Preteen Friendship Drama! What can I do? (long)

[cabanafrau]

I agree I think you should be there for C anyway you can without causing more grief with the mom. But I also think you should encourage her to talk to the counselor at school, then at least the kid is dealing with at least one professional person too. Be the ear she needs, but I agree dont engage in the bashing just be supportive and listen. She needs that ear and that shoulder right now.

And just in case it's necessary, Amen from the chorus.

Good gravy, DO NOT under any circumstances just leave this girl to swim for herself. You may not be able to swoop in & set things straight, but don't, under any circumstances leave her adrift. At the very least, your daughter could talk w/ the school counselor about the situation. Hopefully it may be possible for this girl to speak w/ the counselor herself. Any well-trained counselor worth his or her salt will be able to offer some assistance or at the very least keep an eye on the situation & alert the social service agency if they find it necessary.

 

[mylightshines]

I really feel sorry the girl. I was raised by an evil stepmother who hated me and told me so every single day. I would get in trouble for the slighest thing. Using (what she thought) was too much toothpaste, walking too fast or too hard, being in a good mood, talking to friends, getting a drink, eating a snack. I am 42 years old and trust me, I'm not making this up. I went from a girl who made friends easily in the fourth grade to a teenager who was afraid to speak to former friends whose lockers were next to mine in high school. I could go on and on.

As I got older, my relatives and neighbors all acknowleged they knew what was going on, but did nothing becuase it wasn't their business. Now, this was the 70/80's, but they could have talked to my dad.

I would talk to the dad and tell him things his daughter has said. Explain to him that yes, she could be exaggerating a little bit, she you wanted him to be aware.

My dad lived in the same house and he never knew the things she was doing (or failed to). If I was ever alone with him, I would get beat the next day because she thought I told on her. So she may be afraid to talk to her dad about it.

 

[maelstrom]

Does the mother's new girlfriend realize that she's living in a home and not a mental institution?

I'd bring the issue up with C's father, because this sounds like a very unhealthy environment for her.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I get what Mystery is saying - she's not saying to abandon this kid, but to teach her the smart way to act around the mother and GF. Also, she's advising don't put anything in writing. That makes sense. Could you imagine how the mom would react to read the IM's and emails?

In the meantime, the OP can still talk to her, have her over as much as possible, and be a good role model.

Yep.

I have counseled 2 nephews now.

My current nephew who is 16 is doing way better. That is because we steer him to the positive.

Getting "caught up" in the drama does nothing except create more drama. It is very negative and it not what a kid needs. They need a lifeline.

Let's put it this way....if the mother found out the mother of your dd's friend was counseling her dd via email and IM's not only will the girl lose you as support but your dd will lose a friend.

Really helping someone, means helping them to help themselves.