So my son got suspended

[Pea-n-Me]

I know this has been posted before (not on this thread, I believe), but MA last year enacted one of the country's first Anti Bullying Laws. http://www.malegislature.gov/Laws/SessionLaws/Acts/2010/Chapter92

I don't know the law well enough (nor do I have time today) to quote it exactly, but a couple of things about it that I do know:

It doesn't matter whether the incident occurred on school grounds or off of school grounds. It has to do more with the bullied's right to an education without fear or harrassment, etc.

In that regard, schools must put a plan into place so that the bully's and the bullied's paths do not cross if they're in school together. In the case of the OP, the bully would not have been allowed to sit behind your son in class, enabling him to continue to draw on your son's shirt or harrass him.

It also encompasses bullying via electronics, which is actually pretty impressive considering there aren't many laws right now surrounding social networking and such.

I'm not sure how this has actually played out in schools yet. I don't know that it's been completely embraced by schools or that parents and children are even aware of their rights. Although I'll say that our schools have made efforts, even before the actual law was passed, to comply. I think it behooves parents to push for their rights if necessary, as surely some of the rules are a hassle for schools (such as a plan for passing in hallways, or during lunches, etc.) I do know there was another suicide last week as the result of bullying but am not aware of the details. I'm sure there'll be an assessment after the law has been on the books for a while.

ETA one recent tidbit: http://ikeepsafe.blogspot.com/2011/01/massachusetts-leading-pack-for-anti.html

 

[Mommy2three]

I applaud you! My son constantly gets bullied as well, with the school doing nothing about it! The police wouldnt even do anything with the boy who bullies my son. I think the only way to take care of a bully is to stick up for yourself and get him back. I dont think he is showing his son that its ok to be violent, he is showing his son that its ok to stick up for ourselves!

 

[joviroxx]

Kudos to you and your DS. My DS is 13 and we've taught him the same. You don't throw punches unnecessarily. But you DO defend yourself. Do what you need to do and DH and I will deal with the school. Its important that they learn to defend themselves whether physically or verbally.

Bullies bully because they can. Its time kids stand up to them and not let them get away with it.

 

[3boymthr]

I was a victim of Bullying as a kid. Sometimes subtle sometimes overt. Luckily it stopped when I got into HS as I had an older brother who was finally in the same school as me and who was big enough and strong enough to pick up a bully and hold that kid over his head single handedly (by a hand wrapped in his shirt collar) when the bullying started to get out of hand. I was never picked on again after that. The kids knew that even though I was not strong enough to hit someone I had someone willing to step in and do it for me. Did the teachers know it was happening, yes (my getting punched in the stomach and puking because of it had to be a clue), did they do anything about it, no. So kudos to your son for being willing to step up and doing something about it.

Where do you live? Are you in MA? If yes, you definitely have the law behind you. If you don't show these articles about the nature of bullying as defined by the Massachusetts legislature to your school and see what they say.

http://www.slate.com/id/2260952/entry/2260953/
http://www.slate.com/id/2252543/

Sometimes it takes a tragedy to get the school to act, but remind them that you don't want that to have to be the case with your DS.

 

[Minnesota!]

Props to your son

 

[jsschwal]

My 8 yr old DD, who is very small. She just reached 41 inches and weighs nothing, was being bullied on the scool bus. She never came home and told me anything about it. The bus driver one morning took them both off the school bus into the principals office to tell her what he saw. My DD slapping the other girl across the face. She did leave a red mark.
I was there to pick up my older DD from school and she told me about it. I was never called and alerted to anything. I spoke with the principal and she told that she was proud of my daughter. That the other girl is 3 times the size of my DD and looks like she could be in the 6th grade, and that she has been in her office numerous times that month for bullying. The other little girl has been expelled, this was her 3rd school this year, and this incident happened before Thanksgiving. Child services was also alerted because apparently when the principal tried to talk to the parents, they told her that she would just have to deal with it. They were out of town and that her older sister was watching her. When she asked how to contact her older sister, she was told that she was a another elementary school in the 5th grade. OMG
Sad but true, no wonder she was acting out. Turns out that she tried to stab my DD with a pencil after snapping a rubber band at her on the way to school, and that was just that morning.

 

[tuckerkeys]

There's a saying I tell my son..." Hurt people hurt people..." whether it is verbally or physically. He's too young to fully understand what that means but the kids he has issues with during school don't exactly have the best home life.... I'm not saying that every bully has a rough home life I'm sure there are PLENTY that come from good homes....Just so far our bully situation has a root that starts in the home & it seems as if the school gives them a pass b/c of it.....

 

[Longsx3]

We have had several High Schoolers in the are commit suicide as a result of bullying, was the school aware of the bullying? If so I would print every recent article you can of the results of bullying, demand your son not be suspended and explain that you will hold the school liable if anything ever happens to your son.

 

[5lilfish]

There's a saying I tell my son..." Hurt people hurt people..." whether it is verbally or physically. He's too young to fully understand what that means but the kids he has issues with during school don't exactly have the best home life.... I'm not saying that every bully has a rough home life I'm sure there are PLENTY that come from good homes....Just so far our bully situation has a root that starts in the home & it seems as if the school gives them a pass b/c of it.....

2 of the bullies we deal with have problems that start in the home. There's no abuse and the home life is fine, but the parents are a problem. They are ok with their child's behavior. Parent 1, three years ago when he was told that his 4th grade daughter created a popularity list ranking all the kids based off of how popular she felt they were, said, "That's just girl crap. They learn that from those Disney Channel shows!" Parent 2, when told that her daughter was bullying said, "My daughter is a leader. It's not her problem if those other kids don't know how to stand up for themselves." Lovely... From what I am told, bully #3's parents are real pieces of work too. Thankfully (1) my daughter does stand up for herself and others, but even she can only take so much and (2) There are only 3 really bad brats. There are other kids that go with the flow and/or say things without really understanding how hurtful they can be, but there are only 3 girls that are just plain mean (and try to be mean).

Jess

 

[Deesknee]

I'm also from MA. I live in a relatively small town. Our school system just had an assembly for parents on anti-bullying. To my regret I was unable to attend. But, I applaud the town for beginning awareness of this social problem.

My family was in a bullying situation. My son was in grade 6 or 7 when he handled it.(he is in college now) Non physically. (against ever fiber of my being I had even suggested that myself. advising him to warn the bully if he continued to torment him, my son would defend himself.) My son has mentioned to his younger sister, that there will always be bullys in the world. classmates, cousins, even professors in college, sometimes even the adults we are supposed to respect, police officers, scout leaders, clergy persons. Physical violence will often make it worse. There are usually other ways.


To the OP, I am not judging you. And I am sorry if it sounds that way. I was all set to have my son "stick up for himself". I am the mother lion protecting her cubs. I understand your situation. I hope this works for your son.

 

[ccgirl]

There's a saying I tell my son..." Hurt people hurt people..." whether it is verbally or physically. He's too young to fully understand what that means but the kids he has issues with during school don't exactly have the best home life.... I'm not saying that every bully has a rough home life I'm sure there are PLENTY that come from good homes....Just so far our bully situation has a root that starts in the home & it seems as if the school gives them a pass b/c of it.....

I really love the bolded part. I have never heard that. I always tell my DD to treat people how you want to be treated but I'm going to add that one too.

I may get flamed but I think there is a difference between being bullied and just being plain mean. Making a list of name of the girls you think are popular is not bullying. I, too, live in MA where they have really cracked down on bullying. I was on my school's anti-bullying task force where we had to come up with the guidelines. Bullying is repeated acts over time directed at the same person. It is not making a comment like, "I don't like you." Not saying that is the OP's case at all, from what the OP stated it seems that was a clear cut case of bullying.

There have been parents in my DD's school that go and claim their child is being bullied because one child told her they didn't like her.

I guess I am lucky in that I can go to the Principal and feel they address any concerns properly that I may have. I am sure it was beyond frustrating to the OP that they went to the administration repeatedly and their concerns were not dealt with. In that case, I would go right up the chain of command.

 

[5lilfish]

I really love the bolded part. I have never heard that. I always tell my DD to treat people how you want to be treated but I'm going to add that one too.

I may get flamed but I think there is a difference between being bullied and just being plain mean. Making a list of name of the girls you think are popular is not bullying. I, too, live in MA where they have really cracked down on bullying. I was on my school's anti-bullying task force where we had to come up with the guidelines. Bullying is repeated acts over time directed at the same person. It is not making a comment like, "I don't like you." Not saying that is the OP's case at all, from what the OP stated it seems that was a clear cut case of bullying.

There have been parents in my DD's school that go and claim their child is being bullied because one child told her they didn't like her.

I guess I am lucky in that I can go to the Principal and feel they address any concerns properly that I may have. I am sure it was beyond frustrating to the OP that they went to the administration repeatedly and their concerns were not dealt with. In that case, I would go right up the chain of command.

It is bullying when it is part of a bigger picture. What makes it bullying is when it is repetative and relentless. Your post is exactly how these kids get away with it (not saying it is your fault..it's just this line of thinking)....if you just take ONE event, it is so easy for a parent, a teacher, a principal, to say it is not that big of a deal. They don't see how all these little things add up to making life hell for a child and everytime the events are blown off, it just makes things worse. The bully gets braver and the victim learns not to complain because nobody will listen and everything will get worse. The populartity list was just one example of something this girl has done....and you can bet she used this list to belittle kids and make them feel like crap. I have also seen this girl go onto another girl's FB (one she picks on) and view a picture this girl has put up...a picture of her with her friends. This bully posts things like. "Great picture. You are just sooo cool." and then "You're nothing but a fat, ugly B*t**!" In 5th grade the girl, at that point feeling my DD out as a potential friend, went to a school event and asked my DD, "Who are you here with tonight, them (DD's friends) or us?" My DD told her, "I am here with my friends and you are not being very nice!" This same girl jumped into chat with my DD and asked her if she thought of herself as pretty and/or cool. Thankfully, my DD is pretty self confident and said, "I don't know and I don't care." The girl was trying to lead my DD into a conversation that would allow her to beat her down. This girl WANTS to hurt feelings...and her parents are all too happy to blow it off as girl crap.

Jess

 

[ols386]

It is bullying when it is part of a bigger picture. What makes it bullying is when it is repetative and relentless. Your post is exactly how these kids get away with it (not saying it is your fault..it's just this line of thinking)....if you just take ONE event, it is so easy for a parent, a teacher, a principal, to say it is not that big of a deal. They don't see how all these little things add up to making life hell for a child and everytime the events are blown off, it just makes things worse. the bully gets braver and the victim learns not to complain because nobody will listen and everything will get worse. The populartity list was just one example of something this girl has done. I have also seen her go onto a girl's FB (one she picks on) and view a picture this girl has put up...a picture of her with her friends. This bully posts things like. "Great picture. You are just sooo cool." and then "You're nothing but a fat, ugly B*t**!" This same girl jumped into chat with my DD and asked her if she thought of herself as pretty and/or cool. Thankfully, my DD is pretty self confident and said, "I don't know and I don't care." The girl was trying to lead my DD into a conversation that would allow her to beat her down. This girl WANTS to hurt feelings...and her parents are all too happy to blow it off as girl crap.

Jess

Your dd handled that FB situation beautifully.

 

[glasslipper]

We have had several High Schoolers in the are commit suicide as a result of bullying, was the school aware of the bullying? If so I would print every recent article you can of the results of bullying, demand your son not be suspended and explain that you will hold the school liable if anything ever happens to your son.

Exactly. Too often people need a tragedy to happen before they realize there is a problem. Weren't those boys from Columbine bullied? Not even saying that would excuse something that horrific, but maybe it had a role in the cause.

 

[Mkrop]

2 of the bullies we deal with have problems that start in the home. There's no abuse and the home life is fine, but the parents are a problem. They are ok with their child's behavior. Parent 1, three years ago when he was told that his 4th grade daughter created a popularity list ranking all the kids based off of how popular she felt they were, said, "That's just girl crap. They learn that from those Disney Channel shows!" Parent 2, when told that her daughter was bullying said, "My daughter is a leader. It's not her problem if those other kids don't know how to stand up for themselves." Lovely... From what I am told, bully #3's parents are real pieces of work too. Thankfully (1) my daughter does stand up for herself and others, but even she can only take so much and (2) There are only 3 really bad brats. There are other kids that go with the flow and/or say things without really understanding how hurtful they can be, but there are only 3 girls that are just plain mean (and try to be mean).

Jess

This is what I dont get-the parents.

If I found out my child was making lists, or teasing others, there would be heck to pay in our household. I do not tolerate being mean to someone at all. You dont have to like them or want to play with them but you are absolutely NOT allowed to be mean.

DS8 has a boy who is teasing him, right now I am trying to teach him to ignore it. The boy teases him so much DS does not want to play at recess. He told me during a homework excercise on adjectives that he was lonely. Then the next day he said he must be a nobody. The teacher is now involved bc one of the kids told on this boy that he was saying mean stuff to DS.

So although there is no physical violence now, the constant teasing and berating takes its toll on kids. So no a list by itself may not seem like a big deal but it is the other stuff that probably went on before the list was found.

Parents need to take responsibility for their kids and if their kid do something wrong, whether they learned it on the Disney channel or somewhere else, they need to put a stop to it

 

[a1tinkfans]

OP: sorry to hear about the ongoing situation with your son and the culmination of that situation!

I am too emotional to this situation to post my actual thoughts right now. Suffice it to say, Parents are the Protectors and the Advocates for their children. Go with your gut! Good Luck to your family!

 

[ccgirl]

It is bullying when it is part of a bigger picture. What makes it bullying is when it is repetative and relentless. Your post is exactly how these kids get away with it (not saying it is your fault..it's just this line of thinking)....if you just take ONE event, it is so easy for a parent, a teacher, a principal, to say it is not that big of a deal. They don't see how all these little things add up to making life hell for a child and everytime the events are blown off, it just makes things worse. The bully gets braver and the victim learns not to complain because nobody will listen and everything will get worse. The populartity list was just one example of something this girl has done....and you can bet she used this list to belittle kids and make them feel like crap. I have also seen this girl go onto another girl's FB (one she picks on) and view a picture this girl has put up...a picture of her with her friends. This bully posts things like. "Great picture. You are just sooo cool." and then "You're nothing but a fat, ugly B*t**!" In 5th grade the girl, at that point feeling my DD out as a potential friend, went to a school event and asked my DD, "Who are you here with tonight, them (DD's friends) or us?" My DD told her, "I am here with my friends and you are not being very nice!" This same girl jumped into chat with my DD and asked her if she thought of herself as pretty and/or cool. Thankfully, my DD is pretty self confident and said, "I don't know and I don't care." The girl was trying to lead my DD into a conversation that would allow her to beat her down. This girl WANTS to hurt feelings...and her parents are all too happy to blow it off as girl crap.

Jess

Bolded part very true. The situation I was referring to was a parent that was pissed off her DD was not popular. It was by her own DD's doing btw. If a child has a pattern of this it is, absolutely bullying.

Your dd handled that FB situation beautifully.

I agree. What a great job you did to raise such a confident DD that acts in such a mature manner. Way to go.

This is what I dont get-the parents.

If I found out my child was making lists, or teasing others, there would be heck to pay in our household. I do not tolerate being mean to someone at all. You dont have to like them or want to play with them but you are absolutely NOT allowed to be mean.

DS8 has a boy who is teasing him, right now I am trying to teach him to ignore it. The boy teases him so much DS does not want to play at recess. He told me during a homework excercise on adjectives that he was lonely. Then the next day he said he must be a nobody. The teacher is now involved bc one of the kids told on this boy that he was saying mean stuff to DS.

So although there is no physical violence now, the constant teasing and berating takes its toll on kids. So no a list by itself may not seem like a big deal but it is the other stuff that probably went on before the list was found.Parents need to take responsibility for their kids and if their kid do something wrong, whether they learned it on the Disney channel or somewhere else, they need to put a stop to it

I totally agree. I teach my DD8 you have to be friendly to everyone but you do not have to be friends with them. A girl had asked my DD to go to her house after school to play she said no because, quite frankly, she does not like this girl. The parent went to school the next day to report it to the Principal. The Principal, rightly so stated my DD did nothing wrong. They do have a girl in their class that is not the nicest. Most kids just steer clear of her. Last week at recess, the rest of the class surrounded this girl and were yelling at her. My DD jumped right in the middle to defend this girl and yelled, "we are all children of God and we all need to get along!" I was very proud of her. While she doesn't like this girl, she still stuck up for her when she needed it.

I would agree that constant, repeated teasing is bullying and needs to be dealt with. The situation I am talking about were one child says to another, "I don't want to be your friend anymore." Some parents incorrectly categorize that as bullying. I guess that was my point....sorry it took so long to get there.