After IASW, everybody was ready for a break. DH ran off to the bathroom while the rest of us waited on/near a bench close by the IASW shop near the exit to that attraction. Being hard of hearing and too stubborn to buy hearing aids, Grandma half-shouted, "WHERE IS DH GOING?!" Don't worry, Grandma, he's just going to the bathroom.
"HE'S GOING WHERE? HOW COME HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING?"
1 of the kids shouted back, "HE WENT TO THE BATHROOM! HE DID SAY WHERE HE'S GOING! YOU JUST DIDN'T HEAR HIM! HE'LL BE RIGHT BACK!"
So I then ask the 3 of them if anybody needs to go to the bathroom. Kids say no. Grandma says, 'WHAT?!"
"DO YOU NEED THE LADIES ROOM? BECAUSE THERE'S ONE RIGHT OVER THERE!" (as I point to the bathrooms that are near the Mickey & the Magical Map theater)
This is how pretty much all of our conversations went the entire time. She has the hearing of the half-deaf grandma from that Christmas Vacation movie. Seriously.
With DH back from the bathroom, everybody asked Cruise Director here, "What are we doing next?" Here's how that hilarious conversation went:
me: Well, what do YOU guys want to do?
ODD: I'm hungry.
YDD: I'm tired. I want to sit.
DH: I don't care. My feet hurt.
Grandma: WHAT?
me: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NEXT? (shouting at Grandma)
Grandma: OH ANYTHING IS FINE!
DH: How about Peter Pan?
me: Not if you want to stand for 45 min. We need to get a wheelchair return time for that.
Grandma: BUT I DON'T HAVE A WHEELCHAIR
me: (gives long explanation about wheelchair/
scooter return times for Fantasyland rides) We can do that later
Grandma: OH OK!
ODD & YDD: (roll their eyes because they're so DONE with all of the shouting)
DH: I don't care.
me: How about Storybook Land Canal Boats?
Grandma: OK, THAT SOUNDS GOOD!
kids: No, that's boring. We don't want to do that.
DH: I dont' want to do anything right now.
me: Too bad, kids. That's what we're doing. The wait is 10 min. And Grandma wants to go on it. (then I quietly tell them so Grandma can't hear, "This will be the last time she ever comes to DL, so if she wants to go on the dang ride, 1 of us is going to take her on it.")
me: COME ON, GRANDMA, YOU & I ARE GOING ON STORYBOOK LAND CANAL BOATS!
Grandma: WHAT ABOUT EVERYBODY ELSE?
me: THEY DON'T WANT TO GO ON IT. THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE A BREAK.
Grandma: THEY DON'T? HOW COME?
me: IT'S TOO BORING!
If you're mentally exhausted just reading this, then congratulations because that's what it was like handling/wrangling Half Deaf & Half Blind Grandma all day at DL!
I personally really like Storybook Land Canal Boats. I doubt that Grandma could hear any of the CM's narration of it, though. I didn't care at that point.
After that ride, we met up with DH & the kids back near IASW. By this point, YDD & I now needed a bathroom, so we went to take care of that. Grandma must have had a strong bladder because she hadn't needed the facilities all morning so far. Plus, I was starting to get a little concerned because she wasn't drinking any water. And this is an insulin-dependent diabetic senior citizen we're talking about here. I reminded her a couple of times but she insisted that she was just fine.
So at that point, I thought, "Screw it. Nothing I can do at this point if she ends up in the hospital because of her own foolish decisions. First, she loses her ID. Then she practically plays bumper cars the whole time with her scooter. Then she runs over my kid's foot. And now she's refusing to drink. FORGET IT! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! THANK GOD I DON'T HAVE TO EAT LUNCH WITH HER AT THE BLUE BAYOU TODAY! AND THANK YOU, JESUS, FOR SEPARATE HOTEL ROOMS!"
We had a little time to kill before DH & Grandma had to check in for their 11:40 am lunch reservation at the Blue Bayou. ODD wanted to get a new bead for her Pandora bracelet and I know that the Pandora store is in New Orleans Square right near the Blue Bayou entrance. So we headed that way. Passed by the Mark Twain in Frontierland and I thought about maybe getting Grandma on that later that day or the next day (Monday). We kept having to stop & wait for Grandma & DH. Here's why....
The kids & I would walk slow (slower than we normally do at DL). 1 of us would periodically look behind us to make sure that Grandma hadn't veered off in the wrong direction (which happened often...she'd for some reason head another way...it was maddening sometimes). DH's coping mechanism all morning had been to stick ear buds in his ears and play a video game on his phone while walking...so he walked even slower than Grandma scootered in the Deathmobile.
SO IT TOOK FOREVER TO GET ANYWHERE AND IT DROVE THE KIDS AND I TOTALLY INSANE! AAAAARRRGGG!!!
The kids & I stopped by the petrified tree in Frontierland. The kids read the sign & thought that was interesting. Just as they were finishing up reading it, Grandma & DH caught up to us and Grandma shouted out, "WHAT'S THAT? IT LOOKS LIKE A TREE BUT IT'S A ROCK!"
No, Grandma, it's a petrified tree.
"OH, IT IS? BUT WHY IS IT THERE?"
So I explained.
Then DH said, "Are we going or what?"
Sure, slow poke, how about you go on ahead and we'll pass you on the way there! LOL!
So I told everybody where we were headed (the Pandora store). ODD picked out a really cute Lilo & Stitch bead. Grandma watched the whole financial transaction take place and didn't offer even to chip in to pay for part of ODD's Pandora bead. She never does any of the normal grandparent stuff. She's lucky that I felt charitable enough to go along with DH's crazy notion of bringing her to DL. One and done. That's it. On the drive home, DH blurted out, "Do you want to go again next year?" and Grandma said, of course, "YES!"
Let me just be very frank with y'all...that is never going to happen. Seriously. I can't handle it. The kids don't want to go with her ever again. In fact, the kids would like just a girls' trip some time. I think that I may invite my sister to go with us because that would be a fun girls' trip. DH can take Grandma by himself next time to DL, but that will never happen because he likes to have other people to help wrangle Grandma in. DH's sister (SIL) is the only smart one apparently and she thought we were totally crazy for doing this.
As you have seen so far, SIL was right!