Prayers for Bobby

Pozzo naturalmente il mio amore! :smokin:

Doesn't "pozzo" mean crazy?

It thought pozzo was Italian for crazy.

Which pretty much is the perfect word to describe anyone who thinks Wally is a "star"! :rotfl2:
 
I thought of killing myself several times now! As you can see It didn't work for me. I live in a small town in Pa and I was picked on so bad some guy broke my arm when he found out I was gay! I still don't know how I cope with life it is so hard for me I gaind like 50 lbs and am heavy now because of all the pain I'm in. About 7 years ago my family took us on a Disney trip and it happened to fall on Gay Day, It was the worst and best trip of my life, I never saw so many hot men in my life, but I'm still a clost case around my family if they knew for sure I would have no choice but to jump! We have a bridge down the road in the woods and it is high, I can't tell you how many times I was there just thinking about it. I just don't have the guts. I am now in my 30's and you don't know how much suffering this is causing me. I have no friends at all, the people in my town would never understand, it is about bars and hunting and manily stuff around here. I know people can tell by my actions and me higher voice, but my family never asked me. I hav been going to Disney alone for the past 4 years now, but I just don't have the guts to go on Gay Day because I am not a very outgoing person, like I said I'm heavy 230lb. 5'6" Im big, which is also a problem for me I just keep eating to make up for being gay! I was just surfing the net today thinking about getting a gay escort not for sex but just to have someone to eat and be with , But I don't have a extra $200.00 a hour to hier a friend. You have now Idea how many hours I spend on Disney sites to try not to thing about my problems, You guys are the only friends I got and you have no Idea how much you all mean to me! Disney Is my live. I can't wait because I'm going May 1-11 and it is like 3 months soon! When I watched that show saturday I couldn't sleep all night, I cryed for almost 1hr to I could calm down! You have now Idea how close I came to doing the unthinkable that night! Everybody always seems to thing it is just the young gay men but is also men who suffer also! I just want to thank you all for hearing me out! It is Disney that maks me fell like I am the same as everybody and not suck a freak!
THANKS!

Ten years ago, I was living a life exactly like yours. Living with my parents, over weight, no friends and a huge Disney fan. A year after I moved out of my parent's place, I found a local gay therapy group and my life has completely changed. It takes time, but you will get there too.

Oh, and you MUST come down to Gay Day this year. There are lots of friendly people to meet.

Hopefully the DIS will have a meet and greet this year.
 
Doesn't "pozzo" mean crazy?

It thought pozzo was Italian for crazy.

Which pretty much is the perfect word to describe anyone who thinks Wally is a "star"! :rotfl2:

crazy - pazzesco
 
Ten years ago, I was living a life exactly like yours. Living with my parents, over weight, no friends and a huge Disney fan. A year after I moved out of my parent's place, I found a local gay therapy group and my life has completely changed. It takes time, but you will get there too.

Oh, and you MUST come down to Gay Day this year. There are lots of friendly people to meet.

Hopefully the DIS will have a meet and greet this year.

We really should do a meet this year! We could do it at Pleasure Island . . . oh, wait. :sad1: Nevermind.

We should still do a meet, though.
 
Hey Ken,
I just also wanted to extend my welcome and say hi! Once you figure yourself out I bet you will move to a more liberal place and become a lot more comfortable in your own skin! You don't have to be stereotypically muscular or skinny, like everyone else here said! Trust me, I'm chunky myself and the ladies love me ;]
No, seriously, though, it's just who you are. Being gay is fine...there are a lot more of us than you think! And I'm really sorry you've experienced a hate crime. That's just awful. Some people are jerks.
But hang in there and go talk to some people at the meeting and know that we're here for you! :grouphug:
 
Hey Ken,

I agree with the others. You NEED to find some sort of support network. PFLAG is a great place to start. They are a supportive group made up of lots of different types of people, not just gay. They will welcome you and help you.

When I came out to my parents they did not take it well. It was a very difficult time for me. The first thing I did was call PFLAG. I talked to a very nice woman for about an hour telling her my story. It felt so good to talk to someone during that tough time. After that I found a gay support group. We met once a week, and that also helped.

You are not alone, none of us are. You need to find out where the resources are and take advantage of them.

I am so excited for you, this is the beginning of your NEW LIFE!!! :cool1: Best of luck!!! And enjoy the journey!

Donald
 
Welcome Ken! I was at work when I read your post today and just didn't have the time to wrap my brain around what exactly I should say to try to help you. Luckily, others have given you lots of support and some excellent advice. :thumbsup2

I will post more about my small hometown experience in the other thread, but let's just say that it took me being away at college to finally allow myself to be gay. I wasn't comfortable with the thought of being gay at all, mostly due to some horrific parenting skills that my mother had, but that's a totally different ball of wax. It took me over a year from the time that I thought that I really was ok with me being gay before I was willing to even consider taking a step into a gay support group on campus at my college. Thank God for college! I was very nervous and extremely paranoid that someone I knew from back home was going to see me go into the building. I stood in the stairwell forever and talked myself out of going in, but then Eric from my movie appreciation class came in and asked what I was doing there. I told him that I was thinking of going to a meeting and he grabbed my arm and said, "Don't think girl, do!" And so I did. It took me another couple of years to actually figure out the whole dating thing. I think that I had about 50 crushes in the first year that I was out. :p

I quit college after 3 years and moved back home. By that point, I had come out to my then stepmother, who was accepting, but we just didn't talk about anything. I didn't date at all at home. I knew some people that were supposed to be gay, but there was no way that I was going to draw attention to my father by actually being out at home, especially since I wasn't out to him. After about a year, he was headed toward a divorce and I was forced to tell him before she could. I told him as we sat parked in the Walmart parking lot. He said he thought something like that was up with me. He said he would always love me. He said that he wished that things could have been different for me because he knew that people wouldn't always understand. (This from a man that most of you would have thought was the most racist, homophobic, narrowminded jerk Bubba on the planet had you met him in 1985. He's come a very long way. I am largely responsible for that.)

I guess what I wanted to say in sharing all of this is that there are more of us, that grew up in a small town than grew up in a big city. And sometimes, the people that you risk the most in telling and think that will react the worst are the ones that will totally surprise you with their love and acceptance.

I hope that you come back here and talk with us. Until you feel comfortable taking more steps out of the closet, please let us help provide you with some sense of community. You have come to a good place to talk and share. Don't you dare give up on yourself! The world needs everyone of us. Sometimes, they don't always know it, but it doesn't mean it's not true.

:hug:
 
Hey Kenman. You are living a very stressful and painful life. The good news is, you can end it.

Nothing will hurt as much as what you've been through and what you are living through right now.

Acknowledging that you are gay (I don't mean to the world, just to yourself, right now) and recognizing that it is the perfect way for YOU to be, is a powerful admission and first step.

Do contact the PFLAG group Rob found for you. Go there. Get involved. Recognize that you may have to leave where you are living, when you are strong enough to do that.

Right now your focus should be on YOU and what YOU need to stop living in so much pain. Clearly, dangerously in pain as you have explained.

Orlando is not the Gay Mecca it presents during Gay Days, just so you know. :) It's a backwater town in many ways. There isn't the level of acceptance that you'll find in many other areas of the country.

Do come by here daily, as many times as you can. There is a wealth of perspective here, and a whole lot of lived through pain.

Oh, and being a bear (that's what your description of yourself sounds like to me) is a wicked cool thing! So, stop worrying about your size and appearance! Love yourself first. You are the only person you are guaranteed to have in your life forever. :hug:
 
Oh, and being a bear (that's what your description of yourself sounds like to me) is a wicked cool thing! So, stop worrying about your size and appearance! Love yourself first. You are the only person you are guaranteed to have in your life forever. :hug:

Being on the heavy side doesn't neccissarily make one a "bear". And I've known many "bears" that were not overweight. Scott and I, while having many "bearish" qualities do not identify as bears. It's not based solely on body type, and to my understanding, is much more about celebrating masculinity. But, as I'm not a bear, I'm really not that familiar. Do we have any bears out there that can enlighten us?

The one thing about the bears that I know personally, is they accept themselves for who they are, and they're comfortable in their own sking. An example that everyone can benefit from. It's certainly something for all of us to aspire to.
 
I am kinda hairy!
Whats up guys and gals! Well I took your advise and went today! I called of work and took a sick day! I got a bunch of info. You were right I am going to see a Gay terpist in New York on Monday! I talked to him on the phone and he was so nice a understanding! I hope all goes well and I have the guts to show up! I feel a little better about myself today after all the support you guys gave me. I told PFLAG about me situation in the city, and she told me the it is a commn thing for gay men to be attaced by others, they see it all the time! I was supprised how people could do such things to incent people! So I will let you know how it goes! Thanks for all the support and understanding!
 
I am kinda hairy!
Whats up guys and gals! Well I took your advise and went today! I called of work and took a sick day! I got a bunch of info. You were right I am going to see a Gay terpist in New York on Monday! I talked to him on the phone and he was so nice a understanding! I hope all goes well and I have the guts to show up! I feel a little better about myself today after all the support you guys gave me. I told PFLAG about me situation in the city, and she told me the it is a commn thing for gay men to be attaced by others, they see it all the time! I was supprised how people could do such things to incent people! So I will let you know how it goes! Thanks for all the support and understanding!

Great news! I'm so happy for you!
 
OK I'm halfway through the movie...

Wow! Pretty sad so far......:sad2:
 
I havent yet watched the movie .. only but about 20 minutes at the ending. Does anyone know when it comes back on???
it seemed very interesting!
:(
 
Hmmmm...don't recall saying one had to be rotund to be a bear, or that any gay man of girth was a bear by default. :confused3
 

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