Tired of being fat

[RamblingMad]

Find an activity you actually like. This is the one where I struggle the most, because I enjoy hiking and being outdoors but live in kind of a wasteland as far as that goes. Good trails with nice scenery, not a ton of (car) traffic or roads to cross, and a good "vibe" for lack of a better word just don't exist nearby. I can walk on noisy sidewalks next to constant streams of cars, or I can walk the one flat, boring rails-to-trails path through the cornfields on the edge of town. When I'm traveling, I think nothing of walking for miles around city streets or hiking up mountain paths, but drop me in the car-centric world of home and I'll be right there, driving to the corner store like everyone else. I have a gym membership but a treadmill is no substitute for being outdoors, and I really haven't found something I enjoy enough to make being active an enjoyable part of my routine rather than a chore. And I know that's the key. I lost 25lbs over 6 weeks of national parks road tripping in 2019, 20lbs over a month in Alaska in 2021, and almost 20lbs over a month in Europe this past summer... but each time, I've gained about half of that loss back after coming home (I am still 26lbs down from my May 2019 starting weight) because on vacation, 30K+ steps per day is just part of the fun while at home just getting to my 10K goal is sheer drudgery.

Sounds like home is unhealthy. Have you thought about moving to a place, where you can be outdoors more? I had too. I'm far more happy and healthy because of it.

 

[mrodgers]

My weight really got out of control with switching jobs because in my old job I walked miles every day, and then I switched to a desk job where I sit for 8-10 hours per day.

Caught this in another quote. Active at work doesn't help me at all. I walk, climb ladders, climb and hang on the equipment itself usually one foot, arm hooked around a pipe, and stretching somewhere with a wrench so I get lots of stretching in along with dragging 125 lb sacks of material across the floor, carrying 40 lb bags of material on the shoulder up steps, up and down and up and down and up and down on a forklift... And yet no one is squeezing through the doorway if I don't want them to,

 

[mrodgers]

I NEVER see the choice of bariatric surgery as an easy way out or lazy. NEVER! Take that thought right out of your head. It is a brave choice! It is NOT easy!

I absolutely agree with you. It takes some you know whats to decide to do that.

I however believe it is a very bad choice. You still have to do the same thing, eat less, except now you absolutely can not... Except every person, every single one I know who's done it, lost incredible weight and eventually slowly increased what they were eating until they were eating same as previous and all are back to where they were. I don't know a single person after time that it was successful.

 

[Aishaahm]

I can throw out a few things that worked for me in a similar situation.

1-I looked into my health benefits to see if there were any health/fitness perks. I found a program call The Real Appeal (UHC plans). It is more of a lifestyle program supporting changes that are lasting. Also, my company pays for the Peloton app which I use with non-peloton equipment.

2- I thought about Disney- how would I feel if I went to Disney right now, could I handle the walking to and fro, could I comfortably fit into the ride vehicles, would I be able to enjoy myself and have the right amount of energy? Will I like my castle pics?

3- I checked my labs- believe it or not I asked my PCP to check my labs because I was hitting a road block with motivation and I wanted to make sure my “I’m tired of workouts,” wasn’t a thyroid or anemia issue. Sure enough my iron reserves were a 6! * For reference normal is 16-100+. Have been on iron (ferrous bisglyconate doesn’t hurt the tummy) since then.

4- I stopped making big goals and celebrated small ones- first goal was do 30 minutes of MOVEMENT. Then I moved it up to 3 times a week. I did nature walks, bike rides or other Peloton classes that had music to suite my mood. I told myself this was my “adult version of playtime.” Kids go to the park, climb, slide, run, jump, bike and NEVER call it EXERCISE OR WORKING OUT. So I changed my mindset to movement instead of goal-focused fitness.

5- I acknowledged the cardiovascular benefits and MENTAL HEALTH benefits as I began to see/feel them.

6- I use My Fitness Pal to track calories. I can’t lie to myself. So if I don’t want to log 6 sea salt dark chocolate caramels, I don’t eat 6 sea salt dark chcoclate caramels, but I will have 2-4 some days and that’s ok!

7- I still eat sweets almost every day. I have learned that 2 fun sized hersheys or 1/2 a smallcake cupcake are sometimes all I need and I try to savor instead of inhaling them because I have to log these babies into my calorie count!

8- I don’t wiegh- it’s a number and as other people mentioned it will fluctuate. Use your clothing to see how you feel, once leggings start to smooth a bit or t-shirts start to sag a bit you will see the transformation…it is really meant for you and your health not the world- they will notice in time.

9-I pulled from the mantras of others- “You don’t have to, you get to, it’s a privilege to move.” “you can be a masterpiece and a work in progress at the same *dang time.” - namely Jess Sims (Peloton) sometimes just hearing and seeing people go through the motions with you makes you feel less alone.

10- Daily affirmations- our brains are like computers. I tried telling myself that,” today is going to be a good day,” or “I’m going to move more today, it’s going to feel great afterwards!” You don’t have to do the dramatic “dang I’m beautiful,” affirmations that celebrities do. A simple, “ today I’m going to show up for myself.” Or “I’m going to do my best today.” Is sometimes enough.

I wish you all the best in your health journey! We get one body and it’s AMAZING no matter what the world tries to tell us it should look like. Do you, take care of yourself and enjoy that process. See it as self-care and prioritizing you and not a number goal or size goal. Strive for more positive energy! The rest will work itself out!

 

[RogueX]

I just began the process of having bariatric surgery. Nothing else is working for me. I've thought about this long and hard, and so it was a bit dismaying to go to my PCP to talk to him and get a referral for the same place my cousin went when she had her surgery only to have him tell me to eat less. Well, thank you *so* much. I've been doing that for years. He sent me home to reconsider but said that he'd give me the referral after I try one more time to diet and see him in three months. I don't even know if ethically he's allowed to refuse a referral or if he's right to make me wait, and I'm not the confrontational type so I just meekly left and cried all the way home. I'm not lazy or looking for an easy way out. I understand that it's a lifetime commitment after sleeve surgery. I just want to feel well and healthy again.

OP, I have no advice for you, I'm sorry. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope, too.

Oh trust me, bariatric surgery is far from easy. I had to go through a consult with a nurse practitioner and a nutritionist to see if I was in the right mindset to handle all of the work that comes before and after the surgery. Then there was a psych evaluation, cardiac, pulmonary clearance and neurologist clearance. My insurance had a requirement to be in nutritional counseling for atleast a year. The hospital I was going to also required support group pre and post-op.

My surgery went pretty smoothly, but my pain couldn't be controlled and NSAIDs couldn't be used any longer, so I was in the hospital. The current problem I've had for the last 2 months is I have to force myself to eat. I have no appetite.

There is nothing easy about it. Some may have an easier time adjusting to life after the surgery.

 

[TwoMisfits]

One way to look at weight. It's not what weight you are, it's how healthy you are.

Yes, there's a number where pretty much no one can be healthy at a weight (on both sides of the scale - too low and too high), but other than that, it's a range.

If you say no way, look at any other wild animal - elephants are different sizes, lions are different sizes, horses are different sizes...and all healthy and doing the same things in their groups.

So, instead of looking at weight as "gah, I'm fat" - look at it as "gah, I can't walk up the steps or my resting heart rate is 95+ or I can't bend down to touch my toes or I can't walk to the mailbox without losing my breath or my BP is 170/110 or I'm pre-diabetic" and work to correct that which isn't making you healthy. If you live a healthy lifestyle, you will float to the healthy weight you're meant to be (it might take 12-24 months, but you'll get there and then stay there).

I tell people to be healthy they need to have consistency in their life - consistent eating, consistent sleeping, consistent exercise (and low impact is actually good here - work up to what you can do every single day that you can say "wow, I do that" and then stick to it every day - but don't keep striving for more), and consistent (and low) stress.

For eating, I second the person who says to make everything you eat...you will eat better and eat less food naturally b/c it's a pain in the butt to have to cook 2-3 meals/day. If you aren't making it, have it be the food in its natural state. Fresh raw fruit and veg make meals easy and healthy.

 

[piccolopat]

I just began the process of having bariatric surgery. Nothing else is working for me. I've thought about this long and hard, and so it was a bit dismaying to go to my PCP to talk to him and get a referral for the same place my cousin went when she had her surgery only to have him tell me to eat less. Well, thank you *so* much. I've been doing that for years. He sent me home to reconsider but said that he'd give me the referral after I try one more time to diet and see him in three months. I don't even know if ethically he's allowed to refuse a referral or if he's right to make me wait, and I'm not the confrontational type so I just meekly left and cried all the way home. I'm not lazy or looking for an easy way out. I understand that it's a lifetime commitment after sleeve surgery. I just want to feel well and healthy again.

OP, I have no advice for you, I'm sorry. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope, too.

Your PCP may be doing you a favor by having you wait. Bariatric surgery is not a guarantee to weight loss. From what I understand watching a number of programs, the first month or so after surgery you are on a liquid diet and then start adding solid foods gradually. Your portions are somewhat limited by the physical changes from surgery BUT if you overeat it is possible to re-stretch your stomach and start gaining weight all over again. Statistically a high percentage gain some or all of their weight back. Learning to eat healthier foods and smaller portions is still a necessity and the key to long term success. My PCP was pushing for me to go in that direction but I didn't want to for two reasons. First I realized my eating habits had to change anyway so why go thru a potentially dangerous surgery. Second, I really enjoy salads and vegetables and didn't want to have to limit those. to the tiny portions that I would have to stick with. I had to learn to limit all of the other stuff I was eating in too large portions and that's what worked. WW helped with with that and it is helping again to lose the pounds I gained during the pandemic. Good luck.

 

[leebee]

I just began the process of having bariatric surgery. Nothing else is working for me. I've thought about this long and hard, and so it was a bit dismaying to go to my PCP to talk to him and get a referral for the same place my cousin went when she had her surgery only to have him tell me to eat less. Well, thank you *so* much. I've been doing that for years. He sent me home to reconsider but said that he'd give me the referral after I try one more time to diet and see him in three months. I don't even know if ethically he's allowed to refuse a referral or if he's right to make me wait, and I'm not the confrontational type so I just meekly left and cried all the way home. I'm not lazy or looking for an easy way out. I understand that it's a lifetime commitment after sleeve surgery. I just want to feel well and healthy again.

OP, I have no advice for you, I'm sorry. I'm pretty much at the end of my rope, too.

I had bariatric surgery in 2016- I had a vertical sleeve gastrectomy. I went to a surgeon who was part of a bariatric program and the requirements were pretty rigorous. I attended a 3 hour intro-meeting where post-surgery folk were there to talk about their experiences, explain that this involves changing your entire relationship with food, etc. After making the commitment to join the program, I was required to lose 10 pounds in a month to show that I could make a long-term (hahaha) commitment. Silly me... I signed up at the beginning of December, and managed to lose 1 pound over the holidays. Still I persevered and by the end of January had lost the required 10 pounds. There were several more meetings to talk about the different surgeries, the lifestyle changes, the psychological changes, the diets, etc. with the surgeon, nurse practitioners, or nutritionists. I had to have a psych evaluation, bloodwork, cardiac testing. For 2 weeks before the surgery I was on a full-liquid diet, and for 2 weeks post-surgery I was on a clear liquid diet. Then foods were added back slowly, and I had regular meetings with the NP and dietician to monitor my weight loss, %body fat/%lean muscle ratio, and to discuss new food plans, challenges, exercise plans, etc. Within the first year I lost 110 pounds. I was fine until covid hit, when I gained about 20 pounds (gym closed, work closed, fridge called daily and so did the alcohol). I've lost 17 of those 20 pounds and feel pretty good about myself.

It's not easy. I was (and am) an emotional eater, so it's hard to not have that outlet. Fortunately I've never given into the "who cares if it hurts" mindset so I rarely eat more than I should, but that makes things harder sometimes. I get full, but this new full doesn't feel like the old full; I'll never have the satisfaction of that post-Thanksgiving dinner, "where are my sweats?" feeling again. There are also foods that don't agree with me, rice, bread, pasta, and potatoes being the main ones. I can eat them, but in very, very small portions- especially rice, which seems to swell after I consume it. Living and eating like this was a HUGE adjustment, and I'm still adjusting, still learning, but I feel like I've had a terrific support system along the way. Sometimes it's really hard, but I'm not constantly in pain from my back, and my knees thank me daily. I can do things that weren't possible: I can use the seatbelt on the airplane, reach the switch to open the hatch on the car's gas tank, fit into seats at the movies, can sit in a booth without being jammed into the edge of the table. Best of all? I don't feel like a constant failure, and I don't hate myself anymore. The psychological/emotional relief is as freeing as the weight loss has been.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

Thanks to everyone who quoted my post. I honestly don't know what else to do. I have a pretty severe mental illness so I might not do well at the psych evaluation, which is my big worry. My cousin who had the surgery lives with me so I got to see her journey firsthand-but she's a lot younger than me. I'm willing to try dieting again to please my doctor, but I have a very negative mindset at the moment. Anyway, this isn't my thread so I'll take myself out of it now.

 

[DVC92]

There is only one way to lose weight, and that is consuming less calories than you burn. I'm 72 and I walk 3-5 miles per day. I do eat some dark chocolate each day as well as a small serving of calcium-rich cookies after dinner. I have light breakfasts and dinners, usually salads when I eat out, as well as light snacking during the day. It has worked for me for many years.

 

[greeneyedchick]

Hormones definitely play a part as you get older. I worked out with a private trainer 3 times a week for months and my fat rolls never budged. Finally went to a doctor who prescribed testosterone (I'm a woman) and it helped me build muscle. I recommend finding someone who can do a deep dive into your hormones and thyroid. I was also diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s and prescribed Vyvanse. That helped me with my stress eating a lot and I managed to lose 15 pounds. Please hang in there. I know it's tough when you look in the mirror and you don't feel like you'll ever be the person that you want to be. So may of us feel this way. It's good to want to improve for the sake of your health, but remember in the big scheme of thing, love is all that matters. And loving yourself, is the hardest part. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. You are doing to best that you can. Try to focus on all of the good things in life. Sending you positive energy!

 

[RamblingMad]

Hormones definitely play a part as you get older. I worked out with a private trainer 3 times a week for months and my fat rolls never budged. Finally went to a doctor who prescribed testosterone (I'm a woman) and it helped me build muscle. I recommend finding someone who can do a deep dive into your hormones and thyroid. I was also diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s and prescribed Vyvanse. That helped me with my stress eating a lot and I managed to lose 15 pounds. Please hang in there. I know it's tough when you look in the mirror and you don't feel like you'll ever be the person that you want to be. So may of us feel this way. It's good to want to improve for the sake of your health, but remember in the big scheme of thing, love is all that matters. And loving yourself, is the hardest part. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. You are doing to best that you can. Try to focus on all of the good things in life. Sending you positive energy!

The idea that you can use exercise to offset food alone is a problem. One can of coke is close to running a 5k. Much easier to cut food out. I like the idea of not snacking.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

Caught this in another quote. Active at work doesn't help me at all. I walk, climb ladders, climb and hang on the equipment itself usually one foot, arm hooked around a pipe, and stretching somewhere with a wrench so I get lots of stretching in along with dragging 125 lb sacks of material across the floor, carrying 40 lb bags of material on the shoulder up steps, up and down and up and down and up and down on a forklift... And yet no one is squeezing through the doorway if I don't want them to,

Lol, at my old job I was mostly speed walking and running up and down steps all day, I think that makes you leaner than the weight lifting type work you do! Also, I'm not lean by any stretch of the imagination and I haven't been for decades. I blame the pandemic too. I think I had the opposite reaction to everyone else: instead of wanting to get healthy it made me think about how short life is and that I just want to eat pizza and cheesecake while I can

 

[DisneyOma]

@wenrob @GreatLakes and everyone else (I know this thread took a side track to the calories debate) but I think this link here provides a great summary of the calories in/calories out debate. It does a good job of describing how it's faulty to think of it in static terms (I will lose exactly 1 pound if I cut 3,500 calories) and look at it dynamically.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-healthy-journey/201910/calories-in-calories-out

The writer lost my respect in paragraph 3 - you can lose weight without increasing movement, and while fats store energy, the way he stated it sounds so wrong to me.

 

[GreatLakes]

The writer lost my respect in paragraph 3 - you can lose weight without increasing movement, and while fats store energy, the way he stated it sounds so wrong to me.

He said moving more was an example of one way to lose energy. Here is the entire paragraph:

Further, because the human body is a type of energy system, it follows that biological processes such as weight loss must also operate in accordance with this law. In reference to the calories in, calories out equation, this means that a human body can neither gain energy (i.e., gain weight, because energy also has mass) without a source to obtain the energy (e.g., increasing calories in by eating more) nor lose energy (i.e., lose weight) without a process that allows energy inside us to leave the body (e.g., increasing calories out by moving more; see Ruben Meerman’s TEDxQUT talk on YouTube for an excellent visual explanation of the chemical process of weight loss [2]).

I don't' see anything wrong with it. To lose weight you need to use stored fat as fuel since the only way to lose fat is to either use it or have it sucked out of you. You are right that it can be done without increasing movement though I would hypothesize most people that need to lose weight would find more success with increased movement. Outside of endurance athletes I can't think of many able-bodied people that wouldn't benefit by more movement and that isn't even just for weight loss. I'd consider my weight to be about ideal at the moment but I still try to move as much as possible because it is healthy to move. Full range of movement is good and many people don't have it. Watch a child sit in a squat with their feet flat on the floor. An adult should be able to do that but most of us don't have the ankle mobility to pull it off.

This is a big part of why the type of calories you eat is at the very least as important as the number, at least within reason. Eating high quality protein, healthy fats, and complex carbohydrates will allow you to use stored fat as fuel as opposed to the simple sugars many people shovel into their fire all day. I'm personally a fan of both time restricted eating and intermittent fasting for this reason. It also has a lot of other health benefits provided your health would allow for it.

 

[DisneyOma]

This is a big part of why the type of calories you eat is at the very least as important as the number, at least within reason. Eating high quality protein, healthy fats, and complex carbohydrates will allow you to use stored fat as fuel as opposed to the simple sugars many people shovel into their fire all day. I'm personally a fan of both time restricted eating and intermittent fasting for this reason. It also has a lot of other health benefits provided your health would allow for it.

Glucose is the main molecule that fuels cellular respiration - not sure where you got the idea that "high quality proteins" had anything to do with fat burning? If your body is breaking down proteins for energy, your body would be in trouble. If you can safely get the glucose level down low enough to start breaking fat into fatty acids and glycerol, and then start using those fatty acids for a source of energy for cellular respiration, then you would be successfully losing fat. But proteins have nothing to do with it, except that most proteins come laced with fat. But it doesn't have to be "healthy fats" (assuming you mean oils from plants) or complex carbs or anything special to lose weight. It's all about getting that glucose level down so the body starts using the fat as an energy source.

Your list of foods to eat are much better for heart/circulatory system health though - especially less red meat, more plant oils (I use olive oil instead of butter) and less processed foods. But I was able to maintain my size 2 body for decades by just eating fewer calories, even when there was a lot of ice cream, candy bars, and alcohol involved. Had to gain weight before I was allowed to get pregnant, and lost that weight within a month, twice.

 

[GreatLakes]

Glucose is the main molecule that fuels cellular respiration - not sure where you got the idea that "high quality proteins" had anything to do with fat burning? If your body is breaking down proteins for energy, your body would be in trouble. If you can safely get the glucose level down low enough to start breaking fat into fatty acids and glycerol, and then start using those fatty acids for a source of energy for cellular respiration, then you would be successfully losing fat. But proteins have nothing to do with it, except that most proteins come laced with fat. But it doesn't have to be "healthy fats" (assuming you mean oils from plants) or complex carbs or anything special to lose weight. It's all about getting that glucose level down so the body starts using the fat as an energy source.

Your list of foods to eat are much better for heart/circulatory system health though - especially less red meat, more plant oils (I use olive oil instead of butter) and less processed foods. But I was able to maintain my size 2 body for decades by just eating fewer calories, even when there was a lot of ice cream, candy bars, and alcohol involved. Had to gain weight before I was allowed to get pregnant, and lost that weight within a month, twice.

You need to eat all of your macros each day. Since you have to eat protein that protein should come from high quality sources, not hormone filled chicken or processed soy product. Everything you eat impacts how your cells operate. Mitochondrial health is an important aspect of weight loss and everything you eat will impact that mitochondrial health.

I consider avocados, eggs, nuts and seeds, and cold water fish to be "healthy fats". Very few vegetable oils are really healthy and the only oils in our home are olive, avocado, and coconut. We don't have canola or any other oils in our home and do our best to avoid them when possible which is had in today's society.

Our bodies are complex systems and should be viewed as one functional machine. No matter what you are looking to improve, whether it is weight, cardiovascular health, cholesterol levels, mobility, energy levels, or something else needs to be looked at as part of a whole, not one carve out ignoring everything else. Along those lines mental health, emotional health, spending more time in a parasympathetic nervous state, and quality sleep are also one of the puzzle pieces to good health and all will impact any positive change you want to make, including losing weight.

Going back to the purpose of this thread, not wanting to be fat any longer, all of those things above are a piece of the puzzle. If (general) you want to lose weight it is more likely than not (general) you need to look beyond just exercise and diet to all of those other body systems. Diet and exercise, or at the very least movement, are important but so are all of those other things. When we are young with young body systems and active lives we can get away with making worse health choices but as we age they catch up with us. Our current state of health, including weight, are really just the sum of all the previous decisions we made with some genetics mixed in.

 

[disneyseniors]

Dear OP: I feel your pain. I have been overweight for years and didn't like myself because of it. What did I do? I ate more to "feel good".
Then I retired and that didnt' help.
Covid came and I got that plus severe complications and lost 30 lbs over 2 months. I am over it but I am still losing. I feel great and can actually look at myself when I pass a mirror. BUT that is definitely not the way to lose weight!
I find that I can keep the weight off by adjusting my diet. I have no sugar cereal with splenda and fruit, 1% milk every morning. For lunch, I cut up an apple, have few slices of cheese, and some crackers with a diet coke.
The calories I save on those 2 meals allow me to eat what I want for supper, only I don't do seconds or over do it. It is freeing to eat what you want; ie, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, lasagna, etc. I just don't over do it and I feel like I can eat "normal" too.
Maybe this will help you. I know you will find your way with all this great advice from the great people on here.
AS far as exercise, I have asevere form of fibromyalgia so it is too painful to try and walk too far. I do little walks at the store, etc. on my good days.

I would recommend hatha yoga for exercise if you can. Do the gentle, stretching form of this (no pretzel manipulations, LOL). I did this for years and it helped me mentally and physically. I can't do much of it now because I have arthritis in my hands and it hurts too much to do the moves, but maybe it would be a big help to you. I hope some of this helps you on your way to losing that weight.

 

[Forevermarypoppins]

First and foremost:
a Hug
Now, FORGIVE Yourself
think of one or two of the easiest things you can start doing tomorrow like: healthy breakfast and going up and down the basement steps 3 times each before work. keep it simple and go from there. don't give up and start over when you need to.

I have and am right there with you so I get it!

 

[Colleen27]

Have you thought about a bicycle? Cycling is a fun way to get outdoor activity and flatness is an asset on bikes.

I have, and recently picked up a hand-me-down bike from my distance-biking aunt in law that I think might help me actually do it. I used to have a road cruiser, just a basic one-speed with baskets front and back for running errands, but I took an ugly tumble on a hike in early 2020 and messed up my knee in a comedy of errors starting with the classic millennial blunder of not noticing a hole in the trail because I was taking a photo and venturing into the absurd of giving it time to heal on its own only to run into all non-essential medical getting shut down by the pandemic. I've hardly been on my old bike since because it can aggravate my bad knee, and I ended up "loaning" it to my non-driving bonus son back in the spring with no real intention of ever getting it back. But I think one where I can adjust the gears to accommodate how it is feeling might be easier, so I'm actually putting new tubes in the fancy bike today to give it a try.

Sounds like home is unhealthy. Have you thought about moving to a place, where you can be outdoors more? I had too. I'm far more happy and healthy because of it.

That's been an ongoing conversation in our family for a long time, but ultimately the timing of a big move isn't right with one aging parent still relying on us and our youngest kid in high school. Spending as much time as I do on the road is one of the compromises made in the interests of better balance, as is our current project of finally making our up north vacation property accessible for car camping to spend weekends up where both land and water trails are plentiful. It isn't quite as good as having better amenities close to home, but with moving any distance not in the cards right now (and the financials of moving to a more attractive location rather challenging as well - pretty much anywhere I'd want to go is in the middle of major housing affordability crisis), we're trying to find a middle ground.