OT: Send kids to daycare while you are home?

[RachaelRol]

My4kids- My feelings exactly...

For the working moms, do what you must for your family to survive, but when I see working moms dropping babies off at daycare in their $65,000 SUV's that really rubs me the wrong way... give me a break. It's all about making choices. Some mothers, many mothers work because their family is a 2 income family. Some mothers work even though they don't need to work. To each his own.

So what if working moms drive a 65K SUV. They earned it...Many SAHM drive them too. SHould we say they shouldn't because they don't earn a paycheck?

I enjoy working and am proud of the career I built. It is okay to work because you want to, not just because you have to.

Motherhood is not defined by the number of hours you spend with your children. It is what you teach them and how you spend your time with them.

This is really unbelievable. I can't believe how judgemental some of you are..

 

[RachaelRol]

I agree, it's all about making choices. And people have to decide what's right for themselves.

I think it's perfectly fine for someone to work just because they like working.

Exactly!!!

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

But why is it "better" for your children to sit and watch you fold the laundry, or clean out a drawer? What benefit does it give them that makes it so much better than playing at daycare? And how can watching TV be counted as family time when it is the most passive activity of all? That's what I don't understand about this argument.

Liz, I think I wuv you!

There's quality time and then there is wasted time. Wasted time is when your kids are plopped in front of the TV so you can get things done or play on the computer. I think we've all been guilty of that. Quality time is the time you spend actually interacting in a positive way with your child. Kids like to be with other kids and kids like to be away from their parents. It's healthy for all concerned. That's why some SAHM's on this thread sing the praises of preschool. A little separation is a good thing!

 

[mom2aredhead]

"The bottom line is that American mothers— whether or not they combine paid work and family, regardless of marital status, race or class— are all stuck in the same leaky boat," says Judith Stadtman Tucker of The Mothers Movement Online. "We can make matters worse by trying to shoot each other in the foot, or we can learn to respect our differences and concentrate on building a better boat."

This article originally appeared in Parent:Wise Austin Magazine - May 2004

Here is the link if anyone wants to read the whole thing...

http://www.mothersmovement.org/features/cease_fire/cease_fire_p1.htm

 

[kribit]

Originally Posted by dfarner
My4kids- My feelings exactly...

For the working moms, do what you must for your family to survive, but when I see working moms dropping babies off at daycare in their $65,000 SUV's that really rubs me the wrong way

A little OT -
I was always taught to never judge a person by the car they drive. For those that appear to be driving the fancy cars, there is a little thing called "lease." Also, some of the wealthiest people I know drive cars that are 8 years old.

 

[treboats]

My4kids- My feelings exactly...

For the working moms, do what you must for your family to survive, but when I see working moms dropping babies off at daycare in their $65,000 SUV's that really rubs me the wrong way... give me a break. It's all about making choices. Some mothers, many mothers work because their family is a 2 income family. Some mothers work even though they don't need to work. To each his own.

Why does it bother you, do they ask you to pay for it? Do they ask you to pay their daycare expenses? Why judge someone you know nothing about? So what if they "want" to work to have nicer things? What if it is a company car and they don't pay anything for it at all, does it still bother you? What if Mom and Dad bought it together and paid for it and something happened to the Dad and now she is a single parent but kept it because it's paid for? I am no way saying she needs to justify I just think it is terrible that people judge people that they know nothing about just because they drive a nice car and take their kids to daycare.

 

[Makdyn]

willoughbyclan- I have a dd name Jordyn also.

 

[mom2aredhead]

Why does it bother you, do they ask you to pay for it? Do they ask you to pay their daycare expenses? Why judge someone you know nothing about? So what if they "want" to work to have nicer things? What if it is a company car and they don't pay anything for it at all, does it still bother you? What if Mom and Dad bought it together and paid for it and something happened to the Dad and now she is a single parent but kept it because it's paid for? I am no way saying she needs to justify I just think it is terrible that people judge people that they know nothing about just because they drive a nice car and take their kids to daycare.

It's because people are either insecure with their own decisions, or just flat out jealous, so unfortunately they feel the need to kick other people to the curb to make themselves feel better.

 

[Davidsmommy]

I really hate these types of threads, and yet I always have to read them.

Why, as women, are we constantly trying to tear each other down? Do you ever see men typing away on message boards about the other men they know and how they are a "better" father than them?

OP, it is perfectly fine what you are doing.

It is perfectly fine to work. It is perfectly fine not to work. It is perfectly fine to use daycare. It is perfectly fine not to use daycare.

It is NOT perfectly fine to try to tear down other people's choices - choices that are right for THEM. We are not all alike - gosh, how boring would life be if we all were little clones of each other?

 

[DVCLiz]

Liz, I think I wuv you!

There's quality time and then there is wasted time. Wasted time is when your kids are plopped in front of the TV so you can get things done or play on the computer. I think we've all been guilty of that. Quality time is the time you spend actually interacting in a positive way with your child. Kids like to be with other kids and kids like to be away from their parents. It's healthy for all concerned. That's why some SAHM's on this thread sing the praises of preschool. A little separation is a good thing!

 

[Makdyn]

There is nothing worng with sending your kids to daycare. When I was going to school full time and workign part time I had two weeks off of school every three months. At the time I only had dd 6. she went to daycare a couple days out of those two weeks. I drop her off early and picked her up late. Also went I was out on leave for dd 3 for six weeks dd 6 went to daycare again not every day but at least three times a week.

Right now I am working a full time job and a part time job just to support us. When I have a day off (which is not often unless one of us is really sick) the girls stay home with me because I dont spend alot of time with them and also I dont want to get up and get everyone ready

I think there are two (maybe more) kind of Moms (dads) Ones that can be with there kid 24/7 and are find with not having any time to themselves and it works for them and their family. The other one is ones that would love to be with there kids 24/7 but can not because they need to have some me time or they will go crazy. I fall into the second one. Even though I work about 75 hours a week I need some me time.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

It's because people are either insecure with their own decisions, or just flat out jealous, so unfortunately they feel the need to kick other people to the curb to make themselves feel better.

I don't think that's it at all.I see both sides of this argument but let me explain. Here's a personal story. There was a Mom at my dd's dance school who complained every singel week about the cost of dance school, how she didn't even want to buy her dd the tap shoes but her Mom made her, how she wasn't sure she was going to put her in the recital because the costume was expensive etc. I found this woman to be so annoying that I just wanted to tell her to shut up. Now if you can't afford something then you can't afford it. No big deal. She would come in wearing designer clothes, drinking a cup of coffee that she bought on her way in, driving a $60,000 special edition SUV (leased or not the payments would be huge). Now I don't know if she worked or not and I didn't really care but people like that annoy me. I think she needed a reality check. Now when I talk to someone who tells me how they can't afford to stay home and they are driving the super expensive car, pushing their kids in a bugaboo, only shopping at Nordstroms etc. I cannot help but roll my eyes. Look- if you want to work then work. Just don't give me some line about how you can't afford it when your toddler is wearing $100 Seven jeans! I was a working Mom and currently a SAHM. I will return to the work force eventually and that is my choice. My Mom was a working Mom and I never had a problem with it as a kid. I am not jealous of other people and their fancy stuff as we don't do without because my dh makes a good living. Even if he didn't- those are just "things" to me. Not really important. I don't feel that it is kicking people to the curb when you have to hear their sob stories about how they want to stay home but can't afford to while the are having their nails done only to slip into a pair of Stuart Weitzmans. In that particular incident I think the Mom is either full of bull or she just can't admit that she doesn't want to stay home. There is nothing wrong with wanting to work. Juts be honest about it. I don't care if you work, stay home, or join a circus. If you are a nice person I'd be your friend and hopefully our kids could play together. No one decision is perfect for everyone but everyone always says that the SAHM's are so judgemental but honestly I have felt the that working Moms are worse. I always have to hear "Oh- well your husband makes good money" blah blah blah. Sure he does, but we are not rich by any means. We just make different choices with our money. That is what works for us. Work or don't work, send your kids to daycare or don't. It doesn't really matter as long as you are trying your best and doing what is best for your family.
After all- isn't that what we are all trying to do anyway?

 

[my4kids]

Liz, I think I wuv you!

There's quality time and then there is wasted time. Wasted time is when your kids are plopped in front of the TV so you can get things done or play on the computer. I think we've all been guilty of that. Quality time is the time you spend actually interacting in a positive way with your child. Kids like to be with other kids and kids like to be away from their parents. It's healthy for all concerned. That's why some SAHM's on this thread sing the praises of preschool. A little separation is a good thing!

A) Well I guess that's the difference. When I'm folding laundry, it is not "wasted time" for my daughter who sits next to me and tells me everything that is going on in her life. Nor is it wasted when we fold and sing together. I don't watch a lot of TV, but if I do sit to watch TV and I am cuddling with one of my kids, i don't consider that wasted time either. The way that I mother, there is no wasted time - I'm talking and interacting with my kids the whole time. If someone is plopped in front of the TV and doesn't have any cuddle time with their kid who is playing a video game in the other room, or folding laundry while their kids are staring at a TV, I guess that is wasted time, and they are better off sending their kids to daycare where someone might talk to them.

B) I agree that a little seperation is a good thing. I am now a SAHM and I still send my youngest to preschool (and there is a difference between pre-school and daycare) I get to go shopping , go to the doctors office by myself. It's wonderful. But it is from 9-11 not 8-6. It gives my child kids to play with etc. I too think it is nice to steal a weekend away from the kids with the hubby here and there. But when I kid is already at daycare most days and there is a special day off, I just can't imagine not using that time to be together. But that's me. I guess alot of people can imagine it and prefer it.

 

[DVCLiz]

A) Well I guess that's the difference. When I'm folding laundry, it is not "wasted time" for my daughter who sits next to me and tells me everything that is going on in her life. Nor is it wasted when we fold and sing together. I don't watch a lot of TV, but if I do sit to watch TV and I am cuddling with one of my kids, i don't consider that wasted time either. The way that I mother, there is no wasted time - I'm talking and interacting with my kids the whole time. If someone is plopped in front of the TV and doesn't have any cuddle time with their kid who is playing a video game in the other room, or folding laundry while their kids are staring at a TV, I guess that is wasted time, and they are better off sending their kids to daycare where someone might talk to them.

B) I agree that a little seperation is a good thing. I am now a SAHM and I still send my youngest to preschool (and there is a difference between pre-school and daycare) I get to go shopping , go to the doctors office by myself. It's wonderful. But it is from 9-11 not 8-6. It gives my child kids to play with etc. I too think it is nice to steal a weekend away from the kids with the hubby here and there. But when I kid is already at daycare most days and there is a special day off, I just can't imagine not using that time to be together. But that's me. I guess alot of people can imagine it and prefer it.

I can't imagine having my preschool child home all day and keeping up a constant stream of interaction. Doesn't it exhaust you to do that? And how do your children ever learn to entertain themselves if they don't have any time away from an adult entertainer or away from your side? I guess this is one of those parenting decisions that seems really right if it's your choice, but really wrong to others. Even if I had been at home all day, I can't imagine I would have been able to maintain that interaction, nor would I have wanted to.

And I am always amused at how quickly SAHMs who send their children to preschool want to point out how different it is from daycare. When I worked full time, I sent my DDs to a church preschool from 9-12, then I picked them up at lunch and took them to a daycare center for the afternoon. Yes, there were significant differences in the programs, but I didn't try to fool myself that one was for educational enrichment and the other was just my poor parenting choice. They were both safe and loving places for someone else to watch my child while I did other things.

 

[RachaelRol]

A) Well I guess that's the difference. When I'm folding laundry, it is not "wasted time" for my daughter who sits next to me and tells me everything that is going on in her life. Nor is it wasted when we fold and sing together. I don't watch a lot of TV, but if I do sit to watch TV and I am cuddling with one of my kids, i don't consider that wasted time either. The way that I mother, there is no wasted time - I'm talking and interacting with my kids the whole time.

I too think it is nice to steal a weekend away from the kids with the hubby here and there. But when I kid is already at daycare most days and there is a special day off, I just can't imagine not using that time to be together. But that's me. I guess alot of people can imagine it and prefer it.

I do the same thing. Between before and after care and his school day, DS is at Kindergarten from about 7:30 to 5:30. This is a long day and week for him. As his parents we know this. This is why DH or I keep him company in the bath and talk about his day. He helps me cook dinner and helps me clean up. He is read a story every night before bed and on the way to school we sing songs, practice Spanish etc. Also I taught DS to read, we play board games as a family and DH helped coach his soccer team and will do the same for tee ball. And yes in between all of this there are tons of hugs and kisses and cuddle time. We value our time together and make the most of it.

DH and I have gone away over night twice in DS 5 years. We'll go out to dinner without DS about 4 times a year and more often than not, if Dh or I am off DS is with us.

I guess at the end of the day if you read your post and you read mine, we are saying the same thing, doing the same thing and love our children the same. We're both moms. the only difference is you stay home and I work.

 

[mericletwins]

I don't think children should come first either. I tihnk parents need and deserve some time to be adults - together and alone. I think children should be planned for, wanted, loved, provided for, nurtured, and on and on, but come first always? Ick, what kind of child would that produce? Not one I would want to have on my hands when adulthood rolled around.

I can tell you exactly what kind of kid it produces as I see them all day long as an eigth grade teacher. I see some of the laziest kids ever who have had every whim and want catered to and expect me and the rest of the world to do the same. These kids are going to be unleashed on the world in another 4 years or so and it honestly makes me ill.

I had the kids do a writing assignment two years ago that involved them writing about something that they wanted that could save up for, how would they save, what was the object, would they have to convince the parents to let them buy it, etc. I can't tell you how many kids couldn't come up with something they needed to wait to get and save up for. They had never had to wait for something they wanted. Delayed gratification was a completely foreign concept. When I suggested that they might want to write about saving for a car since they would be driving in a couple years, they thought I was crazy. Save? My parents will get me one. These kids were not all from well-to-do parents either. It really turns my stomach the extent to which kids are put first. That is such a bad concept to teach IMO. All people should be taught to put others first. There seems to be little to no consideration of others. Most psychologists say that the marriage comes first, the kids come second. ITA! Having a strong marriage that shows the give and take of two people that care for each other shows children much more than being put first.

 

[coach's wife]

My DH and I are teachers. We have two little girls, ages 4 and 2. We both work very hard but are lucky to come home around 4pm each day and have the regular school vacations off. The girls are at daycare 3 days a week, with Grandma one day, and with me on Fridays (I am lucky to have one day off a week).

I mentioned to a friend of mine that we had sent the girls to their normal daycare for 2 days of our President's week vacation, so my husband and I could get some things done around the house and have some quiet time. She was surprised that we would do this -- if we were home, we should have kept the girls home with us.

The girls like their daycare, it is a home daycare with a wonderful lady and lots of kids their ages to play with. If they are home with us, most of the day is consumed with playing with them and tending to their needs.

So I'd like to get everyone's philosophy on this. Are we wrong to be sending our kids to daycare while we are home? I'm open to all opinions.

Thank you,
TikiG

Very interesting topic.

First let me say I didn't read all the pages that go with this. I am a daycare provider (out of my home) and have two thoughts on the matter.

Daycare provider thought would be two fold: you pay me no matter what. If you have the day off so be it, bring your kids to me. If your kids have a great time with me then I'm glad they feel safe to be with me even when they know you are going to be home. More love for me...it makes me feel good that they want to come. BUT.....part of me says (as a daycare provider) how could you keep them with me ALL day I most of the time know your children better them SOME parents.

NOW....the parent view. I as a parent say...gosh it would be nice to have an extra day to get chores, errands, sanity time. The less stressed a parent is the better parent they are. I myself feel guilty at the thought of someone besides me watching my kids BUT....my kids love to be with other people. Kids enjoy playdates with whomever it is..grandparents, friends or daycare providers.

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

DD would rather play with friends at child care than be bored at home with no other kids to play with while i did necessary chores. Parents that are less stressed are happier, better parents.

 

[Elmo888]

I really hate these types of threads, and yet I always have to read them.

LOL!! Me, too!

I had to comment...the reason why your kids need to see you do laundry and other mundane chores is to see that life is not a constant stream of entertainment and clothes don't clean themselves (groceries don't buy themselves, floors don't vacuum themselves, etc.). And sometimes, kids need to entertain themselves while you do what you need to do...entertaining themselves is another learned skill. (I don't mean that I disagree with the OP - there is plenty of stuff that is nearly impossible to get done with kids in the house, esp. small children. Number one is clearing out the toys!)

On the topic of constant entertainment, DD7 just had a birthday party and one of the girls asked "what is our next activity?"...what am I? A cruise director?

 

[kribit]

On the topic of constant entertainment, DD7 just had a birthday party and one of the girls asked "what is our next activity?"...what am I? A cruise director?