse]

Why did you ask them if you didn’t want to know?

I don’t think that children should necessarily drive the family vacation decisions but you asked them so I would take their preference and alter the trip. I would shorten Disney and spend a few days at a Florida beach as part of that trip.

I was asking the same thing, then I read your post! We never asked that question with our children - we just discussed what we'd do on our vacations.

Don't ask if you don't want to listen to their answers - not fair to the kids IMO. Now, all you can tell them is you really thought their answer would be what you 'wanted' to hear, duh, not what they would rather do!

 

[Jadeey]

Listening to your children doesn't have to mean doing what they say. I often ask my daughter her opinion/preference with things and sometimes we go with her preference but other times we don't. When we don't go with her preference we discuss why not.

That was how my parents were with me and it always made me feel like my feelings were valid and considered. Being valued and considered was more important to me than getting my way.

OP, I agree that your youngest is at a magical age for Disney. I think just explain to your oldest two that you looked into a second beach week after they suggested it, but have decided that Disney for your youngest is what you are going to do. Then turn the discussion to activities they want to do while they are at Disney.

 

[MamaD]

At least if you don't go to Disney World immediately, you can always use the gift cards in the online store or any local ones you've got. Or even just save them till the next time you can go.

 

[jlb727]

Being valued and considered was more important to me than getting my way.

As a teacher and someone who has studied child psychology, I agree with this poster 100 percent.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking kids their opinion. Also, I think it’s a great idea to have the older two help plan the Disney trip. When I was 11, my parents gave me a copy of Birnbaum’s Guide to WDW and pretty much allowed me to make our touring plans. It was so great and gave me a feeling of ownership and confidence.

 

[Afabena]

I like the idea of splitting the trip, FL beaches and Disney. Can you possibly extend the trip by a few days or over a long weekend so you have equal time at both? 5 days at Disney 5 days at the beach? Renting a house for one or both stays would keep the cost down and you can buy groceries and make meals. Good luck planning!

 

[wendlle]

I'm not sure where you live but this is why Disneyland can be a much better vacation than WDW.
No schedules, no ADR's etc. Lines are usually much shorter especially mid-week. Easy to hop between parks.
You could combine it with seeing some more of Southern California - we usually visit San Diego or San Fransisco with our Disneyland trips.

or do a cruise instead.

 

[jbehr12]

I have hotel reservations for next February and have saved up some gift cards. I am ready to move forward with taking my 3 DDs (11, 9, 4) to DW next year. Except that we went to the beach last week (we go for a week every summer) and I made the mistake of asking whether they would rather do a week at DW or a week at the beach. The 2 older ones said beach rather quickly and gave reasons why (mostly revolving around the cost and wait times at DW). We could easily do an entire week at the beach under the DW budget. So now I need to decide which to do. We did a MNSSHP 2 years ago. And did a day at MK and a day at AK about 4 years ago. The last week long trip was about 7 years ago. Any advice or opinions?

Go to Disney, your daughters don’t know any better and are just trying to be cool. I was just like them 15 years ago and had a Disney gap from 11-23 years old. They will thank you later. Worst case scenario they will hang out at a pool there which is already better than 90% of beaches. They’re not paying so cost should have no relevance to them and wait times are irrelevant also, you can hit every ride under a half hour wait if you plan enough with FP+.

 

[dvcterry]

I have hotel reservations for next February and have saved up some gift cards. I am ready to move forward with taking my 3 DDs (11, 9, 4) to DW next year. Except that we went to the beach last week (we go for a week every summer) and I made the mistake of asking whether they would rather do a week at DW or a week at the beach. The 2 older ones said beach rather quickly and gave reasons why (mostly revolving around the cost and wait times at DW). We could easily do an entire week at the beach under the DW budget. So now I need to decide which to do. We did a MNSSHP 2 years ago. And did a day at MK and a day at AK about 4 years ago. The last week long trip was about 7 years ago. Any advice or opinions?

Disney Vero Beach, best of both worlds and still get a Disney fix everyday

s

 

[Malyficent]

...the girls told me the best part of the beach is 'cousin time' and that isn't feasible...

Aha! It's not the beach over Disney - it's they want to spend time with their cousins. I get this - if given an either or situation - Disney or cousin time - my kids would feel the same way. It warms my heart. I'm still taking them to Disney at Christmas because I love it.

See what else you can schedule with the cousins. My sister and I just took our kids to the Pocono Mountains for a couple days. Not normally my cup of tea but we all loved it and they had loads of cousin time - all for 1/10th the cost of our Disney trip. We did a long weekend at the beach earlier this summer. Again, about 1/10th the cost of a Disney vacation.

 

[North of Mouse]

Listening to your children doesn't have to mean doing what they say. I often ask my daughter her opinion/preference with things and sometimes we go with her preference but other times we don't. When we don't go with her preference we discuss why not.

Opinions/preferences are not the same as flat out questions. We often had 'discussions' in our family with opinions/likes/dislikes floating around, but maybe you don't understand there is a big difference.

 

[PippensMcGee]

OP here- I'm not sure why I asked them. Maybe more so to gauge their reaction to the beach. We are going to the beach next summer regardless and we usually do a few when we go to visit FL twice a year. Skipping DW would potentially mean a second week at the beach but since the girls told me the best part of the beach is 'cousin time' and that isn't feasible, I think the second beach week is off the table. I am going to go forward with planning the DW trip (because I think they will really like it) but am going to keep an eye on some other options as well.

It sounds like you've made up your mind at this point, but if you're already going to the beach next summer anyway AND you went this summer already AND your youngest is at a magic age AND you'd already budgeted the money, it sounds like a no-brainer. Go to WDW and have fun!

 

[Jadeey]

Opinions/preferences are not the same as flat out questions. We often had 'discussions' in our family with opinions/likes/dislikes floating around, but maybe you don't understand there is a big difference.

I do understand the difference between a flat out question and opinions floating around, we have both of those things in our house.

But I will absolutely flat out ask my daughter whether she wants to do something or not and then make a decision from there. My parents did the exact same thing. Being asked directly whether I wanted to do something, me saying I didn’t, my parents going away and talking about it and then coming back to me and discussing why they were doing the thing I had said I didn’t want to do never bothered me. Sometimes that second discussion would turn into a wider discussion with me giving further reasons that convinced them to change their mind, other times it didn’t.

The same thing happens with my daughter. She’s only 4 so the conversation are a lot more basic at the moment. But my brother uses the same tactic with my niece and nephew who are 8 and 19. Just recently we wanted to do a family holiday and he asked them if they would prefer Option A or Option B. They chose Option A. But then my brother and I realised for various reasons it wouldn’t be ideal and that Option B would better suit the whole group. We did Option B and both my niece and nephew were perfectly fine with it. They made a few comments during the trip about how much more exciting their pick would have been, but they weren’t majorly complaining and at the end of the trip my nephew suggested we do the same trip next year until my daughter is a bit older and can better appreciate Option A.

My whole point is that asking the question and then making a different decision doesn’t have to be an issue as long as there is a discussion with reasons laid out as to why the opposite decision to the one the kids made is made clear to them.

 

[jbehr12]

I do understand the difference between a flat out question and opinions floating around, we have both of those things in our house.

But I will absolutely flat out ask my daughter whether she wants to do something or not and then make a decision from there. My parents did the exact same thing. Being asked directly whether I wanted to do something, me saying I didn’t, my parents going away and talking about it and then coming back to me and discussing why they were doing the thing I had said I didn’t want to do never bothered me. Sometimes that second discussion would turn into a wider discussion with me giving further reasons that convinced them to change their mind, other times it didn’t.

The same thing happens with my daughter. She’s only 4 so the conversation are a lot more basic at the moment. But my brother uses the same tactic with my niece and nephew who are 8 and 19. Just recently we wanted to do a family holiday and he asked them if they would prefer Option A or Option B. They chose Option A. But then my brother and I realised for various reasons it wouldn’t be ideal and that Option B would better suit the whole group. We did Option B and both my niece and nephew were perfectly fine with it. They made a few comments during the trip about how much more exciting their pick would have been, but they weren’t majorly complaining and at the end of the trip my nephew suggested we do the same trip next year until my daughter is a bit older and can better appreciate Option A.

My whole point is that asking the question and then making a different decision doesn’t have to be an issue as long as there is a discussion with reasons laid out as to why the opposite decision to the one the kids made is made clear to them.

Let’s be real, kids have been on earth for a fraction of their parents time. Just because they have an opinion doesn’t make it a well informed one. Respecting a child’s opinion and catering to their opinions are two totally different things. Sometimes you have to go against their “opinions” for the better and if they do something they didn’t originally want to do it just widens their perspective and encourages them to make better decisions in the future.

 

[staypuffworld]

When my mom was pregnant with me she broke the news to my teen sisters by asking them if they would like a little brother or sister. They went, “ugh, no!” and my mom cried, lol. I think it’s fine to ask their opinions and let them learn that just because you factor in their opinion, their opinion isn’t the final deciding factor. Like, “thank you for your thoughts but I decided this, because ...” is fine.

 

[BingoJoe]

I love Disney and we go for two weeks every year, but I make sure we go to other places in between as well.

For example we always spend at least a week camping near a beach (a holiday that is essentially cheaper than staying at home) and make sure to do a couple of city breaks and perhaps a music festival.

I know Americans get less time off work that other people, but I really do think it helps to alternate between other kinds of holiday and Disney holidays, even if that means you have to take a year off from the mouse. It allows you to appreciate the Disney trip for all the unique stuff it gives you while not feeling you are missing out on anything else.

In the case of the OP, they haven't been on a proper Disney trip for 7 years, and have done loads of beach stuff, so just ignore the kids and do Disney.

 

[stsomewhere]

My kids were 11 and 9 when they decided on a Disney trip that they never needed to come back. They hated the heat, waiting in line. it was for babies, etc. They would rather cruise. They enjoyed the kids and teen clubs, the freedom on board, etc.. We prefer longer cruises 10 days or more at least twice a year. For the next 7 years, we never went to Disney as a vacation. They were willing to go for a day (usually Epcot) before or after a cruise. The one day in my daughter decided that she wanted to go to Disney for her sweet 16. My husband and son ( freshman in college) said that they did not want to go.
2017- we did a mom/daughter trip. My husband and son went on a cruise during son's college spring break.
2018- We went to WDW for Spring break . My husband came. My Son told us when we got home , he wished he would of went.
2018-My daughter and I went in Nov/Dec for her senior trip because she wanted to see Christmas decorations.
2019- March- went to Disney world for two days before cruise, husband, daughter, son and his girlfriend.
2019- August- We have a cruise booked later this month. My family choose to go on a shorter cruise. We are doing 5 days at Disney and a 5 night cruise. Just the four of us.

My kids decided that they loved Disney as adults. My son just turned 21 and is looking forward to having some adult beverage at Epcot.