Stupid People Tricks

[ronandannette]

Does anybody remember this segment David Letterman used to do? I starred in my own episode last night.

Everybody who knows me knows I'm kind of a cheapskate - in weird, unnecessary ways. I really, really need a new silver evening bag because the one I've used for years (and LOVE!!) is falling apart. So I'm shopping for one yesterday and the one I like was $24 - weird cheapskate kicks in and I say to myself "$24?!? No way - I'll just fix my old one."

Fast-forward to 5 minutes after I'm already supposed to have left the house for a formal event last night. Picture me with the purse crazy-glued to one hand and the glue tube glued to the other. I screech for help and my DS comes running. His idea is to try acetone; he grabs a bottle of nail-polish remover and dumps it over both hands. I'm panicking and not thinking straight; within seconds the foil finish on the purse has dissolved, my manicure is obliterated and I still end up having to forcibly pull my skin away, taking a huge chunk out of my thumb. DH had to clumsily re-polish my nails (around the band-aid) and we end up arriving at the party almost an hour late with my lip-gloss, ID and bank card shoved in his suit pocket. We may laugh about this someday, but at this point it's too soon.

Can anybody make me feel a little less like the biggest goof in the world with a similar story?

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

Oh my goodness. I am sorry for your misfortune but have to confess that I have tears running down my face..... of laughter. Great story.

 

[DisneyOma]

I once made oatmeal cookies and forgot to add the oatmeal. Hope that makes you feel better

 

[mmouse37]

A friend stayed overnight and decided to make themselves a cup of tea in the morning which is fine, except they used my electric kettle and put it on the stove to heat up (like a regular kettle). Of course the whole bottom melted all over my stove.

MJ

 

[ronandannette]

A friend stayed overnight and decided to make themselves a cup of tea in the morning which is fine, except they used my electric kettle and put it on the stove to heat up (like a regular kettle). Of course the whole bottom melted all over my stove.

MJ

Yeah, that is bad. Thanks!

 

[kimblebee]

The first time I tried to make pancakes from scratch I misread the recipe and added 1/4 C salt instead of 1/4t. Not even just regular table salt, I used pickling salt. My baby brother took one bite and spit the whole thing out and started crying LOL

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

My first time cooking a turkey....I treated it like it was a chicken. 350, should be done in 3 hours. If it had been a 10 lb turkey, sure....but this was a mostly still frozen, 28 lb bird. It weighed more than my daughter did at that point. I left it...for another hour. The outside was burnt, the inside raw.

Also, I've made coffee (in many different machines) and forgot to put the cup or pot under the spigot more than once.

 

[ronandannette]

The first time I tried to make pancakes from scratch I misread the recipe and added 1/4 C salt instead of 1/4t. Not even just regular table salt, I used pickling salt. My baby brother took one bite and spit the whole thing out and started crying LOL

Wow! Pickling salt! I was watching one of my beloved cooking-competition shows today - Sugar Rush Holiday Edition. The contestants on there are always pro bakers of some sort, surely not kids trying things for the first time. One team got eliminated in the cupcake round because they used icing (powdered) sugar instead of flour. It was a crazy mistake for bakers of their skill level to make.

 

[Disney_Alli]

A friend stayed overnight and decided to make themselves a cup of tea in the morning which is fine, except they used my electric kettle and put it on the stove to heat up (like a regular kettle). Of course the whole bottom melted all over my stove.

MJ

My in-laws bought us an Instant Pot for Xmas last year and a couple short months later my husband was cooking in the Instant Pot with it sitting on the stove and accidentally bumped a knob and turned an element on under it... melting the bottom off our still basically brand new Instant Pot.

(Happy Ending - he took it back to Canadian Tire and said mea culpa and the manager took pity on him and replaced it for us)

 

[sam_gordon]

Mine was last night. I had to pull a pan out of the oven, take the top off, and stir the contents. So I put an oven mitt on my right hand, and take the top off. For some stupid reason, I decided to rotate the pot, and grabbed the handle with my left hand. Fortunately no blisters, but had some mild pain for about 30 minutes.

 

[ronandannette]

Mine was last night. I had to pull a pan out of the oven, take the top off, and stir the contents. So I put an oven mitt on my right hand, and take the top off. For some stupid reason, I decided to rotate the pot, and grabbed the handle with my left hand. Fortunately no blisters, but had some mild pain for about 30 minutes.

Yikes - burns are the worst. Glad you're doing OK.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I once tried to make Jello in one of these:
Apparently, you should never put hot water in a Tupperware shaker.

And Jello is very sticky...especially when it's all over your kitchen.

 

[mom2rtk]

I buy orange juice in a gallon pitcher. Before I pour it, I give it a good shake. For years I've been doing that. For some reason a couple weeks ago the top wasn't snapped shut. Oh my. Not a good start to the day. I check it very carefully before shaking now.

 

[hereyago]

This gem happened to me today.

I drive a work truck, all trucks are white and numbered and mine is a different make then the rest.

Well I almost got into what I thought was my truck because I forgot I parked a little further down.
Then the guy who's truck I almost got in busted out laughing and I did

 

[Nora03]

Ronanannette, buy yourself a new evening purse. Maybe try a thrift store. A few months ago I decided to make waffles, which we don’t make often. I mistakenly used corn starch instead of baking powder. Flour plus corn starch make very heavy tasteless waffles. Couldn’t figure out what was wrong as they didn’t rise much, until I looked in the cupboard and saw what I’d used. The cornstarch and baking powder were side by side on the shelf. I told my DH that we’d never speak of this again, and here I am talking about it on the Internet.

 

[Heather07438]

Ronanannette, buy yourself a new evening purse. Maybe try a thrift store.

Agree! You deserve it after that for sure.

Stupid person me last weekend:
This chilly time every year a couple of mice always try to sneak into my house. DH's job is to set the trap and mine is to remove them. 4am DH heard trap go off. Mouse caught only by one paw at the wrist. Later I wake up, not ready to deal so just cover him with a basket and make breakfast. Cleaning up and feeling bad about what's next, I decide to give mousey a last meal from the scraps, a potato and sausage and a capful of water. I give him 20 minutes to enjoy while I scour the web for the best method (wasn't pretty). OK, time to do this. Lift up the basket, HE'S GONE!!! Left the trap.

He nibbled much of the potato and sausage and drank every last drop in the cap. I gave him the strength to escape Poor thing has a mangle wrist tho. Not sure whether to laugh or cry

 

[ronandannette]

Agree! You deserve it after that for sure.

Stupid person me last weekend:
This chilly time every year a couple of mice always try to sneak into my house. DH's job is to set the trap and mine is to remove them. 4am DH heard trap go off. Mouse caught only by one paw at the wrist. Later I wake up, not ready to deal so just cover him with a basket and make breakfast. Cleaning up and feeling bad about what's next, I decide to give mousey a last meal from the scraps, a potato and sausage and a capful of water. I give him 20 minutes to enjoy while I scour the web for the best method (wasn't pretty). OK, time to do this. Lift up the basket, HE'S GONE!!! Left the trap.

He nibbled much of the potato and sausage and drank every last drop in the cap. I gave him the strength to escape Poor thing has a mangle wrist tho. Not sure whether to laugh or cry

You had me at "condemned mouse's last meal"...

 

[Ladyandthepuppies]

When I first started cooking I got ambitious and spent a fortune on fresh/fancy ingredients to make dinner for my bf. Idiot me did not know the difference between bulbs of garlic vs cloves of garlic so I added TWO BULBS instead of two cloves. Just the two bites we ate burnt our mouths and the next day my skin smelled like garlic. We had to throw the whole meal out.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

We may laugh about this someday, but at this point it's too soon.

Not for me it’s not.

A few months ago I wanted to order pizza online. I got the order together, entered all my address and credit card info and was all set to checkout, but I couldn’t find anywhere to put the tip. I didn’t have cash, so I couldn’t order the pizza unless I could do the tip electronically. I went back through all the pages and looked again, then went as far as calling the restaurant to explain that I needed to add the tip to the total before processing my card because I didn’t have cash. The gentleman on the other end kindly explained to me that I could pay by card and then the delivery driver would bring a little slip of paper with him where I could write in the amount I wished to tip, then they would add that to my total once he got back to the restaurant. I had forgotten how credit cards worked! I was mortified. I couldn’t even look at the driver when he showed up. Then I slunk back under my rock and ate my pizza.

 

[ronandannette]

When I first started cooking I got ambitious and spent a fortune on fresh/fancy ingredients to make dinner for my bf. Idiot me did not know the difference between bulbs of garlic vs cloves of garlic so I added TWO BULBS instead of two cloves. Just the two bites we ate burnt our mouths and the next day my skin smelled like garlic. We had to throw the whole meal out.

Don't feel bad - garlic has amazing health properties. You probably inadvertently super-charged your immune system for a month with those two bites alone.

Not for me it’s not.

A few months ago I wanted to order pizza online. I got the order together, entered all my address and credit card info and was all set to checkout, but I couldn’t find anywhere to put the tip. I didn’t have cash, so I couldn’t order the pizza unless I could do the tip electronically. I went back through all the pages and looked again, then went as far as calling the restaurant to explain that I needed to add the tip to the total before processing my card because I didn’t have cash. The gentleman on the other end kindly explained to me that I could pay by card and then the delivery driver would bring a little slip of paper with him where I could write in the amount I wished to tip, then they would add that to my total once he got back to the restaurant. I had forgotten how credit cards worked! I was mortified. I couldn’t even look at the driver when he showed up. Then I slunk back under my rock and ate my pizza.

Maybe your inner Canadian was trying to get out and you were subliminally rebelling against tipping somebody who was already being paid $17/hour to hand you a box through the doorway?
(I should probably say I'm kidding before the pro-tipping crowd hunt me down and mangle my other thumb. )