Was I wrong to say no to my guests plans?

[anniemae]

I would also not be happy with the arrival time, I think it's rude to even consider arriving at someones house at that time. She should have not put you in that position. She should have said, "We will be arriving in Boston at 3:30, so we'll grab a hotel for the first night." Then she should have seen what you said. That would give you the opportunity to say, "3:30 is no problem for us, just let yourself in!" or "okay, we'll see you at the beach." By saying "no" to her though you didn't give her any other choice but to get a hotel, she would have had to find something to do for 3 hours.

It sounds like she has a history of just "winging it" and is not bothered by inconveniencing other people.

As a pp stated, this is why I don't like family staying with me, and why I don't stay with family either.

 

[Hrhpd]

Are you surprised and/or upset they decided to go to a hotel for the night? Your post kind of sounds like you are surprised they went ahead and made other arrangements.

But really, what other choice did they have? They were arriving at 3:30. You would not let them in till 6am. That is a 2 1/2 hour gap.

They respected your wishes and made other plans so as not to be rude and inconvenience you. That was very nice of them.

 

[Christine]

I would have let them in at 3:30. We are "early birds" in my house (normally get up at 4AM during the week) so it doesn't sound so awful. Sure, it's an inconvenience, but I would have done it. Traffic on the I95 corridor on summer weekends can be brutal.

 

[Allison]

I wouldn't have minded.

 

[4under4]

I'm with you OP! It appears that both visits included stops to see other friends, which to me is even more inconsiderate on their part. If they want to include other visits, fine... but do so with some considerable thought to how it will impact your hosts.

 

[disneyfantotheend]

She called back a few minutes later to tell me they made "other sleeping arrangements for the night" (whatever that means) and that they would meet us at the beach.

They decided to stay at a hotel when they heard your reaction, and didn't want to inconvenience you? What is wrong with that?

I think it was your choice to not want them coming in at all hours of the night. Nothing wrong with you making that decision, but then it sounds like you were annoyed that they "made other sleeping arrangements." That I don't get.[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

 

[NewRVLady]

I think arriving at 3:30 am is RUDE!!!

and for those saying "i'll leave the door open"...REALLY??? No Way in todays craziness will I leave my door open all night long!!

and it STILL doesn't solve problem of barking DOG!!!!


This reminds me of this NUTSY woman I used to work with. She and DH would visit his married kid somewhere far off-then leave their house at 9PM-drive thu the night-get here at 6am-she'd take a 1 1/2 hour "nap" and come to work-she was useless all day!!!

 

[anniemae]

They decided to stay at a hotel when they heard your reaction, and didn't want to inconvenience you? What is wrong with that?

I think it was your choice to not want them coming in at all hours of the night. Nothing wrong with you making that decision, but then it sounds like you were annoyed that they "made other sleeping arrangements." That I don't get.

[/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

I don't think op is annoyed they made other arrangements, I think she feels bad. Like maybe she should have just let them come at 3:30. Plus, her mom told her she should have just let them arrive at 3:30, so I think she is second guessing herself. Now, because OP said no, they have to get a hotel for a few hours to sleep (unless they have other friends in the area who are letting them crash for a bit). It just makes for an awkward situation.

 

[sharona]

OP here. To answer a few questions... no, I'm not annoyed that they made other arrangements. As I said, I'm ok with how it played out. Was just curious how others viewed the situation. As usual there is a vast range of opinions here on the Community board!

As for not giving them a choice or expecting them to drive around for 3 hours, they could have stayed in Philly and slept for a few hours there and still driven at night to avoid traffic but then arrived after 6am.

If this had come up when we were making plans, we could have talked about alternatives and worked out something that was ok for all. Just assuming they could show up at 330 am without any prior arrangements or even asking if that would be an inconvenience is so rude and inconsiderate, IMO. I would never in a million years do that to someone. My cousin is quite a bit younger than me and still single/no kids so has a different lifestyle than we do but she's still old enough to know better!

 

[Mokat76]

No way is someone showing up at my house at 0330 unless it's an emergency. This was not. It was her plan all along so she could party in Philly on the way. She's rude to expect a welcome.

I envy those of you who say you can just toddle back to bed and go back to sleep. Nor can I imagine a scenario in which I'd sleep knowing my front door is unlocked.

OP, bravo to you for standing your ground and bravo to her for having the maturity to accept it and make other arrangements.

 

[KateP85]

While I think they were inconsiderate to change their arrival time without mentioning it to you, I do think it was rude of you to say no. I would have gotten up, made a coffee, made sure the dog was under control and waited to let them in. Don't you think the visit might be a bit awkward now?!

 

[Hrhpd]

I'm with you OP! It appears that both visits included stops to see other friends, which to me is even more inconsiderate on their part. If they want to include other visits, fine... but do so with some considerable thought to how it will impact your hosts.

I don't see anything wrong with a dinner stop during a 9 hour drive. If friends joined them, all the more better. It sounds like the trip was timed to avoid the East Coast traffic which is understandable. (At least to me.)

But I can understand if somebody doesn't like getting up in the middle of the night. To each their own, not a wrong decision. Not one I would make, but the OP was not wrong either.

I also don't think there was a change in time by the cousin. The OP said she told her she was arriving early Sunday. 3:30am is definitely early. Sounds like there was some miscommunication.

 

[NewRVLady]

While I think they were inconsiderate to change their arrival time without mentioning it to you, I do think it was rude of you to say no. I would have gotten up, made a coffee, made sure the dog was under control and waited to let them in. Don't you think the visit might be a bit awkward now?!

They don't want coffee-they want to crash upon arrival
OP stated on previous trips-they arrived hours after they said they would....so OP should just SIT there waiting? Really?

 

[Dentam]

It sounds like she is young and the type of person who wings everything. I think you did the right thing to tell her to arrive after 6am and it sounds like she responded well to your request. At least she wasn't insistent on arriving at 3:30. Sometimes people like that just need a reminder that not everyone is like them. Again, she's young - I'm thinking she'll grow out of it once she joins the real world.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I wouldn't say no, but I would be irritated. I wouldn't let them know that though. It's one of those things I would complain to my husband about later.

 

[maxiesmom]

I don't see anything wrong with a dinner stop during a 9 hour drive. If friends joined them, all the more better. It sounds like the trip was timed to avoid the East Coast traffic which is understandable. (At least to me.)

But I can understand if somebody doesn't like getting up in the middle of the night. To each their own, not a wrong decision. Not one I would make, but the OP was not wrong either.

I also don't think there was a change in time by the cousin. The OP said she told her she was arriving early Sunday. 3:30am is definitely early. Sounds like there was some miscommunication.

There is something wrong with stopping if you have told someone you would arrive at their house at a certain time, and don't show up until hours later. That is very inconsiderate.

 

[Kellykins1218]

It wouldn't have bothered me at all. I would've told them to call me when they pulled into the driveway, I'd get up long enough to show them where they were sleeping, and then go back to bed. I've done exactly that when my cousin's rock band stayed with me when they were traveling on tour. I was out of bed for less than 5 minutes.

 

[Art 1]

It wouldn't have bothered me at all. I would've told them to call me when they pulled into the driveway, I'd get up long enough to show them where they were sleeping, and then go back to bed. I've done exactly that when my cousin's rock band stayed with me when they were traveling on tour. I was out of bed for less than 5 minutes.

Exactly, there is no need to get up and wait.

 

[KateP85]

They don't want coffee-they want to crash upon arrival
OP stated on previous trips-they arrived hours after they said they would....so OP should just SIT there waiting? Really?

The coffee would have been for me!

I would have asked them to text to update me throughout the night to make sure they were on time. I have a toddler so I'm up and down a lot in the night anyway, so it wouldn't bother me. I just think sometimes with family you have to grin and bear it.

 

[3Gsandme]

We understand plans change when you travel. We would have left the door unlocked and gone to bed.