School Pick Up Car Mishap. How Would You React?

[Mysterian]

Especially because the driver wasn't related to the girl who caused the dent (if I remember/understand correctly).

Wait, are you saying you, Sam Gordon, think it’s perfectly OK to put bird seed on their car if the driver WAS related to the passenger?

Monster!

 

[sam_gordon]

Wait, are you saying you, Sam Gordon, think it’s perfectly OK to put bird seed on their car if the driver WAS related to the passenger?

Monster!

No, I was agreeing with you. It's wrong. It's just ESPECIALLY wrong because the driver wasn't related tot he passenger.

 

[Mysterian]

No, I was agreeing with you. It's wrong. It's just ESPECIALLY wrong because the driver wasn't related tot he passenger.

Mysterian: “Samual T Gordon, I was joking the moment I made that birdseed remark, you can take your argument cap off!“

Sam_Gordon: “I am NOT wearing a cap!”

Aaaand, scene!

 

[AppleDumpling]

Ok OP, so basically you were just venting and looking for empathy. I get it. It’s frustrating and I think most of us have been there. Unfortunately, there are too many people who act irresponsibly and have no consideration for others. Most of us try to raise our children better than that. I have to SMH at some of the replies here.

 

[fly girl]

Ok OP, so basically you were just venting and looking for empathy. I get it. It’s frustrating and I think most of us have been there. Unfortunately, there are too many people who act irresponsibly and have no consideration for others. Most of us try to raise our children better than that. I have to SMH at some of the replies here.

I was venting. What burned me was that I was made out to be the villain because I yelled, “how bad did you hit my car?!” I wanted to see how others would have handled it, and if I did handle it wrong.

 

[Dan Murphy]

14 more posts to get to 100. Can we do it?

 

[motherof5]

You are trying to describe two different things and thinking I'm arguing something I'm not. I'm not saying your reaction is not abnormal but it is sorta like two wrongs don't make a right.

Either you want the damage to be fixed because you should be able to get it fixed
OR
You don't really care about the supposed minor damage unless the person is not as nice to you as you would like.

You can't really have it both ways AND be seen as good and wholesome yourself.

One has no ulterior motives but to get the damage fixed, the other is based on the behaviors of someone else.

You (general you) don't get to say you're taking the high road if your actions are contingent on someone else apologizing to you and/or not having an attitude. If I want the damage to be fixed I don't care if you're the nicest person out there, I'd like the damage to be fixed. Conversely I don't care if you're the meanest person out there, if I want the damage to be fixed I'd like the damage to be fixed. Me calling the police or turning it into insurance isn't based on how apologetic you are (especially because like I said many insurance companies TELL you to not admit guilt, it's on the back of my proof of insurance for instance).

ETA: This is from our prior Traveler's Policy from 2020 as an example but it's been on the back of my Farmer's policy, Progressive and Nationwide as well just to name a few. Language varies between the companies but the overall gist is don't admit fault with the other party

View attachment 750229

We both have different opinions and that is fine. I personally feel letting a person go is being nice. Your quote "bees with honey" Nice gets nice back. Never pays to be mean and rude to anyone.

 

[motherof5]

To be fair though you could have filed a police report regardless and filed a claim with the insurance company regardless. As a general note you can't actually trust people to not file later on and sometimes it's about finding out the damage was actually worse later on and sometimes it's about injuries that crop up and sometimes it's about people advising you later on what you should do. How many threads do we have on this type of stuff.

On another note I know just about no one will agree here but it doesn't really make someone look good when they are merely retaliating against someone because they didn't get an apology owed and coped an attitude. If you want to file a report file a report, if you want to file it through insurance do so. Once you start doing these things because you didn't get an apology you start to sound entitled, even if society advises us it's the courteous thing to do once you cross the line of retaliating you cross a different line...yourself.

Saying I sound entitled is saying that a person causing damage isn't responsible and your on the side of the person who did the wrong. You are saying I should have filed a report regardless so contradict yourself. Nothing wrong with not filing and not going after someone if they are nice. Not that it is expected, but a nice surprise.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Saying I sound entitled is saying that a person causing damage isn't responsible and your on the side of the person who did the wrong. You are saying I should have filed a report regardless so contradict yourself. Nothing wrong with not filing and not going after someone if they are nice. Not that it is expected, but a nice surprise.

Where did I say you should have filed a police report regardless?? Where did I say entitled is saying someone that caused damage isn't responsible. Please quote me on those. I'm not on the side of the person who did wrong. I'm saying it doesn't make you right either by threatening to file a police report and file a claim on the insurance just because someone wasn't nice to you.

I'd much rather give you my insurance information than have you decide later on you didn't like how I said "sorry" much less that I didn't say sorry. I'd be far more concerned about someone who tells me "well because you didn't apologize I'm calling the cops" it is very much like the PP mentioned with that thread about the people threatening. Nope you can have my insurance information and you can deal with them. If you're going to turn me in for not apologizing just what else are you thinking of doing, what other actions can you have against someone? That's what I'd be thinking about.

Gut reaction it's really hard not to say sorry but take a look at your insurance cards, you may find someday it telling you to not admit fault, not to discuss the accident. And that doesn't make a person a jerk. It's there to protect that person, it's there to protect all of us. That's why I gave the screenshot of my prior insurance company. You may think I'm the meanest person out there but all I would be doing is following my insurance company's directive. Progressive tells me not to discuss any accident details with you period.

No there isn't anything wrong with no going after someone. We all want to be nice but in the insurance world that is irrelevant. That is not what you pay your insurance for. You pay them to deal with this stuff for you. If u want your car fix go for it.

We both have different opinions and that is fine. I personally feel letting a person go is being nice. Your quote "bees with honey" Nice gets nice back. Never pays to be mean and rude to anyone.

We're talking about damage to your car. I live in the Midwest where nice is the way to go but when it comes to damage to your car you're far better off just getting the details (meaning insurance, car information, contact information) rather than deciding "hey this person was nice so this dent is no big deal". Maybe because I grew up in the insurance world I think this way but people have got to understand that insurance companies want you to be very careful with who you talk to and what you say. It's all there to protect you not so someone can judge you on just how apologetic you are when you're not even supposed to be admitting fault to begin with.

Clearly this is not going to be a meeting of the minds type discussion. But I do know I'll just be giving you my insurance information and let that be that. It's not worth the worry and stress over what some stranger will decide to do that's for sure.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Apologies and demeanor matter to people.

This may be slightly OT, but related, so I’m going to mention it here.

We know in Medicine that people are less likely to sue if they get an apology. So basically we were taught that it’s ok to say we’re sorry if something goes wrong. (I imagine some will find fault with that, but it’s ok. We’re talking on a human level here.)

Flygirl was nice enough (!) to feel she wasn’t going to pursue things regardless, but the girl’s laughter and demeanor upset, and even angered her. Human nature.

I agree with people who say that expecting compensation for a dent isn’t something that anyone should feel bad about pursuing. That’s why we have insurance.

When I first saw the OP my thought was not about suing an individual girl but making a claim against the vehicle that did the damage - ie does it really matter ”who opened the door”? The vehicle itself is insured and that’s what matters, especially when a minor is involved.

I think whoever mentioned photos and a report were correct.

I had an accident once, hit by a 16 yr old who admitted fault at the scene. I never got a police report. (First accident and didn’t realize I should.) Later, the girl‘s mom, who was the owner of the car, changed the story and claimed I was at fault. I had no proof, but fortunately the insurance team know who was telling the truth based on the damage. (My front panel hit by her rear panel - she came into my lane without looking. They said they see it all the time and people lie all the time.) So the next time I had a mishap I called Boston police to get an accident report but I also took pictures at the scene with my phone (with an elderly man who hit me yelling at me the whole time!).

I can see why police may not have time to attend every fender bender in a city - they have more important things to do especially being understaffed with crime increasing.

I never thought in the OP’s situation that I would call the police. But I would take pictures, including her license plate, and ask for her insurance information. I said at the beginning of this thread that someone hit me in a parking lot pretty good and I have to look at that ding every time I get in my car. It sucks to have that happen.

 

[slo]

I was venting. What burned me was that I was made out to be the villain because I yelled, “how bad did you hit my car?!” I wanted to see how others would have handled it, and if I did handle it wrong.

It really is sad that we live in a time that when we get upset because someone did something wrong towards us, damages our property, scolds our kid for a legitimate thing they did wrong and etc that we are made to be the villain - not just here, but everywhere. It’s getting worse and worse every day. Why should many kids apologize, when they know their parents will get mad at the person they should apologize too for yelling at them? Accountability, by many, is being tossed aside like yesterday‘s news and it’s very sad. We, as a society, need to do better. Wanting and expecting an apology is not what’s wrong, what’s wrong is people feeling that they don’t have to do it - having the to bad so sad attitude. A good apology is very meaningful, it can change the tone of an entire bad situation. If the girl in the OPs post would have been genuinely sorry, I’m sure the OP would have still been annoyed about the damage, but would have the mindset that the damage sucks, but at least the young lady was sorry - and that makes a big big difference - IMO.

 

[nw6675]

@Dan Murphy I now have the urge to post 8 more times.

 

[slo]

14 more posts to get to 100. Can we do it?

Yep….definitely think we can.
This should be post #93 - LOL!

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I can see why police may not have time to attend every fender bender in a city - they have more important things to do especially being understaffed with crime increasing.

I never thought in the OP’s situation that I would call the police

For a ding in a parking lot most people would just either file a report online or call the non-emergent line around here. Usually though you're just exchanging insurance information and letting them handle it (unless you're trying to not have it go through insurance). I'm sure there are quite a few police departments around the nation where you can just file one online.

I've only been in one accident where the police were called where I was rear-ended twice but it incapacitated my vehicle necessitating a tow, ended up being a 3 car accident, with several thousand in damages to my car. Thankfully the police were called as the driver was cited for following too closely. I went through my insurance got my car fixed and then my insurance company subrogated against the at-fault party to recoup my deductible. I also had loss of use coverage so I had a rental car during the time my car was in the shop getting a new back bumper and paint job (which was quite pricey for that).

As far as more important things IDK around here I think the police love to have things to do lol. There's usually a post a week on Nextdoor about "why are there 10 cars at this house" and it's usually something minor enough. Granted it was a suspected bank robbery (crazy that this still happens these days) but there were 15 police that showed up for a non-armed suspect. Here I was just returning an Amazon package to UPS store and the two workers in the store are just staring out the window gleefully exclaiming "they got 'em", I walk out and can't get to my car because there's so many police cars around. Typically if anything most around here think the police overreact in response but hey it's our tax dollars at work, I'd rather it be that than an under-response "cough cough Sacramento police"

 

[motherof5]

Apologies and demeanor matter to people.

This may be slightly OT, but related, so I’m going to mention it here.

We know in Medicine that people are less likely to sue if they get an apology. So basically we were taught that it’s ok to say we’re sorry if something goes wrong. (I imagine some will find fault with that, but it’s ok. We’re talking on a human level here.)

Flygirl was nice enough (!) to feel she wasn’t going to pursue things regardless, but the girl’s laughter and demeanor upset, and even angered her. Human nature.

I agree with people who say that expecting compensation for a dent isn’t something that anyone should feel bad about pursuing. That’s why we have insurance.

When I first saw the OP my thought was not about suing an individual girl but making a claim against the vehicle that did the damage - ie does it really matter ”who opened the door”? The vehicle itself is insured and that’s what matters, especially when a minor is involved.

I think whoever mentioned photos and a report were correct.

I had an accident once, hit by a 16 yr old who admitted fault at the scene. I never got a police report. (First accident and didn’t realize I should.) Later, the girl‘s mom, who was the owner of the car, changed the story and claimed I was at fault. I had no proof, but fortunately the insurance team know who was telling the truth based on the damage. (My front panel hit by her rear panel - she came into my lane without looking. They said they see it all the time and people lie all the time.) So the next time I had a mishap I called Boston police to get an accident report but I also took pictures at the scene with my phone (with an elderly man who hit me yelling at me the whole time!).

I can see why police may not have time to attend every fender bender in a city - they have more important things to do especially being understaffed with crime increasing.

I never thought in the OP’s situation that I would call the police. But I would take pictures, including her license plate, and ask for her insurance information. I said at the beginning of this thread that someone hit me in a parking lot pretty good and I have to look at that ding every time I get in my car. It sucks to have that happen.

All great advice!

 

[anniemae]

I think you were fine to call her out on it. She was wrong to fling the door haphazardly. Accidents happen and a sincere "I'm sorry" would have gone a long way. Then you would be posting about a nice young lady with manners who took accountability, which can be rare with teens.

Our school pick up and drop off is an absolute mess. Cars everywhere, kids running in front of cars, cars making two lanes out of a one lane road, people pulling over and kids jumping out randomly. It's so awful. My kids take the bus but on rare days if I need to pick them up I wait until after the busses leave and the cars clear out.

 

[fly girl]

It really is sad that we live in a time that when we get upset because someone did something wrong towards us, damages our property, scolds our kid for a legitimate thing they did wrong and etc that we are made to be the villain - not just here, but everywhere. It’s getting worse and worse every day. Why should many kids apologize, when they know their parents will get mad at the person they should apologize too for yelling at them? Accountability, by many, is being tossed aside like yesterday‘s news and it’s very sad. We, as a society, need to do better. Wanting and expecting an apology is not what’s wrong, what’s wrong is people feeling that they don’t have to do it - having the to bad so sad attitude. A good apology is very meaningful, it can change the tone of an entire bad situation. If the girl in the OPs post would have been genuinely sorry, I’m sure the OP would have still been annoyed about the damage, but would have the mindset that the damage sucks, but at least the young lady was sorry - and that makes a big big difference - IMO.

You hit the nail on the head.

Our society is a better one when we work together. You know the old adage, "it takes a village." I remember growing up when any adult scolded me I was at attention and listened. I respected adults. I know many of us on here as well as parents IRL teaching these values too, but it does feel like this is not the standard anymore. And that is depressing.

 

[slo]

You hit the nail on the head.

Our society is a better one when we work together. You know the old adage, "it takes a village." I remember growing up when any adult scolded me I was at attention and listened. I respected adults. I know many of us on here as well as parents IRL teaching these values too, but it does feel like this is not the standard anymore. And that is depressing.

And we hoped our parents wouldn’t find out, because we’d get in even more trouble. Today, many kids go running to their parents when getting into trouble, so their parents will go defend their child even when they know their child is in the wrong. I will never understand this. My DH and I know a lot of people by us (sometimes to many people - LOL!) and we always told our kids, we’ll know you did something wrong before you get home, so do yourself a favor, and don’t do anything you know is wrong, and if you do, correct it with what you know is right. Our adult friends were literally told at one time….if you see our kids doing something wrong and you don’t call them out on it, and not tell us, we’ll be upset with you for staying silent, not for reprimanding our kid or telling us you saw them doing something. Saying….it takes a village is absolutely 100% correct. Sadly, many people today don’t want a village, they prefer being their own island.

 

[sasywtch]

I was thinking something similiar. And wondering why high schoolers are being picked up from school. We live in the country and all kids would walk (we are 1.5 miles away gasp!) or take the bus. This was not 50 years ago. It was two! Why so many pay taxes for school transportation and pick their kids up everyday baffles me.

I don't get it either. I live in a subdivision with the high school in the middle. No joke, this car was waiting 30 minutes before school got out (I saw her sitting there by the stop sign as I drove by because she was kind of in the way). I did my business and drove back home (about 10 minutes after school got out so she was there 40 minutes), her DD was getting into the car and pulled a U turn in front of me. (why I noticed her the second time). She drove to the first street, turned and turned into a driveway. Their backyard probably backs up to the baseball field of the school. She could have issues but it's common here for high school and junior school kids to get rides home when they only live 3-5 blocks away. We have an elementary, junior and senior high in our subdivision. My neighbor had a kid graduate last year and she told me they all go pick up their kids cause their kid wants to get home quick to play their video games. To the OP, I probably would have said something also. The kid should have apologized right away when they saw you. If I had been that parent, I would have gotten out, apologized and told the kid to apologize and offer my information. That's what responsible people do.

 

[mousefan73]

I’m so confused. Then again, I haven’t read all the posts. So 0P, you’re basically saying that a teenager damaged your car and all you’re asking for is an apology? And that there are no names and phone numbers exchanged? Have things really gotten bad crazy in the state since I moved decades ago? Here in Germany everyone basically has some form of liability insurance and so it would’ve been very natural to get that kids phone number and you would’ve called her parents to have them take care of the damages. And of course any normal kid that’s been raised by decent parents would have apologized. I know my daughter probably would’ve started crying being all upset and scared that she damaged someone’s car. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone reading this.