S.O.: Can you function without your kids?

[Lilacs4Me]

Of course I can function without my kids.

However, I was one of those people who genuinely liked being with my kids when they were growing up. When DS18 was little, I stayed home with him for the first 9 months, and went back to work part time for a while before going back full time. Then when he was 2 we moved and I worked 45 minutes away from him. I quit that job and started working at his daycare/preschool as the latchkey/summer camp coordinator so I could be near him and see him while I worked. He wasn't always in my classroom, but I saw him often enough through the day that I was happy. I was never the one to drop my kid off at daycare and go back home and sit around - nobody babysat my kids unless I absolutely couldnt bring them with me somewhere. And DH and I were broke in those days, so date nights happened with Redbox and microwave popcorn after the kids were in bed! lol

When I went back to work for real when DS18 was 10 and the other two were 6 and 4, I hated not being there, although my job at the time was pretty flexible, so I was able to take time off to do a lot of things at their schools. My boss at the time time used to laugh at my time-off calendar because it was completely obvious that my here and there days off were for my kids' activities. lol

I've been lucky enough to work from home for the past year now, and I love it. I love being home when my kids get home from school, and if they call home sick in the middle of the day, or if they have an event at school that I can run up to, attend for an hour, and get right back online without anyone batting an eye. I was able to spend a ton of time with DS18 this summer before he left for college, which I never would have been able to do if I was in an office full time.

The first time DH and I went anywhere without them for more than one night together was when DS18 was 16. And honestly if it was feasible, we would have taken them with us...like I said, we really do enjoy our kids and want to spend time with them.

That being said, I do think my alone time balance was a little off for a while. I never resented not giving myself "me" time (I HATE that phrase more than anything) when they were little, but once they were older, I started needing a little bit of time to myself so I didn't lose my cr*p with their teenage attitudes lol. I do go to a physical office location on Wednesdays, and I take advantage of that time to work late or go to the store, or honestly sometimes I will just sit in my car with a ice cream cone watching Netflix for a while before heading home lol. But I am still happy to see my kids and miss them when they are gone, and having just experienced DS18's senior year and him leaving for college, I know exactly how fast time goes by and don't really want to miss a whole lot of the next 4/6 years I have left with the younger ones.

 

[Planogirl]

I loved spending as much time as possible with DS (and I still do) however I always made sure that he had the chance to play with kids his own age no matter where we were. He visited the kids club at the Polynesian Resort a few times during the years and also went off on the pirate boat. I mostly shopped while he had fun.

At home he also went to daycare one day a week while I was a stay at home Mom. I thought that it was important particularly since he is an only child.

 

[mummabear]

I think like anything too much either way isnt healthy. If you spend all your time away from your kids then what is the point of having them.

But taking time out either as a couple of an individual to be you not mom makes me a better parent, whether that is to go to a concert, a ladies weekend or a holiday just DH and I.

Usually on family trips we are together 24/7 but given the opportunity for us to do something as a couple on holiday we will take that too.
I am a SAHM however and DH works from home, the 5 of us are together all the time on a day to day basis

 

[jevs]

Split family so yes, of course I can function without the kids.

 

[Pooh2]

We can function fine without our grown kids but terribly miss them!
They live across the country so we only get to see our kids/grandkids a couple times per year.
Miss those Sunday dinners with everyone!

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I probably function better WITHOUT my kids, but I would never want to... If that makes sense.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

My kids can't function without me!!!!

Amen.

Raise your hand if you're the default parent!

 

[Immadismom]

We are a blended family. DH and I married when our kids were 8, 7, and 5. We have chosen to live incredibly close to DH’s ex so our kids can go to school together and grow up together. They are now 17, 16, and 14. We do lots of family trips, lots of family time together. However, DH and I also have many kid-free weekends and take our fair share of alone trips. But I do not anticipate our family trips ending any time soon. My step-daughter is a senior & heading to college next fall, but has already listed off trips she wants to do during school breaks with us. And she and my daughter are besties, so they want to also be close enough to be able to visit one another at college. This weekend is actually the first time we’ve let them stay at home alone (just for one night) while we are away for our anniversary.

I’d say we function very well both with & without our kids.

 

[soccerdad72]

Amen.

Raise your hand if you're the default parent!

 

[Colleen27]

When I think of people who can't function without their kids, I don't think of alone or couples' time on vacation. I think of those people who bring little Junior everywhere, whether or not it is a family-friendly event or setting, who wouldn't dream of getting a sitter or leaving the kids with their father to run errands in peace, who have to know where their kid(s) is every minute of the day or are of the "never out of my sight" view on child safety, etc.

On vacation, just as at home, we do a fair bit of divide-and-conquer parenting. With almost 10 years between the oldest and youngest, it is necessary to everyone having a good time - our early Disney trips wouldn't have been much fun for the older two if we stuck strictly to things their baby sister could do! We spend a lot of time together, especially me & the kids because I was a SAHM until a year ago and now work from home most days, but I think it is important to also go our own ways when the circumstances call for it and to foster some independence. I know I can function without the kids, but I want them to know they can function without me!

 

[disneychrista]

A friend told me I don’t have children, I have adults. I am looking forward to the day when they move out and I can miss them.

I’m going on a long weekend road trip this weekend. My daughters weren’t invited and likely wouldn’t have gone. We all enjoy our alone time.

I never utilized baby sitters when on vacations or at home (other than for work).

 

[GreatLakes]

Yep. I travel about a month a year in total for work and kind of enjoy the break. My wife and I are also socially active people and while we like to take our son places to see the world we also have no trouble leaving them with grandma, their uncles, or our friends.