wedding proposal question

[LSUmiss]

Well, then, I guess you go.

And see what the girlfriend does...

If I were the GF that sound freak me out more! It’s one thing

So, it sounds to me like he really wants to propose during the boat ride, and either doesn't want to kick you off the ride you booked and paid for, or he actually wants you there when he proposes.

The problem I see with either scenario is that he doesn't seem to be taking his girlfriend into account. I mean, really, what woman wants her boyfriend's mom there during the proposal? If both families are present, that's different (although I would not have liked a public proposal). But just the guy's mom? That's just weird. He should find another time and location to propose instead.

That’s what I was thinking. To me the clarification that he wants her there made it worse. If they’re that emeshed that GF better run b/c this will be her life.

 

[LSUmiss]

Nobody's going to even ask what was meant by "I don't believe in love or marriages"? That's what piques my interest.

I'm curious how supportive OP is about the overall idea of this relationship in the first place? If the concept of love and marriage are important to your son and his prospective bride will you be respectful of their choices?

I noticed that too. And I assume (hope) she means romantic love??

 

[mom2rtk]

That’s what I was thinking. To me the clarification that he wants her there made it worse. If they’re that emeshed that GF better run b/c this will be her life.

No joke!

 

[cabanafrau]

I noticed that too. And I assume (hope) she means romantic love??

What caught my attention was she did not say she didn't believe in those things for herself, rather that she doesn't believe in them. I've known plenty of people who feel that way for themselves and a few who've felt that way for everyone. Sometimes those were temporary phases after really being burned badly, or sometimes people simply feeling scalded by a series of bad relationships. It's my experience that the people who write it off full stop for everyone can be challenging to be around for those who choose to live differently.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Sorry OP, I have to agree with most here. I would not be there. IMO, if there’s any doubt, it’s best to err on the side of caution. Your son’s GF might be okay with it, or she might be very uncomfortable. It’s unlikely she’d ever say, “I wish MIL had been there.”

To be honest, if it were me, I wouldn’t even go on the trip at all. Even though you’ve done so in the past, this is a special trip for the couple, assuming they’ll be engaged, and I’d feel like the third wheel. It sounds like you and your DS have a very close relationship, which is wonderful, but he is a grown man now and it’s time to give him space with the woman he loves.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I want to make a few things clear. First I do not want to be present when my son proposed. I have told him so. He insisted. After I told him about booking the cruise, he said he was going to propose then. It was his idea to propose on the cruise. Marriage proposal v. wedding proposal to me is the same thing. I do not even believe in love or marriages. I really didn't think people would pick apart my words.

I am single and I always vacation with my son (with plenty of trips to disney) and now that he has a girlfriend, she has been coming with us on trips. Her parents don't vacation.

I will be talking to my son and telling him everything that was posted. I am hoping that he decides to do the proposal elsewhere. Thank you everyone for giving me your insight.

If you all know anything about me, it is my experience and my feelings about overinvolved (self centered) inlaws!!!!!!
Having said that, let's not be too awfully quick to make judgements and flame the OP.
She did state that it was not that she wanted to be there...
And, her son is now backtracking on her being there.
I think it is possible that the fireworks cruise was mentioned, and everyone was caught up in the excitement of the moment.
I will continue to give the benefit of the doubt on that.

So, here are my thoughts....
First, it does bother me that this guy even, if just momentarily, considered proposing to the love of his life, with his mother anywhere around.
I am glad to hear that he is having second thoughts and backtracking on that.
It also bothers me that if the OP has been to WDW several times, as she mentioned... Why is it so important that she go on THIS fireworks cruise, THIS time.
That should not be such a huge factor, and should be less important than her son's personal engagement plans.
If seeing the fireworks, which can be enjoyed in so many other ways, from this cruise are more important than her son's indication that he would like to do this with his girlfriend, in private... then that would trouble me.

OP, you seem to be single, and also, therefore, very close to your son, and by my opinion, perhaps too wrapped up in his personal life.

There are SO many other wonderful options for the fireworks, the proposal, etc... I just can't imagine why these are not being mentioned....
I should not be... "I want to see the fireworks too..." (and, I will also guess that the indication is here... "and not alone".)

Whether you pay for the boat for them... encourage him to pay for it... or encourage him to make other, more personal and intimate plans...
The ONLY thing to do here is to understand that you really do not need to, and should not be, anywhere around.

IMHO, there are certain personal boundaries that should not be pushed, or crossed.
This would be one of them.

And, I would extend this advice to wanting to be overly involved in the future, with wedding planning, etc...

 

[Marchand63]

It never ceases to amaze me how left the DIS can take things.

If I were the GF that sound freak me out more! It’s one thing

That’s what I was thinking. To me the clarification that he wants her there made it worse. If they’re that emeshed that GF better run b/c this will be her life.

WOW how do you make that leap. OP booked fw cruise, son says cool I'll propose then. She doesn't want to be there & is gonna talk to him. How is she so emeshed that GF needs to run? OP did not set up proposal, exactly opposite.

You don't know the relationship she has with GF. So to make that leap is kinda ridiculous.

Because you may have MIL problems does not mean the OP asking for advice on how to make her son realize this makes her uncomfortable is emeshing herself in their marriage. The fact she can actually talk to him about this says to me the have an open line of communication. Heck she can't talk to GF to express her feelings without ruining this surprise.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Sorry OP, I have to agree with most here. I would not be there. IMO, if there’s any doubt, it’s best to err on the side of caution. Your son’s GF might be okay with it, or she might be very uncomfortable. It’s unlikely she’d ever say, “I wish MIL had been there.”

To be honest, if it were me, I wouldn’t even go on the trip at all. Even though you’ve done so in the past, this is a special trip for the couple, assuming they’ll be engaged, and I’d feel like the third wheel. It sounds like you and your DS have a very close relationship, which is wonderful, but he is a grown man now and it’s time to give him space with the woman he loves.

Now my mind has drifted to a vision of this woman twenty years in the future recounting her proposal story.

“We were at Disney World. We took a private boat out to the middle of the lake so we could watch the fireworks. There were no other guests around. Just us, in the darkness, holding each other in our arms, slowing rocking on the water, musically-timed explosions overhead. It was magical. As the fireworks neared the finale, Dave got down on one knee and.... I just wish my MIL had been there.”

 

[Marchand63]

Now my mind has drifted to a vision of this woman twenty years in the future recounting her proposal story.

“We were at Disney World. We took a private boat out to the middle of the lake so we could watch the fireworks. There were no other guests around. Just us, in the darkness, holding each other in our arms, slowing rocking on the water, musically-timed explosions overhead. It was magical. As the fireworks neared the finale, Dave got down on one knee and.... I just wish my MIL had been there.”

Sorry OP, I have to agree with most here. I would not be there. IMO, if there’s any doubt, it’s best to err on the side of caution. Your son’s GF might be okay with it, or she might be very uncomfortable. It’s unlikely she’d ever say, “I wish MIL had been there.”

To be honest, if it were me, I wouldn’t even go on the trip at all. Even though you’ve done so in the past, this is a special trip for the couple, assuming they’ll be engaged, and I’d feel like the third wheel. It sounds like you and your DS have a very close relationship, which is wonderful, but he is a grown man now and it’s time to give him space with the woman he loves.

So now she should not only skip fw cruise but skip the trip she most likely paid for?!?!?! If his GF thought like that then maybe he should run.

 

[soccerdad72]

Just have him propose earlier in the day and do the fireworks cruise as a celebration, not the proposal venue.

 

[buzz2400]

Deleted

 

[TipsyTraveler]

So now she should not only skip fw cruise but skip the trip she most likely paid for?!?!?! If his GF thought like that then maybe he should run.

I’m saying her son should figure out a proposal that doesn’t have JUST his mother in attendance. Either have the whole family there or do something private, but don’t set it up to be an awkward third wheel situation.

 

[amberpi]

OP - sounds like a really rough time. Now that you've explained more, I get it. Wishing you peace.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I too wish you some measure of peace, and the ability to move forward.

About the trip....
Maybe don't cancel too quickly, in a down moment, or a moment of frustration.

I love the memory you gave us, fireworks on the beach.
Is there not a good opportunity to view the fireworks from the beach of one of the resorts at WDW???
That might be special...
And, it would be a good thing for all of you, if your son also has those memories???

Perhaps you could help your son brainstorm and consider other options for a special, and private, proposal.
I am sure that there are a lot of other nice options!

 

[Mika02]

Wow that's a lot @buzz2400 sorry for your loss. Definitely don't cancel the trip I think you need some time alone actually. I know you want to share it with your son but I think you need some healing. Either way whatever you decide I pray things get better.

 

[AppleDumpling]

So now she should not only skip fw cruise but skip the trip she most likely paid for?!?!?! If his GF thought like that then maybe he should run.

If I knew in advance (before booking the trip) that my son was intending to propose, then yes I would sit this one out.

Since the reservations are already made, I’d still go but skip the boat ride and allow the couple to be alone for that one special evening.

Or perhaps your son can come up with an alternate proposal plan (at a different time and place) so all three of you can enjoy the fireworks together.

 

[mjkacmom]

OP, so what I’m getting from your post is that you got pregnant and felt you had to marry your son’s father? Most marriages that start like that don’t go the distance, I can’t think of any reason why your love life ended. I’m sorry about your mom, my mom passed away a few years ago from cancer, and I’m now responsible for my dad with Alzheimer’s. Did you son and his girlfriend recently move in with you? How old is she? Again, my daughter’s boyfriend is 27 and lives with mom, but he’s a full time student (and waiter ). And film major .

We had the best vacation with my parents at WDW, I took a mom and daughter trip for my college graduation, used to go with my family as a kid, but we honestly can’t afford a trip (one just out of college, one in college, another in college next year, then two more to go...).

It sounds like you’ve had in a bit rough, young single parent, and then caregiver.

 

[cabanafrau]

If your son knew why you booked the cruise he is out of line for attempting to co opt it for another purpose.

IMO a grown man shouldn't need that pointed out to him.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I do not know what we will do. Right now I want to cancel the entire trip (and probably will). I didn't really even want to go back to disney anymore but I have some tickets left over and wanted to use them up. Disney used to have such good memories for me since my son and I would go there every year but all the changes that Disney has made has made it such a pain in the neck and stressful.

OP, I think it seems like you are under a big dark cloud at the moment...
But, if you and your son have had good memories of time at WDW, I think that THIS might actually be an opportunity to rekindle those memories, and begin to make NEW ones!!!!

Yes, Disney is a lot more complicated and can take some effort... But I do think it is possible to enjoy a trip in a more laid back way.

Has your future DIL enjoyed a visit to WDW before.
It sounds like maybe she has not.
Nothing like experiencing it all thru the lens of a first timer.

Your son can make new memories with the three of you, and with just him and his new fiance as well.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I do agree with Cabanafrau and her post just above as well.
There are many options.

It is entirely OK if you do not feel you can swing a fireworks cruise for just the two of them, while you sit it out.

The OP is already doing a LOT for her son and his future fiance.
I know that he is trying to save in order to get a good start on their future.
But, unless he really just simply does not have the means, I do feel that he should be the one to take responsibility for any proposal expenses.