Tired of being fat

[theMoreDisneytheBetter]

I apologize now but I’m feeling sad today and just needed to vent.

I was heavy for a long time, but managed to lose weight when I got married (years ago), and then aside from when I was pregnant managed to stay within about 5 lbs of that for quite a while. When the pandemic hit I gained weight again (like many people), but started exercising more and actually saw a bit of improvement. The greatest strides came from cardiovascular health, which for me was huge.

Fast forward a year or so and return to office was announced. I immediately stopped all exercise (my hatred of commuting is well documented here) and gained a bunch of weight back.

I tried hiring a coach which didn’t do anything, tried paying for expensive diet food, and kept both a gym and peloton membership but has worked. I’m feeling depressed that none of my clothing fits, I have fat rolls everywhere, and looking at photos of myself (I’m working on the family Christmas book) just makes me want to cry. At home I spend most of my days in my husband’s XL clothing or leggings because my jeans are a nightmare. I’m also intimidated about getting back into peloton because I have lost so much vs where I was. Now after many weeks of diet food and actually gaining weight I don’t want to keep throwing good money after bad.

I don’t know how to change my mindset and actually start to see improvement. Work has been HORRENDOUS lately so the thought of doing anything more just isn’t going to happen.

How have you motivated yourself to make positive changes in your life? The coach didn’t help at all, but I’m hoping this board might.

 

[piccolopat]

You're right in that unless your mind is in the right place to lose weight, nothing will work. I lost 130 pounds on WW before the pandemic but gained back 30ish. Getting my mind back on track has been the hardest part. It's really about choosing a healthier lifestyle rather than focusing solely on losing weight. Diet food can be nothing but crap. I suggest eating what you really enjoy but reduce your portion sizes to control calories. Drink plenty of water especially right before meals or when you *think* you're hungry. Be especially mindful of snacking due to boredom or emotions. I lost my initial weight without exercise and am just starting to do that now at Planet Fitness so I know you can lose without getting to the gym. I understand the exhaustion that comes from commuting (before I retired, it was 2 1/2 hours EACH WAY!) and as a result there is little time to focus on getting healthy. I will tell you that feeling better about yourself is worth more than eating that extra whatever. Good luck!

 

[toesmom]

What worked for me was a visit to the doctor to see the weight on the scale and the doctor tell me how this affected my health. It triggered me to eat small portions, snack only on really low cal snacks, prepare veggie and fruit snacks through the day. Hard boiled eggs for breakfast, herbal tea in the evening to help keep me less hungry, and lots of cut up vegetables, apples. Lean cuisine meals otherwise. And Slimfast shakes with frozen fruit. Water. And trying to walk a little. But it really started with going to the doctor and having him tell me I need to be get healthy. Nothing else really worked for me. Start with small things. It's tough, but the fact that you are making the statement that you are sick of it, is great starting point. Try to go for 1 hour walk every day, cut down food portions, snack on vegetables and fruit. Good luck. And the exercise is good for mental health too.

 

[Praying Colonel]

I've yo-yo'd a lot over the years. I just have those kinds of genes where I look at a piece of cake and gain 2 pounds. I have to be on it like a hawk to see appreciable loss and maintenance.

The motivation to be on it like a hawk is going to vary from person to person. Right now I'm motivated--DW and I are geographically separated (we still see each other as much as we can), and I'm looking at this alone time as a time I have no distractions/excuses and I can just work on me. But I'm also realistic and look at my history, and I can't say if it will last.

Currently I'm having good success with entering everything I eat into My Fitness Pal, weighing every day and exercising at least 30 minutes 5 days/week. The daily discipline keeps me in line, and the loss keeps me motivated. YMMV--hang in there.

 

[Christine]

I probably don't have any advice or words that you don't already know by heart. Just to say that I've been where you are and the loathing is HORRIBLE. Having said that, I've never been terribly overweight, but definitely enough overweight that things don't look great, nothing fits right in the store, I don't feel good, etc. I know how to lose it and keep it off; however, it doesn't take much to upset the balance in my world. Just before the pandemic I was probably at my highest weight. Then we were sent home to telework 100% and I think in another 6 weeks I put on another 5 lbs. I finally got to that loathing part and said enough was enough. But I had to be in the right state of mind. Unlike you, I was pretty much unable to exercise. I had a collapsed foot/arch so there was no running/jogging like I used to, and with all the gyms closed, no chance of using a machine that would make my foot happy.

Knowing this statement was very true: "Weight loss happens in the kitchen" I figured that I could at least focus on my food. I managed to lose about 15 pounds (which was almost 10% of my weight) relatively quickly. Sure, the first 3 weeks were tough as I had to adjust to eating on demand to eating only what I needed. Set my calories at about 1500 and, even at age 56 at the time, it worked. I felt so good. Kept it off for several months and then I went to the beach and ate. Then it was Thanksgiving and I ate,. Then it was Christmas and I ate. After several months of that and the weight creeping back up, I got hold of myself and again, got the weight back down. No exercise. I went into foot surgery in 2021 determined to keep my weight off. By I had 8 weeks of non-weight bearing, nothing to do. So over the course of that and the following summer, I put back on nearly most of what I lost. AGAIN, I had to scale back. But now I could exercise. Things were opening up and I could get to the gym.

So the gym has made a difference. I probalby get to eat about 150-200 calories more than I did when not exercising. But it's not "the answer." It really all comes down to my eating. We never burn as much as we think during exercise, but for sure it has its benefits mentally and metabolically.

Like you, I've returned to work and the commute is horrendous. My ability to exercise has been cut in half. My biggest enemy is "all or nothing" thinking and I have to fight it.

For instance, maybe I can't exercise 5 days a week anymore, but I can exercise at least 2 days a week. Or maybe I can get a third day in on just ONE of my commuting days. Maybe. But 2 days is better than ZERO days.

As for food, I don't know what sort of "diet" food you have ordered. But it's really all about portion control. Get on MyFitnessPal or any other app and figure out what your allowance is a sedentary person. It won't be much I'm sure. But try to come close to it every day and allow yourself a day to relax on the diet. Don't gorge, but go out for a nice meal, or have a pizze, or get an ice cream. Whatever, so you have something to look forward to and you don't envision your life as a food desert. Don't worry about the exercise right now. Just focus on your eating and eating less. Once you drop a pound or two it will do wonders for your mind and you will start to feel better. Once that happens, generally your hold viewpoint changes. Just take small steps back to where you were.

Believe me, I know how hard it is when you are working full-time far from your home. Are you allowed any telework? We get some days and on those days, I make sure I get the gym time in so that on my commuting days I don't have to if I don't feel like it.

But anyway, I know how you feel and it's an awful feeling. I hate when I slide back to the weight gain. Nothing fits and I feel very uncomfortable.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You sound quite stressed Cortisol is going to counteract your strides in exercise. And so will all your negative feelings because you can only concentrate on them.

I'd stop trying the other things and work first on getting your stress levels down, get yourself more at peace in general, not at peace with being a certain weight or anything like that but just at peace with yourself. You're trying to tackle the problem without tackling how you feel.

Can you start fresh by taking a walk here and there at work? Just remove yourself from the environment for a bit, on a break walk around especially outside if the weather allows it. One of the best things I could do when at the insurance company was get the heck out of the office to walk. In rainy or winter times on my break I would walk around the underground parking garage, not ideal but I just needed to stop being around cubicles and phone calls for a bit. In good weather I would walk around the office park outside.

You don't have to jump on the bike now, just take a walk here and there to start with, build back up your mood and stamina.

While I have no idea if it's possible you could see if hybrid is feasible to you, gaining a day or two at home may not initially help you exercise back to the other levels but may help you give yourself more time to do small things here and there.

 

[JMommyof3]

I apologize now but I’m feeling sad today and just needed to vent.

I was heavy for a long time, but managed to lose weight when I got married (years ago), and then aside from when I was pregnant managed to stay within about 5 lbs of that for quite a while. When the pandemic hit I gained weight again (like many people), but started exercising more and actually saw a bit of improvement. The greatest strides came from cardiovascular health, which for me was huge.

Fast forward a year or so and return to office was announced. I immediately stopped all exercise (my hatred of commuting is well documented here) and gained a bunch of weight back.

I tried hiring a coach which didn’t do anything, tried paying for expensive diet food, and kept both a gym and peloton membership but has worked. I’m feeling depressed that none of my clothing fits, I have fat rolls everywhere, and looking at photos of myself (I’m working on the family Christmas book) just makes me want to cry. At home I spend most of my days in my husband’s XL clothing or leggings because my jeans are a nightmare. I’m also intimidated about getting back into peloton because I have lost so much vs where I was. Now after many weeks of diet food and actually gaining weight I don’t want to keep throwing good money after bad.

I don’t know how to change my mindset and actually start to see improvement. Work has been HORRENDOUS lately so the thought of doing anything more just isn’t going to happen.

How have you motivated yourself to make positive changes in your life? The coach didn’t help at all, but I’m hoping this board might.

First off, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. The past 2 years have been difficult for a lot of us and you aren't alone in your feelings. My motivation is wanting to set a positive example for my kids AND wanting to feel good about how I look for me. I also give myself "rewards" for hitting goals I set for myself.

Start with baby steps whether it's a small change in diet, drinking more water, trying a change in routine. Regarding the Peloton, I feel that too. For me, I try to get at least 30 minutes a day in. Some days I can do as much as 2 hours (bike, walk/run, strength) and others it's a 10 minute stretch or meditation. What really helps me is finding my favorite instructors and letting that inspire you. There are a lot of FB groups that are centered toward motivation/accountability if that is your speed. Sounds silly, but it's also helpful to find cute workout clothes. I put on my workout clothes right when I wake up and that motivates me to work out. Lastly, don't be so hard on yourself if you don't hit your goals but just know you can try again tomorrow.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Once you drop a pound or two it will do wonders for your mind and you will start to feel better.

Speaking to this I had to actually retrain my mind. Losing a pound or two but then gaining it back say when I'm on my period and bloated or some days I'm on the scale and I'm 3lbs heavier, it was hard to remind myself that your body fluctuates on a daily and also during the day basis (a reason they suggest to weigh in the morning consistently).

It can be really hard to maintain a positive mindset if you see that minor reduction and then weigh yourself next and you're more. So I just remind myself it's not really about the small weight drops but my overall progress not just in weight but how my body feels, the joints, etc. I have to keep thinking forward, for me personally if I don't, I know I'll lose my motivation. I cannot personally focus just on pounds I'll get too fixated on that and too defeatist on the days I fluctuate.

 

[DLgal]

Don't worry about exercise now. Focus on weight loss first and then add in the exercise when you get to your goal weight, to maintain the weight loss.

An easy way to lose weight as a middle aged woman is to eat 1400-1500 calories per day. No more. Log your food and err on the side of overestimating food calories (round up).

Stop eating ultra processed food. Eat more "real" food, as close to their natural state as possible. You will see results from this, but if you really don't, go see a nutritionist for further help. Have your doctor rule out thyroid issues if you feel your weight gain is not in line with what you are eating.

 

[Christine]

Speaking to this I had to actually retrain my mind. Losing a pound or two but then gaining it back say when I'm on my period and bloated or some days I'm on the scale and I'm 3lbs heavier, it was hard to remind myself that your body fluctuates on a daily and also during the day basis (a reason they suggest to weigh in the morning consistently).

It can be really hard to maintain a positive mindset if you see that minor reduction and then weigh yourself next and you're more. So I just remind myself it's not really about the small weight drops but my overall progress not just in weight but how my body feels, the joints, etc. I have to keep thinking forward, for me personally if I don't, I know I'll lose my motivation. I cannot personally focus just on pounds I'll get too fixated on that and too defeatist on the days I fluctuate.

One positive of menopause--your weight no longer takes those wild swings (at least mine doesn't anymore). I'm *really* quite steady these days. So I do get what you're saying. For me, even back then, after I'd have close to 3 weeks of eating well and I'd see a downward trend on the scale, it was very motivating. I did learn to just tell myself during my menstrual cycle that there would be that one week where I'd go up a bit and then, whoosh, it'd go away. Once you know what your body does, you can get over that feeling of the water weight swing.

 

[Magical2017]

Everyone is different. For me, diets do not work. I joined WW. I have lost and kept off 70 lbs. I did add in some exercise. I prefer walking but do other forms of exercise now that my back pain is gone. I am also no longer pre-diabetic and do not have high cholesterol.

WW does not work for everyone. I look at it a a lifestyle choice. I still have pizza or something like that every week and use my points for it. Instead of eating an entire bag of chips I will have a yogurt and berries or a slice of 6-4-7 bread with a T of peanut butter. It is common sense, really, but putting in the points helps me. If just common sense worked for me I would not have had 70 lbs to lose.

I do not go to in person meetings (hate that) and don't use the digital coaches, but I do post in the Connect community (WW board in their app) and find motivation there. Also, DH did it with me for awhile so we totally changed the way we cooked. For some, WW is awful and they hate it. Find what works for you.

eta: I am 54 and have gone through menopause.

 

[DisneyOma]

I know it might not be possible, but if work is making you stressed and not able to feel at your best, then maybe look at working someplace else?

 

[wenrob]

You're right in that unless your mind is in the right place to lose weight, nothing will work. I lost 130 pounds on WW before the pandemic but gained back 30ish. Getting my mind back on track has been the hardest part. It's really about choosing a healthier lifestyle rather than focusing solely on losing weight. Diet food can be nothing but crap. I suggest eating what you really enjoy but reduce your portion sizes to control calories. Drink plenty of water especially right before meals or when you *think* you're hungry. Be especially mindful of snacking due to boredom or emotions. I lost my initial weight without exercise and am just starting to do that now at Planet Fitness so I know you can lose without getting to the gym. I understand the exhaustion that comes from commuting (before I retired, it was 2 1/2 hours EACH WAY!) and as a result there is little time to focus on getting healthy. I will tell you that feeling better about yourself is worth more than eating that extra whatever. Good luck!

All of this. “Diet food” is a crock. Find ways to make what you like to eat lower calorie or eat less of it. Start slow, one piece of cheese instead of two, an open face sandwich using one piece of bread, butter one side or your roll instead of both, two cookies instead of three. These little subtractions create a nice little deficit. When you move on to making things a little lighter, don’t tell your family, they’ll never know. I stopped putting cheese on every layer in my lasagna a decade ago and they’ve never noticed. Also pump up your meals with veggies. I’ll toss broccoli and spinach in just about anything. The biggest thing I learned when I lost all my weight is I don’t need to feel “full” just satisfied. If I feel stuffed I’ve eaten way too much.

I feel you on the getting back into the groove. I maintained an 89 pound weight loss for more than a decade but am currently carrying 20lbs of pandemic/depression weight. I know how to lose it and exactly what I need to do it’s just getting myself in the right mindset again.

As for exercise I’ve lost/maintained with and without. Weight loss mainly happens in the kitchen. Why we are designed to forget how good it makes us feel I’ll never know. It’s a mood booster, I feel better about myself and I sleep better when I exercise. Start with 10 mins and work your way up again.

The thing people fail to realize about weight loss is it’s the little changes that add up that make it easier to maintain. Most people go all in with huge cuts and tons of exercise and that’s just not sustainable in the long run. For years I’ve been asked “What’s your secret” and I say, “I eat what I want, just less of it.” People don’t want to hear that, they want a quick fix. There isn’t one.

Wow, that was a lot. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Good luck, you got this.

 

[JodyLynC]

Talk to your doctor about getting on a weight loss prescription such as Wegovy, Saxenda, Ozempic, and more. After decades of battling my weight, I joined a Weight Management program at my local Medical Center. With their nutrition and exercise advice, I lost 10 pounds then stalled. I was then referred to a Weight Mgmt doctor who gave me some pharmaceutical options. I chose one and lost 40 more pounds. If you do decide to go this route, look for some support groups on Facebook. They will be frank about possible side effects and how to manage them.

 

[focusondisney]

I apologize now but I’m feeling sad today and just needed to vent.

I was heavy for a long time, but managed to lose weight when I got married (years ago), and then aside from when I was pregnant managed to stay within about 5 lbs of that for quite a while. When the pandemic hit I gained weight again (like many people), but started exercising more and actually saw a bit of improvement. The greatest strides came from cardiovascular health, which for me was huge.

Fast forward a year or so and return to office was announced. I immediately stopped all exercise (my hatred of commuting is well documented here) and gained a bunch of weight back.

I tried hiring a coach which didn’t do anything, tried paying for expensive diet food, and kept both a gym and peloton membership but has worked. I’m feeling depressed that none of my clothing fits, I have fat rolls everywhere, and looking at photos of myself (I’m working on the family Christmas book) just makes me want to cry. At home I spend most of my days in my husband’s XL clothing or leggings because my jeans are a nightmare. I’m also intimidated about getting back into peloton because I have lost so much vs where I was. Now after many weeks of diet food and actually gaining weight I don’t want to keep throwing good money after bad.

I don’t know how to change my mindset and actually start to see improvement. Work has been HORRENDOUS lately so the thought of doing anything more just isn’t going to happen.

How have you motivated yourself to make positive changes in your life? The coach didn’t help at all, but I’m hoping this board might.

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time. I can’t help with any specific tips because I’m not good at it myself. But I can say stress & lack of sleep can really wreak havoc with your metabolism. It always sounds cliche but studies show not getting enough sleep does effect your weight. Adults really do need 7- 8 hours of sleep a night. Have you had a physical lately to make sure there isn’t anything else going on, like thyroid issues?

My DH had a terrible diet, would drink 3 (or more) cokes a day, sugared cereal, lots of salt, 5 cookies in the evening & candy whenever. Now he has high blood pressure & type 2 diabetes. So he was highly motivated. It helps he’s is now semi retired, only working 2 days a week in a much less stressful job then he had before. He stopped using table salt at all, which for him is huge. He also cut way back on all the Coke, drinks water with dinner every night, switched to tomato juice & unsweetened cereal from OJ & sugared cereals. He still has some snacks, but has cut down by more than half what he used to have. He has been walking 4-5 times a week, about 2.5 miles each time. So far he’s lost about 17 pounds.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

One positive of menopause--your weight no longer takes those wild swings (at least mine doesn't anymore). I'm *really* quite steady these days. So I do get what you're saying. For me, even back then, after I'd have close to 3 weeks of eating well and I'd see a downward trend on the scale, it was very motivating. I did learn to just tell myself during my menstrual cycle that there would be that one week where I'd go up a bit and then, whoosh, it'd go away. Once you know what your body does, you can get over that feeling of the water weight swing.

For the OP it's clear they are feeling the mental weight of the scale and while there can be motivation in losing weight (and there should be) there can be a hard crash if you don't keep losing the weight and at the same rate as initially which depending on someone's weight can be a lot in the beginning. Accepting that there would be blips (and I was just using my period as a personal example but the reason could be endless.

A lot talk with the industry is about how you'll feel when you lose the weight but the other side of either not losing at the same pace or fluctuating up and down is rarely talked about and it's not hard to find how people often feel like they did something wrong that they didn't work hard enough, eat enough right food, didn't eat at enough of a calorie deficit, etc. Your weight fluctuates without changing what you're doing too. Your height is best observed in the morning same as your weight, it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

I def. agree it's powerful seeing the number on the scale adjust downward but it's equally powerful in the complete opposite way seeing the numbers creep back up. Stress, depression, defeatist feelings, etc all can come back. Not until you accept that it's okay to have those blips. I didn't realize this was something that could happen to me when I started my "I've got to be more active" thing last spring until I started reading story after story after story of people. It made me prepared for it and I could learn to adjust my thinking. Just something I thought was worth bouncing off your comment with

 

[wenrob]

Also, don’t try to be perfect. Most of us have this guilt cycle with food. It’s just food. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying it. If you eat too much, you didn’t mess up. Get that mentality out of your head. Simply eat less the next meal. Think of your calorie budget like a bank- if I spend this much here, I need to spend less here and I’m going to do my very best not to overdraw. Do NOT punish yourself if you go over, just move on.

 

[leahgoogle]

I'm so sorry! The struggle is real. Getting thyroid, sex hormones and adrenals checked could help. Stop the Thyroid Madness website has such good information. The "normal" lab ranges given are not necessarily the ideal levels. Seeing where your levels are at will help you determine the next step diet-wise. For example, you don't want to severely calorie-restrict if your adrenal hormones or thyroid hormones are out of whack. That will make your body hold onto weight thinking your food supply is scarce. Keto is very successful, but best started if your thyroid and adrenals are in the proper range. I would stay away from meds that promote weight-loss until you see if there is an underlying hormone cause. Those meds can have terrible side-effects. Also, I am not sure how old you are, but perimenopause hormone ups and downs are horrible! The belly fat from that is real! Until you can work out some underlying causes, eliminating processed food and focusing on whole foods won't hurt.

 

[emer95]

Intermittent fasting is what worked for me! I had put on a few pounds when Covid began and it was very difficult for me to lose it. I used the app Zero (free) to track my fasts. It’s free, no crazy weird foods, and it’s surprisingly easy. The app helped keep me motivated.

 

[DisneYE]

I apologize now but I’m feeling sad today and just needed to vent.

I was heavy for a long time, but managed to lose weight when I got married (years ago), and then aside from when I was pregnant managed to stay within about 5 lbs of that for quite a while. When the pandemic hit I gained weight again (like many people), but started exercising more and actually saw a bit of improvement. The greatest strides came from cardiovascular health, which for me was huge.

Fast forward a year or so and return to office was announced. I immediately stopped all exercise (my hatred of commuting is well documented here) and gained a bunch of weight back.

I tried hiring a coach which didn’t do anything, tried paying for expensive diet food, and kept both a gym and peloton membership but has worked. I’m feeling depressed that none of my clothing fits, I have fat rolls everywhere, and looking at photos of myself (I’m working on the family Christmas book) just makes me want to cry. At home I spend most of my days in my husband’s XL clothing or leggings because my jeans are a nightmare. I’m also intimidated about getting back into peloton because I have lost so much vs where I was. Now after many weeks of diet food and actually gaining weight I don’t want to keep throwing good money after bad.

I don’t know how to change my mindset and actually start to see improvement. Work has been HORRENDOUS lately so the thought of doing anything more just isn’t going to happen.

How have you motivated yourself to make positive changes in your life? The coach didn’t help at all, but I’m hoping this board might.

For me it was years ago when my doc told me my high blood pressure level was due to my weight & lack of exercise.
And that it could like to heart failure, that I needed to lose weight asap. - That was the wake up call for me.
I started analyzing what was I doing wrong. And it was 4000+ calories a day, lots of soda, lots of sugar.
I lost almost 1/3 of my weight in a year by doing something simple: I cut my calorie intake to 1000 calories a day, reduced soda and sugars by 90% & started walking. Started walking 1/2 a mile a day, and now I'm up to 10 miles/day.
Once I got to my desired weight, I upped my calorie intake to 2000-2500 a day, which keeps the weight steady.

If you're gaining weight it means you're taking more calories than you're burning.
Depending on your height, go to 1000-1500 a day and you'll start seeing your weight come down slowly.
Also walk a bit, increase your distance every 15 days or so. Once you do 2-3 miles a day, with the reduced calorie intake you'll lose 2-3 lbs a month, guaranteed.
If you do 800-1200 calories, you might lose 5 lbs or more a month. You don't have to stop eating carbs or meats, just cut down on your overall intake.

Do this and see what happens. If you don't see you lost weight after a month, try something else.
But do this for a month, you have nothing to lose other than eating less, and a few pounds...you'll be motivated and willing to continue with the strategy. Once you get to your desired weight after a few months, go back to 2000 cals/day.

Best of luck, rooting for ya. And keep us updated on here.