Re-homing a pet and kids

[snoopy5386]

Last fall we unexpectedly took possession of my father’s cat due to my dad’s health issues.

We were very upfront with our kids (10 & 14) about the possibility of the cat not being with us permanently - things were very up in the air, we were not sure if my dad’s health would resolve, how his cat would get along with our existing cat, we had some adjustment issues with peeing, etc.

Eventually my dad’s health issues worked out and we decided we would return the cat to him this spring. Well then, the pandemic happened and so the cat is still with us.

We are going to return the cat to my dad in about 3 weeks and my kids are having a really hard time with this, understandable since we’ve had him here with us for almost 9 months.

We plan to get another kitten not too long after, and I’m hoping that will help, but I’m not sure what else to do to make them feel better.

I keep telling them we will see him again, after all he is going to live with their grandfather!! My dad is about 4 hours away so we see him just 3 or 4 times a year. My dad lets the cat outside at his house and they are worried he will escape the yard and get hit by a car or run away. They are worried he will be sad or think he’s been a bad cat and wonder why we have abandoned him. All kinds of things.

Just looking for advice from someone who has been through this type of thing before.

 

[Lumpy1106]

Get the kittens now. Yes, two. Two cats, half as much work is the equation as they will entertain each other - and the kids.

 

[kaytieeldr]

Apologiesin advance. I know you're l egitimately concerned, but could you actually rehome your kids along with the cat?

 

[SaintsManiac]

They will get over it.

 

[stsomewhere]

You are not rehoming the cat. You are giving it back to its owner. Yes, your kids will be sad but will get over it.

 

[OneOftheB's]

10 & 14 are old enough (baring a special needs/mental health/etc situation) to understand fostering an animal temporarily to help (a) the animal and/or (b) a person. Discuss that yes, they will miss your dad's cat, but so does your dad, and the intention was always to reunite the pair. Point out how great it was to help your dad and his cat in this time of need instead of your dad being forced to give up his cat with no potential of being reunited. Make it more about the amazing act of kindness and help your family has provided to your dad and the cat and less about losing the cat from your household. Maybe this would also be a great bridge between your dad and your kids; kids can write or call about how the cat is doing, your dad can do the same. If your dad is the kind of person who can write a really heartfelt letter thanking the kids specifically for taking such great care of his cat and how he appreciates their help in what was a very scary and uncertain time for him and how much comfort the cat is providing to him now that they are reunited. I think those concepts and actions would help. Giving up a foster is never easy, but knowing that the cat is happy and in a good home should provide some comfort for their hearts.

If all else fails, like you said a new kitten is a very good distraction.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

They are being emotional and not rational. It’s grandpa’s cat! You all did a really nice thing but grandpa needs his cat back for his well-being. I would be concerned about having to take the cat back again if grandpa gets sick again, so I’m not sure about another cat, let alone two, but that’s just me! I guess if it will help make the transition easier... but the kids are old enough to really get this.

 

[Colleen27]

The kids are old enough to understand that Grandpa really misses his cat companion, particularly since it sounds like he lives alone (making assumptions here that if Grandma was in the household, there wouldn't have been a need to foster the cat in the first place). I would frame my conversations about it in that light as much as possible. Make it about his feelings, not theirs - your father was sick, seriously enough that he didn't know if he was going to recover, and then got hit with this whole pandemic situation that no doubt added isolation and a new set of health worries to the situation. At 10 and 14, the kids should be able to understand that their feelings for the cat aren't the only ones that matter. I'd also stress that the cat was fine as an indoor-outdoor cat at your father's home for however many years he's had it, to help ease their fears on that count.

I actually wouldn't rush to get a new pet as a distraction. I wouldn't cancel those plans either, but I wouldn't rush them to help your kids avoid processing this situation. Your family did a good thing for someone else, and it doesn't hurt for kids to know that sometimes helping isn't easy but that it is still worth doing.

 

[tzolkin]

I actually wouldn't rush to get a new pet as a distraction. I wouldn't cancel those plans either, but I wouldn't rush them to help your kids avoid processing this situation. Your family did a good thing for someone else, and it doesn't hurt for kids to know that sometimes helping isn't easy but that it is still worth doing.

This is exactly what I was going to say. Sometimes being uncomfortable or sad or worrried can be a good thing. These are valuable lessons that will help your children grow into being compassionate and caring adults.

I think these are some of the beneficial aspects of having a pet that people don’t really focus on. Caring for a pet is a good way to learn to consider someone else’s well being. (That still applies in your particular scenario; you’re just extending that consideration to grandpa as well as the cat.)

And, even if you were to keep the cat, it would eventually die and your children will need to learn to grieve a loss. (Returning the cat is a good intro for them to learn to grieve on a smaller scale since the cat will still be happy and healthy.)

I would give them some time to experience the loss then have a discussion to process as a family how a pet adds to our life
and then make a decision to bring another pet into our home. (Even if I had already decided ahead of time to do so). I just wouldn’t want the message to be that we just automatically immediately find a replacement to distract ourselves so we don’t have to feel sad.

We had to return a dog due to aggression issues after working with a trainer for a full year. It was extremely difficult on all of us. My husband and I had never bonded with a pet like we did with her (and still haven’t). My son keeps her tags on his window sill by his bed and my husband and I still talk longingly about missing her. It has been several years. It was a difficult situation, but our kids learned some valuable life lessons and matured through the process.

 

[MeridaAnn]

Can you put together a going away "party"/ceremony with the kids - get some extra treats for the kitty, pack up kitty's toys/favorite blanket/etc. and wrap it up nicely to take back to Grandpa, have each of the kids write a letter to kitty about how much they've enjoyed spending time with her (or a letter to Grandpa, if they would find a letter to the kitty too silly), maybe draw some pictures or do a "photoshoot" with the kitty or something else, things like that. A way to formalize the end of kitty's time with you. Have the kids get involved in ways to make the transition a celebration, rather than a sad event.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I think the kids are old enough to understand, especially if you've been telling them all along that it's grandpa's cat and may someday go back to him. It's actually a good life lesson. Your family did a nice thing by taking care of the cat when grandpa could not. But now the cat needs to go back and live with grandpa. It's OK to be sad, but it's actually a happy occasion. Grandpa is well enough to take care of his cat. I'm sure they missed each other while they were apart.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

The thread title had me thinking you were asking about rehoming your cat and kids. I was very interested in seeing what advice people had to offer.

Your kids are old enough to understand the cat may not have been staying permanently, and now that time has come. Yes, they’re attached but they’ll cope. At least the cat is staying in the family and they’ll be able to see her again. Ask your kids if they worry the cat might wonder why she was abandoned by her long term owner (grandpa) and how happy do they think she’ll be once they’re reunited.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

The thread title had me thinking you were asking about rehoming your cat and kids. I was very interested in seeing what advice people had to offer.

Me too!
I wouldn’t get two kittens together, as they will play and chase each other around non stop.

 

[ronandannette]

The thread title had me thinking you were asking about rehoming your cat and kids. I was very interested in seeing what advice people had to offer.

Your kids are old enough to understand the cat may not have been staying permanently, and now that time has come. Yes, they’re attached but they’ll cope. At least the cat is staying in the family and they’ll be able to see her again. Ask your kids if they worry the cat might wonder why she was abandoned by her long term owner (grandpa) and how happy do they think she’ll be once they’re reunited.

Right? I guess I'll have to revisit the Teenage Boy thread for that kind of entertainment.

@snoopy5386 - I'm not trying to make light of your dilemma. Many pet lovers have made thoughtful comments here and I wish you well.

 

[DopeyDame]

I can't say I haven't considered the possibility of rehoming my kids occasionally in the last few months!

 

[Breezy_Carol]

I thought after the pandemic rehoming kids might be an option.

Good luck with Grandpa's cat going home.

 

[FigmentSpark]

The thread title had me thinking you were asking about rehoming your cat and kids. I was very interested in seeing what advice people had to offer.

lol, I thought that at first, too. Then I thought maybe the cat had kittens.

I have to agree with other posters. Your kids may not be happy about it, but they are old enough to know that grandpa's happiness is also important. I think they would make the right choice if you framed it that way.

You don't say how old the cat is. Is there any chance your father will be wanting to rehome the cat with you in the future, again? If there is, then you probably don't want to get more cats right now. You mentioned you already have one of your own.

 

[kaytieeldr]

I can't say I haven't considered the possibility of rehoming my kids occasionally in the last few months!

What about keeping the cat and rehoming the kids?

 

[superme80]

I would let them be sad. Someone dumped 2 Lab puppies in the alley way, and they found a way into my backyard. I was about 10 at the time. We had them for a week. Just one week, and then we took them to a no kill shelter. I cried and cried and cried. My parents were very upfront that we were not keeping the dogs, but I still got attached. It was a very good lesson for me that not all pets are permanent. Good luck with your kids. And when all else fails... ICE CREAM!

 

[nkereina]

Does Grandpa live alone? I would spin it to say both Grandpa and the cat have been missing each other and are lonely. The cat misses his dad and Grandpa is lonely without his best friend. Perhaps they will start to see that reuniting them is good for both of them.