Tweens/Teens and Phones

[mmbrad02]

I really don't want to start a debate at all, but I am curious - for those of you with teens/tweens, at what age did they get (or do you plan to get) a phone? There are many factors we are considering at our house - responsibility, maturity, the fact that we don't have a home phone, grades, going to friends houses, etc.

I will go on to say that my daughter is 11, fifth grade, and we are debating this Christmas, the end of the school year, or the beginning of next school year. Fourth grade was TOUGH at our house with two working parents and her trying to tackle virtual learning. She ended the year very frustrated and low confidence - we told her if she made Straight A's in fifth grade, she would get a phone at the end of the year.

in the meantime, I thought about this Christmas as a complete surprise (she truly would not expect it) but it would be my old iPhone 8 and she wouldn't take it to school. (for the record, she does, indeed, have Straight A's thus far). Come May, we will hold up our end of the bargain if she has the grades. In August it will be necessary because she is riding the bus home to an empty house for a couple of hours till we get off work, and we do not have a home phone..

Again, this is just some thoughts, nothing in stone, I am just curious as to what others have done.

 

[OneOftheB's]

My son got a cell phone at 10 because he occasionally was at home alone for short periods (less than an hour) and we don’t have a landline. We put some monitoring software on it to block inappropriate sites etc. my daughter is 11 1/2 and just got a cell phone for the same reasons and using the same restrictions.

 

[deserrai]

My daughter is 12 and does not have a phone yet. She is never without either myself, her dad or her grandmother unless she is at school. I have been considering getting her a phone when she turns 13 next May, but am undecided.

 

[sam_gordon]

IIRC, it was after 5th grade. Home alone & activities are why we decided to get one. For our oldest, we got a TracPhone and she had to keep it for a year (maybe 6 months) before we put her on our plan. For our youngest ones, I think we just went ahead and got them on our plan. I would NOT get them the "latest/greatest". I'd look for something at least a generation or two old. Odds are pretty good they'll lose it or break it, and it will be easier to replace/fix an older phone.

 

[dez1978]

my 5th grader (10 yo) does not have a phone. But he does have an ipad with cell data. He can take it to daycare but it has to stay at daycare not at school. So he has the ability to call/text me and dad if needed when he is alone (max 30 min). Until he is staying afterschool for activities I think this is good enough.

 

[tvguy]

16 for both my kids, when they started driving. Certainly I would have considered earlier if we didn't have a landline. A landline is kind of a safety net for those with children, or elderly parents. And out here in fire prone California, where cell towers got wiped out, and buried landline systems were undamaged, I can't ever see not having a landline because of that.

 

[Southernmiss]

This subject comes up regularly on the Dis.

Our oldest 3 were 8th grade. Our daughter was 6th grade because we were cutting the home telephone.

By middle school, these days, a cell phone is really helpful for parent pick up calls after extracurricular activities and ai would say a necessity.

 

[stout]

For older DD, she was 12 yo when she got her phone. She begged for one…all her friends had one…you know the story…but I refused. Then came the turning point, she was performing in a community Christmas play at the local Convention Center, one night of practice they got done early, all the adults left, she was by herself for an hour with no way to contact me. The following week she got a phone. She has been very responsible with it and is now 15. Younger DD will get one at 12 as well.

 

[Bethislucy]

My nephew was 13 & my niece was 11 because they were both doing band and staying after school and on band stuff their parents wanted them to have a way to contact them. I don't have kids but around a lot and a lot of parents and my non parental advice is you know what is truly best for your kid. However on the fun auntie side of things you are correct that would be an awesome surprise for Christmas. Also there are some really awesome parent apps that you can keep a check on what she is doing on the phone too.

 

[prairie_girl]

I think my daughter was 12 when she got her first phone. I didn’t have a landline and pay phones are very hard to find. It gave me peace of mind knowing she could get a hold of someone in an emergency if needed. Plus, she was in a lockdown at school when she was 14 or 15 because of a stabbing and it helped her stay calm to be able to text me.

 

[wenrob]

We got older DD a Firefly (before smartphones) at 10? When she started going to places without us. She could call myself, DH, my sister and my grandmother. She only carried it when she went to events/things with friends. In between was a random Nokia and her first iPhone was a hand me down at 13. She got hand me downs until 16 when she could buy her own.

Younger DD and DS got hand me downs for their 10th birthday (they were thrilled!). They were walking to the bus stop on their own and going to friends houses so we felt it was time. I kept those suckers locked down tight the first year or so and then started loosening up as they showed their responsibility. They got their first brand new ones for Christmas year before last.

TL;DR- when they started venturing out on their own.

 

[Disney.Dreamin.Dee]

I used to feel like kids didn't "need" one until at least high school.
But these days phones are not just about calling/texting but entertainment, socialization, learning etc.
I'd say 12 is a good age.

 

[spiders]

I’ve already told my elementary aged kids that I will let them know when they will get a cell phone and they can stop asking me. I told them when the time comes that they will be the first to know. I’ve also told them that their first phones will be legitimate phones — they’re getting phones that can make phone calls and that an iPhone is 100% out of the question until much later on.

Everyone is different, though. I mean, some third graders got in trouble last week for playing Red Light/Green Light Squid Games edition. Now I think you would be out of your mind to let an 8 year old watch Squid Games but apparently more than one thought it was a good idea.

 

[robinb]

My DD had a cell phone in middle school. She was a competitive swimmer and practiced 5 times a week and also took dance classes. The phone was primarily so she could contact me.

 

[soccerdad72]

I think it was about 12 or 13 for our older son and 10 or 11 for our younger son.

 

[TwoMisfits]

My 1st was 16.
My 2nd was 14.

Like my girls, my boys will also wait til at least high school (14/15) for phones, although they will get them when they get a driver's permit even if they haven't asked for one yet (thus, the difference in my girls' ages - my 1st never wanted one, my 2nd always did).

 

[mjkacmom]

Probably around 10, my kids started walking to school around 8 and were at practices/activities without us before 20 (the oldest had flip phones because that’s all there was, $10 a month per line). I’d rather give them freedom and have a way to keep in touch. Smart phones ranged from 15 - 12, the older ones had to wait for them to be invented.

 

[wenrob]

my 5th grader (10 yo) does not have a phone. But he does have an ipad with cell data. He can take it to daycare but it has to stay at daycare not at school. So he has the ability to call/text me and dad if needed when he is alone (max 30 min). Until he is staying afterschool for activities I think this is good enough.

I taught my kids how to use their iPads to make calls and text for those random “they’re sick I need to run to Walgreens” 15min trips. iMessage/FaceTime was a huge advantage back then because they could do it (from home) without a plan.

I think my daughter was 12 when she got her first phone. I didn’t have a landline and pay phones are very hard to find. It gave me peace of mind knowing she could get a hold of someone in an emergency if needed. Plus, she was in a lockdown at school when she was 14 or 15 because of a stabbing and it helped her stay calm to be able to text me.

I spotted a pay phone about 5 years ago, even took a picture of it, lol. Couldn’t tell you if it worked or not though. As far as landlines I know only one person that has one anymore and it’s modem based not a traditional line.

I have also gotten those lockdown texts from all three of my kids. With the younger two they’re in the same school/grade. I like knowing they can find/communicate with each other in the event something truly horrible went down.

 

[fly girl]

DD was almost 13 (her birthday is in early February) but we gave it to her for Christmas as I got it on a really good deal when I upgraded my phone.

It was always going to be 13. She did have an iPod which did a lot of stuff, just didn't have cellular capability.

She is keenly aware that although we call it "her phone" it is really "our phone" and we can check it at any time and she has to ask permission to download apps or the phone is gone. She has no social media other than Pinterest. It seems like it took forever, but she finally quit asking for TikTok & SnapChat.

 

[leahgoogle]

We waited until 6th grade because that is when they started school sports with frequent practices. My 5th grader has to wait another year and begs and begs...lol. But, I work from home so I am here after school. If you do decide to get the phone for Christmas, I recommend Life360 app. I am able to see where my kids are, when they get home, ect. I also use screen time (apple phones) to make settings preventing explicit material when searching the internet.