Spinoff: what do you and your spouse argue about most

[ziravan]

The only thing DH and I really argue over is blended family issues/kids. The kids behavior, who needs a talking to, did the other handle it appropriately, is the way he is dealing with his ex with regard to his daughter affecting our family more than it should, etc.

Money, housekeeping, extended family problems, and trust issues are not major issues at all.....at least not yet.

My adult kids.

We got married when they were teens and they weren't very nice to her then. We did set firm limits on behavior, but that had its own price. You'd think boys in their twenties it would be easy to set boundaries on their incursions.

You'd be wrong.

Now. We're raising a grandchild and that is a whole 'nother dimension of drama between us and my son, DGS's dad. (DGS lives with us, not DS.)

If not for my adult kids, we wouldn't argue at all. Even then, we are mostly in agreement: we put the best interests of DGS first.

 

[RedAngie]

This is why I have an xDH. He just couldn't say no to extra hours, travel or dragging me to work functions. I di it for nearly 20 years but in my mid forties I could see it last another 20 & just couldn't.

Same reason I have an exH. Although I didn't mind most of the work functions, some were quite enjoyable. When I reached my mid forties, however, apparently I was no longer good enough to accompany him to those functions; he needed a newer more glamorous companion.

 

[eastendlights]

Not to mention make them really dull really fast.

And cause cracks in the handles, which is what happened to six of my Wusthof Classic knives when my DH kept putting them in the dishwasher. I made him buy me new ones which cost a fortune and he learned his lesson. We no longer argue about that.

By far, the most disagreement in our marriage has to do with disciplining the kids-both teens now. He is a big softie and I am the big meanie-or at least that is the way the kids see it because he lets them get away with everything and I do not.

Minor things-I am notoriously late for everything-still drives him crazy after 25 years.
He never puts things back where they belong-and I mean never-drives me crazy.

 

[Turn the Page]

My adult kids.

We got married when they were teens and they weren't very nice to her then. We did set firm limits on behavior, but that had its own price. You'd think boys in their twenties it would be easy to set boundaries on their incursions.

You'd be wrong.

Now. We're raising a grandchild and that is a whole 'nother dimension of drama between us and my son, DGS's dad. (DGS lives with us, not DS.)

If not for my adult kids, we wouldn't argue at all. Even then, we are mostly in agreement: we put the best interests of DGS first.

Ah yes, blended families. You always hear how hard it is but never really comprehend it until you're actually in one. I don't think there is any way to prepare for the complexities and struggles of a blended family.

And cause cracks in the handles, which is what happened to six of my Wusthof Classic knives when my DH kept putting them in the dishwasher. I made him buy me new ones which cost a fortune and he learned his lesson. We no longer argue about that.

By far, the most disagreement in our marriage has to do with disciplining the kids-both teens now. He is a big softie and I am the big meanie-or at least that is the way the kids see it because he lets them get away with everything and I do not.

Minor things-I am notoriously late for everything-still drives him crazy after 25 years.
He never puts things back where they belong-and I mean never-drives me crazy.

This. I am the disciplinarian in our house which makes it especially interesting since I am the primary caregiver to both kids. That puts me in the position of having to discipline his daughter on a frequent basis which doesn't often do much good and I'm left begging him to do something about his DD since what I'm doing isn't working. I got mad a couple months ago and told him about an issue I was having with her in the morning and he kinds of poopoohed it and I got frustrated and said this is always how it goes. I complain for weeks on end about an issue I'm having and you ignore it or minimize it until you have a morning off to deal with it just one time and suddenly it's an issue that needs to be dealt with. Can we please save some time and aggravation and you just assume I'm not making it up and it is in fact an issue that needs to be dealt with?

 

[Gumbo4x4]

We don't really argue about it, but we don't agree at all on the cause of us seemingly always being broke.

No, it's not because we went on vacation. It's because you make 1,000 small purchases of $15-20 each of things we don't really need, and you're bad at math so you don't even know you've spent that much. But, "I" know - I just keep quiet.

 

[threecrazykids]

His driving. He claims he's as "assertive" driver; I call it "aggressive." He thinks he has to be at the front of any traffic line, that speed limits are only suggestions, and that because his truck can stop on a dime, it's OK to follow more closely than one car length. He "froggers" between lanes, and waits far too long (in my opinion) to put on the brakes when it's clear that traffic is stopping. He's a good man, and since this is really our only area of contention, I know I shouldn't complain, but sometimes I'm very nervous. I'm driving back down to Florida from Virginia with him Dec. 15-16 and I'm dreading every minute of it.

Queen Colleen

We must be married to the same man.

Maybe brothers. DH doesn't have time or energy to have another wife (he's old!).

Queen Colleen

This man is clearly leading multiple lives, because I'm married to him too! But hey, maybe it would work out better if we were Sister Wives and could get some help around our houses with kids, carpooling, and all the chores and laundry that seem to never get done.

 

[wilkeliza]

The dogs are a big one here. I was perfectly content with our sweet almost 6 year old rescue pup named Luna. Fiance had been in contacts with a dachshund breeser for almost 10 years! Got to give it to him that he really did his research on this woman. Well after two yeaes of much begging and promising that he'll walk and feed the pup and help with training, I said okay, but one condition pup has to come home in February. Well thanks to mother nature the pup didn't come home until May and the summer is our busiest travel time. On top of the pup coming home in May, my fiance does next to nothing with these dogs. It is honestly like a child who begs and begs and begs then passes it off on his parents. I love our 6 month old pup Oswald and now can't imagine life with out him, but there are still days I think life would be easier if I had put my foot down.

 

[pryncess527]

we don't fight often, but when we do it's typically because we were mid-conversation and I say something I consider harmless and non-provocational. He hears it differently than I intended and the next 30 minutes will be unpleasant until we get it straightened out. He drives me nuts because he will say both "I'm the one who said it so I know what I said" and "I'm the one who heard it, I know what I heard" -- which leaves very little room for ME to know what I said or what I heard ;p The double standard drives me insane. Luckily it is not frequent, and never over something that matters. Our last misunderstanding was over Carly Fiorina, lol, and we share the same basic political persuasion.

 

[IceSkatingPrincess]

Time spent on video games. 100%

 

[wilkeliza]

we don't fight often, but when we do it's typically because we were mid-conversation and I say something I consider harmless and non-provocational. He hears it differently than I intended and the next 30 minutes will be unpleasant until we get it straightened out. He drives me nuts because he will say both "I'm the one who said it so I know what I said" and "I'm the one who heard it, I know what I heard" -- which leaves very little room for ME to know what I said or what I heard ;p The double standard drives me insane. Luckily it is not frequent, and never over something that matters. Our last misunderstanding was over Carly Fiorina, lol, and we share the same basic political persuasion.

We have that issue as well. We decided couples therapy was a good thing for us so go every two weeks. We just have little fights here and there that seem to never be fully resolved. When this happened we were told that neither of us can negate what the other is saying. So while it was not the speakers intention for something to be taken completely different than said we can't stop the receiver from feeling that way. We are working on acknowledging the feeling that was stated while confirming the intent. It doesn't always work because future fiance has the same double standard your hubby seems to have so most times unless it is something big we let it go. He has gotten better at saying I'm sorry that x,y,z made you feel that way but it was not the intent of my statement. I'm getting better at it to. It is only big things like when he says "We need to be better at picking up after the dogs" and I'll snip back "No, you need to be better because I'm currently doing all I can" so once again the big fights seem to circle back to the dogs.

 

[JRawkSteady]

The only real thing my wife and I argue about is her odd spending habits...She's not the type to go out and buy jewelry or lavish things...she gets into these nerdy obsessions and HAS to buy shirts, mugs, etc of her latest obsession until she finally moves onto something else. Now, don't get me wrong, I have my own obsessions, but I don't spend the rent money on it. lol. It really adds up... but in the end, arguments are ridiculous, because it always ends with us laughing hysterically about something completely off-topic regardless.

 

[Andtototoo]

We used to argue a lot over house-related stuff. And then one day, I realized that for my dh it really was not about the color of the drapes or the seat back height of a chair. He was just arguing for the sake of arguing. Here I was listening and compromising and he didn't really care about any of it. And I was ending up with the wrong color drapes or a chair that was so big I felt like Alice. And since he hates the actual shopping, I was the one spending time and effort getting stuff I didn't like. So one day I realized what a stupid fool I was for trying to compromise and ending up getting stuff I don't like while doing all the work for it when he never compromised. It's not a compromise if the other person gives nothing. Duh. So I was done. I was done with the arguing and now I just buy for the house. If he doesn't like it, he's welcome to do the research and go out and shop. Since he won't do that, the problem was solved.

Same thing with choosing where to go for a restaurant meal. HAD to use a coupon or the world would end. I said enough of that on my freaking birthday one year when he wanted to go a restaurant to use a coupon and I HATE that restaurant. On my birthday. I looked at him and said, "I would rather eat alone at a restaurant I like than eat with you at a restaurant I don't like. Your choice." Over arguing about that issue too.

And really, that was symptomatic of a larger issue which was that he took advantage of my wililngness to compromise. Once I realized that (Slow learner, apparently), I stopped compromsing on almost everything. I'm a lot happier now, to be perfectly honest. Wish I'd done it a long time ago.

 

[PigletsPal2]

This man is clearly leading multiple lives, because I'm married to him too! But hey, maybe it would work out better if we were Sister Wives and could get some help around our houses with kids, carpooling, and all the chores and laundry that seem to never get done.

Sorry, threecrazykids, I don't share. Besides, I wouldn't be much help with the chores. My adult DDs do all my housework, cleaning, cooking, shopping, and chauffeuring and there are no kids to deal with - even my granddaughter is an adult. I'm only "allowed" to do my personal laundry. Wait, that's not true. I'm the family personal assistant, making necessary medical/dental appointments, researching travel itineraries, returning library books, making bank runs, arranging for car/home maintenance, and handling personal correspondence (birthday and holiday cards). I've also recently started a career as a free-lance book editors. This work is sporadic but labor-intensive. (My first book has just been published on Amazon. If anyone is interested in reading it, send me a PM and I'll send you the details.) So I guess I'm not as lazy as I thought I was!

Queen Colleen

 

[Pea-n-Me]

He has gotten better at saying I'm sorry that x,y,z made you feel that way but

This type of "apology" bugs me.

My first book has just been published on Amazon.

Congratulations, that's great!

 

[RedAngie]

We don't really argue about it, but we don't agree at all on the cause of us seemingly always being broke.

No, it's not because we went on vacation. It's because you make 1,000 small purchases of $15-20 each of things we don't really need, and you're bad at math so you don't even know you've spent that much. But, "I" know - I just keep quiet.

You must love DW very much. Great guy.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

You must love DW very much. Great guy.

I do! Very much! I also like living indoors, so I have multiple reasons to bite my tongue

 

[KimR]

The amount of time we spend together. This has been an ongoing thing since we were newlyweds, so I doubt it's going to change anytime soon. If I had to guess I'd say we spend about 5 or 6 hours a week together and that's without him traveling. We don't even really argue about it these days; it's more a matter of him pushing the envelope to see how far it can go before I get angry enough to ensure that the times we are together we are NOT engaging in the activity he'd most prefer.

 

[3Gsandme]

Money.

My mother said to NEVER argue about money, but it's just about the only thing we do argue about. Thankfully, we don't argue much, but if we do, it's about money.

 

[PolyAddict]

VAPE. VAPE. VAPE...the cost. the smell. the sound it makes (he sounds like Darth Vader)....i loathe it!

And to think, I used to hate the cigarette smell! Please bring it back! At least he went outside AND it was cheaper!

 

[TheIncredibles!]

His driving... We could be on a highway with nobody around and he'll do the exact speed limit, no more. Once we get into a bit of traffic he seems to think he's in a race with everybody, will start to go up to 80 mph and will pass people on the right. It's mind boggling. He won't let me drive when we're together because "It's a man thing". Ok whatever.

Grocery shopping... He's an idiot in the kitchen. Can't do anything except boil water and make sandwiches. He likes doing the shopping though which makes things interesting. I give detailed lists including brands and quantities, lay out my list according to the layout of the store to make it easy and he will every single week forget something (and tell me they didn't have any) or bring something totally different home or will "get an idea" and buy stuff that I can't do anything with. Several weeks ago he told me Shop Rite was out of bananas and all lettuce. REALLY? LOL

ETA: Oh and we also fight because he constantly leaves the room when I am trying to talk to him. I'll be telling him something about the kids or work or venting and he'll just walk out and go put his shoes away, or go in the kitchen to take his keys and wallet out and put on a shelf and yell "Keep talking - I can hear you". Then I just stop talking because I like talking to a person not the wall - lol. It goes downhill from there. I just want a few minutes of your time when you get home - give that to me then go take your shoes off and put your wallet away.