Parenting Question

[Liberty Belle]

I would say that's an "each to their own" situation. No disrespect meant whatsoever, but I'm honestly not concerned whether another parent wants to hear if I yell something to my kid in practice. Nor am I concerned if other kids are goofing off...that's between them and their parents. Yes, there are clearly lines to be drawn. Nobody wants a parent who yells non-stop all during practice, or gets downright mean. At the same time, I am fully in support of a parent who yells something to their kid in practice a time or two. If my kid is staring off into space, I would absolutely do what OP did. If someone else doesn't like it, sorry.

I guess I'm more of a people pleaser. I for sure wouldn't put other people's comfort ahead of my son, if I truly thought he needed me to yell at him, but really, it didn't make much of a difference.

 

[Southernmiss]

Now that DD is older and has played soccer with "that parent's kid" from elementary to high school age, "that parent's kid" tells all the girls on the team she has learned to ignore and tune out mom and dad. So any comments now fall on the intended's deaf ears and is distracting to the other kids and parents.

 

[mjkacmom]

I grew up playing sports. My nieces & nephews were the same. (My DS is the intellectual one of the family & stopped playing sports by third grade, so I supported my nieces & nephews as often as possible.) Yelling at your kid to let them know what they need to do & where they need to be is a part of sports. Those that want to leave everything to the coach have probably been coaches in youth league or haven't played sports beyond youth league themselves. IME, that's not what parents who were competitive athletes themselves do. Naturally, this depends on how old your DS is. If he's very young, its best to have patience with him. If this isn't his first year playing the sport, yelling at him to pay attention is normal. The mom you dealt with has probably never played a competitive sport. I would tell her that I expected my child to pay attention & leave it at that. It really depends on how old your child is & how important your family views sports.

No, the coach doesn’t want you yelling. DH has coached 5 tball teams, over a dozen rec basketball teams, dozens of rec and travel soccer teams (currently 2 high school spring leagues). No, he doesn’t want parents coaching his practice. This is at all, it’s fine, kids will be picking flowers. I do remember a little one getting caught in the goal net at a soccer game, it was hysterical.

 

[mjkacmom]

Ignore her. Be nice but ignore. Yelling at kids from the sidelines is a part of sports. Honestly. My son has played ball since that age and I’ve never been to a game or practice where there weren’t parents yelling. People that say otherwise are lying or haven’t had a child in sports.

Just because parents yell at their kids doesn’t make it right. The coaches do not appreciate it (and some have talks about it with the parents). My kids are on multiple teams every season, it’s less appreciated the older they get. DH had to fire an assistant coach, and he was no longer allowed to sit with the other parents. And this was a parent of a teenager.

 

[Cheetie]

I don’t understand why this even needs to be discussed. Three and four year-olds playing t-ball is really young. It’s an intro to team sports and meant to be fun, to spark an interest at playing ball. Stop yelling and just enjoy it.

As for the other mom, I wouldn’t have confronted you, but your stern voice would have annoyed me too. Just ignore her. (And following a toddler around a field during a sibling’s practice is pretty standard behavior.)

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I will admit to having no experience with sports with nothing but ropes. (I'm guessing you're talking about wresting. If I wrong, feel free to correct me.) We don't have any wrestlers in our family, so I can't speak for the atmosphere at wresting meets.) I'm talking about basketball, football & baseball. We also had competitive swimmers in our family, but that was more yelling to encourage them in hopes to speed them up than yelling to tell them what they are doing wrong. IME, family yelling to instruct players in the sports I'm most familiar with is common. Four of my nieces & nephews played AAU sports. Everyone in the gym was yelling at a kid. As a referee in basketball, I've also had many parents tell me what they think of my calls. In my experience, with the sports I've mentioned, that's common.

As I mentioned in my first post, it depends on the age of the child. Patience is necessary at an early age. In the first year, kids need a lot of guidance. After the first year, kids need to learn to listen to instructions. That instruction often comes from parents. I don't find that unusual at all. As long as a child listens to the coach, I don't see anything wrong with parents instructing their child on what they're doing wrong. Unfortunately, I've seen way too many coaches that are solely invested in their child & their friend's children in youth league. The other kids are lucky to play. In that case, I would advise any parent to instruct their child on what they should be doing & try to get a different coach the next year. Parents have much more invested in their child than a coach who volunteers to coach, because their child is on the team does. My advise would be different for those old enough to play on a school sport or AAU.

I think we may be discussing different sports, which makes our experiences are very different.

lol, not wrestling. Football...soccer...lacrosse....basketball...My/my kids's leagues use the high school football field for these (outdoor) sports (and small middle school gyms for b-ball), but when we play other teams, some of their games are held at different parks in their communities, so they just mark off a field and *sometimes* rope it off as the barrier that the parents can't cross. So the parents set their chairs up right at the ropes, or white line, or whatever the demarcation is, which sometimes is practically right on top of the kids on the sidelines. And for basketball, there is literally only about 2 feet between the sidelines and the "bleachers".

The OP clarified that her little one is a preschooler, so yes, I agree that kids that age are not out there to be serious athletes lol I was thinking he was already school-aged.

I admire you for reffing!! That is such a hard job...my oldest ref's youth lacrosse and I have sat at countless football/basketball/baseball/soccer games where parents go nuts. My DH is also a coach and coaching director for our youth football league, so I learned a long time ago to sit apart from the masses so I don't have to listen to them bashing the coaches and refs.

And I totally get what you are saying about sports-minded parents giving instruction, and completely agree with the bolded!!! - that is why DH and I coach, because the lack of decent instruction from people who really don't care a whole lot, favoritism toward one's own kid, and the non-existence of safety-mindedness from many coaches, esp in my boys' main sports of football and lax - but my bottom line still is that parents should refrain from yelling out specific instruction to their kids during practice like the way OP is describing.

Because, I'm not talking about the "Come on DS! Block that guy!!" or "keep your eye on the ball! You've got this!" kind of yelling from the stands...I'm totally cool with that, and I do it all the time.

I'm talking about the "DS! DS! Hey! Listen to Mommy! You stop playing with the gravel and pay attention right now!" and 2 minutes later "DS! Yoo-hooo out there! DS! Mommy means it...you pay attention now. Come on baby...look at the ball! Here is is coming to you! Stop playing with that dirt right now, mister, or you will get a time out when we get home. I'm going to count to three....1....2....3...Ohh....sweetie, take the rock out of your mouth and stop smelling the inside of your mitt! That's it....when we get home, no treat for you!"

^^^THAT^^^ is annoying.

 

[Klayfish]

You are right to each their own, I would yell something to my kid- get your head in the game, glove down, things like that (and not at the t-ball level, I'm talking older kids).
However I would not choose to sternly hollar at him to discipline his behavior on the field, that would come after the practice/game.
I wouldn't embarrass him in front of everyone, and I wouldn't subject the other parents around me to my hollaring at him like that.
This was a t ball game of 3 and 4 year olds, nothing is going to that outfield, plus if it was a true t-ball then it wasn't a real baseball anyway, so it wasn't like his behavior put him in imminent danger.
Part of learning how to be safe, is playing and letting the coach do his job and teach about safety on the field at that age. It isnt about mom screaming at you from the stands.

I think we're saying the same thing. As I said, there's clearly a line to be drawn. Parents definitely shouldn't be constantly yelling, hollering or interfering during practice. Totally agree. But at the same time, nothing wrong with doing exactly as you said...if needed yell something like "Get your head in the game" or "Pay attention". Been there, done that. I've even yelled something like "C'mon dude, you can make that tackle" once or twice. Beyond that, yes, the coaches should do the coaching. Now that the kids are 10, 10, 14 I pretty much say absolutely nothing. Sometimes they'll look toward me and I'll give them a thumbs up or a head nod, but that's about it. I'm actually even rather silent during games...beyond just general clapping. All of my kids have said that while they hear "crowd noise", they don't pay attention to it as they're focused on the game...especially during football.

 

[brockash]

So I am looking for your thoughts on an issue I had with a mom at my son's t-ball practice tonight.

My son loses focus easily and was goofing off with an orange cone while in the outfield. I sternly hollared at him to stop playing with the cone at one point. A few minutes later, I yelled at him again to pay attention. (My son is used to my stern voice and knows that mommy means business when he hears it and I typically only use it to get his attention.) After that, another player's mom snidely told me it was annoying her and she doesn't want her son to hear me yelling at my own kid. (One of her non-playing kids (18 months old) was wondering the playing field while the practice was going on and she just walked behind him.)

At that point, I just shook my head and walked off without saying a word to her. Had I responded to her, it would have not been pleasant, nor fit for small ears.

What should I have done or do in the future with regards to this mom? And please don't say to not yell at my kids, my children all know I love them and that if I am break out the stern voice, it is time to act better.

I'd just keep ignoring her. If the coach doesn't say anything and you're not constantly yelling, then I think a few reminders throughout practice/games is totally fine, normal, and grateful you're engaged.

ETA: How old? I'm assuming younger...if older like late middle school/high school that's different in my opinion.

 

[luvsJack]

Does the coach have assistants and enough to help him out?

I am sure its taught differently now, but in my kid's day, they had a coach somewhere in the infield, usually close to the pitchers mound and then one by the batters. That was game and practice. Either a coach or a Mom stayed in the dugout during the games. And if there was another helper, one in the outfield area . Maybe if he doesn't have enough help, he doesn't have the ability to know when the OP's son is not paying attention (or any other player).

 

[dish rag]

Tell her to mind her own business. My son would lay down and take a nap in the outfield when he was a little guy. We thought it was funny.

 

[1Mouse2RulethemAll]

I'd just keep ignoring her. If the coach doesn't say anything and you're not constantly yelling, then I think a few reminders throughout practice/games is totally fine, normal, and grateful you're engaged.


ETA: How old? I'm assuming younger...if older like late middle school/high school that's different in my opinion.

He is 4, almost 5, but tends to behave like a 3 year old. He is a good kid and I always make sure to give him positive reinforcement when he is doing the right thing. I only hollered to redirect his attention back to the game after he was acting up for a while.

 

[1Mouse2RulethemAll]

Does the coach have assistants and enough to help him out?

Nope, there is only the one coach, but the parents do help out.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

You should let the coaches handle it.

 

[CdnCarrie]

You should let the coaches handle it.
I had a mother do that with her daughter during our kids' swimming lessons. Kept disciplining and yelling at her child while she was in the water with her teacher. It was beyond annoying and disrespectful to the teacher.

 

[Park Pirate]

Because, I'm not talking about the "Come on DS! Block that guy!!" or "keep your eye on the ball! You've got this!" kind of yelling from the stands...I'm talking about the "DS! DS! Hey! Listen to Mommy! You stop playing with the gravel and pay attention right now!" and 2 minutes later "DS! Yoo-hooo out there! DS! Mommy means it...you pay attention now. Come on baby...look at the ball! Here is is coming to you! Stop playing with that dirt right now, mister, or you will get a time out when we get home. I'm going to count to three....1....2....3...Ohh....sweetie, take the rock out of your mouth and stop smelling the inside of your mitt! That's it....when we get home, no treat for you!"

^^^THAT is annoying.

I know better to get involved in a discussion like this, but I have seen both sides. First off, when talking about 3-4 year olds, I am not sure there is much you can do. At that age it is just another play activity and there is little hope of getting concepts across or even holding anyone's attention. The only time I would say or do anything is if I thought my child was being either a safety issue or a big distraction to the kids that are trying to pay attention and the coach was preoccupied with something else.

Now, for older, say middle school kids, I think this thread is discussing different scenarios, and I agree with the quote above that there are differences in parents yelling from the sidelines. In my opinion, there is a big difference to the parent that is constantly yelling negatives at the refs, coaches, and players and the one who is actively following the game, occasionally yelling compliments to the players or even an occasional constructive comment to their son/daughter. I am not talking about trying to be the coach. I think this is true in particular for rec sports, where there might only be one coach managing a team who can't possibly be seeing everything on the field. If you (as the parent) are familiar with the sport or have played it, I don't think there is anything wrong with the occasional, "DS, watch the far post! Look behind you! or You have time!" comment (as long as it is occasional). In fact, I have asked my son about this kind of thing and he has told me that this is helpful (again, being told something an assistant coach, if present, would certainly yell).

And, I think the rare, "Come on DS! or Block that guy! or Take your time - stop kicking the ball into people!" is okay to your kid, depending on the kid (a parent should know how their kid handles those comments). But, certainly nothing degrading and certainly far and few and mixed in with lots of, "Great pass! Nice tackle" or my favorite for a play that may not have been executed well, "Good thought!"

I personally cannot be the parent that just sits perfectly still. There are some parents that show-up (which is good), but do not even pay attention or know when their kid is playing. I am not saying that is bad, but that would be impossible for me.

Anyway, I am not saying one way is better or not, just that there are various degrees to parents yelling on the sidelines. Of course, I think we could all agree that a constant dialogue from a parent is extremely annoying. And, for the most part, I think it is best to remain quiet during a practice, unless there is a safety issue, or a distraction that the coach can not handle because he/she is preoccupied. My comments above are geared towards games being played by older kids.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I know better to get involved in a discussion like this, but I have seen both sides. First off, when talking about 3-4 year olds, I am not sure there is much you can do. At that age it is just another play activity and there is little hope of getting concepts across or even holding anyone's attention. The only time I would say or do anything is if I thought my child was being either a safety issue or a big distraction to the kids that are trying to pay attention and the coach was preoccupied with something else.

Now, for older, say middle school kids, I think this thread is discussing different scenarios, and I agree with the quote above that there are differences in parents yelling from the sidelines. In my opinion, there is a big difference to the parent that is constantly yelling negatives at the refs, coaches, and players and the one who is actively following the game, occasionally yelling compliments to the players or even an occasional constructive comment to their son/daughter. I am not talking about trying to be the coach. I think this is true in particular for rec sports, where there might only be one coach managing a team who can't possibly be seeing everything on the field. If you (as the parent) are familiar with the sport or have played it, I don't think there is anything wrong with the occasional, "DS, watch the far post! Look behind you! or You have time!" comment (as long as it is occasional). In fact, I have asked my son about this kind of thing and he has told me that this is helpful (again, being told something an assistant coach, if present, would certainly yell).

And, I think the rare, "Come on DS! or Block that guy! or Take your time - stop kicking the ball into people!" is okay to your kid, depending on the kid (a parent should know how their kid handles those comments). But, certainly nothing degrading and certainly far and few and mixed in with lots of, "Great pass! Nice tackle" or my favorite for a play that may not have been executed well, "Good thought!"

I personally cannot be the parent that just sits perfectly still. There are some parents that show-up (which is good), but do not even pay attention or know when their kid is playing. I am not saying that is bad, but that would be impossible for me.

Anyway, I am not saying one way is better or not, just that there are various degrees to parents yelling on the sidelines. Of course, I think we could all agree that a constant dialogue from a parent is extremely annoying. And, for the most part, I think it is best to remain quiet during a practice, unless there is a safety issue, or a distraction that the coach can not handle because he/she is preoccupied. My comments above are geared towards games being played by older kids.

I agree with every single thing you said 100000%

I love the "good thought!" line lol. I'm sitting here giggling at the many times I could have used that over the years. I'm definitely going to steal it for this weekend's lacrosse games! lol

 

[declansdad]

I grew up playing sports. My nieces & nephews were the same. (My DS is the intellectual one of the family & stopped playing sports by third grade, so I supported my nieces & nephews as often as possible.) Yelling at your kid to let them know what they need to do & where they need to be is a part of sports. Those that want to leave everything to the coach have probably been coaches in youth league or haven't played sports beyond youth league themselves. IME, that's not what parents who were competitive athletes themselves do. Naturally, this depends on how old your DS is. If he's very young, its best to have patience with him. If this isn't his first year playing the sport, yelling at him to pay attention is normal. The mom you dealt with has probably never played a competitive sport. I would tell her that I expected my child to pay attention & leave it at that. It really depends on how old your child is & how important your family views sports.

So much wrong with this post and it shows a big problem in youth sports.

OP, if you want to give directions during practice, become a coach.

 

[bethy]

I know better to get involved in a discussion like this, but I have seen both sides. First off, when talking about 3-4 year olds, I am not sure there is much you can do. At that age it is just another play activity and there is little hope of getting concepts across or even holding anyone's attention. The only time I would say or do anything is if I thought my child was being either a safety issue or a big distraction to the kids that are trying to pay attention and the coach was preoccupied with something else.

Now, for older, say middle school kids, I think this thread is discussing different scenarios, and I agree with the quote above that there are differences in parents yelling from the sidelines. In my opinion, there is a big difference to the parent that is constantly yelling negatives at the refs, coaches, and players and the one who is actively following the game, occasionally yelling compliments to the players or even an occasional constructive comment to their son/daughter. I am not talking about trying to be the coach. I think this is true in particular for rec sports, where there might only be one coach managing a team who can't possibly be seeing everything on the field. If you (as the parent) are familiar with the sport or have played it, I don't think there is anything wrong with the occasional, "DS, watch the far post! Look behind you! or You have time!" comment (as long as it is occasional). In fact, I have asked my son about this kind of thing and he has told me that this is helpful (again, being told something an assistant coach, if present, would certainly yell).

And, I think the rare, "Come on DS! or Block that guy! or Take your time - stop kicking the ball into people!" is okay to your kid, depending on the kid (a parent should know how their kid handles those comments). But, certainly nothing degrading and certainly far and few and mixed in with lots of, "Great pass! Nice tackle" or my favorite for a play that may not have been executed well, "Good thought!"

I personally cannot be the parent that just sits perfectly still. There are some parents that show-up (which is good), but do not even pay attention or know when their kid is playing. I am not saying that is bad, but that would be impossible for me.

Anyway, I am not saying one way is better or not, just that there are various degrees to parents yelling on the sidelines. Of course, I think we could all agree that a constant dialogue from a parent is extremely annoying. And, for the most part, I think it is best to remain quiet during a practice, unless there is a safety issue, or a distraction that the coach can not handle because he/she is preoccupied. My comments above are geared towards games being played by older kids.

I have over time evolved into that quiet parent. Mainly for my own sanity and survival. I was never a yeller, but now after 16 years of 3 kids and many sports I just sit back smile and soak it all in.

Anecdote: just yesterday I was at a practice for my youngest DD's spring soccer team. Another mom asked me how our team had faired in the fall since her daughter only plays with this team in Spring. I had to pause and no matter how hard I tried to remember I honestly had no idea what their record was last fall, lol! All that said, I will concede that kids who want to play at a national level and eventually in college do usually need supportive parents who are a lot more intense behind the scenes than I am

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

You're not always going to be there to direct him (nor should you). He will need to learn to listen to other adults in his life... Teachers, other coaches etc... You can't always be there or be called to step in. That can be more of a distraction itself. So maybe just stepping back and letting him find his way with T-ball, while you ARE there, is a good stepping stone.

 

[luvsJack]

Nope, there is only the one coach, but the parents do help out.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt to volunteer to help out in the outfield. I mean I know the "outfield" in t ball isn't that far "out" but maybe just volunteer to stand out behind them and sort of keep them focused so they don't get hit by the ball (but unless you have some really good hitters on the team, its doubtful that is going to happen honestly). This would be better than yelling to him.

You have to be careful though. You don't want your constant reminding him to focus make him dislike getting on the field. T-ball is for learning a little about the game, learning to love the game and having fun. Don't worry so much about him focusing unless you see the coach saying something to him.