Share Your Best Marriage Advice/Tips

[indimom]

Separate checking accounts.

Don't do home improvement projects together.

These two rules have worked for us for almost 30 years.

We're done for......


My Advice: LISTEN. (Yep, that's it.)

 

[Riverhill]

Never fall out of love at the same time - My grandmom always told us this and she and my pop pop were married for 57 years.

Go to bed angry - once you sleep on it and wake up you will most likely have a new prospective and will have a calmer head.

Married 20 years and I agree with these two. and laugh as much as possible together!!!!!!!

 

[disykat]

Go to bed angry - once you sleep on it and wake up you will most likely have a new prospective and will have a calmer head.

My husband is simply not capable of talking things out immediately. He needs time to process. One size fits all quotes like "don't go to bed angry" can be very damaging to people's expectations.

I second the five love languages suggestion. We also found the Myers-Briggs test helpful in understanding each other. It certainly helped me understand the differences between someone who is an introvert and an extrovert. (see above, the introvert needs time to process!)

 

[Zerosinthecloset]

If she wants to make more $$$ than you, let her.

 

[cm8]

Many Marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side


Don't let other people know your business.... especially if you forgive each others short comings......You will have forgiven and your family will not have forgotten


If you would not do "it" in front of your spouse, then you have no business doing "it" outside of their view

Forgiveness goes a long way


The person you love with so much passion can sometimes bring out the worst in you This too shall pass


Don't model your marriage off of others, you will be setting yourself up for failure if it does not happen exactly how you imagine


Good Luck

 

[sandramaac]

Never go in thinking it is always 50/50--I do the dishes, you take out the trash. Tonight we watch my tv shows/ tomorrow we watch yours. Sometimes it's 70/30 or 80/20---be willing to go with the unbalances at times.

Don't see things as black and white--view things in shades of grey.

It is easy to love someone, but more difficult to like them. Work more on the like in the relationship--it's the part that make you friends and partners in the relationship.

 

[Nancy]

Realize that everyone does marriage different. What works for one couple may not work for you. There is no one size fits all in a relationship.

Each marriage is unique just as each person is unique. We all have quirks, we all have issues, we all are not perfect.

 

[CathrynRose]

Don't do it ???

The orphan advice is good. An orphaned, only-child.

 

[NMAmy]

Another vote for don't sweat the small stuff. So many times, people focus on little issues that really don't matter.

Do something nice for each other every day. Be kind to each other.

 

[crz4mm2]

Always remember WHY you love him/her.
If that reason stands, he/she is worth fighting for.

If you want your spouse to do something or not do something tell him/her. No one is a mind reader.

 

[Acklander]

Give in 90% of the time, but save that 10% for what's really important to you.

When hanging with your girlfriends, and they start the husband bashing, don't participate. It's disrespectful.

Laugh together

 

[NaLisa]

1. Pick your battles (as has been said by PPs in different words). Some things just are too small and unimportant to let them come between you.

2. Another vote for throwing out the "Don't go to bed angry rule." DH and I rarely argue, but when we do we've found a cooling-off period (especially an overnight one) allows us to see things more clearly w/o being clouded by high emotions. One or the other of us usually apologizes first thing in the morning, and it's helped by...

3. No name calling. We take care not to let any anger be put into hurtful words.

4. Think of your marriage as a third entity that's more important that either of you singularly. I read this in a self-help/marriage book some time ago, and it was like a light bulb went off in my head. He's not more important than me, I'm not more important than him, but our marriage is more important that either of us. This rule of thumb also helped me leave a previous bad marriage when I realized that I was following this rule but ex was always taking care of himself first.

5. No secrets. You should always be totally honest with your spouse and expect the same from him/her. Other friends and family members know this is our rule, too. Don't tell one of us something and expect us not to tell the other. Keeps anyone else (especially ILs) from driving a wedge between you.

6. Don't belittle one another. This is hard as DH and I sometimes rib one another in an attempt to be humorous, but we've learned over the years not to take things too far. E.g., I can tease him good-naturedly about being thrifty (he makes fun of himself, too!) when it's just the two of us, but never in front of other friends or family members, especially SIL. She tells everyone in the family that he's cheap and she tries to put a humorous spin on it, but it obviously bothers him. It's also rich coming from her, who spent years racking up all kinds of luxuries for herself by using credit cards, then declared bankruptcy and moved in with MIL when she couldn't pay her bills. She tries to draw me in on the "He's so cheap..." bits, but I never play along and I stick up for him.