Resort pool etiquette: other parents unsafe children

[mi*vida*loca]

I would’ve removed my child and not said anything to those kids. I MAY have politely asked them to let my kid go down the slide if they were truly blocking it but that’s it. if they refused we would’ve moved to a different area.

I personally don’t reprimand anyone’s kids. You never know what psycho parent you may be dealing with. If some ghetto fabulous mom decides to approach me because I said something to her kid it would probably get ugly really fast. I avoid situations like that. It’s better than getting kicked off of Disney property.

There are people who get paid to watch the pool area. They can take care of it.

Not my monkeys. Not my circus.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

I had an unfortunate expirence at the Disney resort pool this afternoon. I'm curious if anyone else has expierenced something similar and/ or knows what Disney's policy on the matter is.

I have a 2 year old daughter who was having a great time In the splash pad at the Riviera resort. This area is indicated to be reserved for children 48 inches and under. There is no dedicated lifeguard on duty. 99% of the kids are supervised and playing safely.

We had been enjoying the area for around 2 hours, with no issue and many great interactions with other guests. At this point, 3 boys enter the area. 2 appear be over 48 inches. The other is borderline. I had no issue with this until they started behaving in an unsafe manner. Running at full speed, jumping around/over my daughter, sitting in the slide exit, climbing UP the slide, riding the slide 3 at a time and stopping themselves IN the tube slide and sitting there for minutes on end.

Their cousin was making a small effort to control their behavior but quickly gave up. It appeared they had long tuned her out. My wife gently asked them to behave at least once. Eventually, my daughter climbed the stairs to go down the tube slide (having seen no one enter recently). She almost ended up sliding down while the 3 boys were still inside. ( Because they had purposely gotten themselves stuck in there again). Luckily I stopped her before going down, but there was definitely a risk there. Maybe I have an over protective outlook, but I can imagine all types of issues in that scenario.

At this point, I told the boys "either your done here, or I'm going to have to get the life guard". Unsurprisingly, I was ignored. I raised my voice and repeated myself. This time they knew I meant business. They high tailed it out of there, and I figured they opted to learn a valuable lesson instead of being embarrassed by a life guard.

Sadly, I was sorely mistaken. About 10 minutes later, an angry mother comes along with a very Junior life guard and her smallest boy. (Lord knows what story the boy concocted for her benefit). She asked me why I had "threatened" her son. I explained the situation. In my mind, I gave the boys an option. I didn't threaten them. In any case, obviously the mom and I had it out, but that's not why I'm posting. I was most surprised by the life gaurd's response. He said, "come get a life guard. Don't do anything." I responded, "even if I believe the behavior is unsafe? There was no lifeguard around, surely I need to act in that situation." From there he kept repeating the same line about getting a lifeguard. And even asked if I knew CPR, as if that would be a requirement to be involved in pool safety. My wife declined to speak with a manager. I was getting no where.

Can this possibly be the company policy? Surely there are many scenarios where a guest needs to discipline other kids? If this is in fact the actual policy, unsupervised pool areas seem like a bad idea.

Maybe this is a cultural shift, but I remember when I was young. Adults were considered authority figures. Is the best answer to alert lifeguards to kids over 48 inches as soon as they enter a height restricted area? Obviously, larger kids pose a much bigger risk to my daughter than smaller. But kids would be given No benefit of the doubt.

i remember when my at the time nonverbal grandson was with us at the slide at FW. he was in lifejacket sliding down slide. he did not like to be caught ag bottom. had a young teen come up to me and tell me her mother told her to catch him when he came down. I told her he didn't want caught and not to catch him. I was told her mother said she could so she didn't care what I said. second time she caught he bit her shoulder. didn't break skin but left a good mark. mom got the lifeguard so asked me what happened. told him he was nonverbal and she had been asked to leave him alone. mom was not happy when we were not kicked out

 

[StarSeven7]

I believe children do need to be supervised according to the sign. That said there was the cousin "supervising" so that felt like a non-starter in terms of an actual complaint. Of course the kids' inability to follow her instructions started the downhill cycle. She was in jeans and tennis shoes so her ability to intervene was severely impaired.

The mom tried making the same point. I tend to disagree. It's a water slide and the potential for drowning and/or a nasty fall is increased exponentially by these behaviors. Especially when one party weighs 4-5 times more than the other.

That said, in my mind whether the behavior is in fact dangerous is only secondary. My primary concern is whether I believe it to be dangerous. Better safe than sorry.

What can't be disputed is that the behavior is against the rules. Its clearly posted on the sign.


At the Riv, the splash pad is very near the main pool, although it does have a separate gate.

These kids were easily 10-14 years old. Seemed quite used to being without parental supervision.

Ahh, I was imagining the kids to be much younger since you seemed unsure of whether they were over 48" or not (my 6 year old is well over 48"!) Definitely having a 2 year old in the mix with kids 10-14 has a high potential to not end well for the 2 year old!

 

[20yBWDW]

I 100% think getting the lifeguard is the right thing to do. When it's our own child, especially our own young child, especially especially our own first young child, we are rarely objective observers. I can think of dozens of times I became indignant at an older child's behavior around my toddler, only to realize when my own child hit that age, that I had judged them by standards that really were not applicable to their ages. in other words, when my oldest was 2, I expected 5-year-olds to have the maturity and sense of 14-year-olds, but when my own child was 5, I realized how much he was still learning, how far he still had to go in learning situational awareness and comprehending the risks he posed to smaller children. A strange adult's reaction to innocent but dangerous or unpleasant behavior, perceived as malicious by a protective parent, can be traumatizing to the child. I can still remember a neighbor parent flipping out on me based on a biased perspective. It was not healthy. I carried the "I was wrong" baggage for many years, but as an adult, can recognize they were the one who was wrong (several incidents that were not serious. not wanting to share a brand-new toy because the child had broken a previous one. a collision during a game of tag that was viewed as malicious.)

So...general policy, you're never unbiased when it comes to your own young child. Give polite instructions. If that doesn't work, get an appropriate impartial adult rather than discipline someone else's kid.

 

[MomOfDisneyPrincess]

I don't bother trying to discipline other people's kids. Children who are not disciplined at home will never listen to a stranger. Parents who don't discipline their own children will never stand for someone else trying to do it.

 

[DGsAtBLT]

The thing that really, really bugs me about this whole thing isn't reprimanding other peoples children, its the fact that children IN A POOL aren't within arms reach, or eye contact with a parent. Seriously, kids in pools need to be watched constantly! and even a splash pool can be deadly! kids can drown in an inch of water. But as an aside rant: I can't stand kids in a hot tub!!! it's not a baby pool, it's too hot for youngsters and man oh man do I hate kids who jump into the hot tub while a group of adults are trying to relax. not cool...

I totally agree with you.

It blows my mind how lax so many parents are with kids and water. There are always eyes on my kids near water, period. No reading while the kids play in the water, no kids out of sight going to play in a different area, etc. Drowning happens so quickly and so quietly.

A friend was casually telling me about their stay at a hotel with an indoor mini water park, and she lost track of her 7 year old for about 15 minutes. 15 minutes!!! She waited for him to turn up at their chairs. There’s a lifeguard, so no big deal, right?

 

[alwayssmile]

I would have spoken to the kids once. I've done this many times in many places. Sometimes a friendly reminder is all that's needed for things to improve. If kids don't take that one hint, I'm off to find the manager/lifeguard/parent/etc. One time the only option I had was to leave. When they don't listen the first time, they're not seeing me as a figure of authority. I can't make them see me as that without escalating the situation big time. So easiest thing to do is to seek out someone else that they will hopefully see as a figure of authority.
Try not to worry any more about this situation. We would have all been annoyed too. And yeah, my idea of fun isn't picking up a screaming 2yo to drag out of the splash area to find a lifeguard.

 

[Bryan Burmeister]

Ahh, I was imagining the kids to be much younger since you seemed unsure of whether they were over 48" or not (my 6 year old is well over 48"!) Definitely having a 2 year old in the mix with kids 10-14 has a high potential to not end well for the 2 year old!

Oh! Maybe they were a bit younger than that. definitely older than 6 though. I was only unsure of the height of the youngest. The other 2 were definitely over 48. Obtensibly, this is why only that child returned with the mom/lifeguard.

 

[xipotec]

I don't bother trying to discipline other people's kids. Children who are not disciplined at home will never listen to a stranger. Parents who don't discipline their own children will never stand for someone else trying to do it.

Actually in my experience, the opposite os true.
I work in an environment where children are always present and unfortunately occasionally unsupervised and mischievous.

For the most part they respond like most children respond to a strong authoritative person.

They back down and stop the behavior they were told to stop. Occasionally it takes a second reprimand , but trust me , most do stop.

 

[hereforthechurros]

It was in a splash pad, not a pool. Most splash pads don't have any standing water in them. We have one by me that DOES have standing water in it and it has a lifeguard. Most splashpads my kids have been to have no standing water and have no lifeguards.

Our last two stays at places with splash pads (Poly and WL) definitely had lifeguards in the splash pad area. Odd to me that Riviera did not have one. Any rough house play would have been stopped quickly.

 

[Jimmy Mouse]

We were at the splash pad at Riviera on 12/29 and we had to pull our girls back for a few minutes due to two rowdy boys. They were climbing up the slide just like OP described and there was no lifeguard on duty. Our 6 yo is under 48 but our 8 year old is over. We asked before entering if our 8 yo could come in and were told yes but she could not go up the stairs and slide down the slide. I asked why on the slide and the CM told us that if over 48" and you sit up you will hit your head. The whole time we were there no life guard then like magic one made her rounds while the boys were acting a fool. She told them no slide but didn't tell them to leave. One was climbing on the mushrooms that shoot water out of them and the other shot him with the water cannon. He slid backwards and landed hard flat on his back and started crying. The parents were there the whole time and never looked up from their drink.

 

[2019TripIdeas]

I think best case scenario is to grab an authority figure (lifeguard, manager, whatever it may be).

That said, I'm a teacher and sometimes do intervene, particularly if it's an age group I feel confident with. I think most kids do dangerous things like that without ill intent, so mentioning WHY you're concerned can help. "Would you guys mind moving off the slide? I'm worried that my two year old could get hurt accidentally if you're there" or "I know this area is designed for little ones and looks super fun, but the slides in X section will fit you all better without being dangerous for the little ones."

Not to white knight for the poor behavior, but it likely didn't occur to them that their behavior was hazardous. Keep in mind too, that once kids start horsing around like that, their sense of danger tends to go out the window. There's a lot of interesting research around kids in groups doing dangerous things or breaking rules in ways that they would not if they were solo.

I do think it's unfortunate that some parents believe their children are above the rules or that the rules designed to keep others safe don't apply to them. I'd probably restate the same logic with the parents, i.e. "I'm sure Johnny is a lovely, wonderful kid, but I wanted to make sure both he and my child were safe, and this area isn't designed for his age group."

 

[Rory607]

The thing that really, really bugs me about this whole thing isn't reprimanding other peoples children, its the fact that children IN A POOL aren't within arms reach, or eye contact with a parent. Seriously, kids in pools need to be watched constantly! and even a splash pool can be deadly! kids can drown in an inch of water. But as an aside rant: I can't stand kids in a hot tub!!! it's not a baby pool, it's too hot for youngsters and man oh man do I hate kids who jump into the hot tub while a group of adults are trying to relax. not cool...

I agree. We were at Poly in October and I was shocked at how many kids were seemingly unsupervised in the pool area. I’m not a helicopter parent by any means, but we don’t mess around with water. An adult’s eyes are on both kids at all times, even our daughter who is a strong swimmer. And there were lots of kids unsupervised and rough housing in the hot tub, which was way too hot for kids. I just kept picturing one of them going under and getting stuck under someone else. I was very uncomfortable with it.

 

[Bryan Burmeister]

I would have spoken to the kids once. I've done this many times in many places. Sometimes a friendly reminder is all that's needed for things to improve.

To be fair, my wife had been trying that tactic as I mentioned in the OP. I felt like I was creating authority in the kids' minds by being stern after that failed.

It seems like people are really divided on the point about speaking up to other people's children. Personally, I think I'm still in the "it takes a village" camp. However; the bar where I would even consider saying anything has been raised rather dramatically.

Yeah, my idea of fun isn't picking up a screaming 2yo to drag out of the splash area to find a lifeguard.

Very much this. I'd be lieing if I said the desire to avoid such a scenario didn't influence my decision making process.

 

[cobright]

Generally I say leave other people's kids alone. They don't know you. You're a stranger. We teach them to not talk to strangers. An exception is when anyone is in imminent danger. Otherwise, go get staff.

I had no issue with this until they started behaving in an unsafe manner. Running at full speed,

Pools present one more exception to my general rule. I will loudly call out, "No running on the deck!" if I see running in a pool area. It's partly habit. But it also represents an immediate danger. I don't address the kid directly and if I get backtalk I ignore it and look for the kid's parents and a lifegaurd.

I was most surprised by the life gaurd's response. He said, "come get a life guard. Don't do anything." I responded, "even if I believe the behavior is unsafe? There was no lifeguard around, surely I need to act in that situation." From there he kept repeating the same line about getting a lifeguard.

It's a good policy. An argument between adults will take more of the LGs time to resolve than interrupting the offending activity directly. Also, if the child is behaving in a dangerous manner then first getting a LG involved might save time when that kid's actions cause an injury. In any case, you don't have the authority to punish or banish, the LG does.

Can this possibly be the company policy? Surely there are many scenarios where a guest needs to discipline other kids?

Beyond a subtle correction like, "Ahem, easy on the roughhousing there." I can think of no occasion where a stranger should be disciplining my child. If my kid is misbehaving, tell staff or tell me.

Maybe this is a cultural shift, but I remember when I was young. Adults were considered authority figures.

Adults in a neighborhood where everyone knows everyone, sure. Adults in the stores a kid might shop, absolutely. Random vacationing strangers? No.

 

[cobright]

I’m not a helicopter parent by any means, but we don’t mess around with water.

I very much agree. My catchphrase for swimming pools is, "That's about a half million gallons of murder right there."

I'm also extra strict with my kids in pools on the basis that time the LG has to spend yelling at my kid is time they aren't attending other swimmers.

This goes back to the original post... the LG does not want and argument between two parents. those take a lot of time and a lot of attention to resolve. Walking over to the area and blowing a whistle, coming back if the behavior persists, and evicting the swimmer, calling in a manager that can handle that part while the LG goes back to LGing, are all better than dealing with a couple of squabbling families.

Also, there is a history of squabbling families escalating into brawls.

 

[DisneyWishes14]

We were at the splash pad at Riviera on 12/29 and we had to pull our girls back for a few minutes due to two rowdy boys. They were climbing up the slide just like OP described and there was no lifeguard on duty. Our 6 yo is under 48 but our 8 year old is over. We asked before entering if our 8 yo could come in and were told yes but she could not go up the stairs and slide down the slide. I asked why on the slide and the CM told us that if over 48" and you sit up you will hit your head. The whole time we were there no life guard then like magic one made her rounds while the boys were acting a fool. She told them no slide but didn't tell them to leave. One was climbing on the mushrooms that shoot water out of them and the other shot him with the water cannon. He slid backwards and landed hard flat on his back and started crying. The parents were there the whole time and never looked up from their drink.

We were also there on 12/29 and saw those boys as well. That's why OP's story didn't surprise me!

I agree. We were at Poly in October and I was shocked at how many kids were seemingly unsupervised in the pool area. I’m not a helicopter parent by any means, but we don’t mess around with water. An adult’s eyes are on both kids at all times, even our daughter who is a strong swimmer. And there were lots of kids unsupervised and rough housing in the hot tub, which was way too hot for kids. I just kept picturing one of them going under and getting stuck under someone else. I was very uncomfortable with it.

Ah, yes, the Poly pool and unsupervised children. I don't know why I'm still shocked by people's behavior, but I would have thought Poly would have had a handle on this now. We stayed at Poly shortly after they installed the gate around the pool area. My DS and I went to the pool early one morning where he befriended two boys - one about his age at the time (7 or 8) and one definitely younger (about 5). The other boys were a little rowdy, running on the pool deck, jumping in the hot tub, etc. I kept a close watch on DS the whole time and assumed a parent was watching these other kids as well. The kids then went down the slide and the younger child kept jumping into the pool right where the slide exited. The lifeguard nearby asked him at least three times to stop (to no avail) and then looked at me scoldingly thinking he was my kid (I was sitting on the edge of the pool supervising my own child). I let him know he was not my kid and that's when we both realized these kids were at the Poly pool all by themselves (contrary to posted rules about parents supervising children under 12 at the pool). About 30 minutes later, their mom sauntered in telling the boys they had to leave because their older brother finally woke up and it was time to get to the parks. The lifeguard didn't say a word to the mom. I was kind of dumbfounded - if one of those kids had gotten injured, no one at the pool would have even known who the parents were or where to find them. On top of that, it galls me that people expect lifeguards to babysit their children. It's not their job. I just don't know who, in their right mind, thinks sending a 5 and 7 year old to a resort pool unsupervised is a good idea.

 

[Jimmy Mouse]

We were also there on 12/29 and saw those boys as well. That's why OP's story didn't surprise me!

We were at the pool most of that day …. did you see a little while later a boy was playing Dead Man at the steps at the big pool. We were right beside him when they cleared the pool and a female lifeguard jumped in to save him. He got up and walked out like nothing happened. That was scary for a moment.

 

[Hi Pluto]

I agree that it was probably your authoritative approach that went wrong.

As a teacher I have no problem disciplining other people's children, and find that every so often I do it outside the classroom walls, but I approach it in different ways. In the classroom, I am an authority figure. In a public place like a Disney resort, I am not. If I was in that situation with my students on a field trip in which I have authority, then strict voice comes out (but only toward my students, not, for example, toward students from another group). If I am a guest dealing with another guest then I ask nicely, "Hey guys, can you be careful around the little ones?" If behavior continues, I'd get a lifeguard/CM. Because in that situation they are the authority figure, not me.

There's nothing wrong asking other people's children to be careful, but if it ever needs to be above a gentle request then it's best to get the proper help.

 

[Nancyg56]

So we are abdicating the safety of our own children to a lifeguard who is likely a teenager or young adult?
Why?
Its your kids safety, if they were being that rowdy and uncontrolled they should have been told to cut it out by the parent AND life guard.....in that order and ONLY if a lifeguard was available.

Which clearly they were not. I could care less about offending an absent parent or their crazy kids......

WHere did you see anyoen suggest they abdicate safety? What has been suggested multiple times is that you do not take action on your own, but get someone in authority to do so. Even if the lifeguard is young they do carry the authority to have a guest removed. If you do not believe those young people can manage, just try standing in their line of sight. You will move because even though they ask politely, they mean it.

It is sad that everyone caters to these types of parents now. The parents left their kids unsupervised, the children have zero respect for authority(adults), and then the parents have to be coddled by the lifeguard. It should be the lifeguard telling the lady to supervise her children and if she could not do that, then they would be removed. DONE. Society needs to stop breeding these self absorbed, entitled, horrible parents. And we all know that if something happened to one of her kids, she would have blamed it on Disney.

I don't cater to parents whose kids are hooligans, but I choose how to address them. In this case the parent intervened and the lifegaurd had no idea what had truly happened. At that point it was too late to plead a case. Had the parent simply taken his child out of the situation and gotten a lifeguard to manage teh kids, there would not have been a question.