SADDAM DEFENDS PURCHASE OF ALUMINUM TUBES; SAYS THEY ARE FOR HIS ALUMINUM TUBE COLLECTION
Bush Remains Skeptical
One day after President George W. Bush accused Saddam Hussein of buying high-strength aluminum tubes used in the making of nuclear weapons, the Iraqi strongman defended his purchase of the tubes, saying that they were for his aluminum tube collection.
Ever since I was a small boy, I have been fascinated by aluminum tubes, Saddam said in an address to his nation. They are so shiny and smooth.
Saddam went on to explain that he started collecting aluminum tubes as a boy and that his aluminum tube collection is now one of the largest in the region.
In addition, he said he intended to build a Museum of Aluminum Tubes that would be the envy of all the other Arab states.
In Washington, however, President Bush derided Saddams explanation as bogus and lame.
Ill tell you one thing, Mr. Bush said outside the U.N. headquarters. Mr. Saddam Hussein is really beginning to piss me off.
In other developments, the Iraqi government sent signals today that it might welcome the return of U.N. weapons inspectors, but only if they referred to a special study guide prepared by the Iraqi Ministry of Information.
The study guide would help show the inspectors that things they think are weapons of mass destruction are actually something different entirely, according to an Iraqi spokesman.
One page of the study guide made available to the media shows a diagram of what appears to be a nuclear-tipped ballistic missile but is actually a giant lipstick, commissioned by Saddam Hussein for a proposed Museum of Giant Lipsticks in Baghdad.
*****Borowitz Reports****
Bush Remains Skeptical
One day after President George W. Bush accused Saddam Hussein of buying high-strength aluminum tubes used in the making of nuclear weapons, the Iraqi strongman defended his purchase of the tubes, saying that they were for his aluminum tube collection.
Ever since I was a small boy, I have been fascinated by aluminum tubes, Saddam said in an address to his nation. They are so shiny and smooth.
Saddam went on to explain that he started collecting aluminum tubes as a boy and that his aluminum tube collection is now one of the largest in the region.
In addition, he said he intended to build a Museum of Aluminum Tubes that would be the envy of all the other Arab states.
In Washington, however, President Bush derided Saddams explanation as bogus and lame.
Ill tell you one thing, Mr. Bush said outside the U.N. headquarters. Mr. Saddam Hussein is really beginning to piss me off.
In other developments, the Iraqi government sent signals today that it might welcome the return of U.N. weapons inspectors, but only if they referred to a special study guide prepared by the Iraqi Ministry of Information.
The study guide would help show the inspectors that things they think are weapons of mass destruction are actually something different entirely, according to an Iraqi spokesman.
One page of the study guide made available to the media shows a diagram of what appears to be a nuclear-tipped ballistic missile but is actually a giant lipstick, commissioned by Saddam Hussein for a proposed Museum of Giant Lipsticks in Baghdad.
*****Borowitz Reports****
