Vent/rant/wwyd

[Pre]

A little background. My brother in law lives in Germany and announced his surprise engagement January 1. My husband (his brother) and I live in the states and have to travel to his weddding. Not going is not an option, and we are blessed that we will have enough saved to go.
The issue I have is he has not given us any information about travel plans, dates, etc. my husband and I already canceled our anniversary vacation when we found out he was getting married so that we could afford to go.
When His father asked him when the wedding is, he said September so start looking at flights. But no date. I started looking around and there is a vacation package out there that MUST be booked by February 5 to save $1500.00. But since I have no date I cannot book it. I know I have no say in picking their wedding date, but at this point it has really been frustrating knowing that I can save this much but can’t book it because I have no date.
My question: is it ok to say “hey we need an exact date so we can take advantage of this amazing deal?”

 

[Lady Gaga]

IMO, yes, it would be perfectly fine to ask your BIL to set a date in the very immediate future.
He and his fiancee must understand that people need advance notice to book flights, hotels, etc.
If they want you to travel to attend their wedding - they should be considerate in promptly picking a date.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I'd say you need to make plans as soon as possible.

 

[MamaBelle4]

Yes. They need to pick a date.

 

[Christine]

You may not have a say on the exact date; however, since you *must* be there then you certainly have the right to speak up.

I would have your husband call his brother to say:

Brother, we 100% committed to coming to your wedding; however, we do not have unlimited funds. There are some very affordable travel packages to Germany in September that are being offered right now. I need to book by February 5th. If I can't book by that day, the price could be significantly higher and this is going to create a financial hardship for me. I really don't want to have to borrow money for this trip or put it on credit, so can you please give us a firm date by February 1st?

 

[NHdisneylover]

A little background. My brother in law lives in Germany and announced his surprise engagement January 1. My husband (his brother) and I live in the states and have to travel to his weddding. Not going is not an option, and we are blessed that we will have enough saved to go.
The issue I have is he has not given us any information about travel plans, dates, etc. my husband and I already canceled our anniversary vacation when we found out he was getting married so that we could afford to go.
When His father asked him when the wedding is, he said September so start looking at flights. But no date. I started looking around and there is a vacation package out there that MUST be booked by February 5 to save $1500.00. But since I have no date I cannot book it. I know I have no say in picking their wedding date, but at this point it has really been frustrating knowing that I can save this much but can’t book it because I have no date.
My question: is it ok to say “hey we need an exact date so we can take advantage of this amazing deal?”

I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask and tell him that you are seeing good deals that you'd like to be able to book but cannot without exact dates.

That said, it is not uncommon here for venues to refuse to book more than 6 or so months ahead of time, so he might not have an exact date yet. (many places do, but many do not)

If WOW Air flies from a city near you, they can have amazing prices on flights to the US (friends paid $270 roundtrip from Boston last summer)

 

[Christine]

If WOW Air flies from a city near you, they can have amazing prices on flights to the US (friends paid $270 roundtrip from Boston last summer)

True about WOW. My DD has flown on them 3 times now (she's currently vacationing in Iceland because of a cheap flight). She got a phenomenal deal to Paris from Baltimore last year ($260 RT).

 

[CarolAnn856]

A little background. My brother in law lives in Germany and announced his surprise engagement January 1. My husband (his brother) and I live in the states and have to travel to his weddding. Not going is not an option, and we are blessed that we will have enough saved to go.
The issue I have is he has not given us any information about travel plans, dates, etc. my husband and I already canceled our anniversary vacation when we found out he was getting married so that we could afford to go.
When His father asked him when the wedding is, he said September so start looking at flights. But no date. I started looking around and there is a vacation package out there that MUST be booked by February 5 to save $1500.00. But since I have no date I cannot book it. I know I have no say in picking their wedding date, but at this point it has really been frustrating knowing that I can save this much but can’t book it because I have no date.
My question: is it ok to say “hey we need an exact date so we can take advantage of this amazing deal?”

Look into the change fees. If they aren't too bad, it may make sense to go ahead and book and then change the dates if needed.

ETA, I just realized that I didn't answer the OP's actual question. It would be okay to ask if they HAVE set a date so you can take advantage of good fares as early as possible, but it's not okay to ask them TO set a date so you can book a package you found. There's a difference.

 

[jalapeno_pretzel]

What does the vacation "package" include? Wouldn't you just need flights, a rental car, and a hotel located close to the wedding venue, and book all that separate for cheaper than you can get a vacation package? Or are you intending to turn it in to wedding + vacation?

 

[Wishing on a star]

My question: is it ok to say “hey we need an exact date so we can take advantage of this amazing deal?”

In a word.... No.
Your husband might let him know that you "would love to have the date as soon as is possible".
A 'good deal' that you might have found has nothing to do wtih it.

Of course, you can't be expected to travel and be there for a specific date, unless you have the date.
I would make no promises...

September is still months away, so I would just consider this as a heads up.
I would save as much as possible and keep that time period open. For now....
It is still January.
I would give another month or maybe two, before I would really expect a firm date and invite.
There may be factors that make scheduling difficult, from their side.

I am thinking that September is 'off season' as far as this kind of travel.
There will be other reasonable fares.
I would not expect anyone's wedding to cross over with a specific 'vacation package'.

Having said all of that... I don't care who it is... not-going is always an option.
Another persons possible future event is not a 'command performance'.
I am not big on 'command performances'.

No matter what happens, you and your DH need to be on the same page.

Remember, you, personally, have exactly and totally ZERO input here.

 

[ronandannette]

It's OK for you to put it out there, but it doesn't obligate your BIL to do as you ask. It would be very considerate of him/them to choose a date soon, and FWIW, if it were me I'd pick one that was as convenient as possible for any travellers. But don't get bitter if it doesn't go that way.

 

[sonnyjane]

In a word.... No.
Your husband might let him know that you "would love to have the date as soon as is possible".
A 'good deal' that you might have found has nothing to do wtih it.

Of course, you can't be expected to travel and be there for a specific date, unless you have the date.
I would make no promises...

September is still months away, so I would just consider this as a heads up.
I would save as much as possible and keep that time period open. For now....
It is still January.
I would give another month or maybe two, before I would really expect a firm date and invite.
There may be factors that make scheduling difficult, from their side.

I am thinking that September is 'off season' as far as this kind of travel.
There will be other reasonable fares.
I would not expect anyone's wedding to cross over with a specific 'vacation package'.

Having said all of that... I don't care who it is... not-going is always an option.
Another persons possible future event is not a 'command performance'.
I am not big on 'command performances'.

No matter what happens, you and your DH need to be on the same page.

Remember, you, personally, have exactly and totally ZERO input here.

Agree with every word! I do not think it's appropriate to pressure someone about dates 9 months away because you're worried about missing out on a good deal! If it was 2 months away, that would be different.

 

[cluvsdisney]

If I were in your shoes and my sister said to start looking at flights, I would definitely ask her for some more specific date ranges.

 

[anniemae]

I would not pressure them too much, but I would say something like, "Let us know as soon as you know the dates because we have to book everything and get time off work."

 

[starry_solo]

The wedding is sometime in 7-8 months, don't most people have venues by then? At least in the US they seem to.

 

[Happyinwonerland]

I would just ask politely if they have set a date, so that you can plan around it. I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

[Hikergirl]

I think asking if they have a date set is OK.
Telling them they need to set the date so that you can book a great deal- not OK.

 

[elaine amj]

I would ask politely and nicely - hey we found this awesome deal that could save us $1500 if we book by Feb. Any chance u guys would have firm dates by then?

I wouldn't count on it though and just resign yourself to continue deal hunting. I wouldn’t spend too much time and effort looking until you get dates though. Too frustrating

 

[TheIncredibles!]

They got engaged 26 days ago.... I'm guessing that they're looking at options and are trying to nail down a date not deliberately dragging their feet to keep you in the dark as long as possible.

 

[sharbear]

I do think that September is a peak time for travel in Europe. Also isn’t Octoberfest actually in September in Germany?

OP I hear your pain. This is a hard one. Short engagement, family from the states.