Principal called police because our 9 year old rode his bike alone

[Pickles516]

As a SPED teacher, this was one hell of a read.

 

[DVCcurious]

3) I think you need to consider if you truly, truly, truly feel that 3 schools, who have independently seen your son's actions/behaviour/marks etc, are wrong in assessing his needs.

This post is not necessarily directed at the person I'm quoting. But I'm quoting this because you will hear this argument a lot, and it's a false argument. This post is for any parent who has a "different" child. I know the pressure you are under if you have a "different" child and I want to provide a new perspective for you to consider. I was going to respond originally with this point but I didn't and even though it's like 4 months later I decided I'm going to.

Suppose there was a society that invented the toothbrush. Yet instead of using it to brush their teeth they used it to clean the toilet. It's small and maneuverable and the bristles would work well cleaning something. Now, suppose I took you to this society and you didn't know about their toothbrush use. I told you I was taking you to three psychology "experts" and they were going to assess your sanity. The first psychology expert took you to a bathroom and gave you a toothbrush and asked you to demonstrate how to use it. So you start brushing your teeth. What would the first expert think of you? Now suppose the second and a third did the same test. Would you say those three "experts" are wrong when they assess you as crazy for using a toothbrush to brush your teeth? Or do you admit these "experts" are wrong?

THIS is the problem with the argument "that 3 schools who have independently seen your son...". It's not "3 schools" it's one train of thought. All of the public school personnel went to college for the same things, hung out with the same crowd, took the same classes, and have the same work partners. OF COURSE they all think the same thing about my son. The school psychologist who abused my son majored in dance in college. DANCE! And she thinks she can assess mathematically gifted kids? No, she can only asses whether a kid likes to have a conversation.

My niece was going to be a "neuroscientist". That was her life's dream. She went to college, couldn't hack biology and changed her major to psychology and now she's going to graduate school and will probably end up working as a school psychologist. Yet SHE is going to assess young kids (primarily boys, look up the stats) who are scientifically/mathematically gifted? She can't relate to them. of course she'll think there's something wrong with them.

I was born in 1976. In 1993 I had friends in high school who built computers. They took a bunch of hardware, put it together, wrote the OS, and built the freaking thing. They were "weird". Do you know anyone who built a computer at 16 years old? Do you think anybody at my son's school knows someone like them? Of course not. We tend to hang around people like us. So people who work at an elementary school hung around non-technical people. They don't understand technical people.

My son is exactly like me. I am highly analytical and I "get" math the way Michael Jordan "gets" basketball. This morning at breakfast I asked if we were going to take down his birthday (Feb 9) signs on February 1st (I meant to say March 1st). He said "dad, February first is 344 days away. I think we're going to take them down on March 1st". Now, a "normal" person would have pointed out that my February 1st comment was wrong and I meant March 1st. But my son doesn't think like that. Instead he calculated how long until the upcoming February 1st and told me it was 344 days away. How many 10 year olds do that? My son taught himself multiplication at 8 years old. How many 8 year olds do that?

If you give my son a date within the next 3 years he will tell you the day of the week. So if you say "John what day of the week is August 3 2023" he'll tell you it's Thursday in about 20 seconds. I can do this. But until my son started doing this a couple months ago I'd never met anyone else who can. My previous boss thought I was a carnival sideshow and would start all of our team meetings asking me the day of a week for a certain date in the future. She thought it was amazing I could figure it out in my head. My son can do this too at 10 years old. How? It's all math. I do the same thing. It's knowing that the day of the week changes by one each year, then knowing that each month has 28 days which is 4 weeks so those cancel and then you add up the remaining days and get the answer. So here's how you figure out August 3, 2023. March 3 2022 is 9 days away which is a Thursday (the 7 days cancel so you have 2 days + today is Tuesday = Thursday). Then you know March has 3 extra days, April 2, May 3, June 2, July 3 so that is 13 extra days. 14 days cancel so you subtract one day from Thursday and you get Wednesday for August 3 2022. Then you are asked for 2023 so you add a day (365 is 52 weeks + 1 day) and you know that August 3, 2023 is a Thursday. But no one taught me how to do this. I just know how. No one taught my son either, but he just knows.

Mark Zuckerberg had to testify in front of Congress years ago. Facebook hired someone to teach Zuck how to be "normal". Things like how to dress, that he needed to look people in the eye when speaking to them, to wait for the other speaker to finish before he began to answer (look this up if you don't believe me). If Zuckerberg were born in 2010 he would have been placed in an autism special education classroom because he doesn't maintain eye contact while speaking (the school told me that's a red flag you're autistic)

Yet this comment at the top of this post is the "normal" way of thinking: "I think you need to consider if you truly, truly, truly feel that 3 schools, who have independently seen your son..."

Yes, I truly feel that even a million people who majored in English, who are afraid of math, who have never built a computer, or even taken one apart to see what it looks like inside, lack the ability to assess my son. I truly feel that people who quit math at Intermediate Algebra and can't tell you anything about basic stuff like what an integral measures and what it's used for lack the mental skill set to assess my son. I TRULY believe that. I don't say that to be insulting. Rather my point is that we are all different. And you can't assess someone who is radically different from you. You just don't understand them. You don't know how they process information and how they think. I can't assess someone with a language-based brain just like a language-based person can't asses my math-based brain.

To finish up, This post is for people who have a "different" child. You need to entertain the possibility that the people who are assessing your child just don't understand him (or her, but it's 90% boys, again look it up). You need to realize your child has gifts that others can't see or refuse to see or dismiss out of hand.

 

[Pickles516]

This post is not necessarily directed at the person I'm quoting. But I'm quoting this because you will hear this argument a lot, and it's a false argument. This post is for any parent who has a "different" child. I know the pressure you are under if you have a "different" child and I want to provide a new perspective for you to consider. I was going to respond originally with this point but I didn't and even though it's like 4 months later I decided I'm going to.

Suppose there was a society that invented the toothbrush. Yet instead of using it to brush their teeth they used it to clean the toilet. It's small and maneuverable and the bristles would work well cleaning something. Now, suppose I took you to this society and you didn't know about their toothbrush use. I told you I was taking you to three psychology "experts" and they were going to assess your sanity. The first psychology expert took you to a bathroom and gave you a toothbrush and asked you to demonstrate how to use it. So you start brushing your teeth. What would the first expert think of you? Now suppose the second and a third did the same test. Would you say those three "experts" are wrong when they assess you as crazy for using a toothbrush to brush your teeth? Or do you admit these "experts" are wrong?

THIS is the problem with the argument "that 3 schools who have independently seen your son...". It's not "3 schools" it's one train of thought. All of the public school personnel went to college for the same things, hung out with the same crowd, took the same classes, and have the same work partners. OF COURSE they all think the same thing about my son. The school psychologist who abused my son majored in dance in college. DANCE! And she thinks she can assess mathematically gifted kids? No, she can only asses whether a kid likes to have a conversation.

My niece was going to be a "neuroscientist". That was her life's dream. She went to college, couldn't hack biology and changed her major to psychology and now she's going to graduate school and will probably end up working as a school psychologist. Yet SHE is going to assess young kids (primarily boys, look up the stats) who are scientifically/mathematically gifted? She can't relate to them. of course she'll think there's something wrong with them.

I was born in 1976. In 1993 I had friends in high school who built computers. They took a bunch of hardware, put it together, wrote the OS, and built the freaking thing. They were "weird". Do you know anyone who built a computer at 16 years old? Do you think anybody at my son's school knows someone like them? Of course not. We tend to hang around people like us. So people who work at an elementary school hung around non-technical people. They don't understand technical people.

My son is exactly like me. I am highly analytical and I "get" math the way Michael Jordan "gets" basketball. This morning at breakfast I asked if we were going to take down his birthday (Feb 9) signs on February 1st (I meant to say March 1st). He said "dad, February first is 344 days away. I think we're going to take them down on March 1st". Now, a "normal" person would have pointed out that my February 1st comment was wrong and I meant March 1st. But my son doesn't think like that. Instead he calculated how long until the upcoming February 1st and told me it was 344 days away. How many 10 year olds do that? My son taught himself multiplication at 8 years old. How many 8 year olds do that?

If you give my son a date within the next 3 years he will tell you the day of the week. So if you say "John what day of the week is August 3 2023" he'll tell you it's Thursday in about 20 seconds. I can do this. But until my son started doing this a couple months ago I'd never met anyone else who can. My previous boss thought I was a carnival sideshow and would start all of our team meetings asking me the day of a week for a certain date in the future. She thought it was amazing I could figure it out in my head. My son can do this too at 10 years old. How? It's all math. I do the same thing. It's knowing that the day of the week changes by one each year, then knowing that each month has 28 days which is 4 weeks so those cancel and then you add up the remaining days and get the answer. So here's how you figure out August 3, 2023. March 3 2022 is 9 days away which is a Thursday (the 7 days cancel so you have 2 days + today is Tuesday = Thursday). Then you know March has 3 extra days, April 2, May 3, June 2, July 3 so that is 13 extra days. 14 days cancel so you subtract one day from Thursday and you get Wednesday for August 3 2022. Then you are asked for 2023 so you add a day (365 is 52 weeks + 1 day) and you know that August 3, 2023 is a Thursday. But no one taught me how to do this. I just know how. No one taught my son either, but he just knows.

Mark Zuckerberg had to testify in front of Congress years ago. Facebook hired someone to teach Zuck how to be "normal". Things like how to dress, that he needed to look people in the eye when speaking to them, to wait for the other speaker to finish before he began to answer (look this up if you don't believe me). If Zuckerberg were born in 2010 he would have been placed in an autism special education classroom because he doesn't maintain eye contact while speaking (the school told me that means you're autistic)

Yet this comment at the top of this post is the "normal" way of thinking: "I think you need to consider if you truly, truly, truly feel that 3 schools, who have independently seen your son..."

Yes, I truly feel that even a million people who majored in English, who are afraid of math, who have never built a computer, or even taken one apart to see what it looks like inside, lack the ability to assess my son. I truly feel that people who quit math at Intermediate Algebra and can't tell you anything about basic stuff like what an integral measures and what it's used for lack the mental skill set to assess my son. I TRULY believe that.

To finish up, This post is for people who have a "different" child. You need to entertain the possibility that the people who are assessing your child just don't understand him (or her, but it's 90% boys, again look it up). You need to realize your child has gifts that others can't see or refuse to see or dismiss out of hand.

That’s a false analogy, and pretty much everything in this particular post is Cherry-picked to try to discredit special education as an institution when, in reality, it serves to illustrate not only how right these schools seem to be about your son, but also the genetic and environmental factors that account for his neurological makeup.

 

[DLgal]

Deleted.

Last time I tried to offer advice to this poster, he reported me. Not worth the points. I'll still probably get reported and I'll end up banned. It's been fun, everyone.

 

[Pickles516]

Nice story. You're probably autistic. So is your son. It doesn't matter how you try and frame it. It's insulting to the education and expertise of the people whose job it is to assess whether your son is having difficulties in school due to his neurodiversity. They know what they are doing. Your kid is not the first "different" one they have encountered.

Your sons math abilities are not that unusual, nor are yours. It's called splinter skills. My almost 18 year old son is also a human calculator. He was writing up algebraic expressions at age 3 and solving for x (I'm serious). He built his own computer at 14. I have a video of him reciting Pi out to over 500 digits at age 9.

My father read AND MEMORIZED the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica set at the age of 13 because he spent a summer being grounded for being "different." This man also had to repeat Kindergarten because he didn't play appropriately with the other kids." That was in 1952. Imagine that. Even back then there were different kinds of kids who didn't fit the mold.

My younger son had PROFOUND difficulties in school at age 10, but he could remember the day ANYTHING happened in the past, and would respond immediately when asked a seemingly minor question like "what day did you get that lego set?" He'd come back with a day of the week, calendar date and year. He still does this at age 16. Most recently I mentioned some cookies I bought from a new cookie shop and he said "you bought those on December 1." Who remembers those kinds of details nearly 3 months later? A friend of mine whose son is autistic (severely so) and intellectually impaired can ALSO do this calendar trick. It's a common ability of autistic brains.

Yeah, my kids and my dad are "different." I embrace that about them. But they still need help getting through a school system that is not designed for people like them. That's the reality. As a parent, my job has been to get them the support they need for the classes/subjects they struggle with while allowing them to show what they do well.

My high school senior is absolutely rocking Calculus and Spanish (he has a knack for languages and accents---he taught himself how to count to 100 in about 15 different ones at age 5 by watching You Tube videos, but I digress). His reading comprehension for fiction is garbage, though. He struggles to write using original thoughts. He cannot take high school level Language arts or History due to the heavy emphasis on reading/writing. We have tried and it has been a spectacular failure. He won't graduate with a diploma because our state doesn't allow curriculum modifications at the high school level for core subjects. He recently failed his drivers license knowledge test twice because of the way the questions are worded to try and trick people, despite knowing the content of the handbook 100%. He hasnt had a job yet because he can't answer basic questions during an interview with more than an "I don't know" answer. These are the ways his "differences" have been problems that have held him back in real life. In my opinion, he's a freaking genius. To the rest of the world, he's a nice, polite kid who is super weird but also has some crazy talents in certain areas, and he is an amazing baker. I still have no idea what his future holds. But I'm certainly glad he was diagnosed early and given every opportunity to meet his own potential with the appropriate supports in place for the last 15 years in school. He will continue in the district special education program after high school. It's an adult transition program that teaches job and life skills. Our goal is for him to find a satisfying job so he can one day live independently (which is what he wants).

I don't tell others how to do their jobs, but I have learned a LOT as a parent of autistic kids. I was going to be a doctor and I ALSO dropped my pre med major in college because I couldn't hack the math classes involved. I switched gears and majored in English because I enjoyed it. I've been a stay at home parent most of my adult life. I still read a LOT. I educate myself on ALL kinds of subjects. I am innately intelligent. I would be SO insulted if some person who never met me assumed that I couldn't POSSIBLY understand "some subject" because I didn't ORIGINALLY go to school for that particular thing. Or that because I am a certain way myself, I cannot undertstand people who are different than me. That's the kind of black and white thinking that is common among autistic people...and it's very damaging.

Ding ding ding.

I hope dad gets the help he needs to deal with the internalized stigmatization of his own autism, so that he can help his son avoid the same feelings as he grows up.
This whole post was, “My son can’t be autistic, and to prove it, I will go into great detail about how I’m autistic as well”.

P.S. Your son sounds like one of my favorite students. Every day - “Good morning Mr. P! Only x number of days until your birthday!”, “Hey (classmate), you wore that same shirt on x date three years ago, I love that shirt!”. Amazing kid.

 

[DLgal]

This whole post was, “My son can’t be autistic, and to prove it, I will go into great detail about how I’m autistic as well”.

Spot on. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

Once my son was diagnosed and I began reading about autism, I immediately recognized my father. I told him I thought he may be autistic. He thought about it for a minute and said "I think you might be right. But that just means your son will turn out okay. I did."

 

[Pickles516]

Spot on. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

Once my son was diagnosed and I began reading about autism, I immediately recognized my father. I told him I thought he may be autistic. He thought about it for a minute and said "I think you might be right. But that just means your son will turn out okay. I did."

Your son is blessed to have you. Parental perception has such a huge role in how students/people who are neurologically “atypical” develop and thrive in school. Way to go mama bear.

 

[AZMermaid]

I may have missed it in the thread but has he been tested for a self contained gifted program? Or maybe more appropriately- a Twice Exceptional program? But even a self contained gifted program will probably be more suited to finding his talents amongst his struggles.

 

[VandVsmama]

Random thoughts in no particular order:

• What a nightmare for your child, for you, and for your family.
• I, too, would have moved my kid to a different school and/or school district.
• Bravo for continuing to fight for what your kid really needs. And bravo for seeking out help from outside the school system.

Story Time #1:
My ODD is 15 1/2 now, but when she was in 1st grade in our local public school, her 1st grade teacher just did not understand her. School year started in early Aug. I could tell by mid-Sept that something was up and the teacher didn't understand how to teach to my kid. Teacher decided ODD had ADHD because she kept tying & untying her shoes a lot (ODD was doing it because she was bored) and because ODD would stare out the window instead of look at the front of the class...yet whenever called on in class to answer a question, ODD got it spot on correct every time.

At end of kindergarten, ODD was tested for the gifted program and hit it out of the park.

1st grade teacher sent home a school-mandated personality test for me to fill out & evaluate ODD's behavior at home. Teacher did the same at school. ODD was normal at home, yet the teacher's assessment stated that ODD was mega-ADHD at school. LOL...ok. Teacher said, "Well, technically, we're not allowed to give a diagnosis and you can only get that from a medical doctor, but your daughter has ADHD." We chose not to pursue it further.

They pulled ODD out of class 2-3x/week for remedial reading help with a reading specialist. Had a parent-teacher conference w/1st grade teacher & reading specialist in April of 1st grade...1st grade teacher said to me, "Ms. X, I've been a teacher for 15 years and I've used everything in my bag of tricks and I have no idea how to teach to your child." I thought, "Yep, that was obvious back in September!"

ODD had no problems reading. She scored horribly on the DIBELS reading tests. Why? Because she was trying to figure out what all of the nonsense words meant and she kept thinking, "Why are they having me read these words which don't mean anything?" Oh...and the 1st grade reading homework each week was to go online on a school website (with a login & password) and have the kid read 5 'books' 5 times each Mon-Fri.

That was torturous. It took ODD 45 min to an hour starting on Tuesday every week. After read through #2, she'd complain & cry..."Mama, why do I have to do this? I already read it 2 times!"

I knew what was coming...ODD had already been labelled by this teacher as being in a certain category. And it was going to go south. I mean, once the reading specialist stuff started, ODD started saying things like "I'm just dumb."

Halfway through 1st grade, a new charter school was opening for the following school year. We signed her up for it (and YDD, who would be entering kindergarten). By Sept of 2nd grade when I had an initial parent-teacher conference w/the 2nd grade teacher at the new school, THAT teacher scoffed and laughed when I told her about our experience from the prior year elsewhere. The charter school teacher said, "Pft, oh please, ODD reads just fine. She's right at grade level. There's nothing wrong with her."

And we never looked back. I've been mocked by 'friends' for driving 30-45 min each way to get my kids to that school, but I don't care.

I just wanted to give you a fist bump about all this. Sounds like for awhile at least, having your son ride his bike on his own is a no go. Hang in there.

 

[DLgal]

Your son is blessed to have you. Parental perception has such a huge role in how students/people who are neurologically “atypical” develop and thrive in school. Way to go mama bear.

Thank you.

I have found much success by working WITH the schools as a team. No animosity. Mutual respect. Our kids have gotten everything they've needed and then some. I recognize not all kids are so fortunate, but we made deliberate decisions to live above our means for many years so we could access this particular school district's outstanding special education program. We have never encountered abuse of any kind, subpar teachers or any kind of bullying. We cant afford to buy a home here and probably never will. But we are planted here for the next 6 years, minimum, until our youngest ages out of the special education program at 22. Your kids only get one chance at childhood/K-12.

 

[Pickles516]

Thank you.

I have found much success by working WITH the schools as a team. No animosity. Mutual respect. Our kids have gotten everything they've needed and then some. I recognize not all kids are so fortunate, but we made deliberate decisions to live above our means for many years so we could access this particular school district's outstanding special education program. We have never encountered abuse of any kind, subpar teachers or any kind of bullying. We cant afford to buy a home here and probably never will. But we are planted here for the next 6 years, minimum, until our youngest ages out of the special education program at 22. Your kids only get one chance at childhood/K-12.

A lot of people don’t seem to get that schools want their kids to be successful (generally speaking). They also don’t seem to get that just because they kick and scream until someone yes’s them to death and gives them whatever it is that they want for their child, doesn’t mean that they were right from the start.

 

[jodifla]

Oh boy, DVCcurious I am so sorry. We also saw Mary Camarata and it was the best thing we ever did for our kid. We were also treated horribly by the school district, although not as bad as you have been treated. The social worker later apologized for the elementary team that tried to railroad our kid with a wrong diagnosis and put him in a self-contained class. She told us it was awful what they did with us, and that she would have never believed how far my son came by late elementary school. She said she would have told me it was impossible.

My experts were right; the school was wrong.

It's a marathon, not a sprint with these school people who prove that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. By now you have multiple experts who agree your son is not ASD.

It's also really something that people on this board are now trying to diagnose you via your messages. Wow.

Feel free to send me a private message. I'm pulling for you and your child.

 

[jodifla]

Thank you.

I have found much success by working WITH the schools as a team. No animosity. Mutual respect. Our kids have gotten everything they've needed and then some. I recognize not all kids are so fortunate, but we made deliberate decisions to live above our means for many years so we could access this particular school district's outstanding special education program. We have never encountered abuse of any kind, subpar teachers or any kind of bullying. We cant afford to buy a home here and probably never will. But we are planted here for the next 6 years, minimum, until our youngest ages out of the special education program at 22. Your kids only get one chance at childhood/K-12.

But you agree with them, so it's a completely different thing. My son didn't start having success until we fought against what they were doing.

Once we implement Mary Camarata's plan, it worked the first day. The school had been adding gasoline to the fire and we made no progress until we forced them to try it a different way.

 

[dez1978]

I'm gonna throw my 2 cents in here as the mom to an adhd child. I've always known my kid was different. from the time he was a baby, I knew. Obv not what it was, just that he was "more" than other babies. But the school said no, he doesn't need evaluated, he's just a boy with boy energy. Cool. Then came 1st grade where he had a teacher who he just did not mesh well with. She had him sitting alone in the corner by the end of the 1st week. Again, I asked multiple times about getting him evaluated. I was told no, hes just looking for attention. Really he just was bored and got in trouble, but since academically he was doing great, they didn't want to deal with the rest of it. They took away his recess, made him eat lunch alone etc. Eventually, they called us in and told us they thought he was depressed. Well no kidding. Look at what you are doing to him. See at this point, I had no idea I could demand testing thru the school. We decided to take him to a counselor, bc I was worried if I didn't the school would pull this crap and say we were neglecting him. DH was sort of against it until that point, bc I think dads have a harder time with this than moms. The counselor referred us to a child neruo-psychologist, who did his testing and brain imaging and what not. Got his diagnosis of ADHD and hey, guess what, I have it too, but since I'm female, in the 80s when I was in school, no one considered it. We spent about a year trying different things before medicating him, bc I needed to know for myself we'd tried everything first. I cannot tell you the difference it's made for him. Now we still argue with the school on getting him the things we need sometimes, but mentally, he is 100% better with a diagnosis than without one.

I tell this story because 1, I'd never considered my own diagnosis until his. And despite how I'd educated myself by reading articles and books on adhd, I was certain he didn't have it. Turns out I was reading the books that said he didn't have it bc thats what I wanted to hear. Once I started reading objectively and openly, it was clear to me that we both have it.
2, Allowing your child to have the services your school (or 3 schools) thinks he needs is important
3. Despite what some ppl think, not all schools are jumping to label kids for $. My school certainly isn't.
4. Some teachers certainly do suck. We had that 1 teacher and the principal of that school that were horrible. I can't say the horrible things I want to on here about them. But they broke my child. However, at that same school, there are also some amazing teachers who have helped him and "fixed" him and have been more than willing to work with him and us, and I am so thankful for those teachers.
5. OP, I am sorry that your family is going thru these struggles. I really am. I would suggest that instead of fighting the school at every turn, even though I understand the urge to do so, that instead you go in open minded and try to be a team with them and meet them half way. Don't let one school district experience dictate how you interact with every school employee for the rest of your childs life. He will suffer for it. It sounds like there are a few teachers/administrators at the new school who are trying to help. I'd much rather my child have the help, even if they don't need it, than deny them help and make them suffer.

 

[robinb]

Thank you.

I have found much success by working WITH the schools as a team. No animosity. Mutual respect. Our kids have gotten everything they've needed and then some. I recognize not all kids are so fortunate, but we made deliberate decisions to live above our means for many years so we could access this particular school district's outstanding special education program. We have never encountered abuse of any kind, subpar teachers or any kind of bullying. We cant afford to buy a home here and probably never will. But we are planted here for the next 6 years, minimum, until our youngest ages out of the special education program at 22. Your kids only get one chance at childhood/K-12.

I don't know if you would be interested in this, but one of my local colleges has a college program for kids with intellectual and developmental disabilities called "Cutting Edge" : https://www.edgewood.edu/cutting-edge . I've heard very good things about this program.

 

[VandVsmama]

Story Time #2:

Moral to this story: Sometimes the parent is right and the school is NOT looking out for what's best for the kid.

A good friend had her ODS (older dear son) in a local Catholic school, but after a few years of a hellacious experience, pulled the ODS out and decided to home school him. The teachers called the ODS stupid to his face, he was mocked, teased, called lazy, you name it. My friend asked them to test ODS for learning disabilities...they refused, said that ODS was just lazy and a good-for-nothing. The way the ODS's teacher spoke to him was down right unprofessional. Truly terrible.

So she pulled ODS out of the private school and decided to give home schooling a go. It's worked out really well for them. She spent their own $$, like you, to get ODS tested by reputable professionals who were experts in child psychology & evaluating children for ADHD, autistm, learning disabilities, you name it.

And guess what? OP - like your son, Friend's ODS did NOT have autism. Did not have ADHD either. Did not have oppositional defiant disorder or anything like that either. Child psychologist said that Friend's ODS has a pretty high IQ, but also has a couple of learning disorders...one of which is dysgraphia.

Friend took that info to their local school district & inquired about what sort of special services ODS would qualify for. They said ODS would be put in a special ed class. Friend said, "Nope, no thanks." She's home schooled him ever since. ODS is now almost 16. Friend has done a phenomenal job...done her own research and found curriculum & techniques for helping her son with his learning disabilities.

Then year before last (so kid was 13 1/2), she kind of had exhausted all of her resources that she found herself and did some poking around. As it turns out, state law where she lives requires the local public school district to provide learning disability services & assistance to home schooled students. It took almost 9 months of bugging the school district, but they finally agreed. And yes, she, too, presented them with their family's child psychologist's evaluations...the school district basically said, "We don't believe you, we want to evaluate him ourselves." Their family's child psychologist communicated directly with the school district's psychologist...aftewards, Friend's child psychologist told her that ODS's dysgraphia is so bad, that you'd have to be an idiot to miss it, but the school's psychologist attitude was "Meh, I don't see a problem here."

Finally, the school district backed down and Friend got ODS the additional learning disability help that he needed. When he writes essays on a computer using Word, he's fine because Word uses predictive text to give suggestions on what the misspelled word really is meant to be. By comparison, when ODS writes essays out by hand, it's like reading the misspellings and hand writing of a 4-5 year old. But when ODS reads his own hand writing out loud, you'd never be able to guess that he has a problem if you didn't see his written word at all.

Friend's ODS is going to go to college. His diagnoses has allowed him to get special accommodations for standardized tests like the PSAT. Like your son, Friend's ODS is quiet, doesn't talk a lot...he's reserved.

ALL of the Catholic school and public school people told Friend that she was in denial. She got a lot of the same push back that you & your family have gotten. You know your kid. Hang in there, Dad.

 

[robinb]

This whole post was, “My son can’t be autistic, and to prove it, I will go into great detail about how I’m autistic as well”.

With a added dollop of contempt for women who choose non-technical fields.

 

[dez1978]

Story Time #2:

Moral to this story: Sometimes the parent is right and the school is NOT looking out for what's best for the kid.

A good friend had her ODS (older dear son) in a local Catholic school, but after a few years of a hellacious experience, pulled the ODS out and decided to home school him. The teachers called the ODS stupid to his face, he was mocked, teased, called lazy, you name it. My friend asked them to test ODS for learning disabilities...they refused, said that ODS was just lazy and a good-for-nothing. The way the ODS's teacher spoke to him was down right unprofessional. Truly terrible.

So she pulled ODS out of the private school and decided to give home schooling a go. It's worked out really well for them. She spent their own $$, like you, to get ODS tested by reputable professionals who were experts in child psychology & evaluating children for ADHD, autistm, learning disabilities, you name it.

And guess what? OP - like your son, Friend's ODS did NOT have autism. Did not have ADHD either. Did not have oppositional defiant disorder or anything like that either. Child psychologist said that Friend's ODS has a pretty high IQ, but also has a couple of learning disorders...one of which is dysgraphia.

Friend took that info to their local school district & inquired about what sort of special services ODS would qualify for. They said ODS would be put in a special ed class. Friend said, "Nope, no thanks." She's home schooled him ever since. ODS is now almost 16. Friend has done a phenomenal job...done her own research and found curriculum & techniques for helping her son with his learning disabilities.

Then year before last (so kid was 13 1/2), she kind of had exhausted all of her resources that she found herself and did some poking around. As it turns out, state law where she lives requires the local public school district to provide learning disability services & assistance to home schooled students. It took almost 9 months of bugging the school district, but they finally agreed. And yes, she, too, presented them with their family's child psychologist's evaluations...the school district basically said, "We don't believe you, we want to evaluate him ourselves." Their family's child psychologist communicated directly with the school district's psychologist...aftewards, Friend's child psychologist told her that ODS's dysgraphia is so bad, that you'd have to be an idiot to miss it, but the school's psychologist attitude was "Meh, I don't see a problem here."

Finally, the school district backed down and Friend got ODS the additional learning disability help that he needed. When he writes essays on a computer using Word, he's fine because Word uses predictive text to give suggestions on what the misspelled word really is meant to be. By comparison, when ODS writes essays out by hand, it's like reading the misspellings and hand writing of a 4-5 year old. But when ODS reads his own hand writing out loud, you'd never be able to guess that he has a problem if you didn't see his written word at all.

Friend's ODS is going to go to college. His diagnoses has allowed him to get special accommodations for standardized tests like the PSAT. Like your son, Friend's ODS is quiet, doesn't talk a lot...he's reserved.

ALL of the Catholic school and public school people told Friend that she was in denial. She got a lot of the same push back that you & your family have gotten. You know your kid. Hang in there, Dad.

Def, the school is not always looking out for the kids. 100%. Some just don't want to be bothered with the extra work so they say there is no problem, others create problems when none exist bc they want the extra $. However, if several schools are telling you the same thing, there is probably an issue of some sort that needs to be addressed. Regardless, what OPs school did was wrong, regarding CPS and the lies they told to mess with this family. So I can see why there would be a lack of trust there.

 

[Pickles516]

With a added dollop of contempt for women who choose non-technical fields.

It’s also weird, because the woman he’s holding up as the proof of his child not being autistic has an MS in speech pathology, which is an equivalent degree *at best* in terms of educational rigor when compared to an MS or MA in special education. Super strange stuff going on.

 

[jodifla]

It’s also weird, because the woman he’s holding up as the proof of his child not being autistic has an MS in speech pathology, which is an equivalent degree *at best* in terms of educational rigor when compared to an MS or MA in special education. Super strange stuff going on.

You are ignoring this part, aren't you?

"Here's another update

Neuro-psychologist: The psychologist did three rounds of investigation. First he met with our son and performed a ton of tests on him. That took about six hours. Then he met with us and asked us 1001 questions about our son's behavior, likes/dislikes, development, etc. Then he did another 3 hours of testing with our son. Our son does not have ASD or any other neurological thing. The psychologist doesn't know what the big deal is. He says our son is just an intellectual introvert. He also said that our son is extremely stubborn and gets bored with the testing and was intentionally giving incorrect answers and the psychologist said normally the test instructions tell you to stop but he pushed through and kept questioning my son to get to what he really knows. He said many less-skilled professionals would only go by the book and not actually dig in to see what's going on inside my son's head."

Also, Mary Camarata was a university researcher at Vanderbilt for many years. Your comment is laughable that the experience level is the same. I haven't met a SLP yet -- and I have met MANY -- who had anywhere close to her level of expertise.