Blackadder337
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2015
Hi All,
We found out a few weeks ago that my Brother in law has multiple forms of stage 4 cancer in his body. Depending on which of his doctors you listen to, he has anywhere from 3 months to 3 years but they all agree that 3 years is being optimistic.
He has started radiation and chemo treatment, but as I understand it, its more about making his remaining time comfortable, not about beating any of it....
I hope this post doesn't sound selfish or anything like that, because I am fully aware that this illness is all about him and my sister and their son. I'm just waiting to find out how I can help, and what I can do. I live a few hours away so my help is somewhat limited, but my sister knows I'll be in the car within minutes if that's what she needs!
I'm just not sure how to "be" when I go to see them. Part of me thinks "be sensitive to the situation, but be your usual jokey self. They'll want a distraction even if only for a few minutes". But then I think maybe my usual self needs to wait in the car for now, and let the more sensitive me do the talking. Apparently they've taken to dark humor at the moment. He's made jokes about saving money by not renewing passports, parking passes etc.. long term and so on. Do I join in on that, or just give the customary nervous laugh and wait for the conversation to continue?
Then I have random thoughts like his upcoming birthday. As awful as this sounds (and I really don't mean for it to sound awful), what do you get a person for their birthday if they only have xx months to live?
I looked online for resources for family members, but honestly they all seem sort of "text book clinical" if that makes sense? It seems like stuff written by someone who thinks its what you should do, but hasn't actually gone through it themselves.
So I pray there are no other DIS'ers that have been in similar situations, but in the event there are, would you be willing to help point me in a direction? How you coped, things you did, read, heard, what you did when you were in my position etc.?
If you made it this far, thanks for reading
We found out a few weeks ago that my Brother in law has multiple forms of stage 4 cancer in his body. Depending on which of his doctors you listen to, he has anywhere from 3 months to 3 years but they all agree that 3 years is being optimistic.
He has started radiation and chemo treatment, but as I understand it, its more about making his remaining time comfortable, not about beating any of it....
I hope this post doesn't sound selfish or anything like that, because I am fully aware that this illness is all about him and my sister and their son. I'm just waiting to find out how I can help, and what I can do. I live a few hours away so my help is somewhat limited, but my sister knows I'll be in the car within minutes if that's what she needs!
I'm just not sure how to "be" when I go to see them. Part of me thinks "be sensitive to the situation, but be your usual jokey self. They'll want a distraction even if only for a few minutes". But then I think maybe my usual self needs to wait in the car for now, and let the more sensitive me do the talking. Apparently they've taken to dark humor at the moment. He's made jokes about saving money by not renewing passports, parking passes etc.. long term and so on. Do I join in on that, or just give the customary nervous laugh and wait for the conversation to continue?
Then I have random thoughts like his upcoming birthday. As awful as this sounds (and I really don't mean for it to sound awful), what do you get a person for their birthday if they only have xx months to live?
I looked online for resources for family members, but honestly they all seem sort of "text book clinical" if that makes sense? It seems like stuff written by someone who thinks its what you should do, but hasn't actually gone through it themselves.
So I pray there are no other DIS'ers that have been in similar situations, but in the event there are, would you be willing to help point me in a direction? How you coped, things you did, read, heard, what you did when you were in my position etc.?
If you made it this far, thanks for reading