SIL asking for an invite to bachelorette

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Americans have figured out how to wring the most out of marriages. Bachelorette party is for bride, bridal party and maybe a couple of friends to party for a weekend. Bridal shower is party for friends (and friends of parents) to shower couple with gifts

You do realize that even the U.S. comprises of many different cultures and ethnicities, right?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

So normally I would think it's a tad socially faux pas to ask if you're invited to something but in this case I get it. If the mom is invited (which isn't quite as common) it's not like it was crazy for the sister-in-law to ask. If you, the mom, weren't invited then yeah probably would be a bit more faux pas-like.

So next question, is there a reason you are invited but your sister-in-law is not? You're under no obligation to invite anyone but having yourself invited you might want to consider that would seem flooring to some people and awkward to others who are on the outside of this scenario. Did you invite yourself or did your daughter want you along (asking in a kind way).

I detect a note of something at the idea that she can't make it to the shower but can to the bachelorette party. I'm unaware is there some packaged deal where if you can't make it to the shower you automatically are snubbed from the bachelorette party? Are you assuming she's just in it for a fun weekend but didn't want to go to the shower? Other obligations may prevent her from going to the shower but her being able to make it for the bachelorette party.

 

[Boopuff]

ould be a bit more faux pas-like.

So next question, is there a reason you are invited but your sister-in-law is not? You're under no obligation to invite anyone but having yourself invited you might want to consider that would seem flooring to some people and awkward to others who are on the outside of this scenario. Did you invite yourself or did your daughter want you along (asking in a kind way).

My oldest DD is the Matron of Honor and when the plans came about she started saying: Mom you and I will do this and that.. so I was in on the whole gig from the very beginning.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My oldest DD is the Matron of Honor and when the plans came about she started saying: Mom you and I will do this and that.. so I was in on the whole gig from the very beginning.

Gotcha

So then I don't really see the big deal about your sister-in-law asking.

I mean asking in general like I said faux pas but the reason she probably even thought to ask is that you're invited. If you weren't I doubt she would have said "aren't aunties invited" because then it would have just been your daughter's friends and bridal party. You're not part of the bridal party, you're the mother of the bride so you're basically an extra person invited just because.

I wouldn't look at your sister-in-law's inquiry as anything more than just thinking "oh you're invited maybe I am too??" but that's just my opinion

 

[Boopuff]

My SIL is ok ( most of the time) but she drives me bananas the rest of the time. She has a good(albeit) misguided heart. Oh and she drinks...a lot.

 

[tzolkin]

Well, my mom wasn’t at mine, and I won’t be at my daughters’ if they have the

This. I wouldn’t imagine that the Moms or aunts would go

I’m curious if those saying moms shouldn’t attend have that opinion because they are thinking of a specific type of bachelorette party (wild, raunchy, lots of drinking).

If your daughter wanted moms and aunts to attend and specifically planned something like a spa day or wine tasting, I can’t imagine someone would refuse to attend just on principle that “mom’s don’t go to bachelorette events”, right?

 

[mjkacmom]

I’m curious if those saying moms shouldn’t attend have that opinion because they are thinking of a specific type of bachelorette party (wild, raunchy, lots of drinking).

If your daughter wanted moms and aunts to attend and specifically planned something like a spa day or wine tasting, I can’t imagine someone would refuse to attend just on principle that “mom’s don’t go to bachelorette events”, right?

If my daughters wanted me to attend a spa day of sorts, that would be great, and I’d be glad to have my sister and SIL’s join us. If it was something I’d be invited to, it wouldn’t be weird for other family members in my age group to be invited. However, as much as they love spa days and nice brunches, they also love bars and clubs and getting home at 4 am in Ubers.

 

[Boopuff]

The bride is very low key. She's not a big party girl at all. Most of the weekend is focused on outdoor activities, nice dinners, and soaking in the hot tub. I'm happy to go along and fade into the background (and chauffeur)

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The bride is very low key. She's not a big party girl at all. Most of the weekend is focused on outdoor activities, nice dinners, and soaking in the hot tub. I'm happy to go along and fade into the background (and chauffeur)

I had a very low key one, really dinner and then going back to a hotel we were staying at for the night where it was just my two best friends (one maid of honor one another bridesmaid) and I (after the other bridesmaid who was a teen left) to sit in the hotel's hot tub and pool chatting away. We had some alcohol but not too much. I really wouldn't have wanted my mom let alone my aunts with me. It was really just a chance to go over the good 'ole days, look forward to the future, etc. My bridal shower had my family members but my bachelorette party was just more private. There were plenty of other times my mom and I could have gotten together, actually probably would have been more special if it was just my mom and I doing one last trip together rather than using my bachelorette party, but that's purely just me.

I was in my mid-20s. Is your daughter who is getting married younger than that?

 

[Boopuff]

I had a very low key one, really dinner and then going back to a hotel we were staying at for the night where it was just my two best friends (one maid of honor one another bridesmaid) and I (after the other bridesmaid who was a teen left) to sit in the hotel's hot tub and pool chatting away. We had some alcohol but not too much. I really wouldn't have wanted my mom let alone my aunts with me. It was really just a chance to go over the good 'ole days, look forward to the future, etc. My bridal shower had my family members but my bachelorette party was just more private. There were plenty of other times my mom and I could have gotten together, actually probably would have been more special if it was just my mom and I doing one last trip together rather than using my bachelorette party, but that's purely just me.

I was in my mid-20s. Is your daughter who is getting married younger than that?

My DD is 27 but she's very family oriented and I plan to just fade into the background.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

My DD is 27 but she's very family oriented and I plan to just fade into the background.

Ah yeah so for my mom she's all about quality time, even in my 30s it's about quality time lol.

I think my mom would have thought it weird TBH if I had invited her regardless of where it was and in no way is this a comment against you but my mom would have thought it even more weird to use her as a DD or driver. She would have thought "well I'm not even getting quality time with my daughter anyways" and "I know she can figure it out how to get from point a to point b."

It sounds like a fun weekend planned though I kinda miss ski trips pre-covid even though I didn't ski lol. Loved the ambiance and all.

 

[_19disnA]

It's her party so she can invite whomever she wants. If the SIL asked if she was invited just say 'no' and it is only a small group of those in the bridal party. It was tacky of the SIL to try to get herself invited, there is no reason for you to feel bad about telling her she isn't on the invite list.

 

[sam_gordon]

Since we're talking more than two years ago, I'm assuming the bachelorette party has happened, and probably the wedding.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I didn't think Moms attended bachelorette parties. Mine certainly didn't.
I don't know but maybe having my SIL along to have someone the same age in the group might be fun. I personally would feel odd spending all that time with my kids' friends. Very awkward.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Planning weddings can be so tricky, especially when it comes to balancing expectations and guest lists. I remember when my sister was getting married, and we were planning her bachelorette party. We decided on a low-key weekend getaway with just close friends, similar to what you're planning.

But then, out of the blue, a distant relative asked if she could join in on the fun. It was definitely awkward trying to explain why we wanted to keep it intimate. In the end, we stuck to our original plan, and it turned out to be such a special time for the bride and her closest pals.

You definitely weren't wrong to politely decline your SIL's request. It's important to honor the bride's preferences and keep the celebration true to her style. And hey, who knows, maybe one day you'll look back on this and laugh about the unexpected twist in the planning process.

Welcome to the dis, Burk.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I didn't think Moms attended bachelorette parties. Mine certainly didn't.
I don't know but maybe having my SIL along to have someone the same age in the group might be fun. I personally would feel odd spending all that time with my kids' friends. Very awkward.

I know this thread is 2 years old, but...

My DD28 is planning her bachelorette party as a weekend in either New Orleans or Puerto Rico. DS18 and DD20, both in the bridal party, are thrilled with either destination. I said, "Please don't invite me!" DD28: "Don't worry, I won't!" I'm sure they'll have a wonderful time, either place, without Mom tagging along.

 

[cabanafrau]

I'm not used to moms or aunts attending, but if that's the dynamic within a particular family it's great too.

One of the bachelorette weekends my daughter went to last year was a family cottage weekend for one of her best friends from college. A confluence of circumstances, including a death in the bride's family, turned it from a college reunion with bride's sisters included into uncle and dad there unexpectedly for first half and groom showing up on first day to provide support in case bride and/or her sisters fell apart.

Dad ended up trying to make up for uncle's clueless sore thumb presence smack dab in the middle of plans and groom wound up being asked to stay by the bachelorette crew since everyone either was friends with him from college, was about to be his sister-in-law or engaged to him. He generously tended bar, picked up extra provisions, cooked and cleaned up to try and make sure the party was as happy and carefree as possible under the circumstances. The party was a great success and the bride and her sisters were able to enjoy in spite of their heavy hearts about their loss.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Yikes! Didn't realize it was old!

Have heard of joint bachlor/bachlorette parties recently among young people I know. Like weekends away.

 

[Uncle Coaster]

I was at a Bachelor Party at a Gentleman’s Club once where the Bride’s father attended.

That actually turned out to be a great night.

 

[Magical2017]

Sorry--did not realize people felt the need to revive zombie threads. So annoying!