Parenting WWYD

[usnuzuloose]

So what happens if one of these kids gets alcohol poisionIng? It could have been your child. Then people are going to be questioned and no one said anything in fear of what these parents will say or do. But I guess if they are going to get by with this I guess it okay for other things as well.

 

[mom2rtk]

But isn't it great to be the "cool parents"?

Just understand going forward that you are dealing with people with very poor judgment.

 

[Tinijocaro]

If you are a teacher, aren't you a mandated reporter?

For child abuse, yes.

 

[smitch425]

Whether or not it is illegal depends on what state the OP is in. From what I can tell, it would be legal in Louisiana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Jersey, Oklahoma, and South Carolina

http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002591

Even if it is legal by law, it is still a stupid thing to do. High school freshman are already dealing with peer pressure, but to get the go ahead, approval and supervision by people who are supposed to be helping mold them into educated adults is just wrong, IMHO.

And the "it's going to happen anyway" claim is crap. My parents enjoy drinks, but I never touched the stuff. Still haven't as a 38 (almost 39) year old. It just isn't my thing, but if it would have been, I would have waited until I was legal and more importantly, was old enough to truly understand the ramifications.

 

[smitch425]

For child abuse, yes.

I think that letting kids get started/hooked on alcohol before they are even old enough to get a driver's license qualifies.

 

[jrmasm]

It is going to happen one way or the other. At least these parents are being responsible and driving kids home who drank instead of letting them deink and drive. I'd be shocked if your son isn't attending other parties with alcohol that you are unaware of. Our neice is only 14 and is already at parties like that because she gets invited to the senior parties. She isn't allowed to go yet but the few parties she has been to include a discussion on drinking and being able to call home if she feels like something she doesn't want to be apart of is going on.

I think saying it's going to happen is a load of crap. It's our job as parents to do everything we can to prevent it from happening.

Op, honestly I might have called the police if my child was served.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Here's more specific information about which states have Social Host laws:

http://alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/prohibitions_against_hosting_underage_drinking_parties.html

And an illustration:

 

[mom2rtk]

I think saying it's going to happen is a load of crap. It's our job as parents to do everything we can to prevent it from happening.

Op, honestly I might have called the police if my child was served.

I'm not sure if I'd call or not. But you can bet my husband and I would consider it.

And our child would not visit their house again, for a "party" or otherwise.

 

[eliza61]

Why would someone do it? I think there are people who would prefer their child drink at home, rather than outside somewhere, figuring, "They're going to do it anyway". Now don't get me wrong, I don't agree with it, but I have heard it said before. I think they're foolish. Maybe they need "education" about Social Host laws and their implications (if your state has them). As for the friendship? Well, I don't think I'd care to be friends with someone so misguided. I could probably maintain a professional relationship, but I'd tell her what I think of her giving beer to my son, first. Not advising you to do this, necessarily, but the police might be interested in their "Contributing to the delinquincy of minors", including your son. If someone is hurt or killed, you might wish you said something.

Some people also view drinking like any other "habit" to be learned under the adult supervision. My in laws are Portuguese, lol many things we yanks do they find stupid. drinking is one. they have a point. for some reason we think 18 is some magical number that makes kid suddenly behave responsibly. I can't tell you how many keg parties I attended in college where legal drinking, supposedly adults that were " the poster child" for stupidity. In my husbands family kids drink at home at a very young age. No one would bat an eye at a 16 year old party with alcohol.

 

[Poohforyou]

It is going to happen one way or the other. At least these parents are being responsible and driving kids home who drank instead of letting them deink and drive. I'd be shocked if your son isn't attending other parties with alcohol that you are unaware of. Our neice is only 14 and is already at parties like that because she gets invited to the senior parties. She isn't allowed to go yet but the few parties she has been to include a discussion on drinking and being able to call home if she feels like something she doesn't want to be apart of is going on.

It's one thing to know it's going to happen and allow your own child to drink at home it's completely different when other children are involved.

We know kids are going to do other things as well. Why not throw some mattresses down in the basement and let them go at it.

Op, I'd probably bring this up as a hypothetical to your school principal and have him/her send a reminder out to all teachers about their code of conduct.

 

[Hrhpd]

A good friend who is also a teacher as is her husband, have been providing beer for their 16 year old daughter and her friends occasionally. She doesn't let them drive anywhere and they must sleepover.

My 16 year old son is friends with her dd. When she told me about providing beer it old her " well please don't invite my son to any of those parties."

Last night, son went to a party at her house with 25 other kids and beer was served. All kids are 15-16 years old. Yes, my son had a few beers.

I must be naive to think she would have at least mentioned it to me. I know the friendship won't ever be the same. I thought she was a smart person, am learning that is not the case.

And yes, my son was wrong to drink and I am dealing with him but honestly, I think I am more upset with her and her husband than anything.

They are both teachers, as are me and my husband! My husband teaches their dd!! I know kids drink at times but what would make her think it's ok to provide it to them. None of the parents know she is serving beer. The only reason I knew is cause she drove my son home ( boys weren't allowed to sleep over) and I could smell beer on his breath.

Not sure where to go with this. DS knows he isn't allowed to go to any parties at there house any more. I work with her one day per week. I won't be able to hide my displeasure but I sooooo hate confrontation. WWYD?

Where you go with this depends on you and your son.

Ultimately, this is your son's responsibility. He is 16, old enough to be charged as an adult if he committed a crime while drunk. He is going to encounter friends and even friends' parents who are going to offer him drinks and perhaps something worse. Your focus should be on teaching him how to handle the peer pressure. As you now know, you cannot rely on others to protect your child.

As for the so-called friend? It sounds like you have pretty open communication with your son since you know he has been drinking at this house before. The last thing you want to do is do anything that is going to close the lines of communication between a teen boy and his mother. Your #1 responsibility is to your son and the so-called friend is at the bottom of the list. If going balls to the wall by going to the police is going to cause your son to lose trust in you and cause him to go underground and start sneaking around, she is not worth it. Again, your primary concern is your son and how to teach him how to navigate this difficult time of peer pressure and making good, but often unpopular, choices.

 

[xlsm]

A teacher in my state was recently arrested and lost her teaching license because she was providing alcohol to students and drinking with them.

She and her husband could lose their jobs and never be able to teach again. They are being incredibly foolish to think that the gossip train won't run off the track, and that the other kids and parents won't tell the truth when face to face with the police or other authority figures.

I don't so much care that they're parents allowing underage drinking in their home, but that they are TEACHERS allowing underage drinking, by kids other than their own, in their home.

I do not expect teachers to be saints in their personal life, but providing alcohol to students or minors while in that position of authority is reckless at best, and could cost them much more than a few "cool points" with the kiddies.

 

[eliza61]

I think that letting kids get started/hooked on alcohol before they are even old enough to get a driver's license qualifies.

Ok how did we go from having a beer to hooked on alcohol.

My kids drank wine before they got their drivers license and no they aren't hooked.

I definitely drank before 21.

I don't work with kids so I don't know the "tell the authorities" aspect

 

[Lisaloo]

I'm sorry, but 15 year olds should not be in that situation. Teachers, especially, should know better, and I would have no problem contacting the police. That may sound harsh to some, but teaching others' kids that it's okay to knowingly break the law and without full disclosure to their parents deserves a legal slap upside their heads. They are idiots.

Thank you. This is the most logical reply and exactly what I would do. It doesn't matter if you don't have a problem with underage drinking. It is ILLEGAL. The teachers I know don't socialize with students, but I would have zero qualms contacting the police and principal to report this.

 

[Allison]

It is very foolish for any parent to do and especially foolish for teachers. Besides potential legal issues there are school activity participation issues also. If any student at our school is at a party with alcohol, they won't be participating in sports or other activities for quite some time.

 

[gwynne]

Thank you. This is the most logical reply and exactly what I would do. It doesn't matter if you don't have a problem with underage drinking. It is ILLEGAL. The teachers I know don't socialize with students, but I would have zero qualms contacting the police and principal to report this.

I would have "qualms" in this situation. I would never want to set up a situation where my teen was afraid to be honest with me because they knew I'd escalate things immediately. Sometimes in some situations you have no choice, I get that.

But, usually the most important thing to me was not driving my kids behavior underground.
In the situation I faced with underage drinking, I spoke privately to 2 parents. Once I realized it was NBD there, I took it upon myself to quietly monitor and provide safe entertainment. (I was always glad to pay for pizzas at our house and so on...)

I'm not sure what the right answer is, but it's not easy.

 

[smitch425]

Ok how did we go from having a beer to hooked on alcohol.

My kids drank wine before they got their drivers license and no they aren't hooked.

I definitely drank before 21.

I don't work with kids so I don't know the "tell the authorities" aspect

You have to get started to get hooked. These parents have no idea if these kids may have a predisposition to addictive behavior. Totally irresponsible.

 

[mamacatnv]

I think the Mom/Dad hosting these parties have poor judgment. Never, ever would I provide alcohol to a group of teens even if their parents all "knew", there is just way too much risk and too many uptight parents out there. There is no way to make sure they are all 100% safe and that IMO is not a risk I would ever be willing to take.

I would not call the police, I might mention my apprehension to the parents hosting. I am not even sure what I would tell my teen, if DD is at her BFF's house and they had wine with dinner I would have no issue (she does not drive yet) but a party with a large group of kids is not something I would encourage. I have a deal with my kids, any drinking and they call me to pick them up, no questions asked, they are to never get into a car with another teen who has been drinking. I choose not to forbid drinking, I think that is a dangerous practice.

I allowed MY teens to drink at home, family functions, camping trips etc. but never ever would have provided to their friends.
We had a good family friend whose teen went camping with us for a week. I asked the Mom ahead of time if having a beer, wine cooler etc was acceptable to her and she said no, so we respected that and did not serve her teen.
Interesting thing, her teen was the one who snuck out, got busted at wild parties etc in his late teens. I think that the prohibition by his parents played into his behavior.

I am in the remove the mystery of alcohol camp but its not my obligation to remove the mystery for all teens, just my own.

 

[Hrhpd]

I think that letting kids get started/hooked on alcohol before they are even old enough to get a driver's license qualifies.

That is stretching it a bit, don't you think? Children all over Europe are having a glass of wine and beer with family and friends long before they have driver licenses and the alcoholic rate is often lower than ours because it is not a forbidden fruit.

I am all for teaching responsible drinking and not making alcohol a mystery to want to try. However, I do agree this should not be done without the parent's knowledge and permission.

As for it being child abuse, as stated by others, that would depend on local laws. Per the map above, we apparently live in a no hosting laws state. In my old town, there is young teacher (no kids) being investigated for child abuse for supposedly providing alcohol to students in her apartment. But the felony abuse charges are actually because she reportedly also was providing marijuana edibles. The alcohol was not the problem, it was the illegal drugs.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I will preface this by reminding everyone that I have a grown teen son, and I am not prude or judgemental.. Yes he has had a few beers 'Mikes' type drinks with his good friend, at their home, and once or twice at mine.

For a teacher (or ANYONE, but especially a teacher) to serve dozens of minor kids alcohol, without the express knowledge and permission of the parents... would seem to be illegal in most every state, and qualify at the very least at contributing to delinquency. For a teacher to have minor children in her own home and to do this purposefully and repeatedly probably brings in a host of other issues regarding policies and legalities with the school district.

I would wonder if this teacher had some kind of serious 'issues' going on.

Is there any way that you are acquaintences with parents of the other kids and could gather info and compare notes?

I would seriously consider doing something, informing somebody, taking some type of action.
I would have no personal vendetta with this teacher, and would not take any further actions to push the matter...
But I might be consider putting together as much info as I could. And determine if there are any other like-minded parents, and then reporting this to the appropriate authority(ies).

It would be difficult to bring up any allegations of 'fraternization' as long as the teacher would claim, very stongly and simply, that the kids were there for her kid. There would have to be some really specific evidence and testimony of how she purposefully and specifically 'fraternized'... (sharing personally the beers and/or beer party activitiies)