U.S. BOMBARDS IRAQ WITH CONFUSING MESSAGES FROM RIDGE
New Phase of Psychological Warfare, Centcom says
In what U.S. Central Command described as a significant ramping up of the psychological warfare targeting the Iraqi leadership, the U.S. today started bombarding Iraq with confusing message from U.S. Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge.
Moments into a broadcast of decades-old file footage of Saddam Hussein on Iraqi TV, the picture suddenly switched to a live feed of Secretary Ridge, looking jittery and nervous as he addressed the Iraqi nation.
I urge each and every one of you to go out and buy duct tape and plastic sheeting, Mr. Ridge said, his voice squeaking in his trademark style.
But moments later, Ridge appeared again, saying that the duct tape directive was just a suggestion and not mandatory at all.
Ridge then added, somewhat cryptically, I cant stress enough the importance of this.
Mr. Ridge closed his brief address by saying that Iraqis should be constantly on alert, but should go about their business as usual.
At CENTCOM in Qatar, Brigadier General Vincent Brooks said that Secretary Ridge would be rolling out a confusing series of color codes for Iraq over the next few days without giving any idea what the different colors mean or what actions they prescribe.
The color codes will oscillate between yellow and orange on an almost hourly basis, with no letup whatsoever, General Brooks added.
While General Brooks said there were already signs that Mr. Ridge had succeeded in panicking the entire nation of Iraq, he added that CENTCOMs most nerve-rattling psychological weapon had yet to be used.
Next week we start broadcasting Ashcroft, he said.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
New Phase of Psychological Warfare, Centcom says
In what U.S. Central Command described as a significant ramping up of the psychological warfare targeting the Iraqi leadership, the U.S. today started bombarding Iraq with confusing message from U.S. Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge.
Moments into a broadcast of decades-old file footage of Saddam Hussein on Iraqi TV, the picture suddenly switched to a live feed of Secretary Ridge, looking jittery and nervous as he addressed the Iraqi nation.
I urge each and every one of you to go out and buy duct tape and plastic sheeting, Mr. Ridge said, his voice squeaking in his trademark style.
But moments later, Ridge appeared again, saying that the duct tape directive was just a suggestion and not mandatory at all.
Ridge then added, somewhat cryptically, I cant stress enough the importance of this.
Mr. Ridge closed his brief address by saying that Iraqis should be constantly on alert, but should go about their business as usual.
At CENTCOM in Qatar, Brigadier General Vincent Brooks said that Secretary Ridge would be rolling out a confusing series of color codes for Iraq over the next few days without giving any idea what the different colors mean or what actions they prescribe.
The color codes will oscillate between yellow and orange on an almost hourly basis, with no letup whatsoever, General Brooks added.
While General Brooks said there were already signs that Mr. Ridge had succeeded in panicking the entire nation of Iraq, he added that CENTCOMs most nerve-rattling psychological weapon had yet to be used.
Next week we start broadcasting Ashcroft, he said.
**** BOROWITZ REPORT ****
