Thoughts on inviting family members

[thr33boys]

I just made our reservation yesterday for Nov. I really wanted to go in Oct to see MNSSHP but I got vetoed by my crew. So this will be our 3rd xmas season trip (out of 3 trips). We are also downgrading from renting dvc points at AKL Jambo to staying at POR. I'm trying to get excited about this trip but am worried it won't be the trip I really want.

Anyway, I just had the idea of asking my sister if she and her family would like to join us. Both families have 3 boys and they are relatively close in age, just her youngest is a few years younger than mine. We don't live in the same city and they don't get to see each other often so I know the boys would be over the moon to 'run into' each other there.

The problem is, as much as I enjoy my sister's company. We have very different parenting styles. She's very lenient and I'm rather strict. I don't know if that would bother me so much that it might ruin it for me. I'm also worried that she'd see me as a babysitter and I'd be stuck with more than just my kids for a day. Lastly, my guys are thrill seekers and hers scare very easily. I don't even know of they'd go on the same rides. It would be great for dinner reservations and pool or Waterpark days but I'm not sure what else.

Sorry this is so long-winded. For those who have travelled with siblings and their families, did you enjoy it or regret it?

 

[Paigesmom2013]

My thought is invite her but explain how you tour and like to tackle the parks. Also, make sure she knows she's paying her own way and watching her own kids. (My family needs things spelled out very clearly or they take advantage and make assumptions.)
Personally, and I know this sounds mean, but Disney is too expensive to have my trip compromised. We can only go once every few years.

 

[Pinkos]

Def invite her. The memories will be worth it. HOWEVER make it clear you aren't doing every little thing together bc kids have different interests. I'm with pp, I wouldn't compromise my trip. But if u invite her with the suggestion of doing 3-4 ADRS together and a few waterpark days.

 

[jcjen519]

I would invite her for sure. I'd be clear with her upfront what your plans are and I'd let her know either ahead of time or when she asks that you won't be watching her kids. All you can do is set boundaries. I'm not sure how her parenting style would effect your trip, but even if it would you know you can't do anything about it.

Maybe, as pp suggested, make some plans together and then be on your own the rest of the time. enjoy

 

[elaine amj]

I'm very lenient and laid back and we travel frequently with another family who is super anal and strict. They parent their kids, we parent ours. We travel great together I do push my kids to follow more of their rules - e.g. stupid is not a swear word in my house (I use it - ppl arent stupid - but man we all do stupid things sometimes!) but it is in theirs. We do split up when needed and we are good at telling each other what we are interested in and what we are not.

 

[RMColosimo]

Went with my sister and her family. There were times where we went our separate ways, but the pictures and memories are worth it in my book. Also, same type of situation with kids ages, I have three Daughters, my sister has 2. Basically, when we were not having a child they were.

So - I say invite away, just be open and honest so no hurt feelings.

 

[Julylady]

I would suggest inviting her as long as you keep a good perspective. Can you see your parenting style as not better, but just different? Can you calmly state your preferences without being demanding? Can you work through a difference of opinion without getting defensive? Can the two families spend a day at the beach together without drama? Are you open to not doing some things you want to do to make a better trip for them? I would personally not invite another family to join us and then say "Oh, we really only want to meet up for meals." However, you also don't need to be connected 24/7.

I guess it comes down to whether you are willing to compromise your idea of the ideal trip to spend this time making great memories with your sister and her family. I have about 40 first cousins who live within 20 miles. I only regularly see 4 of them as an adult. They are not the four closest to me in age. Rather, they are all from the family we went on vacation with as kids. We built bonds on those trips that have lasted a lifetime.

 

[thr33boys]

Thanks for the replies.

In theory, I think it's a great idea but I really need to give it more thought before I mention the idea to my sister.

Things that could make this backfire are things like her 5 year old not being tall enough to ride a 48" inch that 4 of the other kids are going on. I can see this not going well. I also worry that because her kids don't like dark or scary rides (when her oldest was 8 he found IASM too dark ), my kids will decide not to do them and just stick to rides they will do together and miss out on rides they'd otherwise be excited for. Or either set of kids getting upset because it's time to separate and they won't want to.

I can live with our difference of parenting styles it's just hard to watch her give in when the kids whine because she doesn't want to deal with crying.

I would really love this to work and would jump on the chance if it was a win-win but this will be our last trip for a while and I have to consider everything.

Thanks again....still thinking

 

[Nancyg56]

I think that one of the best things you can do is to make your ow touring plans, with the option of meeting periodically during the day. It is not reasonable to expect your family to miss so many attractions in order to manage the feeling of one child, but it is understandable that the child would be upset. Best way to solve the problem is to make sure you have time just with your family.

As to different parenting styles, I don't see how you get around it other than to either ignore it or walk away while it is occurring. I would set the expectation that meals together will be a whine free zone. There is no way I would put up with meals ruined, but if her answer is to just give in, that is her issue. Warn her ahead that WDW is expensive if you do not develop a backbone and then let her figure out how to deal with it.

 

[elaine amj]

Another option is for you to take a longer trip and she take the shorter one. The family we travel with - they don't do rerides the way we do and their kids are quite a bit younger. One trip to a nearby amusement park, we went a day early and did all our big rides and crazy rerides then. The next day they joined us and we focused on what they wanted to do. DH and I even took turns babysitting their youngest so they could go with the bigger kids on the bigger rides.

 

[Bubblegum1286]

I just made our reservation yesterday for Nov. I really wanted to go in Oct to see MNSSHP but I got vetoed by my crew. So this will be our 3rd xmas season trip (out of 3 trips). We are also downgrading from renting dvc points at AKL Jambo to staying at POR. I'm trying to get excited about this trip but am worried it won't be the trip I really want.

Anyway, I just had the idea of asking my sister if she and her family would like to join us. Both families have 3 boys and they are relatively close in age, just her youngest is a few years younger than mine. We don't live in the same city and they don't get to see each other often so I know the boys would be over the moon to 'run into' each other there.

The problem is, as much as I enjoy my sister's company. We have very different parenting styles. She's very lenient and I'm rather strict. I don't know if that would bother me so much that it might ruin it for me. I'm also worried that she'd see me as a babysitter and I'd be stuck with more than just my kids for a day. Lastly, my guys are thrill seekers and hers scare very easily. I don't even know of they'd go on the same rides. It would be great for dinner reservations and pool or Waterpark days but I'm not sure what else.

Sorry this is so long-winded. For those who have travelled with siblings and their families, did you enjoy it or regret it?

I'm bringing my family (husband, 3 young children ages 6 and under) to DLR in June. We ended up inviting my mom and my grown brother along as well. We've never taken a large family vacation with them, and honestly I don't know that we could handle a trip like this without the help. But like you, we are very different from my mom. I've explained how we're going to doing things (how we do bedtimes, discipline, etc.). I certainly don't want them to feel like they're "tagging along," as they are investing a good deal of money on this trip as well, but I just want things to run smoothly. Honestly, I think the more the merrier- especially with family. But definitely draw your lines.

 

[cjparker0110]

When I was younger we would go to WDW at the same time as my aunt and her family. It was always fun. We stayed at different hotels usually (my parents love the CR and they love the Poly) and would get together for some of the time, but not all of it.

On our next trip, we have invited my sister-in-law to join us. It's not quite the same as your situation though. We will be traveling with 4 little ones (18months to 6 years old) and figure if we want to enjoy any rides together we need a helper. She is the favorite aunt of my current 3 and 4 year old so I figure she'll be a familiar face for the littlest ones at that time, too! We'll do the child swap stuff to make sure that we all get to ride and she'll get to experience WDW for her first time.

I think inviting family is wonderful! I would suggest bringing it up to her and see if they are game for a trip. Then strategize. Will you want to spend all of the time together? Or will you guys want to spend a couple of days together and a couple apart? Maybe you could do the same parks each day but set it up so that some of the time you are all together (to do the not so thrilling rides) and some time you are apart (so you can go on the funner rides with your kids). Perhaps both of you can take some time to watch each others kids. Maybe you take hers for a half day and she takes yours for a half day. This give some kid free time to both of you. I wouldn't worry about parenting style differences. Your children know what you expect of them and hers know what she expects. Keep and eye on your kids and don't worry about how hers are behaving (unless it is negatively affecting your kids behavior). Remember that there will be TONS of other parents with various levels of discipline for their kids as well. You will see everything there.

I say go for the memories!!!

 

[disneyjes]

I personally do not like going on vacation with extended family. Don't get me wrong, I love the memories. However, my family has to have things THEIR way or they are in a mood for the rest of the trip. I don't want to be stressed on vacation, lol.

I think it all really depends on the family dynamic. You could always say that you want to plan 1-2 things to do together each day during the trip and the rest of the time split up. Good luck!

 

[tjcrabb]

I definitely agree with everyone else in talking about expectations before hand. It will save a lot of drama in the long run. I will be going to WDW in november with all of my sisters and their families for a total of 13 of us. We have already said that there is no obligation for any of us to stick with each other. The plan so far is to do the same parks together but one day some of us will go to universal and the rest will go to the beach. I am sure there will be the occasional issue particularly since I do not have children or a spouse but a BIL that thinks I am a nanny. I don't mind helping out but this is my vacation too. As long as you have set boundaries they will have a blast together!

 

[Bella749]

One year my family took a trip with my parents, my sister and her husband, my brother and his family and my sister in laws parents. 10 adults and 4 kids total. We pretty much went our separate ways, but would meet up to ride certain rides together and for lunch. We only did 1 Table Service Restaurant together. My family and I had a really good time. I don't think we would have had such a great time though if all 10 of us were constantly together since we all had different things we wanted to do or see.

 

[dprincessmom]

We travel with my sister and her grown girls. I am younger than her by 10 years so there is a wide age range in the girls (mine is now 11; hers are 23 and 27 you get the idea). We did run into a situation on DD's 1st trip where she wasn't tall enough and we had our only WDW melt down but we survived.

If you are thinking about it, go for it. She may turn you down. I typically end up planning our entire trip and we are all ok with saying we need a little pool time or just people watching time. Now if we ever get the whole family there at the same time, I think we would have to go for meals and maybe evening entertainment together only because there are so many factors to consider.

Also, I think you will love POR. It is home when we visit and it is amazing.

 

[SandyinMonterey]

My father used to say, "if you have to think about it that much, than you shouldn't do it."

 

[Skatergirl98]

Bad idea. Last september i went with my mom, dad and little brother.we have been here numerous times before and were usually up to go to rope drops. my grandparents and aunt and grant pa decided to tag along.(just to be clear...they have never been to WDW before) so when we get there they are stuck to us like glue. they wanted to sleep in and eat brunch and go to the parks and ride for two hours and then head back to the hotel to nap before dinner. my mom and i thought that they would go and do their own thing until it came to when we had dinner reservations and we would just meet up where ever we were eating that night. the last couple of days were better because they were starting to get the feel of things and the four of us had family time that we needed. Even though it sounds like a bad trip, it really was not. i got to do all the things i wanted to do as well as shopped in Downtown Disney. but if i had the choice, i would just go with the four of us and not take a whole group.
Hope this helps.

 

[midnightlouise]

I don't see myself doing it, but you know your family. We've traveled with my oldest nephew, who is 15, and we regularly travel with my Mom and childless sister (and now her fiance) but my boys are 11 and 15 and they're pretty go with the flow kinda guys. My family is also content to let me plan things, and we do generally tend to hang out together because we all pretty much want to do the same things. Although we discuss everything up front, so there are no surprises going into it.

IMO, it's totally going to depend on everyone's expectations, as well as their personalities. I know right now I could never go to Disney with my middle sister and her youngest in tow. We'd be pulling our hair out before the end of day 1.

 

[Jing]

My father used to say, "if you have to think about it that much, than you shouldn't do it."

100%

There is already enough planning involved with Disney without the additional stress of planning to avoid potential family drama. The kids can meet up for fun times and pictures in much lower-stakes environment. Besides, inviting them? Disney is not an invite-only kind of place, lol. Based on your posts, the most I would do is casually mention you are going to WDW in November and leave it there.