Prom Etiquette ?

[MichelleVW]

A white tux just screams "outdated" to me. You are going to be hard pressed to find another guy at the prom in a tux of any color other than black or navy.

My DD had her prom a few weeks ago and there were tons of guys with white tux's on. Her date wore black, but a couple they doubled with the boy had a white tux on.

Heck, I even saw an ORANGE tux with an ORANGE top hat!!


To the OP, I would let them sort it out themselves. As the mother of two DD's, no way would I let the mother of her date pay for those things for her.

 

[MareQ]

Tell your son the proper thing to do would be to match his outfit to the outfit she chooses to wear. That's what gentlemen do.

I am sorry but forcing her to go out and buy a dress in a specific color to match your son's vest is just wrong. What if the only appropriate color is a dress she hates or isn't comfortable wearing?? And no - you do not buy the girl a dress and ask for her to give it back when she is done. If you do go shopping with her and force her to wear a dress that you and your son find appropriate the least you can do is let her have the darn thing.

 

[englishteacha]

I'm sure the young lady has a friend who can help her with her hair, should she need it. I had my hair "done" for my senior prom, and honestly, I should have done it myself! I didn't like the way it looked and had to fix it anyway.

As for the dress, let her wear one she already owns. If she does black, your son can do a white jacket with black pants and whatever color vest and tie he wants. It's a great compromise. Otherwise, who says they have to match? My prom date wanted to match my dress, but it was fire engine red, a color that just wasn't flattering on him. He went with black and white and looked very handsome.

My "honorary daughter" is a sophomore and was asked to the prom this year. She's in Rainbow and has a lot of formal gowns. She's going to wear her favorite. I've offered to do her hair for her. If she wants it done at a salon, she'll pay for it herself. She wants her nails done, and I offered to help her do an at-home kit, but if she wants to get acrylics at a salon, it's her money. We're very frugal around here, and fancy hair and nails as a sophomore I think are a bit over the top.

Oh, here prom is junior/senior, no dinner included, as far as I know. I believe all buy tickets. Underclassmen must be invited by a junior or senior.

 

[WL Fan]

I've got 2 (almost) grown sons, and between the 2 of them, we're on our 5th prom next week. So...

The young man picks his outfit to match his date's. That's it.

And as much as I admire your willingness to go above and way beyond, I wouldn't buy the dress, or even put my 2 cents in. Tell her how nice she looks, compliment her up and down, and let them go on their merry way.

 

[Stephanie218]

This is probably one of the most over the top things I've read in a while. I went to prom sophomore year with a junior, and I can guarantee he waited until I picked a dress to get his tux. No guy tells the girl to match him....I'm not sure why he cares that much. Also, white and blue doesn't sound good to me at all.

As to you buying a dress, I would be totally freaked out if I had to go shopping with my friend's mom and then she was taking the dress back anyway. Ditto with the hair stylist - for all but senior prom, I did my hair myself, and it looked fine.

Let the kids handle everything, and tell your son that he needs to match her - not the other way around.

 

[DramaQueen]

I had my prom last year, and if my BF had told me what colour dress to wear to match his tux I WOULD'VE THROWN A FIT let me tell you.
I just wore a black dress though, so a black tux sufficed for my man.
And there weren't even that many couples who "matched" at my prom, most guys just went for your regular black tux...as that matches with pretty much anything.


Anyways, I agree with pretty much all the PPs. I think one of her old dresses would do just fine, it is very imposing of you to ask her to get a new dress (even if you're buying it), and I'm sure she'd rather have her friends so her hair/makeup for free rather than have to feel guilty that you're picking up all her tabs.

If I were her, I would feel verrry awkward, uncomfortable and guilty that you were doing this all for me (especially seeing as how she's not even a long term GF)

So like some PPs have said, maybe just leave it alone and let them work it out on their own.
And if she can't get a new dress to match your DS' white & blue tux, well either he gets a new tux...or a new date.

 

[scrapquitler]

I don't see the big deal here. If your son wants to wear a white tux and blue vest, then let him wear that. Let the girl wear the dress she wants. WHO CARES IF THEY MATCH?????????? The 'matching' thing is usually just for pictures anyway, and really, who cares? If they think they clash, then they could get separate pictures taken.

I just am not a huge fan of the spending tons and tons of money on the prom, and I think it is a GOOD thing that the girls mom says "wear one of the dresses you already have" and that she doesn't want to spend all the money on hair/nails. But thats just me.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Okay- I have to say it and I am very sorry because I truly am not meaning to be rude but a white tux with a blue vest reminds me of an ice cream man. I'm sorry but if my son wanted to wear that I would tell him the same thing. Of course I would support whatever choice in clothing he wanted but I would still feel the same way. Good luck!

 

[RealMickeysGirl]

Ok - this is my take on it - She should wear one of her dresses. If your son is dead set on the blue, he should buy something that goes with her dress that matches his blue - a sash or the ribbons of her corsage.

Some purples will go with some blues and tying in the blue and purple in a corsage can be pretty - maybe with cream roses so the colors stand out.

Offering to buy a dress for someone is nice but (and I am sure it wasn't meant this way) it makes it sound like a back handed complement. Let me buy you a new dress = your dress taste isn't that good.

As far as hair and nails go - let her do what she wants. If she wants to go get hair and nails done, she will do it herself.

 

[taylor1293]

I agree with what many others are saying.

Why does she have to get her hair and nails done at all? Can't she just handle doing them herself?

If her black dress is appropriate, why not have her wear that? You son can adjust his tux accordingly.

 

[Mkgaapril]

Okay- I have to say it and I am very sorry because I truly am not meaning to be rude but a white tux with a blue vest reminds me of an ice cream man. I'm sorry but if my son wanted to wear that I would tell him the same thing. Of course I would support whatever choice in clothing he wanted but I would still feel the same way. Good luck!

 

[Mkgaapril]

When I got married I didn't worry about half of this

 

[SydneyBristow]

If I were the girl, I'd probably back out of the whole deal. It sounds too over the top to me.

I agree.

 

[mamacatnv]

Here is my take - If your DS is set on his tux then he can either go alone or she can wear her current dress or if you choose to buy her a dress then it is her's, not a loaner. However, I agree with the other posters that this has been handled a little backwards and I can see why the girls parents are not being very cooperative.

My DS's prom was a little over a week ago and due to financial issues his GF's parents could not afford a dress or anything else for that matter. She did have one that she wore to a school formal in February and I didn't want her to have to wear the same dress twice if she was going to be uncomfortable (The whole can't wear it to 2 events back to back thing) She really didn't care, but the nasty darlings they go to school with would have picked her apart and she is way too sweet for that. At my DS's request (after I offered) I took her shopping, she had a budget and I let her choose what she wanted. I aksed her if she would like to get her hair done and she said she would, so I booked her an appt. at the beauty school. I did not do her nails and she looked fabulous without them. My BFF is a makeup artists so we were set.

I did purchase the pictures, the flowers and I split the cost of the tix. with DS. He paid for their dinner out. (at least I think he did, but I haven't looked at my credit card statement to confirm )

However, I did this for my son's GF of almost a year, not a friend he asked to go as his date so he would not have to go alone.

For what it is worth, last year DS escorted 6 girls - he did not have a GF, did not want a date and so he escorted several of his single friends. We joked he had a harem, but he had a great time.

 

[Mkgaapril]

thats what I am saying....my DS's gf of a year and a half is not very well off. handicaped parents etc...in the area I live in they have what is know as CINDERELLA'S CLOSET....area businesses donate new, used all formals...redken is here also they donate makeup and hair products as well as area stylist donate time and product. you have to be refered to this...my DS's was refered by guidance c. she could not be happier...and I would never dream of stepping on her parents toes...it is a beautiful dress..donated by davids bridal....it all started with a woman hearing a girl ask a thrift shop keeper to hold a 40.00 dress. she got the dress for the girl......It is a huge thing....this well off church has created a fairytale room, complete with lunch etc....anyway CINDERELLA'S CLOSET is a neat thing...maybe the parents can't afford to do the things you want done and you are hurting feelings...

 

[Doe]

When I got married I didn't worry about half of this

 

[minniecarousel]

hmmmm....has the OP checked in yet?

Since you asked for Prom Etiquette - I think you have your answer. The boy matches the girl, not the other way around. Your son in outta luck on this one.

 

[beattyfamily]

hmmmm....has the OP checked in yet?
Since you asked for Prom Etiquette - I think you have your answer. The boy matches the girl, not the other way around. Your son in outta luck on this one.

No, and I doubt she will. Some replies have been a bit harsh, IMHO. I think she got her answer and more than she bargained for too.

 

[mamacatnv]

thats what I am saying....my DS's gf of a year and a half is not very well off. handicaped parents etc...in the area I live in they have what is know as CINDERELLA'S CLOSET....area businesses donate new, used all formals...redken is here also they donate makeup and hair products as well as area stylist donate time and product. you have to be refered to this...my DS's was refered by guidance c. she could not be happier...and I would never dream of stepping on her parents toes...it is a beautiful dress..donated by davids bridal....it all started with a woman hearing a girl ask a thrift shop keeper to hold a 40.00 dress. she got the dress for the girl......It is a huge thing....this well off church has created a fairytale room, complete with lunch etc....anyway CINDERELLA'S CLOSET is a neat thing...maybe the parents can't afford to do the things you want done and you are hurting feelings...

We have something very similar here and it is a wonderful organization. All girls should be able to go to the prom feeling like a Princess imo

 

[mselly13]

Yes, I have been reading all the responses and as I have dial up, I have been having a problem today getting kicked off every 5 minutes.

I would like to thank everyone for their responses whether they were nice or not. I do appreciate all input. I have made my decision but chose not to share it as it seems that no matter what I decide I will probably get flamed either way.

I would also like to say that when some of you long timers are sad and missing friends that are no longer here remember it's because of their own actions they are gone.

When a poster asks a question, would it be tacky to ask for the dress back, that's the question. I didn't ask if people thought I was too involved, which I got plenty of responses on. BTW, I have only been involved as much as DS has asked me to be. Maybe if more parents were more involved then we wouldn't have some of the problems with young people that we do today.

Also, some people really need to learn to read. I did not say that I was having her nails done just that her mother wasn't.
I did not say I was having her hair professionally done, I said that I had arranged for a friend to do it.

As for those who posted who cares. He does and I do. When we start teaching young people not to care what they look like or what other people will think that's when society starts falling apart. That's why we have kids who wear their pants down around the knees because who should care. That's when we have kids wearing thongs that show, girls wearing shirts that are 3 sizes too small and jeans that don't cover their back side, because who cares. Ultimately, we all do care. It is important to look appropriate for the occasion. If we didn't care then should he just wear blue jeans and a t-shirt to prom because who cares anyway? No, not caring is not the answer.

Yes, this is his prom and I do think that he should get to wear what he is comfortable in. Yes, white tuxes are still available and in. He may not ever get to wear a tux again and I think he should be comfortable as it is his prom. This tux actually came about because of a fashion show last year. He was an escort at a fashion show put on by the drill team. The tux company donated tuxes for the guys that day. When we walked in with all 3 boys the first thing out of the owner’s mouth was "you need to be in white with royal". He also had a lime green vest and tie that he wore with the white. He has very blue eyes and this tux looks awesome on him. He knew then what he wanted for prom this year. As this is his only prom I want him to enjoy it. I do think that maybe the mom isn't putting much into because it's not her DD's prom and I don't blame her one bit. I do believe they can afford it but choose not to put too much into it because it isn't her prom.

I would also like to add that yes, maybe I am taking this too seriously. He leaves in just a few months for ARNG. He ships out in September and who knows what the future holds for him during or after that time. I am embracing and cherishing every moment I can with him right now.

Here is a picture of the fashion show last year...and again I thank you all for your responses. Keep them coming. I like a nice friendly debate. I have no hard feelings to anyone for any comments made and am glad that people feel safe enough to express their opinions on this board.