Should I force my kids to go to Disney?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

They are very headstrong and argumentative, especially when they’re not getting what they want. Maybe it’s just being a teenager, I don’t know but that is one issue I had, not wanting to give into their demands. But in this case I guess it makes sense to. My 16 year old wants to be a lawyer because she loves to argue so much lol. But in this situation I’ll give in.

Without trying to be rude it may help to re-read your own descriptions of yourself

I am the Disney obsessed rope drop to close person in the group and I probably do expect too much from them. These are all good ideas.

Maybe they are headstrong and argumentative but you want to make them come on a trip they don't want (one being a legal adult) just because it's your happy place. Because you're not getting what you want you're also showing your own headstrongness and describing your kids in a negative way just because they don't want to go. I'm not necessarily saying these are wrong things just pointing out sometimes we're like our parents even when we don't want to be

 

[brockash]

I was a good kid, but if my parents had left me at 18 to watch my sister at 16 (we’re 2.5 years apart) alone for a week it would have been party central.

So true. I too was a good kid, as was my best friend, but her parents left for a weekend and left her (16) with the 18 and 21 year old at home and while we didn't burn the house down, we did have ppl. over, boyfriends stayed the night, underage drinking was happening etc. There's no way I'd leave an 18 and 16 year old home alone for a week. Again, I agree if the 18 year old is in their dorm etc., totally different...certainly shouldn't be responsible for a 16 year old.

 

[gottalovepluto]

Do people not understand that an 18 year old is an adult?

I suspect OP is aware of the age of adulthood in America but OP's 18yo did not opt to leave the household and by all appearances is still enjoying the privileges afforded to being a member of their family (roof over head, food, etc.). If OP is questioning how to handle this situation then they have decided that the 18yo being afforded the privileges of being a member of their family comes with the cost of acting like it vs deciding "well the kid is 18, I'll keep paying the bills as their parent but they can do whatever they want". It's just one of those life forks where parenting styles diverge.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I suspect OP is aware of the age of adulthood in America but OP's 18yo did not opt to leave the household and by all appearances is still enjoying the privileges afforded to being a member of their family (roof over head, food, etc.). If OP is questioning how to handle this situation then they have decided that the 18yo being afforded the privileges of being a member of their family comes with the cost of acting like it vs deciding "well the kid is 18, I'll keep paying the bills as their parent but they can do whatever they want". It's just one of those life forks where parenting styles diverge.

Weird that we've now arbitrarily decided people are just "afforded" opportunities to be considered members of the family. That does not sound like a warm, welcoming, safe and well adjusted family if the qualifications are such that you've described.

 

[tx911]

Weird that we've now arbitrarily decided people are just "afforded" opportunities to be considered members of the family. That does not sound like a warm, welcoming, safe and well adjusted family if the qualifications are such that you've described.

My roof, my rules

 

[tjmw2727]

Leave them home (or elsewhere supervised, depending on their trustworthiness).

It's a lot of money to have tickets for "choose if you want to come to a park at all today." It's a bigger hotel room, it's more food to budget, more transportation costs, more hassle. And then if they've got attitude anyways, it impacts everyone else. You can certainly ask if they'd like to come ticketless and have a pool/resort vacation. But if they're not really on board, leave them behind. You are not obligated to drag unwilling teens around with you.

Let them decide again the next year if they want to come or not.

This is true - when we let my nephew decide each day we had Un-expiring tickets that could be used day of with no advance planning and the extra teen didn't affect room size. Today's Disney is a bit more complicated in that regard!

At that time my sil felt that to take into consideration both her kids this was the best option.

 

[gottalovepluto]

Weird that we've now arbitrarily decided people are just "afforded" opportunities to be considered members of the family. That does not sound like a warm, welcoming, safe and well adjusted family if the qualifications are such that you've described.

I've met too many selfish, irresponsible adults in their 20s AND 30s acting like morons personally and financially because their parents won't stop bailing them out of trouble/sending them money when they get in trouble because "it's their kid" to abide by the idea a parent should support an adult child no matter how they behave.

My reply was directed to all the folks who say "the 18yo is an adult, they can do what they want". Like you I agree 18 is an idiotic age to decide someone is an adult. (I also think it's idiotic we can send them off to die in battle at 18 but have decided their brains aren't developed enough to drink until 21 but that's not this thread.) I also know 14yo kids more responsible than 30yo adults. Age is a stupid deciding factor, but it's what society has forced up on us- so for those who view it from that viewpoint, that is the choice. Do you support them no matter what? And if so for how long?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don’t blame them for not wanting to go then. That’s not for everybody. It’s their vacation too. Just because you pay for it doesn’t necessarily mean you should control every minute of the day. I have never been a rope drop/park close person, but if I were I would never expect everyone else to have to do the same. Loosen the reins. I think you’ll see that it helps.

And habits change for us all as time goes on either by age or frequency of trip or honestly these days on how Disney wants people to tour it. We found refuge at Riviera for some coffee just to escape the chaos of the parks. Not like that was an issue to us in the past but we found our trip in 2022 needing to do that and we said to ourselves we wouldn't mind doing more of that. It's an investment to go to the parks but it's also okay for us to take a breather more than we did in the past.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I've met too many selfish, irresponsible adults in their 20s AND 30s acting like morons personally and financially because their parents won't stop bailing them out of trouble/sending them money when they get in trouble because "it's their kid" to abide by the idea a parent should support an adult child no matter how they behave.

My reply was directed to all the folks who say "the 18yo is an adult, they can do what they want". Like you I agree 18 is an idiotic age to decide someone is an adult. (I also think it's idiotic we can send them off to die in battle at 18 but have decided their brains aren't developed enough to drink until 21 but that's not this thread.) I also know 14yo kids more responsible than 30yo adults. Age is a stupid deciding factor, but it's what society has forced up on us- so for those who view it from that viewpoint, that is the choice. Do you support them no matter what? And if so for how long?

Well I'm from the "paid for stuff my self" track personally speaking. At age 18 I was already supporting myself in majority of my life including college, my car, car insurance, taxes (I claimed myself) and more so you're not really going to get pushback from me regarding financial support.

I doubt the OP feels their 18 and 16 year old are merely getting the privilege of being in their parent's lives, they just want them to go on a location they want because that destination is what they want. What you described was more akin to a transactional type of family system. Which to be fair exists but isn't what I would say is a warm, welcoming or safe family system. People are just pointing out the ages which generally speaking should have autonomy in a greater level than was described.

 

[DCLMP]

I've met too many selfish, irresponsible adults in their 20s AND 30s acting like morons personally and financially because their parents won't stop bailing them out of trouble/sending them money when they get in trouble because "it's their kid" to abide by the idea a parent should support an adult child no matter how they behave.

My reply was directed to all the folks who say "the 18yo is an adult, they can do what they want". Like you I agree 18 is an idiotic age to decide someone is an adult. (I also think it's idiotic we can send them off to die in battle at 18 but have decided their brains aren't developed enough to drink until 21 but that's not this thread.) I also know 14yo kids more responsible than 30yo adults. Age is a stupid deciding factor, but it's what society has forced up on us- so for those who view it from that viewpoint, that is the choice. Do you support them no matter what? And if so for how long?

I agree with you about an 18 year old not being an adult other than legally. In the context of this thread though I don't see an issue with an 18 year old not going to Disney World or staying home alone. I was happy when just my oldest didn't want to go. It saved a ton us of money not having to get two rooms. Disney World is way to expensive to take someone that doesn't want to be there.

 

[CAPSLOCK]

Disney World is way to expensive to take someone that doesn't want to be there.

 

[SpaceMan5]

On our last two trips, 2 of our kids (now ages 18 and 16) were absolutely horrible. They don’t want to leave the room, when in the parks they complain about absolutely everything and whine constantly about just wanting to go back to the resort. They whine and complain incessantly. They made the rest of us miserable. The thing is, we’ve gone to WDW every year of their lives and they’ve always loved it, not sure what’s happened lately. While talking about our next trip they both said they don’t want to go and are begging us to just let them stay home. DH thinks we should let them stay since they’re miserable there anyway, but for me, this is a family trip and it wouldn’t feel right going without them. Plus it feels like they’re being brats and getting what they want. It really upsets me that they don’t want to go. But if I make them go they’ll be absolutely miserable. Anyone been through anything similar? Any advice?

Yes and I am going to be lazy and completely ignore the other 5 pages of responses.

My own thoughts.....

As parents we love the traditions that we started with our kiddos when they were younger but eventually they may grow out of them and not appreciate them as they did when they were younger. Case in point, DS18 didn't want to go to DL in January and as much as I would have loved him to be there we decided it was cool to let him stay home. He loved DL when he was younger but not his cup of tea right now. He would rather go on a golf vacation which is good by me. Something to plan for this summer!

In my heart I truly feel they will always look back fondly of our trips to DL and the OR coast. I think they will do the same kind of vacations when they have kids of their own. Then again, they may choose other vacation destinations which is fine by me. I know that we made some really great memories during the early years. I can't ask for more than that.

Find that middle ground, discover what they love now and appreciate the fact they are growing into young adults and have voices. Don't be resentful that they their desires don't match up with yours at this time. Remember theirs minds are not fully matured until 25 so there will be disagreements/conflicts.

It can be frustrating at times, I can attest to that but know that you are not alone.

 

[bsmcneil]

I'll just point out that, developmentally, 16 and 18 are perfect ages to be resistant, rebellious, and "argumentative" (which in this context reads as "doesn't do what mom thinks should be done"). Then again, I wouldn't want to travel anywhere (let alone Disney World) with someone who thinks of me as bratty. Are there ways to salvage your family trips so that it's not all about you everyone enjoys them? Yes. Are you willing to put in that effort?

 

[NYCgrrl]

“Should I force my children to go to Disney?”

Well that’s a new one and certainly beats out “ Should my eighteen year older have a stroller?”

 

[slo]

I’m super late to this party, so I have no idea what others have posted.

IMO - it’s time to mix it up with the vacation location.
If I were you, I’d have a family meeting to let everyone voice an opinion on where they wanted to go. Then we’d have a discussion to decide where we’re going to go.

I love WDW as much as everyone, but if part of the family is miserable, it seems a little selfish to insist on going. i want my family to have good memories of our vacations, which sometimes means I may have to bend and go somewhere I may not be thrilled about. But if it means the rest of the family is having a blast, then I’ll go with a smile.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

As a parent watching our kids grow up and see our traditions change can be a hard pill to swallow. But you can take it in stride and create new traditions. Change is good!

I would sit them down and ask if they just don’t want to do Disney anymore, if they want to do Disney differently or do they just prefer not to vacation with the parentals anymore. Their answer may surprise you. They may just want to be more independent and over family trips.

Forcing them to go and do something they truly don’t enjoy will cause resentment and could kill any chances of them changing their minds and wanting to go again in the future.

If it’s in the budget I would change up our yearly family trip to something the kids would enjoy and still do Disney with DH as a new yearly couples trip.

I would leave the kids home at that age while I went away. I would just have a trusted family member check in on them daily and check in often. With technology (ring cameras, FaceTime, etc) this is way too easy. I actually started doing this when my son turned 17/18 for different kinds of trips.

When my son was 15 we had a bad trip. He just wasn’t into it and told me he just needed a break from Disney. After that I started going with just DD. My SO was cool with it and he stayed home with DS during those trips. My son went to Disney on his senior trip and enjoyed himself but again said he’s still on a Disney break. I kept going with just DD. As recently as 1-2 years ago he still told me he wasn’t into Disney and was liking exploring other vacation destination with his friends and girlfriend.

He recently went in December with his dad, DD, step mom and baby sister for a quick 3 day trip and enjoyed himself. He’s 24 now and told me just last night that we should plan a family Disney trip again.

So i feel they do come back around if you just give them their space.

 

[mjkacmom]

I think deep down you do "get it" you just don't want to because you love Disney so much. Understandable. However, think of it this way, you raised young adults who will speak up for themselves. May not be what you want to hear, but you didn't raise milquetoast.

When you do talk with them make sure you stand by your word that you will let them do their own thing. Don't make them feel guilty for not going to rope drop.

We do this on cruises with my dd. I know she doesn't want to hang out with adults all day on the ship, so she takes off with her friends (they initially meet day 1 in teen club, but then venture all over.) Our only caveat is meeting for dinner and abiding curfew. It becomes a win/win since we all have fun and no one is complaining.

Whatever they decide, I am glad you aren't forcing them to go. That just makes for a miserable and expensive trip.

Actually cruise vacations worked well for our family. Five kids in under 7 years, so pretty close in age. We ended up having breakfast together, dinner together, off of the ship together, some shows together. The rest of the time they’d be out and about with new friends.

 

[mom2rtk]

I've seen too many '80s teen comedies and Law & Order episodes to consider leaving a 16 and an 18 year-old home alone.

18 is an adult and old enough to leave for college soon. The time to teach them responsibility is NOW. The 18 year old is old enough to babysit other kids for an extended time like this.

Some kids can't be left alone at this age for whatever reason, but OP hasn't indicated there are behavioral concerns.

 

[mom2rtk]

Kids are not set completers. They shouldn't be treated like they have to be along for everything, doing the same as everyone else, just because mom needs the entire set there together. Please don't do this to your child. It's not their job.

It's hard to find the right balance here. Kids should not be able to set the vacation plans for the parents. Parents should not force kids to do the same thing every year if they don't want to.

I'm kind of shocked the OP hasn't let the teens go off independently yet though. Trudging through a week long trip to Disney with the entire family joined at the hip from rope drop to rope close sounds awful, even to this Disney lover. Sounds like a fast track to everyone being miserable.

OP, your job here is to find the balance. By 16 and 18, I would definitely be giving them options. Let them stay home if they really want to, but try to encourage them to come and try things a new way. Let the 2 of them tour on their own, but stay in close contact by phone with meet ups at pre-arranged times. If they have younger siblings and are used to doing things at their pace, they will likely welcome this indpendence.

 

[Wood Nymph]

I would consider how your other three children feel about taking a trip with crabby siblings who are resentful about being at Disney. I had a sister who made family trips miserable because she didn't want to be there. The best family trip we ever had was when the crabby sister stayed behind.

Leave those two behind and have a great trip without them. It is very hard when your older children no longer want to take family trips. We went through that with our children, who are adults now, and it is hard. But it is also a normal progression of life.