POLL: How to approach my DH about his collection of tools, machinery, and electronics...?

[pahoben]

So long as he doesn’t have a secret room under the basement floor just let him be.

 

[Disneybuckeye]

I think you need to decide what is really bothering you and then have a talk with him. You say the money is not an issue, but then you mention buy, buy, buy. That sounds like the money might be an issue. You also talk about the amount of stuff he has, but if it is in his allowable area, is it really a problem.

My DH has a decent amount of stuff, but at no time would it take him 30 minutes to find what he needed to fix something. Also, for a lot of tools you can rent much cheaper than you can buy for the limited amount of time some are used. Likewise, parts can be picked up on as as needed basis. No need to tie up money and take up space unnecessarily.

I think you need to sit down with your husband and talk rationally about what he really needs and how the amount of items can be reduced and that you would like to curtail the financial outlay if at all possible. Tell him your honest feelings about all the clutter and the expense. Hopefully you can come to a compromise that works for both of you.

 

[Colleen27]

The way I approached my husband about it was to point out that his tool collecting was interfering with his actual hobby (woodworking). Like you, we don't have a garage so his basement workshop is all the space he has, and it had gotten to a point where he didn't have room to maneuver the raw materials for building projects because there were so many tools and shelves of bins and other storage spaces. And at that point, what's the sense in buying more tools?

His initial response was pretty negative ("If you'd just prioritize building a garage, I could..." when we have long agreed that a garage could wait until we're done paying tuition bills for our kids). And it wasn't something I made a regular topic of conversation; I just planted the seed and let him do of it what he would. Eventually, it seemed to click for him and he has since cleared out some of his duplicate items and some of the antique hand tools he got just because they were cool even though he'd use their modern/powered equivalents when actually making things and redesigned his storage space to be more compact. And he's happier for the changes because he's back to actually making things in his workshop, rather than just collecting the trappings of a well-equipped space.

 

[J'aime Paris]

Build a garage for your DH. Is that an option?

 

[NotUrsula]

Ask him to value it for insurance purposes, as if anything were to happen to him, you would not have a clue what it was all worth, and probably would get taken advantage of if you tried to sell it.
(This BTW, is actually a VERY common scenario. Tools are valuable things, but people who don't work with them regularly often don't know that, and tool traders haunt estate sales looking for them. It's also common for relatives to tell the widow that they will "take that off your hands" knowing full well that those items are some of the most valuable possessions the deceased actually had.)

My guess is that once he realizes how much money he has really sunk into it all, he'll try to cut back.

 

[Micca]

DW and I have a deal: I have the entire basement full of all my stuff, she gets all the closets in the house for her clothes

 

[tcufrog]

My solution is to find something you need him to make that has a deadline. Perhaps a gift for someone, something around the house, etc. I'd be curious to see what he does when he doesn't have room to do it.

 

[kenthanson]

I'd like to start by saying that my DH is a hard worker, especially now that his company has moved to a new location and he went from a 20-minute commute, one way, to an hour commute one way.

His hobbies are electronics, machinery (CNC machine or something?), he also has some very large equipment in his work shop in our basement. The largest one stands about 6' tall and unfolds all of its parts to a footprint of about 5' X 6'.

So... he also has storage bins.... lots of them... and shelving.... FILLED with "parts". He's fairly organized and can find what he's looking for within a half hour.

Over the years he has spent thousands and thousands of dollars on all of this. This part doesn't really bother me; we can afford it.

Oh I just remembered! He recently bought a 3D printer which is pretty cool. He made a 3D cat, a 3D dog... and that's it, so far.

My problem or concern is that he's been buying and buying, and saying "I need to get this item because it goes with that other item that I bought last year, and without this item, I can't use the original piece of equipment".

He has filled his rather large work shop, and even has his shelves full of "stuff" in the laundry room, and in his home office.

At this point, he has basically run out of room to actually operate most of the machinery. The one called a Bridgeport, that one alone is huge and takes up a lot of space.

As for his regular tools such as air compressor, hand tools, drills, saws, nail gun, etc, those all have been used by us on projects at our house, as well as projects on our daughter's house, so I'm not including those for the sake of this post.

Bottom line: How should I approach him to tell or ask him to please stop buying more things when the things that he already has don't fit into our workshop. We don't have a garage, so it's only the basement workshop that can hold these things. (I told him and he agreed, years and years ago, no tools will ever be left in the rest of the house. I keep a very clean and tidy house, where things are all put away, no piles of stuff (I hate that!), etc.

He agrees with my "a place for everything, and everything in its place" philosophy, but he's literally all out of room for what he already has, and I just know that he's going to need "this item to go with that item, then I can use this machine to make this or that.....".

Thank you, if you're still reading!!!

I would love to hear any opinions on this! Thanks in advance!

I'm on your husbands side, but I understand your concern.

1.Do you need the space for anything else? I have some of my tools in the garage in a spot that drives my wife crazy but there is nothing else we would be using that space for.

2.Do you have the financial means for him to lease a small bay storage facility and house everything there and turn it into a workshop, or is there co-work spaces available in your area?

 

[cobright]

I know the type, I see this guy in the mirror every day. Find some compromises. That Bridgeport for one... back in the day you needed a big ol' mill like that. Maybe he could be persuaded to find it a new owner and replace it with a desktop CNC mill. Does his metal lathe need to be as big as it is? I know how it is, they get bought as a matter of expediency or opportunity and they are often big enough that their owners sell cheap to get them gone. They come in all sizes so maybe there's one that will do what he needs without taxing the floorplan.

 

[CindysFriend]

OP here

Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to this post; life gets in the way sometimes. lol

I'll quote several of the posts (thank you to all who replied!) and answer. Thanks again!

 

[CindysFriend]

Can you guys get together one weekend and go through everything? Then he can see what all he has, what duplicates he has, and you get the area cleaned up bit. Then he can decide what he wants and what he wants to get rid of. If he has duplicates he might be able to return for store credit or resell for a decent price. That could help with his habit.

Thanks for the reply! This would be a great idea, but he doesn't have anything that he wants to get rid of. He has a lot of it, probably most of it, organized and "cleaned up". It's just too much stuff.

I mean, there's no real harm, right? It's not a bad idea to suggest he clean some stuff out, just for the sake of space, but as long as it's not impacting you financially or anything, it's probably not worth making a "thing" over it.

Thanks for the reply! Except for a few large pieces of machinery in the laundry room, it doesn't impact me very much at all. Well, ignore the brand new welder that he bought, along with all of the necessary accessories!! LOL He actually has recently used the welder to build, from scratch, something that I could've bought inexpensively, and then re-sold it once we're done with it. (We needed a type of temporary door to keep new pets apart; he made one from steel. rofl) It actually looks really nice and he did a professional job with it, but it's overkill, when a plastic gate would've been just as fine. lol

I can relate to this, as I too have some tools like that and a 3D printer...and an upcoming 3D printing company

There's various ways to go about things. Sometimes, certain things may be better to order from somewhere else if it requires a big machine and isn't used very often. Or re-organizing the space and deciding which projects are done most often and which tools may be better to reside somewhere else. Maybe he has a friend with a garage who could use some of the tools and he can visit and use it there?

His best friend is his cousin, and his wife is dealing with the same issue that I am. lol Good idea, though, thanks

I'm in the camp of my dh works hard and he gets to buy whatever he wants whenever he wants.
However if there is no room to store all the stuff he buys I think it's ok to step in with an intervention LOL
Maybe propose a whole house clean-out- even rent a roll off dumpster and clean your house from basement to attic to garage. Or even better have a garage sale!

Thanks for the post! I'd love to get a dumpster here and throw everything away, but he'd rather part with his right arm. LOL We don't have anything else to throw away, otherwise getting a dumpster here would be a good idea and I could sneak a few of his things in! Actually, I really would never do that to him.

 

[CindysFriend]

Exactly this. If you don’t feel like it’s an unhealthy compulsion and he just likes to collect things I’d just let it be. If it’s starting to invade places it shouldn’t be I’d point out we had a deal that it wouldn’t be coming into the house. Otherwise I’d just leave him to what sounds like his harmless hobby.

Good points. I don't think it's an unhealthy compulsion. He has a genuine interest in making/creating things using all of these various types of machines. It's a harmless hobby, now that I think about and I've gotten various replies and input. Thank you!

Well, while I would like to say let him do what he wants, the issue I want to raise is, what happens to this stuff when he is no longer around?
Have you discussed this? Sounds like you have a lot of money tied up in something you or someone in your family would need to deal with.

I bring up this because 3 years ago my neighbor passed away unexpectedly. . He worked from his home making bows for string instruments. He had a large inventory of "blanks" (wood to be made into bows), some of it exotic, endangered rain forest wood that he had to have a special permit to import into the U.S.. He once told me he had accumulated $50,000 of these blanks over 40 years in business. He also had ivory, which needed documentation to show it was legally imported, and I believe has restrictions on resale even if it was legally imported. The gold and silver he used for ornamentation was much easier for his widow to sell.
She found an auction house that would take all the wood, pick it up, and auction it off but that took a year. I'm not sure if she has found a way to sell the ivory yet.
A whole lot of money tied up in things that were not easy to sell, and he kept taking equity out of his house to run his business, so after 35 years in the house, they owned $150,000 still on a house they paid $76,000 for.
I know my wife and I have discussed what to do with my hobby, my collector car, if something happens to me (assuming neither of our kids wants it).

Thank you for replying! We have discussed this, and it doesn't matter to him what happens to any of this stuff if he dies. I'd give whatever items that his cousin wanted, to him. Otherwise I'd list the items for sale locally, and see what happens. Whatever is left, I'd call a service to haul it all away. I should preface this by saying that I'd let our children have what they wanted, and I'd keep a lot of the regular types of tools myself, for the house.

What TVGuy said

My DH56 owns TONS of "guy stuff", collected over the years, and "precious" to him. Everything has a memory, and I think some of it helps him feel young again . I feel that as long as it's not taking away from "bill money", since he works hard, oh well. *However*, if he were to die before me (and I hope he does, haha), I refuse to be "stuck" not knowing what to do with all of it. There is an auction house that specializes in his specific interests the next state over, and he understands (although doesn't really like) that a large part of the collection would go there. What we HAVE been doing, to be proactive, is having me video him holding and talking about each item, recording its specific details in a spreadsheet, etc. Hopefully that way I won't get ripped off if and when the time comes. Even so, I know that nothing will bring the kind of money in resale that he paid in original purchase.

If your DH is like mine, and is good about keeping it corralled in the basement, just close that door, physically and mentally, and let him do what he wants. Better for the marriage .

Terri

Thanks, Terri! He does basically keep it all corralled up. lol I think what you're doing with videoing him, is a great idea. I might suggest this to my DH, just so that I know for sure what each piece of machinery is for, or can do.

Has he thought, also, about what will/might happen if and or when you decide to downsize/retire/don't live somewhere with a huge basement? We are planning on moving to be closer to DS within the next few years, and it's going to be a real "Come to Jesus meeting" for my DH. Right now he has a 1000 sq ft basement, two car garage, and various outbuildings full of "stuff", and most will not be able to go with us. Not my worry, but not going to be pretty!

I think it's hard, too, if you're *not" a collector, married to a collector. I'm busy getting rid of stuff in anticipation of the move, but for everything I take out, I know there's more coming in (to the basement), so I completely get it.

Terri

Oh if we decided to move tomorrow, he'd have a huge job on his hands to decide what to keep and what to give away. LOL Without the huge basement that we have, he'd have nowhere for almost all of his machinery. The Bridgeport machine would have to somehow be dismantled or, literally, broken down, because we had to remove our bulkhead/basement stairs to have the machine lowered down into the basement. The thing is, these stairs needed to be replaced anyway, and my DH has rebuilt nice new stairs. So maybe we could sell the house to someone who would love a bonus Bridgeport machine in the workshop!

 

[CindysFriend]

I’d be concerned if he was running up credit card bills and not paying them off. Is he going over budget with his expenses that you are unable to save or pay other important bills?

Thank for your post! We have no credit card debt at all; he uses only available funds for his purchases. So I can't use that angle...

I want to know how he got all that stuff down into the basement! lol I'm guessing he needed a lot of help?

Oh you have no idea!!! As I mentioned in a previous post, the outside bulkhead stairs down into the basement had to be removed totally (they needed to be replaced anyway), and then a huge truck (that DH hired) came and lowered the Bridgeport down into the basement. Then he and his cousin (both are white-collar engineers. lol) figured out what to make/build in order to get the Bridgeport out of the laundry room, and in to his work shop. I was actually amazed at their ingenuity in moving this, plus other heavy pieces of equipment! This really is his hobby that he shares with his cousin... I'm just leaving this topic alone for now, with him.

Hey, anyone want to buy a house with a Bridgeport in it??? LOL

So, how is this a concern? Is this becoming a financial burden? Is that the problem? If so, say that.

No, it's not a financial burden. If it was, that'd be the first thing I'd say! lol

I would say just leave it alone! If it's bad enough for him to need intervention, only he can make that choice. It would be much different if you could not afford it, but facing him with this again (I'm sure you've said stuff before this) will probably not be any help. It sounds like a hobby that's gotten out of hand, but it's not something you, yourself will able to 'fix'. As long as it's contained in 'his' space just try to ignore it. Good luck!

Thank you! I think you're correct that it's a hobby that's gotten out of hand, but he loves acquiring new tools and machinery. He knows how to properly operate all of them. He has tons of ideas, of what to use/make, etc but not enough time. Also, he's gone through 2 shoulder surgeries and a cervical spine surgery in the last few years. Fortunately, at this point, he's almost as good as new, so he has been making things here and there.

 

[CindysFriend]

So long as he doesn’t have a secret room under the basement floor just let him be.

This is my favorite reply!!! LOL I watch some of those shows on ID Discovery network, and DH calls them my "murder shows". I think he'd be looking for me to have a secret room under the basement floor before he would.

I think you need to decide what is really bothering you and then have a talk with him. You say the money is not an issue, but then you mention buy, buy, buy. That sounds like the money might be an issue. You also talk about the amount of stuff he has, but if it is in his allowable area, is it really a problem.

My DH has a decent amount of stuff, but at no time would it take him 30 minutes to find what he needed to fix something. Also, for a lot of tools you can rent much cheaper than you can buy for the limited amount of time some are used. Likewise, parts can be picked up on as as needed basis. No need to tie up money and take up space unnecessarily.

I think you need to sit down with your husband and talk rationally about what he really needs and how the amount of items can be reduced and that you would like to curtail the financial outlay if at all possible. Tell him your honest feelings about all the clutter and the expense. Hopefully you can come to a compromise that works for both of you.

Hi, and thanks for your post! I should've used the work "acquire" instead of "buy" because my issue with this is about the quantity, not the cost. And I agree with you that I need to sit down with him and talk about how he has run out of room for his workshop things. Currently there's a brand new (well he did use it to make a really nice steel door recently! lol) sitting in my family room and he knows that he has to move it, soon. I'm not on his back to immediately move something that is new and that he's reading about and researching projects for. But after a short period of time, he has to move it.

The way I approached my husband about it was to point out that his tool collecting was interfering with his actual hobby (woodworking). Like you, we don't have a garage so his basement workshop is all the space he has, and it had gotten to a point where he didn't have room to maneuver the raw materials for building projects because there were so many tools and shelves of bins and other storage spaces. And at that point, what's the sense in buying more tools?

His initial response was pretty negative ("If you'd just prioritize building a garage, I could..." when we have long agreed that a garage could wait until we're done paying tuition bills for our kids). And it wasn't something I made a regular topic of conversation; I just planted the seed and let him do of it what he would. Eventually, it seemed to click for him and he has since cleared out some of his duplicate items and some of the antique hand tools he got just because they were cool even though he'd use their modern/powered equivalents when actually making things and redesigned his storage space to be more compact. And he's happier for the changes because he's back to actually making things in his workshop, rather than just collecting the trappings of a well-equipped space.

Thank you so much for your reply. This is exactly the situation here ("a well-equipped space") and it's what I'm hoping my DH will realize. I know he'd be happier with more room to use what he has.

Build a garage for your DH. Is that an option?

We are considering other additions to our house, OR move to another house. We may move back to the state where my family is, but one of our children is very happy and settled here, so, we don't know. It's looking like a wedding may be in their future, and then grandchildren, and I don't want to live away from grandkids... Also, if he had a garage, he'd just have THAT much more stuff, I'm pretty sure. lol

Ask him to value it for insurance purposes, as if anything were to happen to him, you would not have a clue what it was all worth, and probably would get taken advantage of if you tried to sell it.
(This BTW, is actually a VERY common scenario. Tools are valuable things, but people who don't work with them regularly often don't know that, and tool traders haunt estate sales looking for them. It's also common for relatives to tell the widow that they will "take that off your hands" knowing full well that those items are some of the most valuable possessions the deceased actually had.)

My guess is that once he realizes how much money he has really sunk into it all, he'll try to cut back.

I think he'd be shocked to hear the grand total of what he's spent over the years, but I know he'd think that it was worth it.

My solution is to find something you need him to make that has a deadline. Perhaps a gift for someone, something around the house, etc. I'd be curious to see what he does when he doesn't have room to do it.

Thanks for your post! I know he'd make whatever I asked him to. He'd create the room to use whatever piece of machinery necessary, even if he had to move other things out of the way, temporarily. I've had a few "this is just here temporarily" situations before, and honestly that doesn't bother me. But he has made things for us, or the house, or for someone else, in a very timely manner. I can't take that away from him. I'm thinking that this is going to be a non-issue for me because in life there are bigger fish to fry, and I'm trying to not sweat the small stuff, kwim?

 

[CindysFriend]

I'm on your husbands side, but I understand your concern.

1.Do you need the space for anything else? I have some of my tools in the garage in a spot that drives my wife crazy but there is nothing else we would be using that space for.

2.Do you have the financial means for him to lease a small bay storage facility and house everything there and turn it into a workshop, or is there co-work spaces available in your area?

Hi! No, we don't need the space for anything else. If he didn't have the tools and everything else here at the house, he wouldn't like that, so I don't think he'd store them. Good idea though!!

I know the type, I see this guy in the mirror every day. Find some compromises. That Bridgeport for one... back in the day you needed a big ol' mill like that. Maybe he could be persuaded to find it a new owner and replace it with a desktop CNC mill. Does his metal lathe need to be as big as it is? I know how it is, they get bought as a matter of expediency or opportunity and they are often big enough that their owners sell cheap to get them gone. They come in all sizes so maybe there's one that will do what he needs without taxing the floorplan.

He was given the Bridgeport by a very close family friend who has been dealing with terminal cancer, so I don't think he'll get rid of it. He did use it last week, though. He has built his own desktop CNC himself, from scratch. I don't think it'd do the same work as the Bridgeport due to the size, though, but I'm not totally sure. A good floorplan is what he needs, for what he already has. I think that it could be set up and situated a little better, and he has mentioned moving things around, to open up some space, but he hasn't as of yet. One can hope.