What do you do?

[Amandas4]

When you are 2 days away from leaving for a trip to WDW and your kids have been proving over and over for the last few weeks that they don't deserve a trip to WDW?
We are spending a small fortune on this trip and my kids have been nothing but disobedient, defiant, brats for the last month or so. Hitting each other, taking things they aren't allowed to have, back talking etc.
We have planned this amazing trip and all these fun surprises for them and I don't even want to give them anything because they have been so awful.
It's not like we can cancel at this point.
What do I do?

 

[brie182]

no souvenirs?

 

[Nomne]

cut out all extra fun suprises.

 

[DawnM]

Well, in my family, Disney trips are for ME. The kids just come along. So I don't care if they deserve it at all, it is all about me.

I would find another way to show them that their behavior isn't acceptable.

Some ideas:

Make them write apology letters to each other and you and read them aloud.
Take away electronic devices
Make them go without something else
Make them ride Small World 7 times in a row

 

[taylor3297]

My kids start acting that way when it gets close to our vacations. I have figured out, they are just as stressed as we are and are in need of a vacation. Once we are on the airplane and on our way, their whole attitude changes.

Maybe yours just need a break?

 

[Kristina4109]

About 6 months ago we started having weekly Family Meetings. In each one, every member of the family "has the floor" for a set number of minutes and can bring up anything that is bothering them that they need to get off their chest, and then the whole family brainstorms solutions.

It's not a magic bullet that solves every one of our problems, but I find that it helps a lot. Just having the opportunity to tell us she thinks something is unfair is often all my daughter needs.

 

[disneywalkers]

Lol I had to check and see if I posted this... Seriously though that happens here too. With 6 kids it can be crazy around here. And we homeschool so we are together 24/7. I have to agree with what another poster said, these trips are mostly for me and they are lucky I feel guilty enough to bring them lol Kidding.

What we did one year was told our kids we had changed plans and were going to take a babysitter and dad and I would be going with only those that changed their attitudes. They had to earn their trip outside the vacation house back. It worked with mine. I saw a big change.

We have also always done the family meeting thing too. Most of the time it is used now to go over and remind them of the way things should be done around here, but it works wonders for sometimes 2 weeks then we have another. Maybe though to ease your feelings about this punish them in other ways for their behavior outside of the family vacation since you can't cancel.

 

[anniemck]

I have been known to leave a child home a time or two for their behavior. Of course have also cancelled trips all together, we do not stay on property so room does not have to be paid for until we actually arrive, and can be cancelled 24 hours prior to arrival without an issue. I have in the past made arrangements and left all three of them at home, and gone with just my husband. Not rewarding unacceptable behavior at all. Makes them think about it next time we are planning to go somewhere as well.

 

[pad406]

Make them ride Small World 7 times in a row

Or Captain EO

 

[baldy6060]

I make them earn their souvenir money leading up to and during our trip. They earned up to $5 a day on our 8 day vacation. It can be taken away as fast as it can be earned. My daughter found this out the hard way last trip. We all had a shopping spree around the world in EPCOT while she watched.

 

[ChitownFamily]

When you are 2 days away from leaving for a trip to WDW and your kids have been proving over and over for the last few weeks that they don't deserve a trip to WDW?
We are spending a small fortune on this trip and my kids have been nothing but disobedient, defiant, brats for the last month or so. Hitting each other, taking things they aren't allowed to have, back talking etc.
We have planned this amazing trip and all these fun surprises for them and I don't even want to give them anything because they have been so awful.
It's not like we can cancel at this point.
What do I do?

Take a deep breath. The behavior needs to be addressed and not just because you are going on vacation. Here's what I do in your situation: I pick the top 3 behaviors that drive me craziest, these need to change, then I take a very critical look at myself, in regards to these behaviors- what's been my role or reaction. Have I bent the rules, not followed up with consequences, is our family scheduled to over planned & I'm not leaving enough down time. Then I make a game plan & we sit down as a family & talk.
If I was heading out on vacation, I would do 2 things: 1- the above but modified & scaled down for vacation (really picking my battles) & 2- I would look at my stress level. How am I managing the stress of an upcoming vacation?

For me, I would tackle the "vacation behavior" must likely to push my button & send me over the edge, it would probably be general rudeness I hate rudeness. I also am blessed with over 15 years education & work with kids, so my approaches may look a little different. I would talk with them, phrasing things in the positive. What I mean, instead of just telling them- don't be rude I would specifically tell them what manners I expect to see. Thank you after each day to mom/dad, helpfulness towards each other, then praise them when. See it. Maybe even highlight it at the end of the day (with specific examples)


I hope something I wrote helps you. We have all been there, honestly most of the time- when I feel like you, it's because I'm also stressed/stretched to thin. (((Hugs)))

 

[flutterby3744]

I have found over the years (4 kids ages 20-6) my kids act the worst when 1. I am stressed. 2. I am busy. 3. They are bored and not getting enough attention. 4. Big family changes (moving, school starting etc).

Like a pp, I will look to myself first. What am I doing to contribute? And then try to adjust accordingly. Like, if you are really busy planning your trip/packing etc. have them help you. Involve them and keep them busy.

We also reward good behavior. Right now, I have picked 1 behavior that is especially bad (DS 15: being mean to his siblings, DD11: RUDE and snotty, DS6: not listening and having to be told something 2,3 or 12 times). Each time they do the good behavior they get a sticker on the "I see you" chart. They earn $.10 per sticker. At first the older kids thought it was corny and dumb, but now they are actually in to it and trying to earn.

Don't get me wrong, we still have issues DAILY. But when we do, I address them immediately. First infraction, is a "freebie". Second, no iPod/play station/DS all day. After that, we take away other things, and then add more time. Over all you have to be consistent. If you discipline sometimes and not others, or only yell with no consequence, they will blow you off every time...and get worse.

Good luck. I feel your frustration.

 

[jenne]

We just came back from a trip - and the kids earned disney dollars for it. The first day back to school after the Christmas break was a nightmare trying to get my DS7 and DS3 off to school and daycare. Knowing that the disney trip was two months away, I decided to institute 'disney dollars'. I sat down with the kids and we decided together what a good day looked like - woke up when was asked, brushed teeth, didn't complain about clothes/breakfast - packed school bag, did homework, chores, didn't fight, etc... If they had a good day, they earned a disney dollar. They could also earn bonus dollars - helping to shovel the drive without asking, a perfect spelling test, that sort of thing. The kids were super excited and totally on board. I found images of the old disney dollars online, and printed them on paper. Each boy had an envelope with a chart on the front to track the days. When we sat down for dinner at night, we would do the 'dollars'! Sorry it doesn't help you much for this trip, but something to keep in mind for next time...

 

[mm1971]

When you are 2 days away from leaving for a trip to WDW and your kids have been proving over and over for the last few weeks that they don't deserve a trip to WDW?
We are spending a small fortune on this trip and my kids have been nothing but disobedient, defiant, brats for the last month or so. Hitting each other, taking things they aren't allowed to have, back talking etc.
We have planned this amazing trip and all these fun surprises for them and I don't even want to give them anything because they have been so awful.
It's not like we can cancel at this point.
What do I do?

You didn't mention the ages. Are your vacations based on behavior? If I did that we would never leave the house, especially with a teenager. I would just make them earn any extra's that they may wish to experience with good behavior. Getting away from home and having the distractions, you may see totally different kids as well. I know this year has been bad because of the cold and snow. We spent so much more time indoors than I can remember and that tends to get everyone on each others nerves a little more.

Remember to reward to good behavior and minimize the negative. That may help them to realize the best way to get attention. Remember that negative attention is still attention and a lot easier to get. We have had more success by cal my explaining the bad behavior and consequences and making a BIG deal about the positives. Just a thought.

Good luck and enjoy the vacation and spending time away with your family!

 

[ajwolfe]

We always give Disney "dollars" as an incentive to do chores and get along before trips. Then they can exchange that for money to be used for souvies at WDW.
My kids having been driving me nuts lately as well and I'm chalking it up to us all needing a vacay. I find that I'm more stressed when we are rushing with school work and sports and I pass that along to them, then they act out.
As much as I would love to threaten my boys and say we would take the trip away from them I know we wouldn't. The trip is as much for them as it is for us and the time together allows to rebond and make amends for any misbehavior that happened before we go.
Now we have made the kids sit out of small things that happen outside of vacation; one doesn't get to go to the movies or play mini golf etc.

Edited to add: I also found that once we started sharing the amount of money that we spend on our trips with our boys that had a ton more respect for it!!

 

[pjacobi]

I highly recommend "1, 2, 3 Magic" to get control of child discipline:
http://www.123magic.com/


-Paul

 

[SEA333]

When you are 2 days away from leaving for a trip to WDW and your kids have been proving over and over for the last few weeks that they don't deserve a trip to WDW?
We are spending a small fortune on this trip and my kids have been nothing but disobedient, defiant, brats for the last month or so. Hitting each other, taking things they aren't allowed to have, back talking etc.
We have planned this amazing trip and all these fun surprises for them and I don't even want to give them anything because they have been so awful.
It's not like we can cancel at this point.
What do I do?

So, we follow the "the punishment fits the crime" mantra, and I do not see how taking away a trip fits the crime? (unless you actually have already threatened it, in which case I would chalk *that* up as a learning lesson to never threaten anything you are not willing to follow through with)

I do not know how old your kids are, so I will say what I would do when my kids were between the ages of 4-8:

1. Hitting: stop the activity immediately and everyone goes to their room or separate corners until they have calmed down, then we all get back together and each one has to tell me 3 reasons why they are not allowed to hit.

2. Taking things they are not allowed to have. Not sure exactly what you mean by this, but if it's each other's things, they of course have to give it back, apologize, and bring one loved item from their own belongings that is put up high and cannot be touched for the rest of the day.

If it's general household items/food, etc, I would probably tell them to write (or tell) three reasons "thing" is unsafe and why children are not allowed to have it. A little bit of thinking about it in the corner/bedroom/couch/etc wouldn't hurt either.

3. Back talking. We do re-do's in our family (as long as Mom is in a good mood! If not...it's one chance and you're done!). So, they back-talk, I say "Excuse me? Who do you think you are talking to?" Usually that is enough, but if they keep it up, I say "Re-do or go to bed" (I have never cared if it was 9am or 8pm...keep it up and you can spend all the time you want backtalking to YOURSELF in you room!) This works because A. I have already set the rule and expectation for how they are allowed to talk to me (NOT that they always do it!!), and B. I ALWAYS follow through.

Our basic behavior rules are:

1. Be Kind
2. Be respectful
3. Always act with Integrity

These encompass the morals we want to instill and our rules and punishments are in line with making sure the end-lesson teaches one of these values. So that being said, I would treat each incident singularly and at the end of the day, that is it. Punishment over and tomorrow is a new day. At those ages, we never did cumulative or progressive punishments like "you guys have been so awful that I will take your whole Disney trip away!!" The bad thing about doing that is the kids will wake up the day of the trip, and if you have cancelled because of their behavior, they will be cognitively unable to put the abstract concepts of "my bad behavior in the past month=no Disney trip today". It will really be just like another normal day to them. Unless, of course, you plan to remind them and rub salt in the wound every 20 minutes that they *could* be in Disney right now, but that is just silly for a parent to do, and not very effective in changing their behavior. All it will do is make everyone angry, including yourself, and who wants that??!!

Now, this is assuming your kids are in the elementary school age-range. if they are younger, my advice would still stand about the trip, but you obviously would have to adjust the consequences to make sense to a toddler. If they are older than 8-9 years old, you have my full permission to duct tape them to the wall and leave their phone in the "on" position about 3 inches out of their reach. Trust me....you won't need a Disney Vacation after that - just watching that tween/teen torture would be better entertainment than strategically parking your car so you can spy on your kid and his friends as their Middle School dance lets out!!

(PS - I am KIDDING about the teens/dust tape/phone, just in case anyone didn't get it LOL Although I *do* fantasize about it every now and then when my teen is acting like I am the stupidest person that has ever lived....)

 

[Amandas4]

The kids don't actually know where we're going, and won't until we are almost there (16 hour drive). I like the idea of making them earn their souvenir money. We got them each a gift card but that doesn't mean I have to let them use them. Thank you for all the replies and advice!

 

[GrtWtNorth]

It sounds like YOU need a vacation! I'm a big proponent of privilege denial as a form of discipline. But it doesn't work for everyone...

If my children were being nasty and inconsiderate, I'd book a sitter and let them stay in the resort while I spent a 3-4 hours in the parks. I'd take lots of photos of me having a great time without them. When I returned, I'd tell them that you will do it again if they don't cooperate. I would either have the world's most cooperative family or WWIII...

 

[Lisa71]

Our kids are usually good..but all kids have issues and one recent Legoland trip our DD got mouthy and very rude. So, DH stayed with her and I took our son out from the hotel..awhile later I had an apology (sincere) and she was an angel the rest of the whole trip. She was tired and DS bugged her a bit more than she likes..but it did work to leave without her. DH read a book while she thought about her actions. We had a great rest of the day and rest of the trip.