Venting to Strangers over the Internet.

[DisneyJillian18]

I'm normally one to keep things bottled inside, but today I feel the need to vent to someone. If no one replies to this, I still think I would feel better just saying my peace. I am a young woman, still in college, I hold down a wonderful job that I love. My mother works as an insurance agent, so she gets to know people and sees them often. Last Friday she had a woman come into her office with a 4 month old baby, knowing this woman didn't have a baby, she asked if the baby was her grandson. The woman replied no, this was her niece's child. She had been taking care of the child for the last three weeks because the parents didn't want this child. They were willing to give it to anyone who would take it, this poor child had been passed around like the neighborhood dog. My mother jokingly said, you are so cute, I could just take you home. The woman offered the child to my mother, saying she couldn't afford to care for him. My mother was taken back, but still offered the woman that she could find someone to take the child if she could not. Unwanted children hit close to home for me, this would take another post to explain so let's just leave it at that. Once my mother told me about this, I was sadden, of course, but what could I do? I keep thinking about that poor baby, not knowing if it would ever have a good home life. I decided to bring it up to my family, what if I adopted this child? No, I am not married. Yes, I am in school. Yes, I am young. But this is not unheard of, I know it is much easier said than done, but I feel I could provide a life for this child. I'm not saying it would be easy, but is raising a child ever easy? They are not supporting me, which I respect, but I just can't get past their reasons. Which is that I'm not ready for a child, to which I have to say, is anyone? Sure you have 9 months, you may have been trying for a child. But you have no idea if you are ready until that doctor puts that baby into your arms, and even then, you are unsure. I just feel like it's a dumb reason to not look into adopting this child. I'm sorry this was long, and I'm sure many of you have the same opinion as my family. But I just felt the need to get it off my chest, as of now, I feel without the support of my family, it would be unwise to bring a child into this. This doesn't stop me from thinking about this poor child. Any advice would be welcomed, no matter your opinion. Thank you DIS!

 

[5crazyfordisney]

You are right - no one is ever FULLY prepared to be a parent. But your family is right too - they know you, they know your situation, and most likely, they are looking after your best interests.

I don't know you from Adam, but I would venture to guess that you are reacting emotionally to an emotionally-charged situation. You are evidentially a compassionate and caring person. However, this is not a situation to rush into. Take a few weeks and evaluate - if this really is something that you still feel compelled to do, think it through rationally ... Approach your family after you've had some time to really think through what this would mean to your future -- will you still go to school, work, what about daycare, housing, etc. Think and talk it through. I always find that if something is meant to be, it will all work out in the end.

Good luck and keep us updated to what happens. All the best.

 

[BigAlsGal]

I'm normally one to keep things bottled inside, but today I feel the need to vent to someone. If no one replies to this, I still think I would feel better just saying my peace. I am a young woman, still in college, I hold down a wonderful job that I love. My mother works as an insurance agent, so she gets to know people and sees them often. Last Friday she had a woman come into her office with a 4 month old baby, knowing this woman didn't have a baby, she asked if the baby was her grandson. The woman replied no, this was her niece's child. She had been taking care of the child for the last three weeks because the parents didn't want this child. They were willing to give it to anyone who would take it, this poor child had been passed around like the neighborhood dog. My mother jokingly said, you are so cute, I could just take you home. The woman offered the child to my mother, saying she couldn't afford to care for him. My mother was taken back, but still offered the woman that she could find someone to take the child if she could not. Unwanted children hit close to home for me, this would take another post to explain so let's just leave it at that. Once my mother told me about this, I was sadden, of course, but what could I do? I keep thinking about that poor baby, not knowing if it would ever have a good home life. I decided to bring it up to my family, what if I adopted this child? No, I am not married. Yes, I am in school. Yes, I am young. But this is not unheard of, I know it is much easier said than done, but I feel I could provide a life for this child. I'm not saying it would be easy, but is raising a child ever easy? They are not supporting me, which I respect, but I just can't get past their reasons. Which is that I'm not ready for a child, to which I have to say, is anyone? Sure you have 9 months, you may have been trying for a child. But you have no idea if you are ready until that doctor puts that baby into your arms, and even then, you are unsure. I just feel like it's a dumb reason to not look into adopting this child. I'm sorry this was long, and I'm sure many of you have the same opinion as my family. But I just felt the need to get it off my chest, as of now, I feel without the support of my family, it would be unwise to bring a child into this. This doesn't stop me from thinking about this poor child. Any advice would be welcomed, no matter your opinion. Thank you DIS!

It is very sweet of you to care so much. I don't know your age or your situation but I would encourage you to stay on track with your life. There is a lot of heartbreaking situations in this world. You can't take on all the burdens of the people around you. You are extremely sympathetic and that is a very admirable quality. It can also be a curse.

There are many willing couples ready to adopt babies so if this family is serious about adoption they will find someone. Good luck wherever life takes you.

 

[mommasita]

Wow, how incredibly sad..

I agree, nobody is ready, no matter how much we "THINK" we know how it is going to go, it just never does go that way..

I have to say, I am sure I would have reacted exactly as you, it just tears at the heartstrings.... Seeing you said you are in school, perhaps your families first thought is that you will just give that up.. And in that case, how would you provide... There are so many fears on the $ level, and then the emotional toll..

Has anyone suggested they reach out to an adoption agency?

You have a good heart

 

[DisneyJillian18]

You are right - no one is ever FULLY prepared to be a parent. But your family is right too - they know you, they know your situation, and most likely, they are looking after your best interests.

I don't know you from Adam, but I would venture to guess that you are reacting emotionally to an emotionally-charged situation. You are evidentially a compassionate and caring person. However, this is not a situation to rush into. Take a few weeks and evaluate - if this really is something that you still feel compelled to do, think it through rationally ... Approach your family after you've had some time to really think through what this would mean to your future -- will you still go to school, work, what about daycare, housing, etc. Think and talk it through. I always find that if something is meant to be, it will all work out in the end.

Good luck and keep us updated to what happens. All the best.

Thank you for the advice, I think I will bring this up to my mother later today. I agree I don't want to rush into it. The woman offered us to take him for a night and see how I do, but I honestly feel I would never hear from them again, which is sad to say, but true. I would continue with school, I am online and I am going for Early Childhood Education . I agree if it is meant to be, it will happen. Thank you!

 

[DisneyJillian18]

It is very sweet of you to care so much. I don't know your age or your situation but I would encourage you to stay on track with your life. There is a lot of heartbreaking situations in this world. You can't take on all the burdens of the people around you. You are extremely sympathetic and that is a very admirable quality. It can also be a curse.

There are many willing couples ready to adopt babies so if this family is serious about adoption they will find someone. Good luck wherever life takes you.

Thank you for the kind words! I do agree it can be curse, I have a huge heart!

 

[DisneyJillian18]

Wow, how incredibly sad..

I agree, nobody is ready, no matter how much we "THINK" we know how it is going to go, it just never does go that way..

I have to say, I am sure I would have reacted exactly as you, it just tears at the heartstrings.... Seeing you said you are in school, perhaps your families first thought is that you will just give that up.. And in that case, how would you provide... There are so many fears on the $ level, and then the emotional toll..

Has anyone suggested they reach out to an adoption agency?

You have a good heart

Thank you! I have thought of trying to help them with an adoption agency. I think I will just take things slow and maybe think on it for a few weeks.

 

[wiigirl]

Thank you! I have thought of trying to help them with an adoption agency. I think I will just take things slow and maybe think on it for a few weeks.

 

[Christine]

I commend you for your feelings in this. Not knowing you, I would have to say I would agree with your parents. You would probably be a wonderful mother but, at this point, it would derail your life and maybe you don't care about that. I would say "go for it" if there was no one else.

There are plenty people out there waiting to adopt that have the means and set up to do so.

I seriously do not know why these people have not considered a private adoption. They are usually quick and the birth mother often gets her medical bills and baby-related expenses covered.

 

[momto3pirates]

Please take your time to think about this. We were in your position 2 months ago. A woman approached my DH about taking her 9 month old daughter...it was a friend of a friend situation. We picked up the baby later that week. While she has been a God-given blessing to our home, it has been very hard. DH and I both work full time and we have 3 boys-10,13,17. We are fortunate in that we don't have to pay for day care because it is expensive. My boys were nursed. Formula is expensive. She is way behind on her vaccines-and has no insurance yet. Doctors visits are expensive. My father is an attorney so the legal work was cheap. Court costs are expensive.

I would not change it for the world. She is my daughter. She is truly a blessing and I cannot imagine my life without her, but it is not all happiness and harmony.

I would help the aunt get the baby into an adoption. There are so many childless couples looking for babies to adopt.

 

[DisneyJillian18]

Thank you all once again for the wonderful support, it is so selfless of each of you to take time out of your day to give advice to a complete stranger.

My mother received a call Tuesday that an elderly woman offered to take him, and the mother decided to give the baby to her since we had not made a decision.
While I am very upset about not having a chance to help this child myself, at least he will be in a loving home and taken care of. That is the most important goal. I will stay optimistic, this wasn't the right time; I stay hopeful that one day I will have the opportunity to adopt. Once again, thank you all!

 

[disney2014plan]

There will (sadly) always be another child that needs a loving home. My advice (as someone who went through university as a single parent, and subsequently looked after my sister's child when she couldn't cope) is to get through your studies and get yourself into the best position. If you are able to choose a time to have a child/adopt a child, then why not make it the best possible time i.e. when you are financially stable and have less demands on your time (NOTE: there will never be a time when there are no demands on you, just slightly less crazy times).

Best wishes OP, you clearly have a wonderful heart and lots of love to give.

 

[DisneyFairytale]

I'm normally one to keep things bottled inside, but today I feel the need to vent to someone. If no one replies to this, I still think I would feel better just saying my peace. I am a young woman, still in college, I hold down a wonderful job that I love. My mother works as an insurance agent, so she gets to know people and sees them often. Last Friday she had a woman come into her office with a 4 month old baby, knowing this woman didn't have a baby, she asked if the baby was her grandson. The woman replied no, this was her niece's child. She had been taking care of the child for the last three weeks because the parents didn't want this child. They were willing to give it to anyone who would take it, this poor child had been passed around like the neighborhood dog. My mother jokingly said, you are so cute, I could just take you home. The woman offered the child to my mother, saying she couldn't afford to care for him. My mother was taken back, but still offered the woman that she could find someone to take the child if she could not. Unwanted children hit close to home for me, this would take another post to explain so let's just leave it at that. Once my mother told me about this, I was sadden, of course, but what could I do? I keep thinking about that poor baby, not knowing if it would ever have a good home life. I decided to bring it up to my family, what if I adopted this child? No, I am not married. Yes, I am in school. Yes, I am young. But this is not unheard of, I know it is much easier said than done, but I feel I could provide a life for this child. I'm not saying it would be easy, but is raising a child ever easy? They are not supporting me, which I respect, but I just can't get past their reasons. Which is that I'm not ready for a child, to which I have to say, is anyone? Sure you have 9 months, you may have been trying for a child. But you have no idea if you are ready until that doctor puts that baby into your arms, and even then, you are unsure. I just feel like it's a dumb reason to not look into adopting this child. I'm sorry this was long, and I'm sure many of you have the same opinion as my family. But I just felt the need to get it off my chest, as of now, I feel without the support of my family, it would be unwise to bring a child into this. This doesn't stop me from thinking about this poor child. Any advice would be welcomed, no matter your opinion. Thank you DIS!

I think a lot of people have posted some fantastic replies already. This women would be able to put this child up for adoption. A lot of people would be happy and able financially and emotionally to take this child on.

 

[Shelly F - Ohio]

It's not that simple to just say you want to adopt a child. I use to work at a child protection agency.

The courts have to get involved to make this all happen. The birth parents will be investigated as to why they are giving up this child which will involve Child Protective Services to get involved. The child will be placed in a license foster home or with a relative that can provide adequate housing which will be investigated by the child protection agency. The child will remain there while the situation is investigated. To adopt a child you will be required to pass parenting classes, a home inspection and a background check. You yourself would want to read over the history of this child IE: was the child born with a drug or alcohol addiction that would effect the medical and mental status of the child has he/she grows older. The adopted parents are given a book containing the background of this child and the child's birth parents. So that you can make a well informed decision about adopting this child.

Once the situation has been investigated the case will be brought before the court for the judge to review and make a decision on the best option for the welfare of the child.

Everyone in our agency cried one day when a Dad who was a single parent can into our agency to give up legal custody of his son. He said he did not want this kid anymore- what parents says this!
This child was given to us along with a few items in a blue shopping bag. It was so sad. I had to led this child into another room while a supervisor met with the Dad. The little boy said to me, "can I have a sucker". He was such a shy, gentle boy who was on 3 or 4 yrs old - I don't remember. I did not have a sucker but knew that the PR lady had an office full of marketing gadgets. I sat him in my chair and told him I would be right back. I went into her office with tear running down my checks and told her what had just happened. She had a M&M dispense full of M&M's that we took to him to play with. Another worker ran to McD's to get him something to eat. It was just a heart breaking afternoon.

 

[CarolAnnC]

Thank you all once again for the wonderful support, it is so selfless of each of you to take time out of your day to give advice to a complete stranger.

My mother received a call Tuesday that an elderly woman offered to take him, and the mother decided to give the baby to her since we had not made a decision.
While I am very upset about not having a chance to help this child myself, at least he will be in a loving home and taken care of. That is the most important goal. I will stay optimistic, this wasn't the right time; I stay hopeful that one day I will have the opportunity to adopt. Once again, thank you all!

It's not that simple to just say you want to adopt a child. I use to work at a child protection agency.

The courts have to get involved to make this all happen. The birth parents will be investigated as to why they are giving up this child which will involve Child Protective Services to get involved. The child will be placed in a license foster home or with a relative that can provide adequate housing which will be investigated by the child protection agency. The child will remain there while the situation is investigated. To adopt a child you will be required to pass parenting classes, a home inspection and a background check. You yourself would want to read over the history of this child IE: was the child born with a drug or alcohol addiction that would effect the medical and mental status of the child has he/she grows older. The adopted parents are given a book containing the background of this child and the child's birth parents. So that you can make a well informed decision about adopting this child.

Once the situation has been investigated the case will be brought before the court for the judge to review and make a decision on the best option for the welfare of the child.

I think it would be highly unlikely for the courts to award custody of a 4 month old baby to an "elderly woman" who appears to have accepted a drop off illegally of an unwanted baby (who knows what the child was exchanged for?). Even the animal shelters require applications for adoption of pets. This story sounds fishy to me. Sorry but this would not be the first time..