We Should Get Together. And You Never Do?

[MamaLema]

I am these people.

Me too!

 

[Floridaman999]

If I'm not already regularly hanging out with you, there's probably a very good reason for that and will more than likely not change.

 

[PollyannaMom]

We have some friends we say that with, fully meaning to coordinate all our schedules, but then don't follow-up for ages (on either side) because of work and family obligations. We do see them, and have a great time, just not as often as we all mean to.

I think for most people, it's an honest wish, just not always a firm plan.

 

[soccerdad72]

We have some friends we say that with, fully meaning to coordinate all our schedules, but then don't follow-up for ages (on either side) because of work and family obligations. We do see them, and have a great time, just not as often as we all mean to.

I think for most people, it's an honest wish, just not always a firm plan.

Well said, ITA. I think most people have every intention of getting together with people when they say so, but life gets in the way.

 

[disykat]

I am also that person. I have trouble finding time for pretty much everything and everyone and I'm not that busy! It just is too easy to sit at home on the computer or in front of the tv, or get caught up in projects. Even DH and I have to remember to spend time together and we live in the same house! I manage the things I have to - work, the house, volunteer commitments, taking care of my parents - and the rest gets put on the back burner. Lately I even feel guilty that I'm not spending enough time with my dog!

 

[ronandannette]

It's been said to me and I've been known to say it casually, although I do try to go with the more honest "it's been great seeing you" and leave it at that. If I'm really interested in getting together I make it happen but then again I've got no problems initiating socially. I've just returned from a quick trip to my hometown for a family funeral. There were tons of people there I only ever see at, well, funerals.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I feel like there are two types: those who say it as an avoidance technique and those who mean it but well life happens. It's not always said in a negative, don't plan on following through way.

Most people (and in most instances) probably know when it happens (either they themselves saying it or it was said to them) which type it falls under.

 

[AuntieMe3]

We have some friends we say that with, fully meaning to coordinate all our schedules, but then don't follow-up for ages (on either side) because of work and family obligations. We do see them, and have a great time, just not as often as we all mean to.

I think for most people, it's an honest wish, just not always a firm plan.

Exactly this....if we(I) say it, we(I) mean it but sometimes other things come up.

 

[RamblingMad]

How old are they?

Here are the common excuses by age:

20s: I have no money.
30s: I have kids or some irrational fear.
40s: I have some irrational fear.

By the time they reach their 50s, they come out as not really wanting to get outside their safety zone that they gave established through decades. of making excuses. In other words, they were always boring. It just took them 50 years to figure it out.

 

[shelemm]

Old saying:

People from the East say Let's Get Together but they're too busy to do it.
People from the South say Let's Get Together, but they don't really mean it.
People from the West say Let's Get Together but are too laid back to do it.
People from the Midwest show up with a casserole.

 

[nkereina]

I have said it and have had it said to me. But, I don't give anyone grief over it or feel badly because of it because it is a two way street. If someone said it to me and never followed up, I'm just as capable of following up with them if I wanted to. And vice versa.

 

[MrsDuck]

I am these people.

Me too. I don't know why it slips out of my mouth but it does. Bad!

 

[Kogo Shuko]

I have said it and never followed up and I have had plenty of people say it and never follow up with me.

But here's the thing I've come to realize: Friendship is a two way street. If both people agree that they should hang out more often, then the responsibility falls on both of them. Life gets in the way, and some people just easily forget that it IS something they want to do because they're so busy. It's not necessarily that they don't want to hang out with you, but rather they keep forgetting to contact you. This is often ME. Part of my issue is I don't want to follow up with them immediately, because then I seem too eager - so I wait a few days before sending off a message. But by then I've forgotten. But hey, those people never follow up with ME either, not even to say hi, sooooooo I guess I could feel offended that they can't be bothered to talk to me, or I could understand and say hey, maybe they've got the same problems as me.

 

[tvguy]

It happens frequently to me when I run into people who I hung out with for years. But our lives go different directions, the things we had in common are not longer there.
>Parents of my kids Little League and Soccer teammates. My kids are 28 ad 32 and haven't been in Little League or soccer for 15 years
>Former next door neighbors.
> Current neighbor who has a terminal illness, and is now focused with seeing everything he has always wanted to see and doing everything he has ever wanted to do while he still can. So he has less time to hang with the neighbors. The positive, he has been traveling almost non-stop for 4 years, and is still well enough to travel.
> People who get divorced and remarried, now hang with their new mutual friends instead of their old friends they had with their ex.
> People who have other life changing events.

 

[ronandannette]

I have said it and never followed up and I have had plenty of people say it and never follow up with me.

But here's the thing I've come to realize: Friendship is a two way street. If both people agree that they should hang out more often, then the responsibility falls on both of them. Life gets in the way, and some people just easily forget that it IS something they want to do because they're so busy. It's not necessarily that they don't want to hang out with you, but rather they keep forgetting to contact you. This is often ME. Part of my issue is I don't want to follow up with them immediately, because then I seem too eager - so I wait a few days before sending off a message. But by then I've forgotten. But hey, those people never follow up with ME either, not even to say hi, sooooooo I guess I could feel offended that they can't be bothered to talk to me, or I could understand and say hey, maybe they've got the same problems as me.

I find there are primarily two kinds of people - the ones who are accustomed to initiating socially and the ones who wait to be pursued. The first type feel like they are in control of their social time and proactively plan as many or as few get togethers as they want or need. The others wait around for invitations and seem to think they’re being purposely left out of all sorts of things that may or may not even actually be happening.

 

[Kogo Shuko]

I find there are primarily two kinds of people - the ones who are accustomed to initiating socially and the ones who wait to be pursued. The first type feel like they are in control of their social time and proactively plan as many or as few get togethers as they want or need. The others wait around for invitations and seem to think they’re being purposely left out of all sorts of things that may or may not even actually be happening.

There is a third kind of person, and I tend to fall in that category. I usually am the one who initiates contact, because I'm a friendly person who enjoys seeing people. But I have two problems: One is I forget things easily (which is annoyance when I run out of money on my bus pass, for instance), but I also have a tipping point where I realize I'm the only one who ever initiates any kind of socialization. Usually when I make that realization, I pull back and stop initiating, as I also would like it if people give me the same respect and interest as I give them. I have absolutely lost friends by simply no longer initiating conversations, not because I don't want to be their friend anymore but because I need to stop investing emotional labour on people who never invest any in me. I also tend to think sometimes that if people aren't making the effort to be my friend, then perhaps they don't want me as a friend (as in, I think I'm annoying).

 

[Julie's Haircut]

It's happened a few times that when we do finally get together there is a reason we no longer are as close as we once were: little in common anymore. Yeah, we can talk about old times, but there is presently no connection.

 

[MINILvr]

After many different people saying they want to get together and not following through or cancelling at the last minute, I have stepped down from being the "planner". I am still waiting on an invite.

 

[Southernmiss]

Well said, ITA. I think most people have every intention of getting together with people when they say so, but life gets in the way.

This. We and several of our friends will be empty nesters next year as our youngest of several children are heading to college.

We have all been overwhelmed for the last 20 some years deep in raising kids and kids schedules.

As we look forward to next year, we are all discussing what it might be like to go hang out with friends again.

 

[tzolkin]

How old are they?

Here are the common excuses by age:

20s: I have no money.
30s: I have kids or some irrational fear.
40s: I have some irrational fear.

By the time they reach their 50s, they come out as not really wanting to get outside their safety zone that they gave established through decades. of making excuses. In other words, they were always boring. It just took them 50 years to figure it out.

What are these irrational fears preventing people from socializing? Busy/lazy would top my list for why people never bother to follow up.